🎵 Favourite Song & Why

Hello, I'm sorry you are sad love, I hope things will get better for you 🙏 I kinda need something comforting too, so maybe could you write something about Matty being soft and caring towards his girlfriend after she had a terrible day full of stress at work and is really exhausted 🖤

A/N: Combining this with another very similar ask here! Thank you anon 🥺🫶 hope you’re doing okay xox

Moving in with Matty was possibly the best choice you had ever made. Before, when you had a rough day at work, you would go home to an empty house and feel more alone than ever before. Now you came home to Matty’s warm presence engulfing you the moment you walked through the door. So when you came home from the absolute worst day imaginable, you were surprised to find Matty gone. Even though he had seen your message about how terrible you felt and promised to be here. His shoes weren’t by the door like usual, his jacket was gone, and Mayhem was alone on the living room sofa. You sat down beside him and rubbed his ears while he nudged at your cheek with his nose.

“Where’s your dad, huh?” You asked with a sad smile. Mayhem whined in response. You kicked off your shoes and sank into the sofa, the dog cuddling into your side. You had been there perhaps ten minutes when Mayhem sat up straight and looked at the door, tail wagging. A key turned in the front door and Matty appeared in the living room, holding 2 plastic Tesco bags.

“Sorry, love, i just nipped out to get you a few bits and pieces,” he said, sitting down next to you. He threw an arm around you and hugged you close to himself, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You buried your head into his neck and breathed in his scent of cigarettes and distinctive aftershave. “I’m sorry you had a bad day, gorgeous. You okay?”

“Better now,” you sighed.

“I’ve brought a bottle of wine and some snacks and stuff. I was thinking we could just get some blankets and stuff and watch a movie.”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Matty.” He kissed your head again and stood to get you a glass of wine, saying “I love you, babe.”

When Matty came back, he handed you a glass and grabbed a blanket which had been hanging over the back of the sofa, laying it over you and tucking a pillow behind your back. Your boyfriend picked up his own drink and slid under the blanket right next to you, pulling you closer until you were practically on his lap. He had switched on a movie, but wasn’t watching it, instead looking at you. He watched the way your eyes lit up when your favourite character was onscreen, how you would shake your head and smile at every stupid joke, the way your lips looked against the glass when you sipped your wine. He kissed them a lot, too. You couldn’t get 3 minutes of peace in between before he placed a hand on your jaw and turned your head to place soft kisses on your lips again. Not that you minded. Most importantly, he watched the way you started to yawn near the end of the film and how your eyes were closing gently. The last thing you heard was a soft “I love you” before you fell asleep, and he wasn’t sure if you felt him move both your bodies around gently so he could lie back and hold you into his chest as you slept.

List of “falling for someone you thought you’d never fall for, but here you are (you absolute fool)” prompts

“Oh, God, what?”

“I don’t even know what to say to this information.”

“…I mean, I can’t say I’m upset about this unexpected development.”

“They’re the one I want? Are you kidding me?”

“Oh, hell no.”

“For fuck’s sake—”

“This is not what I had in mind. Like. At all.”

“…I was flirting for fun.” 

“So I’m just gonna sit here and contemplate the decisions I’ve made in life which have lead me to this point.”

“I think I just played myself.”

“This can not be happening right now.”

“I didn’t even want them like that—” “Well, now you do, so you’re gonna have to take responsibility for that.”

“My feelings aren’t real and my heart’s a fucking idiot.”

“I mean, feelings come and go. Surely I don’t have it that bad for them.”

^ “Well…” they say, nervous laughter on the tip of their tongue. “Never mind about that.” 

When We Are Together - Matty Healy

Summary: In which Matty falls in love with you in stages his entire life. He knows everything is better when you're together but the two of you are oblivious to the fact you're in love with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. A small section of smut in flashback 2. Unfortunately it's not with Matty. It's with George because I am a whore. Mentions of The S*n. Mentions of Matty going to rehab, obviously we don't know all the personal details apart from the fact there was an intervention after the ilwys era ended and he went and now he's in recovery.  

Author's Note: Self proclaimed 'Not a Matty girl' just wrote 12K lol this has legit taken so long cause I procrastinate but hope you like it!  Really fucking long because I tend to let my mind wonder, I don't even know if this is any good but I'm trying to get better. I thought the concept was cute anyway. So enjoy! Let me know what you guys think and if you liked it x

Word Count: 12K

Your life had always been surrounded by the boys. So many moments in your life that their fans could only ever dream of knowing about or being involved in but you didn’t know any different, it was just your life. You had no choice in the matter when your brother and best friend in the entire world was the bassist in the band. That’s right; Ross MacDonald was your big brother and you seemed to be somewhat of a legend amongst their hardcore fanbase yourself for putting up with their antics for as long as you had! Not that you really had a choice when you were tied to them via blood but they had also hired you as their personal assistant so you could follow them around the world and so none of them had to part from you for too long.

You had personal relationships with all of the band, not just your brother who genuinely was the best big brother you could have ever asked for. He was your best friend and had been since the moment you were born. Sometimes it irritated the others how annoying the two of you were when you both got into silly moods, with all your inside jokes and side looks that nobody else understood. Especially Matty who always wanted in on the joke. But Ross was a ride or die kind of guy and you were the same. If it came down to it you would fight over who took the first bullet.

Adam Hann. Adam truly was an angel of man sent to earth to be your bestie and you don’t think you could love him anymore if you could. Someone you could geek out about The Office with on the tour bus and who brought you coffee when he could see you needed a pick me up. The most level headed of the boys, you know he’ll always be on your side. Someone who’s come to your rescue during many nights out both pre and post fame and took your hand, pretended to be your boyfriend with no questions asked and got you away from creeps more times than you would have liked. You couldn’t be more grateful for a selfless friend like Adam Hann.

George Daniel. Your ‘little’ Georgie had been in your form at school, so apart from your brother until you were much older and started hanging out with them more, you had spent the most time with him. So it’s fair to say that the pair of you were close. So close that you lived with him and Matty in your early twenties. Even a small indiscretion on his 23rd birthday much to your brother’s dismay didn’t change the course of your relationship. Now that you were both thirty two and you were still working for him, clearly the two of you didn’t care that you had seen each other naked. If anything your night together all those many moons ago had brought you closer together. You would trust him with your life.

Then there was Matty. Matty was something else. If you asked his fans, depending on if you were asking old or new fans. He was something else in two senses of the word. To you he was just Matthew. Your big brother’s best friend who was a bit of a weird kid, transitioned into a somewhat cool teenager who you had a bit of a crush on when you were seventeen, to the most annoying person you’ve ever laid eyes on. But also he was your best friend. An old married couple is what George labeled you both and he wasn’t wrong, the pair of you did have a bit of a domestic life together when he wasn’t busy being a rockstar. 

I think the fans would be shocked to find out he likes doing the mundane things in life like doing the food shop with you and fighting at the tills that it was his turn to scan his club card. Or walking the dog, drinking a good cup of tea at his Mam’s house or cooking with you over a glass of wine with Donny Hathaway playing in the background on the record player.

He had done so much for you over the years and you always thought it was just Matty being Matty and looking out for you. Hiring you as the band’s assistant, so you could see the world with them so you weren’t stuck in a stuffy office job in England. Even though you had graduated from uni with a first class degree in photography. Moving you into his home when you broke up with your long term boyfriend in 2020 so you weren’t wallowing in self pity. It was probably then, that George cemented your “marriage status” because you did do everything together and apparently you had been oblivious your entire friendship until now.

It was in this moment in Belfast on the last night of the UK tour that your head swimming with all of the moments in your life that led you to here with Matty, tears brimmed with tears. That you realised that it was him the entire time.

April 2007

You pulled the front of the white tank top you were wearing down, allowing the frilly cups of your red bra to peek out the top. Your top tucked into a short black mini skirt, paired with a big chunky belt and hoop earrings and some wedged sandals on your feet. You actually felt good about yourself for once! You, Sarah and Rebecca ready to get drunk and dance your asses off with all of your friends as you celebrated Matty’s birthday.

Matty’s 18th birthday party was being held at his house. A classic Healy house party yet you still wondered how Denise and Tim were somehow trusting him enough for the night to not burn the house down so he could celebrate his birthday with his friends without parental supervision.

You of course had yet to turn eighteen, as had your brother who was only eleven months older than you. So you turned to your lord and saviour Adam Hann who went to the local off license and bought you a pack of Bacardi Breezers for the party.

When the three of you arrived; you immediately got swept away by your other school friends, giggling at the thought of getting drunk with all your friends and making out with boys your brother would definitely disapprove of was the motivation you needed to open your first drink of the evening.

It was after a few drinks, definitely too many shots of whatever George had proclaimed Matty’s Dad’s had left for the birthday boy. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol you had drunk that evening when you spotted Max. Tall, brunette, curly hair and a killer watt smile that made you weak at the knees, talking to George.

Silent motivation from Phoebe as she ruffled her hands through your hair and pushing your tits into a good position as Sarah dabbed on some more lip gloss before pushing you in the direction of the boys, slapping your ass with a quick “Go get him tiger!”

Shooting her a grin over your shoulder, you strutted on over to where George and Max stood clutching their beer bottles as they conversed about god knows what. Hoping to catch his attention, you threw on your best smile as you stopped in front of the two of them. 

“Hello boys!” You beamed a the two of them, eyes lingering on Max a little longer. “Having a good night?”  You asked, twiddling the straw around your drink as you waited for their answer.

“Even better now you’re here gorgeous!” 

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Max was flirting back.

“Your tits are looking mega tonight babe!” 

George broke your eye contact with the tall brunette as your eyes flitted towards him. The blush flushing across your cheeks at George’s compliment, “Ohhh thanks G!”  You laughed awkwardly, catching his eyes fall to your tits once more just as Ross walked past the three of you.

“Dude! That’s my sister!” He punched him in the arm; a scowl on his face and immediately pulling you away with him and far away from the boys and into the crowd of people dancing in Denise and Tim’s living room.

“You’re no fun!”  You huffed.

“You can do a lot better than Max sis. Believe me! I’m just looking out for you.” 

He smiled softly at you and you sighed, knowing you couldn’t ever stay mad at him. He knew you better than anyone else and always looked out for you no matter what. “Thanks bro.  I know. I’m just going to get some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here.” 

You sent him a smile, squeezing past him and all the other sweaty bodies to head out the sliding doors at the back of Matty’s kitchen. Letting out the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding as the cool spring air brushed over your skin. Taking in the serenity of the night air, you didn’t realise anyone else was out there until you heard a cough causing you to snap your head towards the noise.

Matty was leaning up against the back wall, cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Alright birthday boy! What you doing out here by yourself?” You laughed lightly as you approached; leaning next to him as you took in the slightly solemn look on his face.

“Bit overwhelming in there. Thought I’d like the attention but there’s too many people. Half of them are just here to get drunk, they don’t care about me.” He laughed bitterly; blowing smoke into the air. “Anyway. What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed some air. It was a bit stuffy in there. Too many people.”

“Ahhh so we’re alike in our thinking.” Matty laughed. “Wish it was just you and the boys to be honest.” He mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“Hey. You know if you want we can have a do over. Come over to mine and Ross’ tomorrow. We’ll order pizza and watch True Romance. I’d hate for you to not look back fondly at your 18th.”  You smiled softly as you spoke.

“You’re brilliant.” Matty’s eyes bright as he looked at you. “I’d really like that. Thanks sweetheart.”  Matty shot you a genuine smile for the first time since you stepped outside.

A brief moment of silence settled across the two of you before Matty spoke again.

“You look incredible tonight.”

“Ohhh.” You looked down at your feet, unsure of how to take the compliment.

“Hey.” Matty lifted your chin up. “What’s all that about? You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.” He said earnestly; swiping at the apples of your cheeks and holding your jaw in his hands.

“Just didn’t think anyone could look past the fact I’m Ross’ sister. Nobody ever calls me beautiful.”

“Not even Josh? Didn’t you date him for nearly a year?”  Matty asked as you shook your head.

“Then he’s an idiot. You’re always the most beautiful girl in the room darling.”

“Matty.” 

It came out a whisper as you both stared into each other’s brown eyes. Matty’s eyes dancing across your features, settling on your lips before looking back up and catching your gaze already on him. Matty leaned in, his face getting closer to your own as your mind started racing. 

Did you want to kiss Matty? Kinda, yeah! 

Should you kiss Matty? No, definitely not. Ross would kill the both of you. 

Did you kiss Matty? Yes.

“We shouldn’t.”  You whispered, lips mere inches away from his own.

“But a birthday kiss is all I want this year.” 

His words came out of a whisper, you didn’t say anything else just pushed your lips against his and allowed him to pull you closer as his mouth moved against the softness of your glossed lips. His hands moving from your face, dancing down the sides of your body and landing on your waist before he reluctantly pulled away, forehead resting against your own.

“You’re good at that.” He pecked your lips once more.

“Mmmm.”  You hummed; opening your eyes as Matty held you close. You quickly opened your mouth to say something and promptly shut it again when you caught the way Matty looked at you. “Fuck it!” You mumbled and slammed your lips back against his own.

The birthday boy now pushing you up against the wall, hands impossibly tight on your waist as he pulled you as physically close as possible. Your hands uprooting themselves in the hair at the back of his neck and tugging as you snogged him like your life depended on it. Like you weren’t pushed against the back of his kitchen wall in his garden, where any of your school friends could come out and catch you. Or worse; your brother but you didn’t care because the way Matty was kissing you made your whole body tingle.

Tugging his hair again as his tongue moved against your own. Matty groaned loudly; finally pulling away. “Fuck settle down! You know I can’t be found with you and if you keep doing that, someone is going hear us.” He groaned as he continued to pepper kisses up the side of your jaw.

“Hmmm, don’t feel like being murdered by my brother right now.”  You sighed; leaning back against the wall to take him in. Lips swollen and eyes bright as he watched you.

“I don’t want to be murdered by your brother either. Worst birthday ever!” He chuckled; hands dancing across your waist. “But that was my favourite birthday gift! Thanks sweetheart!” Matty grinned; watching you push yourself off the wall and smooth yourself down before heading back towards the house.

You paused for a moment; your foot on the last step, your hand lingering on the handle to the back door for a millisecond as you looked over your shoulder one last time at Matty who was just watching you. You sent him a soft smile, your hair falling in front of your face as you laughed before leaving him the dark as you rejoined the party.

A kiss with Matty who was your big brother’s (and your) annoying friend, someone you had an innocent schoolgirl crush on once he started becoming a tiny bit cool as the lead singer in their band. Something you didn’t think was an overly big deal, after all people kiss people they shouldn’t when they’re drunk all the time. Turns out it was the starting point of the trajectory of how your’s and Matty’s story begun.

March 2013

In the midst of releasing a series of EPs and gigging around the country and building up their hardcore fanbase. You had managed to get the boys all to just relax for a moment and celebrate the release of their Music for Cars EP and the fact that it was George’s 23rd birthday this weekend. And how did you celebrate? The only way you lot knew how, a dirty ole’ house party just like the good old days.

You had managed to squeeze God knows how many people in little flat you shared with George and Matty. As far as flatmate’s go, they weren’t all that bad. You had moved in with them straight after university so you had definitely had worse.

You had just downed what you believe was your fifth vodka shot of the evening and decided you needed to pace yourself a bit more if you weren’t going to stumble into your room and pass out any time soon. So upon spotting Ross, you wondered over to your brother who was sat talking to Hann; wiggling your way in between the two of them with a giggle. Ross automatically lifting his arm for you to slip under as you nursed the rest of your wine at a slower pace until your glass was empty.

After your head stopped spinning a sufficient amount, you found yourself milling about the flat and smuggling yourself into Matty’s embrace as he poured you another glass.

“Enjoying yourself sweetheart?” 

“Mmm. Have you see the birthday boy?” You felt Matty’s lips pressed to the top of your head as you asked.

“You leaving me already?”  He chuckled. “Think he popped out the back for a cig.” 

He motioned towards the back door. You immediately unravelled yourself from him, a kiss smacked against his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth. Not that you noticed in your flurry but Matty did. The longing for the feeling of the two of you had shared in his back garden prickling at his chest as his eyes locked onto your retreating figure as you rushed through the throng of remaining people in the kitchen and exiting the flat.

Matty was right. You found George smoking out the back in your little tiny back garden under the dying glimmer of your shit security light that was attached to your back wall. Turning in your direction at the sound of the back door shutting, George automatically opened his arms for you to slot into his side, arm hung loosely over your shoulder as he let out the smoke he had just inhaled. Wordlessly placing the cig in your mouth to let you take a drag yourself, you passed it back and forth between the two of you in silence.

Stubbing the end into the brick, George dropped it into the bucket of dirty filters before breaking the silence. “God what time is it?”  He asked as you watched him push the balls of his hand into his eyes.

“Nearly 2am! Why you need to go to bed Grandad?!”

“Fucking maybe?! How many people are left?” The now blonde motioned towards the house.

“Only a few. Heard Sally talk about some of them heading into town on the way out and Luke and Helen have to be up early so they left nearly a hour ago. Just the band and about three other now. You ready to head in birthday boy?” You asked; holding out your hand for him to take with a smirk.

With a silent nod George didn’t hesitate to grab onto your hand as you tried not to trip over the many plant pots that were littered across your garden path. “You given me my birthday present yet? I can’t remember?” You turned to look at the drummer. An amused look on your face because he had given you the brightest smile when he had opened the personalised drumsticks you had gotten him earlier. “Or are you my present? Wait is this an ambush?” George gasped. “Please be an ambush!” He grinned at you.

“You should be so lucky!”  You scoffed; before shooting him a smirk as you opened the the kitchen door.

“Your tits look mega in that dress by the way!” His tone smug as he closed the kitchen door behind him. Your only response being the cackle that left your mouth as you left George to watch you walk away as you joined the rest of the band in the living room.

Lucky indeed because once the remaining guests left about twenty minutes later. You had snuck into George’s room to say good night and wish him a happy birthday and it’s how you found yourself currently with aching arms. As they were locked either side of George’s knees, his hands tight on your waist as you bounced on his cock.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in this position. You do know he had already made you cum twice though. Once on his tongue and once with his fingers but my God were you spiralling towards your third. The thick drag of his cock between your legs as he stretched you out was delicious but you needed to cum quick because you weren’t sure how long you could stay in this position for.

“Jesus Christ! So fucking good George!” You wailed; as George’s thumb swiped through the slick between your legs and rubbing at your clit.

“Feel good baby?”

“Yes. Shit! So good!” You panted. “Arms hurt though, fuck.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He said; pulling you forward.

You fell forward at full speed; having to catch yourself on either side of his face to stop yourself from head butting him as his large hands moved from your hips to grab on to the globes of your ass before plowing up into your cunt so fast you saw stars dance under your eyelids. All you could do was shake and babble out a string of, “So good. So good. So good.” As George made you cum again.

Pulling out quickly. You had no time to recover as George flipped you over; face already in his pillows as he pushed back into you as he chased his own orgasm. The drag of his cock made you feel delirious at the speed in which he was fucking you back into the mattress.

“Fucking hell. You’re so good G! Yes! Yes! Yes!”  You screamed into the mattress, really not caring that your mutual best friend was on the other side of the wall.

His name fell from your lips like a chant. You hadn’t been fucked this good in forever, if at all and the fact it was your Georgie made your head spin.

“Come on baby. One more and I’ll give it to you.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder before pulling you back on to his cock at rapid speed and sending you hurtling towards your fourth orgasm of the night (well morning) and George to fill you up with a satisfied groan.

Pulling out; your gentle giant rolled over, the pair of you catching your breath after fucking for a good hour. Rolling your head to the side to take him in, you pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder with a chuckle. “Happy Birthday G!” 

The now blonde let out a loud laugh as the pair of you snuggled into each other’s arms, like you would normally do under any other circumstances as George pressed a kiss to the side of your face. The temporary bliss shielding you both from the circumstances you’d have to face in the morning.

When you did manage to wake up the next morning, George was still fast asleep but his alarm clock read 10:12 and you knew you’d have to get up to tidy the flat because Matty certainly wouldn’t. As you looked around George’s room, you scrambled to find anything to hide your dignity as you moved around to clean up. As you pulled the shirt George was wearing the night before over your bare body, you didn’t have chance to register the other voices on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Where is she? She’s not answering her phone? She’s not in her room either.”

Matty didn’t answer Ross’s question, just grumbled into his arms before flinging himself down onto the dining room table dramatically.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like shit Healy!” Hann shoved his shoulder with a laugh as he threw himself on the sofa.

“Well you’d look like shit if you didn’t get any sleep cause you could hear George fucking at all hours of the night too.” Matty snapped at the two of them.

“Who was he shagging? I thought he wasn’t seeing that blonde anymore?”

Unfortunately for you, this was when you decided to make your grand appearance. Walking out of George’s room in nothing but his shirt and your knickers from the night before. The three of them silent as they took in your appearance.

Adam’s jaw slack as he looked on in shock as everything clicked into place before his very eyes.

Matty looked pained as he ran a hand through his curls before pushing himself up off the dining room table and shuffling into the kitchen, silently flicking the kettle on.

Ross looked angry. You could see it simmering in his eyes. The vein on his neck pulsing as he starred you down.

“I’ve been trying to ring you. Why were you in George’s room? ”

“I’ve been asleep. I’m here now aren’t I? Everything alright?” You brushed past him, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. You hated when Ross was angry.

“Why do you have George’s shirt on?”

The two of you competed in a stare off. The both of you silent. Neither of you making the next move. If there was one thing you MacDonald siblings were, it was stubborn. Adam was watching on in anticipation. The only noise to be heard was Matty shuffling around the kitchen in the background. Your brother asked you again. Why was he asking you questions he didn’t want to know the answers to.

“Don’t make me say it bro.”  You sighed; annoyance flashing across his features.

“You slept with my best friend?”  Ross immediately started raising his voice. He already knew the answer, he didn’t need your confirmation. Not that he waited for it because he was already storming towards George’s room and right on queue, the door swung open to George just in his boxers.

“Ross. Stop!”  Your voice loud and going ignored.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!”  

Ross was seething. Hann was immediately by your side ready to intervene. Matty still off and away from the drama (which was very unlike him) that was about to unfold. He was unlawfully quiet but you couldn’t think about that when Ross was squaring off with George in the doorway to your rooms. The shouting sounded like you were under water as you zoned it out. This was a disaster. It was only when Hann touching your arm, whispering if they should intervene or not that brought you back to reality and had you storming right in between the two giants.

Pushing your way in between them. You stood with your back against George’s chest, a hand on your brothers and looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Ross. Please. Fighting George isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You slept. With my sister. What about fucking bro code?! Not cool dude!”

“It was me.” You shouted over the top of his booming voice, all four of them turning to look at you as you very rarely raised your voice. “It was me. I initiated it. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, shout at me because it’s my fault.”

“Babe you don’t have to defend me.” George touched your shoulder gently. “I know, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t touch her!” Ross zoned in on George’s hands upon your shoulders. He quickly lifted them up in surrender.

“George, we’re both consenting adults.” You addressed him before turning back to your brother. “I’m sorry but if you’re going to sulk about it, blame me because I started it. Ross you know I love you more than anything in this world but you can’t hate everyone that goes near me.”  You reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. “It was literally a one night stand. Promise it won’t happen again.”

Ross tried to pull his hand out of yours at your words, the vein in his neck twitching at the fucked up thought of his little sister casually sleeping around. “I’m not fucking happy about it. Fucking bro code dude.” He threw his hands up dramatically before turning towards the door. “I’m going for some fresh air.” 

Ross quickly yanked open the front door, Hann hot on his tail, muttering something about checking on him which left you with Matty and George. The three of you standing in silence for a moment before George popped a kiss on top of your head and mumbling about a cig and heading out the back.

Matty disappeared again into the kitchen as you plonked yourself down at the dining room table with a groan. The ticking of the clock the only thing to be heard as the two of you were now the only ones left in your tiny flat. Sitting down next to you, Matty didn’t say anything. Just pushed a mug of coffee towards you and sipping his own.

“You don’t hate me do you? You haven’t said anything all morning.”

Matty took a sip of his coffee, a look of contemplation on his face as his eyes flitted towards you. The silence deafening and the thought of him being upset with you made your heart ache.

“You never offered me that on my birthday.”

You blinked rapidly as you stared at him. That was it. That’s what he chose to say.

Matty tried to say it with a joking lilt to his words. A smirk hiding behind his mug of coffee as you took in his words. But he knew deep down that there was a seriousness to it. It was true, you’ve never done anything with him other than when you kissed at his 18th, on his birthday or otherwise. Apart from one drunken weekend about two weeks later. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his heart pang. But it did. You opened your mouth to respond, quickly shutting it again as a flush rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the night in his garden five birthdays ago.

You let out a shaky laugh, not knowing what to say, shoving his shoulder playfully as you settled back into your chair, steaming coffee ready to be drunk.

“I don’t, you know.” 

You turned you head to curly haired man beside you confused at what he was saying. 

“I could never hate you.”

2014

You weren’t exactly sure where you were. What state you were in. What time it was or how much you and the band had to drink or what drugs Matty had taken tonight but you were fucking exhausted. You had been following your brother and your best friends around the world for the best part of just over a year, ‘acting’ like their personal assistant. 

You were essentially a glorified baby sitter for these four man children. You wouldn’t change it for the world though, you got to travel the world with your best friends and take cool photography in the cool cities you visited but it was all catching up to you. All whilst they were busy being rockstars, some more than others but that was a different story.

You wanted nothing more than to be in the dingy little flat you shared with Matty and George in Manchester, catching up on washing, going down to your local Sainsbury’s and doing the weekly shop. Anything that didn’t require going to bed post 3am.

But you were currently in a club in Atlanta or was it Nashville? You didn’t know but what you did know was that you were bloody tired and the thought of travelling on the tour bus to the next state with a hangover was genuinely about to send you into a downward spiral if you didn’t get yourself back to the hotel asap.

Tucked neatly underneath Hann’s arm, his arm loosely hanging over your shoulder as you rested your head upon his shoulder, you prayed for your brother to round up the other two quicker than he was because you were actually asleep standing up at this point. You didn’t think it was possible to be asleep with your eyes open but you were positive at this precise moment in time it was currently happening.

Ross finally reappeared with George in tow but there was no Matty trailing behind the two of them. You groaned loudly as you clapped eyes on the two of them. Ross looked defeated, tiredness set his eyes too. George smirked when he heard your groans.

“Not the usual type of groans you make when you see me baby.”

“I’ll punch you so hard before Ross even gets the chance to if you don’t shut the fuck up Daniel's. Where’s Healy?”  You huffed, scowling at the boy in front of you.

“Mumbled something incoherent before refusing to leave.” Your brother grumbled.

“Give me two minutes.” You sent Hann a soft smile, before removing yourself from the bubble the two of you’d created at the end of the bar before pushing your way through all the sweaty bodies until you found him trying to chat up some blonde model type near the DJ booth.

Gently placing your hand around his bicep to get his attention, his curls whipped in your direction to see who was touching him. The first thing you noticed apart from the bright grin he was now sporting were his dilated pupils. So he had taken coke again, brilliant. 

The sigh that left you so deeply rooted, you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on it. You hated the way it made him feel after the high was over.

“Hi darling! Hasn’t tonight been amazing? Wait where are the others? Can you believe your brother tried to make me to go back to the hotel? How sick was the gig tonight? Do you want to dance? Hey let me introduce you to…” He spoke at a hundred miles a hour as he spewed out utter nonsense, turning to realise the blonde he was chatting up was long gone.

You watched Matty’s shoulders sag, sad eyes now back on your own. “You fancy coming back with me? I’m dead on my feet and don’t really fancy nursing this inevitable hangover whilst being stuck on the tour bus for over six hours with you lot without at least four hours of decent sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go home yet.” He pouted.

“You come with me now, I’ll let you stay in my bunk tomorrow and I won’t complain about how clingy you are. Promise!”

“Like a sleepover?!”  Matty’s face lit up again.

“If you like, yeah!” You laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

“Come on then, let’s go right now!” He started to drag you through the crowds. “I’m sharing with Ross tonight. I think he’d rather kill himself than watch you throw yourself at me!” 

“I don’t throw myself at you.” You laughed at the frown he was pulling at you.

“It’s been known to happen Healy! I don’t mind though. My bunk tomorrow. Pinky promise.”

“Tomorrow.”  Matty sent you a soft smile; his pinky looping around your own before you started to tug him back towards the boys. “I just want to clarify, I don’t throw myself at you I just like lying on your tits is all!” He said, pulling a laugh out of you as you approached the rest of the band. Your brother already leading the troops out the club as he saw your approach, eager to get out of there and into bed.

You had currently been on the road from Atlanta to Raleigh, North Carolina for the past two hours and the hangover was showing no signs of disappearing. You had already watched half a season of The Office with Hann and had taken a half arsed nap with Ross but it was hard trying to sleep in the lounge, when your head was knocking off his shoulder every time the bus hit a pot hole.

Not to mention; if Matty made one more fucking sound, you were absolutely positive one of you was going to throw him out the window. It was a toss up between you and Hann, whoever got to him first I suppose. But he was getting on your last nerve. He was annoying at the best of times but there was something about his come down today that was irritating you to no fucking end. He so much as breathed too loudly and it was sending you spiralling into deep pit of annoyance.

You and the band were up back in the lounge area, some Adam Sandler movie playing quietly in the back ground that you were pretty sure none of them were even paying attention to. When Matty threw his phone across the bus, swearing something incoherent under his breath and it was the last straw.

Standing up abruptly, you managed to startle both Ross and Hann at the speed in which you moved. Pulling down George’s hoodie that you had stolen, so it covered more of your ass over the pair of gym shorts you had on. You turned back towards your brother and Adam, irritation etched across your features, scowling at Matty as you eyed him out of your peripheral, as he moped about next to George. 

Just the image of him, made you want to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to my bunk before I fucking throttle him!”  

You sent them both a sarcastic smile before storming off to your bunk. You can’t have been there ten minutes before your peace was interrupted by Matty who was peering around the curtain and asking if he can join you. You let out a big sigh before silently nodding your head as he lumbered on into the small space.

Immediately wrapping his arms around your waist; his head found home upon your chest just like it always did when he wanted a cuddle. Your hand that was wrapped around him made its way up to his head, where it settled in his curls, finger tips running across his scalp. The sound of his soft sighs automatically calming down the irritation that had been bubbling inside you since he had awoken this morning.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you had been lying there in silence. You only broke the silence when the coldness of Matty’s fingertips slipped underneath your hoodie to touch the warmth of your skin. His thumb rubbing circles across the softness of your hips as he snuggled further into your tits as one of his legs started pushing its way in between your own as he got comfy.

“Matty?” Your voice gentle as you tried to get his attention.

“You said you wouldn’t complain.” His voice muffled as he spoke into your covered breasts.

“Your fingers are fucking freezing that’s all.” Your chest vibrated with laughter.

“Sorry sweetheart” Matty moved the slightest bit, to kiss the underside of your chin before snuggling back into the warmth of your hoodie.

“I don’t mean to, you know?”  He whispered softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t mean to make you angry.” 

His voice was barely above a whisper, that you nearly missed it.

“I’m not angry. Why would you think I’m angry at you?”

“You looked like you’d rather die than be anywhere near me before.” The hand that was weaving through his curls stopped. “I hated it. Hated that you looked at me like that. Made me feel even more shit than I already do.”

“Healy look at me.” Matty didn’t move a muscle, head still tucked underneath your chin, no effort in moving at all at your words.

“Babe. Look at me.” Your voice more stern, wiggling away from his grip so you could look down at him properly. “I could never hate you. Ever.” Your eyes flitted across his features, hardened by the late nights on tour and the hardcore partying. “I hate what that stuff does to you. I would never stop you from having fun but when you do that stuff, I hate how it makes you hate yourself the next day. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret because believe it or not Healy. I’m quite fond of you and I don’t think my heart could take it if something happened to you. Neither would my brother’s or Hann’s or George’s. We love you a stupid amount you know.”

Matty blinked at you as he took in your words, his brown eyes glossing over before shoving his face into you neck, the grip around your waist becoming impossibly tighter. Your body shaking as his vibrated against yours, soft sobs leaving him as he chanted; “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over and over again.

All you could do was hold him closer and reassure him, that he had nothing to be sorry for and you were just looking out for him because anything else, you were afraid it might break you and you’d cry too. As your best friend was breaking his heart and wetting the hoodie you were wearing.

“Don’t apologise for having fun. I just want you to be careful. All I ever want is for you to be okay and sometimes what you do with all those people you don’t know isn’t good for you sweetheart.”

You squeezed him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. As he mumbled how “I’ll be better, I promise” into your neck, pressing multiple kisses in quick succession to just under the right side of your jaw before settling back into silence where the two of stay for some time.

The soft regular movement of Matty’s thumb rubbing circles on your hip stopped, his hand significantly less colder than they were before he had them up your hoodie, moved across the expanse of your lower back and rolling you over so you were now draped over him instead and tucked into his side. 

“You know sometimes I feel the only time I might get better is when we are together. You ever feel like that?”

It was now your turn to nod silently, a soft hum leaving your mouth as you pressed a quick kiss into his skin as you settled into a slumber.

2017

You had been pottering about your flat most of the morning, doing a deep clean of the place before you were supposed to be heading to meet the boys for Sunday dinner. Your boyfriend of nearly a year Michael, once again opting out of spending time with you and your family, claiming he had better things to be doing that sitting about and listening to the boys talk about what they had been getting up to in the studio again.

Personally you think it was because George let slip last time Michael could actually be bothered to join you all for a drink, that he had slept with you in a drunken ramble, much to the dismay of your boyfriend, your brother and yourself. And Michael didn’t take too fondly to the fact you were still close with George after the confession.

You were in the middle of folding the last bit of the washing that you had dumped on your bed when your phone pinged with a text from Hann.

‘Did you get a letter in the post this week? x’

‘I get a lot of stuff in the post Ads! Off who? x’

‘Matty x’

The moment you saw his name, your heart got stuck in your throat. None of you had heard from him since he he had left, something to do with his recovery. So the thought of contact from him had you dropping your phone on the bed and rushing from your room, shouting at Michael about the post you had received this week. Only receiving a mumble from him about the fire place; had you dashing to the living room, where you rifled through the post sat on top of the mantelpiece. 

There slotted in between this months Rolling Stone subscription and a local take away menu was a white envelope addressed to you. 

A Barbados post mark sitting in the top right corner.

Dropping the rest of the mail on the coffee table, you rushed back to your bedroom, locking the door immediately before sitting at the edge of your bed and taking in Matty’s scrawl of a penmanship. Running your fingers over the ink; your mind flashed back to that day. 

The day you realised he wasn’t okay. 

How completely out of it he was as you watched him at their last festival gig of the iliwys tour cycle. How utterly miserable he looked as he threw himself about the stage, looking just the shadow of the man you knew and loved.

You knew something wasn’t right as you watched from the side of stage with their manager Jamie. George ever the professional, had even broke his concentration bubble to catch your eye several times during their festival set, worry set in his features. 

The way your gentle giant walked straight up to you, stopped in front of you and just by the look in your eyes. Your face never one to hide your emotions. George wrapped his arm around you and without a single word, the pair of you knew you had to speak to the other boys about it. You needed to talk to him.

The night of the intervention. The way he screamed and shouted at you all. He admitted to using but he didn’t do it quietly. The way Ross stepped in front of you in defence when he swore at you. Hann’s hand wrapped tightly around your own, George’s hand squeezing your shoulder in support as your brown eyes glossed over as you took in the man in front of you. He wasn’t your Matty and you hated looking at him like this. 

You didn’t want to look at him at all and it broke your heart.

Slipping your finger into the envelope you finally tore it open, slipping out several pages of paper. You weren’t sure how long you were holding them before you actually unfolded them but it felt like a lifetime of contemplating before you managed to finally take a deep breath and compose yourself enough to read his words.

‘Darling,

As part of my recovery, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to everyone I’ve hurt and yours is the last one I’ve got to write. Not because you mean the least to me. Quite the opposite. Yours has been the hardest to write. Harder than Gabby. My Mam, Dad & Louis & the boys because you mean the absolute world to me. 

This is actually the third time I’ve attempted to write this. Admitting that I’ve hurt you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You know what I’m like, I’m a stubborn twat at the best of times but I needed to do this because you deserve this apology probably the most.

You’ve never once judged me and the fucked up things I do when I’m on one. Since we were kids you’ve stuck by my side, defended me when I really didn’t deserve it and loved me endlessly from the sidelines and I’ve definitely not deserved your love but you gave me it anyway.

Do you remember that time we were on tour in 2014 and I was fucked up on coke for god knows how many days in a row and you couldn’t even be in the same room as me that day on the bus when I was on that god awful come down on the way to North Carolina?

Yet you still didn’t say no when I selfishly came crawling to your bunk to interrupt your peace and quiet with my tail between my legs, asking to come lie with you. You could have told me to piss off but you didn’t, you let me squish myself into your bunk and your arms and let me sleep off my hangover in your arms without complaining once. I would have complained but you didn’t, you let me and my cold hands snake their way into your personal space like I hadn’t gotten on your last nerve just ten minutes prior. 

I’m quite a selfish person. You my darling are the most selfless person I know and I don’t deserve the good grace you’ve given me time and time again. Especially seeing as I dragged you along for the ride and then you’ve had to babysit me because I can’t control myself when it comes to drugs and showing off because I want everyone to like me.

You could have taken the tough love route, told me I’m a big fuck up and judged me for my drug use and tried to get me to stop (which probably would have have had the opposite effect out of defiance) but you didn’t. You silently kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t end up killing myself. Until I took it too far.

I’ve seen you look at me with distaste over the years. Yet nothing compares to the way you looked at me that day you guys staged your intervention. I didn’t think you guys had noticed. I thought me and Miss H had this great big secret going on and I didn’t want to let any of you guys in on it because it would ruin what we had.

Yet you know me better than anyone. You and George both just knew that day. Of course you did. You’re my best friends. But you don’t know how happy I am the four of you staged that intervention and told me I needed to get my shit together.

When I think about the way I lashed out at you. The way your big brown eyes that usually sparkle with mischief when we’re with each other, glossed over as you just stood and took it and didn’t even raise your voice at me once. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten as I write this.

I deserved it you know. I deserved whatever fury was bubbling inside you because I was a class A cunt that day! I’m truly surprised Ross didn’t knock my head off and I wouldn’t have blamed him either if he had done!

I’m just so glad you did something because the thought of losing every single one of you shatters my soul so much, I would cease to exist without you.

I could sit here and write down the list of all things I’m sorry for but physically we don’t have the time or enough paper! But you should know that I am.

I’m sorry. 

For everything.

I’m doing okay. The best I’ve been in a long time. The only way being here might get better is if you were here too.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging for it because the thought of you hating me and not being able to trust me anymore kills me.

You really an angel on this earth.

I don’t deserve you.

I love you.

Yours Matthew x

p.s I cannot wait to be reunited with your tits! I’ve missed them!

You let out a chortled laugh as you read through the last line of the letter. Your hands quickly making their way to your face as you wiped the tears that were streaming from your face. The cuffs of your hoodie wet from where you’ve tried to stop the flow of tears. Pressing the letter to your chest, you took a few deep breaths to try compose yourself before you left the confinements of your bedroom.

Hurriedly shoving the letter into your handbag, so there was no chance Michael could stumble across your letter. He didn’t like Matty as it was, you didn’t want to give him ammunition to say anything. You grabbed your car keys and rushed out of the house without a word to your boyfriend and heading straight to Hann’s.

2020

You had broken up with Michael.

The red flags should have been there from the start really. He always had less than nice words to say about you and your relationships with the boys. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say in general but you were blinded by love and the man he was when you first met that you didn’t see the red flags being waved right in front of your face until your heart (and self confidence) were already broken.

Your brother didn’t like Michael, he thought there was something off about him from the off but you put it down to Ross doing his job as your big brother but his opinion didn’t waver once in the four years you were together. George never liked how possessive he was and the fact he became even more so and tried to stop you from speaking to him after he found out about your night together. Which just fyi happened three years prior to meeting him, so he (everyone) was flabbergasted as to why he was so bothered! Hann. Your sweet angel of a bestie had even voiced how he didn’t like him and he was never one to be rude which should have also been a clue you were dating a dickhead.

Then there was Matty. Matty hated him. The feelings were mutual. Michael had told you plenty of times over your four years together that he hated your best friend but he would never tell you why. Matty told you it was because ‘he was a twat who didn’t deserve you’. You were obliged to agree because that mother fucker cheated on you!

Multiple women across the last two years of your relationship. 

To say you were stunned was an understatement yet it somehow made sense and fell into place so easily when you thought about it all. Yet that didn’t make it hurt any less. But a friend of yours sending you the evidence whilst you were on the last night of the UK tour was the final nail in the coffin that was your shitty relationship with him.

You weren’t sure who wanted to kill him more. Your brother? Matty? Or George? The three of them were raging amongst one another at their after party which should have been a celebration whilst Hann sat with his arms wrapped around you as you cried to him and Carly. You didn’t think anything would make you feel better apart from getting obliterated with your favourite people and forgetting about Michael and the impending doom that was about to be bestowed upon the entire world.

Matty was your saving grace.

Asked you to move in, without even hesitating. Naturally you said yes, sitting in your flat all by yourself whilst you cried over your douchebag of an ex during lockdown did not sound appealing to you. It was giving ‘Emma Pilssbury crying to Celine Dion in her car from Glee’ and you weren’t quite ready to hit that stage of your breakup depression just yet.

Two weeks turned into two months and then four months of lockdown but quite frankly you had never been happier. Living with Matty again, surprisingly was just as good the second time round if not easier. Except this time you weren’t poor, your kitchen roof wasn’t leaking and there was a 95% less drug taking which made your life a whole lot less stressful.

It was just easy with him. At some point whilst the world stood still, Matty and Tahliah broke up and then it really just was you two; doing your washing, fighting over who’s turn it was to use their club card during the weekly shop at Tesco and raising his (both of your’s) new dog, Mayhem.

The two of you had been getting ready to move into a studio tomorrow with George after four months of just the two of you playing house, the pair of them just itching to get back to work. You were aware that Matty had been writing already but you knew it would be full steam now Notes had been released and you wanted to make use of the time you had left just the two of you.

Only because you knew as soon as you got your hands on George. That was it! Not a chance Matty was getting any attention. You had missed your big friendly giant more than anything and you knew from your FaceTime with him last night whilst you couldn’t sleep that he was more than excited to see you too.

All three of you were sunbathing in the garden. Mayhem by your side as the two of you soaked up some much needed sun. The heatwave the UK was currently in the middle of was doing wonders for your skin. You had been lying in silence for the past thirty minutes, a book covering your face to block out the sun as you tried to read. Matty’s head in your lap as you presumed he was napping when you suddenly felt him turn over in your lap, now on his side and looking up at you.

Lifting the book ever so slightly, so you could peek underneath at him, you cocked an eyebrow as he watched you with a gentle gaze. “Yes?” Your tone rich with sarcasm as you stared back at him. “Anything actually going through that pretty head of yours Healy? What you thinking about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You laughed. “What about us?”

“You remember my eighteenth birthday?”  He asked; peering up at you with a soft smile.

“The party?” Matty nodded. “I remember Ross stopping me from getting with Max! Remember him? I was gutted!”  You laughed. “Why?”

“You know that’s not what I meant?” Matty frowned slightly as he pouted at you.

“Of course I do.” You put your book down, your hands automatically reaching for what was left of his curls,“What about it?”

“You ever think about it?”

“Sometimes. Think we’ve done a fantastic job at keeping it from my brother! Especially with your big gob!”  You smiled down at him as you ran your hand through his curls gently.

“Funny!”  He sent a glare your way, causing you to laugh loudly at his attempt to be intimidating. 

“What’s got you thinking about that kiss from a million years ago anyway?”

“Wanking material.” He somehow managed to say without cracking smile.

It was your turn to shoot him a glare at his crudeness. It wasn’t long though until he was grinning up at you from his place in your lap. You pushed his head away from you in fake annoyance. God you couldn’t stand him sometimes!

“Ohh come on darling. I hear you sometimes! We all do it, you’ve got to think of something!” Matty tried to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I think about G’s 23rd birthday.” You smirked. Your vibrator was good but it wasn’t George. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a good orgasm and thinking it might have been before Michael makes you want to cry. Your confession/kind of a joke caused the grin to fall from his face and you almost felt bad, knowing he doesn’t want to hear about the incredible night you had with George because if anyone asked him, he absolutely did not want to relive it.

“I’m joking!” Your hand reached for his curls again. “Seriously though, what’s got you reminiscing about it. It’s been a long time.”

“Just thinking about how much I love you is all.” His confession made you stop. “What would have happened if we’d said fuck it and we ended up together.”

“I don’t think Ross would have been too happy. You saw how mad he got about G!”  You laughed nervously as you thought about stopping your brother from knocking his band mate out.

“He’d have gotten over it.” Matty was now leaning up on his arms, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your bikini clad torso before pressing several kisses in quick succession up your stomach until he was hovering over your chest and looking down at your face. “If we were happy, he’d have been happy. You know he would have been.”

His actions made you hold your breath. It being strangely intimate and probably the most intimate you’d been since you were teenagers. You wondered if he was actually going to kiss you again but he just looked down at you fondly.

“You know I’d do anything for you right?”  You nodded. “You’re one of the only people who makes me truly happy.  I’d literally go too far just you have you near. I’d go blind just to see you!”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatics of his statement but the sweet sentiment made you smile, you reached up to hold the side of his face in your hands. Your thumb sweeping over the apple of his left cheek. The pair of you just basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. Unsure how long you hadn’t said anything, Matty broke the silence in the most Matty way.

“Literally anything you need. I’ve got you for life sweetheart. A cuppa? A joint? An orgasm? I’m your man!” 

A chortle left your mouth as he cheekily beamed down at you, waiting for what he knew would be a somewhat sarcastic response. He didn’t realise he’d really set himself up for what you were about to say.

“Don’t worry I’m good. I’m seeing G tomorrow!”

The way his eyes narrowed at you made you cackle even louder as he finally jumped up off you, to walk back inside without another word. “I’m sorry!”  You laughed. “I promise not to shag George when I see him. I’m good with my vibrator I promise!”  You manage to sputter out through your laughter. “Stick the kettle on whilst you’re in there love.”  You shouted after him.

Matty threw you the middle finger over his shoulder which made you laugh even more as he went though the back door, Mayhem hot on his heels; knowing fine well he was going to put the kettle on and make you a brew just how you liked it because for as long as he can remember he’s never been able to say no to you and he didn’t think he’d ever will.

2023

The 1975 in Show and Concert was possibly your favourite tour that you’d been apart of with the boys. There was an accumulative of factors; the fact you weren’t the only girl on tour this time round, Carly had joined Adam with their son and Charli had come to as many shows as her own schedule permitted. You also had a little part to play at Matthew’s request (obviously!) donned in a white lab coat, you brought Matty a hot honey and lemon on stage every night and pottered about with the rest of the crew, making sure your brother and the rest of the band were all good before slipping off to watch the rest of the show from backstage.

Or it could have been that you and Matty were closer than ever. Ever since lockdown and the pair of you had been living together, everything seemed so simple that since restrictions were lifted, you just carried on living together. I think when George removed the last box of things from your old flat to take to Matty’s did it for him, that he just shook his head with a laugh. 

“You guys really are an old married couple!” He chuckled; slamming the boot close and jumping in the car before you could get a word in edgeways.

He wasn’t wrong, you guys did essentially everything together apart from have sex. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Somewhere between moving into the studio with him and George and then your brother and Hann joining them to start recording their fifth studio album. You hadn’t shagged anyone in over a year and there was only so many times you could use your vibrator before you got bored and there wasn’t a cat’s chance in hell you were ordering a new toy to the studio because Matty didn’t have boundaries and absolutely would have opened it before you could even get the chance to get your hands on it.

You had also promised after day one; after one too many jokes and essentially mounting George at any given moment just to have him near you that you wouldn’t sleep with him. Even though a repeat of his birthday from seven years prior was literally so so temping to you! So what the hell were you going to do? The thought of dating apps made you want to vomit and hanging about bars really didn’t seem that appealing.

But Matty being Matty; was being overly affectionate one night after one too many glasses of red after a show, had the two of you giggling like teenagers and wondering if the two of you had gotten better at kissing since Matty’s 18th. Curiosity getting the better of the both of you, had you surging towards one another in a flurry of horniness after the kiss, was how you found yourself straddling his lap and snogging him like your life depended on it! Until you physically had to pull away to get your breath back and a rush of sense flashed through your brain. The two of you went to bed separately.

Neither of you spoke about it again.

Nor did you ever think about how the two of you were always drawn to each other no matter what shit storm was going on around you until now. You were just tying up the end of the UK leg of the tour, you and the band were in Ireland and Jamie had just told you that *The Scum* were running a horrendous article about Matty. This had in turn resulted in an argument after their penultimate show between the boys. 

You knew he did things in the heat of the moment whilst he’s on stage or says shit without thinking and it comes to bite him in the arse almost every time but he’d never do what they’re accusing him of on purpose.

But seeing your brother hurt by Matty’s stupid actions; the repercussions for not just himself but for the rest of the band, your brother, yourself just by association. It was enough for you to step in, in defence of your brother. He came before everyone else, every single time.

This you didn’t realise; had as big of an effect until you were stood frozen on stage in front of your brother, Matty in between you and Ross. Apologising to him, crying in front of thousands of people. How Ross hadn’t broke the facade and took him in his arms was beyond you because your brother’s face was currently blurry to you and he was stood a foot in front of you. Tears filled your brown eyes and were threatening to spill as Matty let his vulnerable side show in front of everyone. Something he never does.

You had done so well until he apologised once more; removing his hand from Ross’s arm and reaching behind him blindly to grab on to you. The tears automatically fell; the action enough to make Ross twitch in an ache to comfort you. Something he couldn’t do until the band had come off stage at the end of consumption.

After the final song of tour; the boys usually head on out for the after party. Tonight you had Matty back at the hotel in your room on his knees and begging for you. 

Begging for you to not leave him. Begging for you not to move out. Begging for you to stay by his side. Begging for you to still love him.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at the man in front of you; on his knees as his hands grasped at your legs, pulling you close as he hugged you as physically close as possible as he sobbed against your legs. Instinctively you reached for his curls, running your fingers through them softly.

“Baby. Look at me.” The softness of his curls tickled your thighs as he stayed pressed against you. “Matthew. Darling look at me.” 

You managed to loosen his grip enough to slide down on to your knees in front of him, taking a hold of his face in your hands as you eyes flitted across his face, smiling softly at him as he tried to calm himself down.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” He shook his head, curls flying in front of his face. “But I can’t lose you darling. I can’t.”

“Matthew. Look at me. Why do you think you’re going to lose me? You’re never going to lose me. You’re kinda stuck with me!” You laughed. “And even if I decided to fuck off, my brother being your bassist kind of means I’m stuck with you anyway.” The grip on his face got tighter as his hands reached up to hold on to your wrists.

“But last night…”

“Ross and I just want you to use your brain sometimes before you do stupid shit! You’ve not lost either of us. I promise.”

“Promise?”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the swell of tears in his eyes and his lip quiver.

“Life. That’s how long you’ve got me for Healy. Promise.” As soon as you stopped speaking; Matty threw himself at you, arms around your neck and squeezing you so tightly you nearly stopped breathing. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Being repeated in your ear over and over as you squeezed him back, pressing your lips to the side of his face in consecutive kisses until he abruptly pulled away. Eyes red and looking at you so softly you thought he was going to cry again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I do.” You smiled at him warmly.

“No. It’s always been you.” He said as he reached for your hands and it felt like you had been hit in the chest. The sting of tears trickling up your face and threatening to fill your eyes as you silently took him in. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know I always talk too much but just listen to me. I love you. Since we were kids I reckon, I was just too chicken to ever do anything.  When you kissed me on my 18th birthday. When you saw I needed help,  you saved my life sending me to rehab. Every day, I thought about getting home to you.  It’s what got me through every day. You make me a better man darling. When you take my shit when I don’t deserve it. When you make me a brew in the morning just how I like it. When you roll me a joint when you realise I’m too tense and in my head without me even having to ask. When you tell me to shut the fuck up before a situation escalates. When we go to big Tesco and walk the dog or do all the washing together. I fucking live for that shit because it’s with you. Fuck I’ve been writing songs about you for the past decade! You are intertwined with every era of this band sweetheart. I mean 60% of the last album is about you! ” He chuckled softly.

“What?” Managed to escape you in a gasp.

“Come on sweetheart. Some of this music has literally been out for ten years!”

“I - Just never - Why have you never said anything before now?” Your voice horse with frustration.

“I love your brother too much. But thinking I’d lost the two of you, just made me think fuck it. You deserve to know. You need to know.” Matty shrugged casually.

“That’s stupid.” Your deadpan tone, stunning him silent.

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t it you that said to me that if Ross knew I was happy. That we were happy he wouldn’t care. He’d have gotten over it? And you’ve just subliminally been telling me you love me through music this entire time?”

“Yes?” 

You cocked an eyebrow at his hesitation, the questioning tone as your eyes flit across his handsome features. Cheeks tinged with pink due to his tears, his chest falling up and down rapidly at his confession as he awaited you answer. You still didn’t say anything, thinking about how to respond until you found the perfect response.

Surging forward you pushed your lips against Matty’s. Hands reaching for the curls you loved so much. Waiting for him to reciprocate felt like a life time but your Matthew was well equipped in the art of kissing you back so realistically it was 0.2 seconds after he had gotten over the shock.

You kissed him over and over again, not wanting to stop the feeling of how your lips moved against his, how his tongue felt against yours. You felt like you were on fire, he was intoxicating. He always was but fuck was he more than ever. Finally finding the strength to untangle yourself from him, chests heaving as you both got oxygen back in your lungs you said the words, the way he’d been wishing to hear for the past sixteen years.

“I love you too.”

When he was finally seen in public two days later on the eve of their Gorilla gig in Manchester. The fans noticed Matty was in higher spirits than he had been two days prior when his breakdown was caught on camera. You had been nervous to tell your brother but Ross claimed he already knew Matty was in love with you, he was just waiting to see if he’d actually grow some balls or not! Then he hugged you so tightly and whispered he was happy for the both of you, which in turn had you and Matty crying backstage in their green room as you found yourself in a 1975 sandwich! 

You don’t think you had seen Matty look so happy on stage in a long time. He loved touring but it was gruelling but seeing him on stage in this tiny venue with his best friends and his girl watching and waiting for him side stage. He couldn’t stop beaming. The fans noticed, the comments already flying in online about him. They increased tenfold when he jumped offstage, not waiting the ten second walk backstage before kissing you like his life depended on it.

The blurry picture of Matty holding your jaw in his hands as he kissed you in the shadows of the stage was on a 1975 update account within minutes.

Captioned: If you know you know. Finally 🖤

You were obliged to agree.

That’s my man right there

Part 15

Word count 3075

There’s a little bit of Ross in this one so if your a Ross girlie/guy your man’s in this has a slight POV and I think it’s quite sweet mention of anxiety and drugs again in this one

Matty's POV

The walk to school was pleasant to say the least, My headphones were in ,the sky was blue and there was nary a car in sight not much to complain about on this fine morning other than the pollution in the air affecting the Ozone layer. Green house gasses and Carbon emission affecting climate change but what can a 17 year old boy do about that really. I decide to wait at the park for Ross he'll most likely want to walk with me. I pull out a cigarette while I wait lighting it in-between my lips while I guard it from the wind, I let the nicotine run through my veins and relax right into it. Ross doesn't take to long to turn up, rucksack flung over his shoulder and one shoe still needing tied. "Bloody hell, what happened to you?", He looks down right dishevelled,

He leans over tying his shoes "Stayed up last night talking to John and I slept in, missed my alarm didn't I." mans stressing, he really thought hed be late. It's kinda funny seeing Ross in this state usually it's me. The more important thing here is that he's stayed up talking to someone. That's never a Ross thing to do

"What really !?" I pat him on the back and pull his bag strap onto his other shoulder for him. His bag weighs a fuckin ton what the hell. I look at him he looks more presentable and pat down his shirt a little bit though and straighten his tie "There you go lad, looking loads better", We sit down on the swings next to each other and I hand him a cigarette and a lighter he probably needs it right now. I take another drag out of mine "on a serious note though , I do need to tell you something". I can't look him in the eye , I'm nervous about telling him what happened last night because I know he'd be upset that I didn't tell him sooner, I contemplated telling him how I felt , I contemplated texting him but I just couldn't.

"What's up Lad ?", although I'm not looking at him, avoiding all eye contact with him , boaring into the ground with my eyes. I exhale the smoke that I didn't realise I was holding. I can still feel his eyes on me "Matty you can tell me anything you know ?."After inhaling the last of my cigarette I throw it on the ground and squish the reminisce with my foot now my hands are free and I don't know what to do with them. They immediately go to my hair curling the ringlets carefully.

"I did something last night" my hands are now between my knees I'm crushing them together , it's an anxious tick I suppose something I do when I'm scared "it was stupid", although I really want to tell him I can't bring myself to say the words. I'm stalling .

"Come on lad, what happened ?". I was hyper aware of everything going on around me and how anxious I was getting. I was sweating and it wasn't the least obvious thing.

"I used again" , my hands were clammy and I still couldn't look in his direction never-mind at him, I know it's just Ross and he'd never judge me but everything around me is spinning again and my vision is going blurry and I feel like I am about to throw up . It's just nerves.

"Shit man ,I'm so sorry , why?, what caused it ?, did something happen?, why didn't you call me ?" . That's so many questions in one go , how am I supposed to answer, shit everything is going crazy and my head, it hurts , I'm dizzy and I don't want to be here having this conversation right now.

"It's a long story....I had a meltdown really...George and I were talking about music ...he threw a track together in his class yesterday and really wanted me to hear it and uh I wanted to show him that I knew what I was talking about and he wanted to hear something I'd done so I made the error of singing 102 didn't I....and everything just spiralled" . It all came out all at once . I didn't plan on telling him the whole story but when I started I couldn't stop. Word vomit comes to mind. Still no chance of it stopping there though my mind is just raving " and and ...I had forgotten that Corey had given me gear from the party we went to the other week , I was trying to be good so I didn't take it ...but I found it when I was cleaning up ....and singing 102 again without Janey just hurt and ....".I felt Ross' hand on my bank and his arm snake around me in a tight hug trying to comfort me as the tears start rolling down my face

"Hey hey ...it's okay Matty, I understand, it's alright" , He held me close rubbing his hands down my back in a comforting kind of way , I'm now soaking his shirt with my tears there's no way that it's going to subside anytime soon "Can we just go back to yours for a bit" I mumble into his shirt. I don't quite know if he heard me because he makes no effort to move. He just held me. After a few minutes more he pulled away and guided my chin to look at him "we can go back to mine, my mum won't mind, I really don't think school is the right place for you right now, it'll be okay". I was upset , more so angry at myself . I had really been looking forward to school this morning somewhat excited to maybe have a full day in lessons but now my head was throbbing and everything was telling me there was no way that was gunna happen.

"I'm sorry" , Ross is still holding on to me while we walk back to his , the guilt I feel that he's missing school is bubbling in my stomach, " You don't have to miss school you know?, not for me" . The walk to his isn't to long, he lets go of me for a second to unlock his front door and he lets me go in first and follows close behind. Once I've dropped my rucksack into his room I slip into the bathroom because I'm feeling super nauseous. Ross tentatively follows behind me "please, don't come in".

"I'll just wait out here okay , and just call for me if you need me" . He lets me close the door and if I know Ross which I do he will literally just be sat at the other side of the door. With that knowledge I rest my back against the door and slide down, and try to avoid looking at the light so I can calm down. I slip my glasses off and place them on the floor beside me and force my knuckles into my temples to try and ease the throbbing in my head "Ross do ave any more painkillers by any chance?"

"Yeh there in the cupboard above the sink", His voice is soft and quiet from the otherside, I must have gotten up from my place on the floor to quickly because as I rise the nausea comes flowing through me tenfold causing me to rush over the the toilet and heave into it making a disgusting grumble echo through the room. "Matty are you okay ?". It comes in waves a few seconds apart three more times. The toast from breakfast swiftly making an appearance. My skin is sticky the room smells rancid and my eyes are feeling that familiar sting again. Here I go crying again for god sake. Once I'm sure I have finished I lean against the cool tile on the wall behind me , loling my head back.

"I know I asked you not to come in but I've changed my mind..." before I've even finished my sentance Ross is in the room and by my side, I curl up into a ball and fall against his shoulder

"I hate this Ross , I hate this sooo much , I was in such a good mood this morning and now here I am crying on your bathroom floor not even an hour later , I don't understand any of this" , my tears are flowing at a rapid pace now and I've lost all the ability to stop them, my bottom lip is trembling. "I can't keep doing this"

"What going on up ere ?", he tapped my head in between my eye brows indicating that he's asking what's going on my head.

"Everything , Everything is going on, I'm not okay , I'm just...so...emotional....I feel unstable in my own head" .I'm clinging onto Ross for dear life right now like he's going to disappear if I let go or I'm not careful "I....I feel lost"

"Can you tell me do you know when this all started Matty, like when exactly did the first meltdown happen ?, was anyone there to help?" . I can feel his arms wrapped around me , his warmth is trapping me in this feeling of closeness and understanding. It's safety isn't it.

I speak into his shoulder "I don't quite remember when it all started but I know I was at work when it first happened , I was at work and um it was a particular busy shift and everything was just getting to much, It started with just a headache but then like 20 minutes later just everything , everything hurt and I couldn't see and the room was spinning , my hands where shaking, they sent me home and mum looked after me?". I really did think talking about it would be a lot harder but something about being in Ross' arms make it a lot easier.

"How does it make you feel after", his hands are playing with my hair he knows it calms me down. Lightly tugging on the curls running them through his fingers

"I just feel tired and a bit twitchy", I still have a slight headache but talking about it is really starting to help a small bit. "Could you get those painkillers for me lad ?".

He does so, standing up and filing through the cupboard looking for the painkillers , filling a glass and picking up my glasses from the floor, handing me them. I thank him as he sits right back where he was pulling me into him "Do you want to go lie down then , Ill ring your mum and let her know where you are so she doesn't worry ?"

"That would be nice, thank you".After necking the the pills and water and putting my glasses back on , Ross pulls me up to my feet. Guiding me to his room, my legs are are still shaky but Ross is doing a great job right now. He lays me down on his bed and sits next to me. He's only got a single bed so there's not much room for us both but I pull him close to me while he's here so he doesn't leave.

"Try to get some sleep then lad", I close my eyes and concentrate on his breathing, I know he won't call my mum until I'm asleep since I don't like it when people talk about me. He turns the TV on and plays it on low friends is playing, I can feel him slightly shake every-time they tell a joke, he gets a good laugh. I fall sleep listening to the sound of his breathing against my ear.

~~~~~

Ross POV

Once I feel like Matty's asleep, I find my phone in my pocket and fire his mum a text.

"Good morning Denise, It's Ross , which you know I guess obviously but yeh , I don't know if your free to talk or anything but just so your aware Matty is here with me , you probably got a message from the school saying he's not there but I just thought I'd let you know he's here with me and not to worry"

"Good Morning sweetheart, I did see a message from the school but I have had a minute to check it over , what happened , he seemed happy this morning when he left?"

"I don't really think it's my place to say he should really tell you himself but I'd just recommend speaking to him or just keeping a closer eye on him for a little while , There's alot going in his head right now"

"I have realised that but you know how he is just avoiding us as much as he can , but thank you for letting me know sweetheart , I'll be round to pick him up after work, please just make sure he gets something to eat and keeps hydrated, I'll let his dad know"

"You don't need to thank me, I'm just looking out for him , he's asleep right now , I'll get him some lunch when he wakes up"

I put my phone back in my pocket because I'm not sure how to continue the conversation I've never been good at talking with peoples families without them around even though Denise is like another mother to me. I just stay in my room with Matty to keep a close eye on him. I've never seen this kid so quiet, it's miracle trying to keep this lad still for longer than five seconds. I smile to myself because finally seeing him look peaceful for the first time in so long really pulls at my heart strings. The TV in the background drowning as I just watch him sleep keeping an eye out for any signs that he's having a nightmare or something.

He's been asleep for nearly an hour now , he's laying next to me I can feel him start to get a little restless slightly thrashing about not much but it's still noticeable. "Hey , Matt , shhhh , it's alright I'm ere , Matty it's alright". His grip on me tightened and I don't know if I should wake him but I don't want him to be in distress so I shake him a little "Matty your alright, I don't know if you can hear but everything is okay" . At that his eyes open a little and he squints as his eyes get used to the room around him and he pulls himself into me guarding his face from the light seeping through the window. "Are you okay?"

"It's...it's to bright, the curtains can you close them" , I get up slowly to close the curtains and Matty sits up pulling his knees to his chest and the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes

"Matty , stop your going to hurt your eyes mate, you've got to be softer". I'm next to him again in an instant pulling his hands away and holding his face so he's looking at me "Is that better?"

He's looking at me with those eyes of his, so apologetic for no reason, he looks so young "I'm sorry , my eyes just always really hurt after a headache...like there just really sensitive"

I'm still holding his face, he's till looking right into my eyes "it's okay Matt , why you apologising, were you having a nightmare"

"I don't think so, I think I was just panicking in my sleep if that's even possible"

"I think that can happen you know", You know I don't actually know if it is possible but feels like it could be and it definitely seemed like that's what was happening. "Oh uh I haven't mentioned , your mums coming to pick you up after work"

"Okay , fuck she's probably gonna take me out for a drive somewhere so I'll talk to her , I don't wanna go out I just wanna be at home" , he lets his legs go straight again and rest his head against the headboard

"Why don't you want to go out ?". I'm sat next to him with my legs crossed playing with a singular thread coming off the pocket of his trousers, "doesn't it help to talk to your mum ?, she used to take you out on drives when you were younger didn't she to help you talk more ?"

"She did yeh , she used to take me out a lot when I had things going on , or when I was anxious as a kid like when I was anxious to tell her things, it did help, I think I'm just scared to tell her what I did, she'll be so upset"

"She'd be upset but she'd understand and she would never be mad at you , you know , I know your mum she loves you , just wants what's best for ya". I really hope he gets the help he needs seeing him so fragile and scared is weird he's always been so confident in himself , we'll not always he was always a little shy as a kid but since high school he really grew into himself and became such a light in everyone's world and watching that light dim has just been so upsetting lately. "Do you think they might be panic attacks or Anxiety attacks or something"

"Maybe , it's just everything sets it off that's what bothers me is that I don't know what's going to set me off everyday because there's always something"

"We'll we can work it on them, see what helps you calm down , and please talk to your mum , you never know how much it might help ya" . I pull a cigarette from my pocket and steal Matty's lighter from his blazer pocket "want one ?"

"Sure", I offer him one of mine as I light mine, we sit in silence for a bit as I ponder what to do next because I really just want to make sure he's settled before his Mum arrives which might make him open up more.

"What do you wanna do , watch tv , fifa or just sit for a bit", picking up my remote I look through what's on Netflix "if you want the TV you can pick"

"I don't mind , we can just watch whatever" , we finish our cigarettes and he immediately pulls out a joint "this might calm me down"

"Thats alright I'll just put some music on"

And that we do and we smoke until his mum turns up. Just around the back of 1

We’ll I only bought three what you looking at me for 😂😂😂

casino matty bluetooth vibe i'm having visions

anything for you mads xx

your arms are braced tightly against the sink. you're leaning down, breathing raggedly and mouth tightening to avoid making a sound. your muscles spasm and tighten as you come for nearly the hundredth time. you lost count ages ago. it's practically all just a blur of pleasure now, orgasms occurring in rapid succession.

you turn around to look towards the group and find matty's gaze already on yours, taunting and glinting with delicious cruelty. he return to dealing the cards and conversing with the players, but you see the grin on his face and his tongue sticking out against his bottom lip cheekily.

you focus hard to tune into the conversation at hand, and nearly collapse with relief when you hear the group mentioning that this would be their last game.

you're practically a zombie, moving on auto-pilot as pleasure consumes you completely. you feel the vibrator suddenly increase in speed, and you have to clasp a hand to your mouth to prevent moaning.

your eyes are clenched impossibly tight. you fight to open them and see matty grinning at your suffering with his hand in his pocket, the group chatting and slowly packing up their things.

you turn around and walk back towards the sink, unable to muster the strength to speak with them. the vibrator continues at the faster pace as you pretend to clean dishes to the noises of the group leaving and saying their goodbyes.

you hear matty's boots step along the floor as he approaches you, and you're so overstimulated that when he reaches out to embrace you, tears begin to stream down your face. you breathe in his familiar scent, and collapse into his chest as he holds you up.

you shake in his arms as he coos, his ring-clad hand stroking your hair. you sniffle against his shirt, and your arms reach out to claw against him, desperate to brace yourself against something.

he reaches down to tip your chin up to him, looking down at you with reverence. you think he might tell you did well, give you a kiss before removing the vibrator, and walking you back to your room.

instead, he grins, deadly and bright. "one more time for me, princess," he tells you.

you nearly burst into tears once more. you shake your head vehemently, stammering "no, no, matty, please, i can't-"

"shhh, love. what did i say about the backtalk?" your mind flashes back lying over his lap, gazing at the bruises of his initialed ring against your skin, his soft voice matched with his deliciously hard strikes.

he gazes into your eyes for a moment, waiting for you to utter the word you know will make him stop immediately. but you don't. you'd never stop this in a million years, and he knows that just as well.

"yes, sir" you nod, defeated and near tears once more.

"good girl," matty says, pressing a kiss to your hair. he reaches into his pocket and turns the vibrator up one final time. if you had the ability to think, you'd be surprised it could increase anymore. but your mind is long gone, overwhelmed with pleasure and stimulation. your blood is burning, the feeling of the vibrations driving you nearly mad.

matty's arms hold tight around you as you tremble, your chest rising up and down rapidly. you claw at his back uselessly, and your legs nearly give out below you. you can feel his gaze upon you, watching your blissed out expression with rapt, predatory attention.

that coil deep within you begins to tighten once more, and as he mutters, "that's it, good girl," your orgasm overtakes you. your body is limp, and you lie like a doll in his arms. you feel his hands trace against your skin as he murmurs praise in your ear.

a dopey smile overtakes your face as you lie still, overwhelmed with the pleasure and the feeling of him. you lean into him, and use the ounce of strength you have remaining to press a kiss to where his shirt exposes his chest.

one of his hands caresses softly from your waist to your core. you let out a whimper as he brushes over your overstimulated clit and carefully removes the vibrator. he pauses, and then his hand slowly moves lower, and you gasp as it gets closer to your bottom. it hesitates before just so slightly entering you, only the tip brushing within. your eyes practically roll into the back of your head.

you feel his mouth crest against your ear. his breath is hot as he speaks. "next time i might just have this pretty little hole plugged up as well."

Right I am actually not having a fuckin giggle rn I swear I walked past John Waugh like an hour ago and I didn’t fully realise it was him till I was past him and felt to awkward going back wtaf is my life

Having Fun Trying

“shower sex!!” - anon

“Subby Matty? Or perhaps cum play 👀 or BOTH 😩” - anon

“Teasing and edging Matty!!! Please I’m begging for subby or whiny Matty 😭” - anon

Okay so I read like a whole bunch of Dad!Matty fics the other day and then I was on the bus earlier and there was a very cute toddler interacting with me, plus my friend and her bf keep talking about having kids and I just have visions of the Reader walking in on Matty doing like a glitter or slime thing with their kid or something and getting super messy, she puts the kid to bed and then the prompts kick in. 

This is dedicated to the Sub!Matty, Dad!Matty, breeding kink, cumplay and shower sex girlies. I will feed us all.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: I guess super light BDSM if it’s Sub/Dom sort of stuff, cumplay (I wanna do a more intense one of this suggestion tbh, it’s kinda light in this), deffo subby!Matty, shower sex, breeding kink

Word count: 4.3k (This wasn't supposed to be a whole fic)

The shopping trip had been long and incredibly tedious. Dragging your mother around a big Tescos was one of the most draining experiences you could put yourself through. She insisted on seeing every new product and then would never get any of them anyway. Your shopping list was fairly basic, you only needed a couple of household essentials and then you could go home to your husband, who had insisted you take your mother alone whilst he watched your angel of a child for the evening. Very sacrificial of him. Your knight in shining armour. How lucky you are.

The worst part of the trip though, had to be the car journey home, in which your mum proceeded to remind you that she was ageing, only had one grandchild and would love to meet another before she dies. The conversation had gone a little something like;

“How’s my grandbaby? Why isn’t she here?”

“Matty just got back from tour, he wanted time with her,”

“What a good Dad he is…”

“Yeah he’s a great Dad, that’s why I had a baby with him.”

“Thought about making him a Dad again?”

“Mother!” 

“What?! I know what was done for little Nora to be here. I wanna meet my grandchildren y’know? I don’t have much time left,”

“That’s a horrible thing to say, and don’t try to guilt trip me into providing you with a second grandchild.”

“It worked once, and she is so very cute,”

“Yeah, well, not again.” But now the cogs in your brain are whirring, and at the very least, it would be fun to try for another.

Once you were home and through the door you could feel your shoulders drop, letting the tension and stress of the outing go. Leaving the shopping on the counter you shouted around the seemingly empty house. 

“Where are my babies?” No reply. This was very odd.

“Helllooooo, where is my family?” Still no reply. 

You start walking through the silent house. Once upstairs, you have a look out the bedroom windows when you hear giggles coming from the back garden, just out of your line of sight. 

“Right you. Don’t tell mummy when she’s home or we’re gonna be in MASSIVE trouble,” well this was definitely interesting. The giggles were growing louder. 

“Daddy, I won’t be in trouble,” your daughter is too smart for her own good, even at 5. 

“What? Do you want ME to be in trouble!?” He fakes a shocked gasp at the end of the sentence. “But Nora, I thought you loved me?” You can see the pair of them through the window now. Matty’s on his knees on the patio, absolutely covered in something bright and slimy, and he’s faking being stabbed in the heart, clutching his chest. They both have, what were once white, lab coats on. Whatever Matty was going to try and hide from you is very, very, messy as the coats are now a variety of colours and there's some glitter just to add to the mix. 

Nora is stood close to her dad. She puts her hands on either of his cheeks, “I do love you Daddy,” her face is very serious, like she is telling him a devastating fact. “That is why we have to tell Mummy. Because I love her too and she always says, we don’t keep secrets.”

“Nora my clever girl, you’ve got me there. I love mummy too.” He picks up their daughter and spins her round before placing her on his shoulders. “I think she’ll be back soon so let’s get it all clean. You’re gonna help me, yeah? We can finish playing scientists tomorrow?”

“Can we play mermaids tomorrow?” She yawns into the night air.

“We can play whatever you want baby.” 

Watching Matty interact with your daughter brings back what your mother was saying earlier. Maybe she had a point? You do miss the little clothes and seeing your husband with a baby you’d made together was always a bonus. Another little mini mix of you both. The idea definitely has its merits. 

He brings your daughter in, fast asleep, after about 20 minutes. She’s snoring against his neck as he carries her, legs wrapped around his chest and hand holding her neck in support. 

“Got anything to share?” He jumps in shock not having noticed you sat at the dining table. You sip at a glass of wine, enjoying the flavour and the slight buzz you’ve got. 

“Umm, no?” He’s looking at you, face slightly flushed and pink, caught in a lie he’s not really trying to hide. 

“So if I go in the shed, there isn’t going to be slime and glitter everywhere?” There’s glitter in his hair, it’s shimmering as he breathes. 

“Not… everywhere?” You cock your eyebrow. “We were playing scientists. I’m encouraging her brain.” You move from the table to where he’s standing with your little girl, rubbing the top of her back as you give him a gentle kiss. 

“You can clean it up tomorrow. Not tonight.” He tilts his head at you confused why you'd let him get away with the mess. “You need a shower Darling.” You wink at the end of the sentence and look him up and down before draining the rest of your glass. 

“Pour me one of those, meet me upstairs. I’ll be 5 mins max,” and he turns to carry your daughter up to bed faster than you’ve seen him move in a while. 

You made a beeline for the bathroom with the wine and two glasses. The shower in your ensuite was one of your favourite things about the whole house. You could change the colour of the lights, change the water pressure and what direction it was coming from, and play music over the speakers built into the walls. Tonight though, you just wanted the water and the steam and Matty. 

You were just finishing turning it on when you heard the door close. 

“I thought for sure you’d already be naked and wet in there for me by now?” His mouth is by your ear, breathing on your neck as his hands come around your torso from behind, pulling you closer into his front. You can feel how hard he is already. 

“Wanted to wait for you…finish the wine first,” you gasp as his mouth lands on your neck. “Need to talk to you,”. 

He doesn’t stop kissing you. His fingers are unbuttoning the bottom of your shirt now. Every so often one hand strikes the expanse of your stomach, like it’s looking for something that’s not there. 

“Yeah about what darlin’?” His hands finish with your shirt and move to the button of the trousers, the zipper, and then tease along the waistband of your underwear making you inhale sharply. You turn around and link your hands behind his head, pushing your crotch forward against his clothed erection. 

“What would you think about having another baby?” His eyes, already dark with lust for you, go practically black now. 

“I think you know exactly how I’d feel about that.” He kisses you, it’s not rough or intense, but it’s passionate and loving and familiar. “A little mini you running around, we’ve already got one of me. I’d love that.”

“I wasn’t sure, what with work, if it was a good time?” 

“Is there ever a good time?” He leans his head against your forehead, and at first you think it’s because he’s seriously thinking about having another baby, and then you realise it’s because he’s got the most perfect view of down the front of your shirt from that angle. 

“You’re such a fucking boy,” you move your head away from him.

“S’not my fault my wife is hot.”

“Another baby then?” You look at him, a big smile on your face. 

“Oh I’m looking forward to this,”

“You gonna put a baby in me Healy? Think you can do it?” 

“I’ve already done it once. Don’t test me,”  

“Strip. Be a good boy.”

He pulls his shirt over his head, not even bothering to undo the buttons, he’s gotten stronger as he’s gotten older. His arms bulking out and muscles defined, covered in more tattoos now than when you first met. There’s one each for you and your daughter somewhere on his canvas of a body. 

You’re distracted when he finally takes off his joggers and underwear. He’s rock hard, ready for you. He strokes his cock slowly and even though you are already wet, you know now that you’re soaked. 

“Matty, did I say you could do that?” You reach out for one of the glasses of wine and take a sip. 

“Fuck darlin’ I need it,” his hand hasn't stopped.

“No you don’t. Not yet. I know how much you can take.” He stops.

You hardly ever take control like this. Normally, if there is a power imbalance, he’s the one telling you what to do so you can let go and just not think, letting him take care of you. He always does. Orgasm after orgasm until you’re sore and bruised and your legs can’t hold you. Only once have you had to use your safeword, he’d made you come so many times that your vision went starry and you passed out. His mouth was unrelenting in its goal and he was so focused on making you come, over and over and over again he hadn’t realised that you were in danger. So you’d squeezed his arm and muttered “red” only just loud enough and next thing you knew you were waking up. You’d only passed out for a few seconds, but since that night he’d been so much more gentle, you wanted to show him that he doesn’t have to be. That you want it to be intense and needy and you want to whine for him. So you’ll make him do it first. “Here baby, drink some, and get in the shower for me,” you hand him the glass of wine. He downs it like he’s never had a liquid touch his lips before. “Eager?” He nods at you. “In the shower then.” 

He kisses the top of your head as he walks past to get into the shower. You take off your clothes and join him in the shower. 

“Hi gorgeous,” His hands are on your waist as he pulls you in for a kiss. He can have this indulgence, mainly because you want it too. His lips are soft and the water is falling down his face and into both of your mouths every time they open back up. You’re making out like teenagers and it’s messy and heavy and your breath is getting heavier. It’s only when he moves his hand to grab your bum that you snap out of it. 

“Nuh uh. I never said you could do that.” His eyes are full of lust and longing, more desperate than before. His cock is red and swollen. 

“Sorry, can’t blame me though. You are irresistible.” 

“Trust me, you’re only making it harder for yourself Matty. On your knees.” The shower has a seat built in that you can sit on at the edge, so you perch yourself and spread your legs, letting him see how wet you are. The tile is cold on your thighs, and you let out a little gasp. You run your hands down your body as he gets to his knees. He goes to grab your thighs, spread you wider for him, before he can lower his mouth to your pussy, but you stop him. 

“Ah ah Matthew, no touching. You get to watch.” His jaw involuntarily opens, like he’s about to protest but thinks better of it. “So well behaved for me.” You lean forward to grab his chin and pull him in for a bruising kiss. He moans into your mouth and you smirk. 

The tile is cold on your back as your fingers wander down your body, teasingly pinching your nipples and moaning for him. He’s gripping his thighs tight enough to leave bruises, his stomach practically caving in as he leans closer to you, within the rules, but as close as he can get. He’s desperate to taste you, not too far away from begging you. 

Your fingers move to your pussy, teasing yourself, circling your clit slowly. You’re so wet, and you can already feel your release building in your lower stomach. Matty’s arm is moving over himself, he’s about to touch himself. 

“Don’t you fucking dare,” you warn him, followed by a moan. 

“Fuck,” his hips are starting to move, looking for some sort of friction for his aching cock. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” you’re watching his reactions to what you’re doing. His cock is stood so painfully hard, the tiniest bit of precum starting to come out the top. Good, he’s close. to where you want him.

“I’m thinking about how much I want to taste you. How hot you are doing this. How mean you are for making me wait,” 

“Oh, I’m mean now am I? I’m letting you watch, letting you hear me.” Your finger brushes your clit just right, throwing your head back and moaning, a little exaggerated but definitely real. 

You make him wait, just another few minutes, his breathing is getting heavier and eventually he groans in pain. Your orgasm is so close and he can tell. 

“Let me taste you? I want to feel you come around my face,” his words send shocks down to your stomach and you get even wetter. Slipping two fingers inside yourself. He groans watching them disappear. 

“Imagine it’s your fingers baby. I am. How good you feel when you’re in me…” You pull your fingers out, they’re not enough anyway. You need him. You sit up and hold your fingers close to his face, spreading them out, so he can see just how wet you are. 

“Open your mouth and stick your tongue out,” 

He obeys. You let out a chuckle of satisfaction at how eager he is.

Laying your middle finger on his tongue, he wraps his lips wrap around it. He’s sucking and licking and swallowing around you. You remove it with a pop.

“Want me to come on your face?” He nods. “Use your words Matty.” 

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, please,” 

“There's my good boy.”

He’s looking up at you through his eyelashes, big puppy dog eyes. Eyes you are struggling to not just give everything to immediately. God you are in love with this man. 

You lean in to kiss him again, tasting yourself on his tongue as you do. Musky and sweet and cig’s and coffee and him. Your hands are in his hair, pulling on the dark curls you’d begged him to grow out trying to drag him closer to your body. When you pull away from this kiss he whimpers. 

“Please, I need you. Wanna fill you up. Wanna make a baby in there,” he puts one of his hands on your stomach to emphasise his point. 

“Make me cum Matty and I’ll see how I feel,” his lips are feverish and brutal with lack of control as his hand makes its way from your stomach to your pussy. Gently stroking you, teasing you, before moving it to your thigh making you ache for him more than you thought possible. 

“Matty…” it’s a warning. "Behave."

“Gonna be so good for you. I promise,” he breathes out before pushing your legs apart and diving into your wetness. 

The first lick sets your body on fire. You thought you were already turned on, as wet as you could possibly ever be. You were wrong. His tongue pulls mewls from you, but he wants screams. Flicking it over your clit, he’s steady and rhythmic and trying to build you up brick by brick so you can fall from height into bliss, calling his name. 

And when you do, you grip his head with your thighs and feel him gasping for air, moaning against your wet thigh as he plants small kisses on the soft and sticky flesh. 

“Did I say stop?” You're still panting and you’re sensitive, but you need to show him it’s okay, you want him to push you to your limits again. To make you see stars again.

“You sure?” His chin is glistening with your wetness and all you can think about it how much better he would look right now if you couldn’t see the bottom half of his face at all.

“Don’t question me. Just do it.” You grab his hair and push him back to your clit. 

It hurts in a good way when his tongue starts lapping at you. You hold the eye contact with him as he brings his fingers up to your soaked entrance, pushing two in so fucking slowly. You groan at the feeling. Holding his head, you move your hips. Fucking yourself on him. He reaches up to your chest with his spare hand and pinches one of your nipples, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger before pulling at it gently. You have to stop yourself from whimpering and letting some of your power go because it feels that good. 

It’s so much better when it’s his hands compared to your own. You’re already closer than you were when you started earlier. You know it’s not going to take you long and you're almost grateful because the sooner you do, the sooner he’ll be inside you, fucking you, and filling you up with his cum. 

“So close, you’re doing so well for me baby. Right there, keep doing that. Fuck. So good for me. Shit Matty. Oh my god,” he continues exactly the way you want, renewed energy from the praise. Expletives and calls to deity's you don't even believe in escaping your lips.

It doesn’t take long before your legs squeeze around him again, your breath holds and you come undone for the second time. His hand slowly removes from you so he can grab your hips and dig his fingers into you. Matty’s lapping your cum up from your entrance. His tongue dips inside as his nose brushes your clit. It’s achy and the shooting pleasure that you had, when you made him keep going last time, is slightly too much like pain for it to feel good right then. 

“Stop,” he takes one last lick and kisses your inner thigh. “You did so good for me baby. Well done." You hold him to your chest for a minute, letting both of your breathing normalise a bit. "Do you wanna stand up now?” He’s slightly shaky as he gets up and his kneecaps are red and lined from the shape of the tiles. That’s gonna hurt tomorrow. He’s standing under the water, head tipped back, cock hard between his legs and pressing against his stomach, precum now dripping down the side. You touch along his length, collecting the salty liquid on the tips of your fingers. His eyes snap to yours as he lets out a satisfied groan when you move your hand to your entrance and rub his cum in with what’s left of your own. 

“Think I’m gonna need a bit more than that to make a baby, don’t you?” His cock is twitching against him and his hands are balled into fists by his sides. “That wasn’t rhetorical Matty. Answer me.”

“Yeah you will,” he whimpers.

“Do you think you can do that for me Matty? Give me all your cum? Help me make a baby?” With each new question you move closer to him. Standing up, hands clasped behind his head, mouth on his torso sucking and nibbling a purple bruise at the top of his abs. 

“Please let me do that. Please let me god I wanna fill you so bad, it hurts baby. I need you.” 

“I love it when you beg,” Your hand is on his cock, giving it torturously slow strokes, you rub your thumb over the tip and his knees nearly give way. His head rests on your shoulder, face buried in your wet hair at your neck.

“Please. I need to be inside you.” it’s muffled but you can hear the whining in his voice. 

“Sit down.” You kiss the top of his head and stand in between his legs. “You’re not allowed to come until I let you. Say it back.” He looks up into your eyes, clearly excited but nervous and a little bit in pain. 

“I’m not allowed to come until you let me,” it’s whispered. You move so that your knees are on either side of him hovering over his cock. You haven’t told him but you need him too. 

“You can touch me now, wherever you want,” he moves his hands to your hips, they’re rough but gentle with how they guide you onto his cock. “I wanna hear you, use your words yeah?”

“Shit, yeah of course. I love it when you’re like this, it’s so sexy. You’re so fucking sexy,” he groans against your chest as you sink down onto him halfway. You need more but you want to tease him too badly. “Oh my god please. I need more. You can’t just stop there.” You pull off him and his face contorts into a mask of incredulity. He cannot believe you did that. Grabbing his face with one hand, and pulling his hair with the other you force his head back. He’s shocked at how physical you’re being with him, but the jump in his dick tells you he likes it, more than likes it. 

“I can do what I like. Tell me who’s in charge here baby.” 

“You. I’m sorry. You are.” He swallows around nothing.

“Don’t be sorry. I’ll just make you wait longer to come.” The wine and orgasms and the steam are clouding your head a little now, it’s giving you more confidence than earlier. Matty seems to like it at the very least. 

You lower yourself fully, all at once taking him in, letting him bottom out and giving yourself a second to adjust before you rise up again, almost all the way off but not quite. You set a slow pace, something you know will get him wound up, wanting to fuck into you. He has to resist it. His mouth is on your chest, sucking bruises on your breasts. You’ve lost count of the amount of times he’s bitten you when you’ve rolled your hips and fluttered around his cock. 

You’ve lost track of how long it’s been now, the water is starting to feel cooler. You’ve made yourself cum twice more just from riding him, brushing your clit on him just right every time you lowered. 

He’s sweating. It’s not the steam from the shower that’s running down the side of his face. You point your tongue and lick the sweat up, it’s salty on your tongue and he groans at the feeling. 

“I’m gonna explode. Please, I need you to go faster. Please. Icantdoitanymore,” his words come out too fast at the end as his chest heaves, like he’s about to cry in frustration. 

You can feel the dominance starting to slip. You don’t want it to but you don't actually want him to cry, and honestly you need him so badly you don’t actually care anymore.

“It’s okay. You’ve done so well. So good for me. My perfect man. I need you too, need to feel you come inside me. Please Matty,” Each praise followed with a kiss somewhere on his face or neck, until you get to his mouth and beg for him against his lips. Wrapping your arms around his neck and letting your head fall to his shoulder. You’re exhausted and achy and fucked out, but you need him to come.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou. I’m.. umm, I’m gonna go fast and hard, am I allowed to? I need it. Need you to move for me though darlin’.” He’s not quite out of the submissive frame of mind, but he’s realising you’re both struggling. 

“Yes, you’re allowed. Please Matty.” 

He moves your knees to wrap around him as he fucks up into you. His hands on your arse, nails digging in. He’s rutting into you hard and fast, using you the way you need him to. 

“God…I love you so much. Need to fill you up so badly. Need to put a baby in you, been dreaming about getting you all pregnant again,” that particular confession surprises you but you store it in the back of your mind to bring up in another, less hazy, time.

“Yesss Matty. Need to feel you. Want to feel you dripping out of me,”

“Not gonna let it. Needs to stay inside of you where it belongs. Gonna get you all big and round and everyone’s gonna know you’re mine. Filled with my baby,” His hips are beginning to falter. When you suddenly come again and you feel that familiar dizziness that makes you feel like you’re not real for a moment, just a being floating in an infinite cosmos of things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme.

The orgasm makes your pussy flutter around his cock, and you know that it’s about to be the end. You lean away from him, hands on his shoulders so you can see his face as he comes inside of you. The floaty feeling makes him seem ethereal. The moan he lets out is perfect and it belongs to you now, in your little high infinity. He tries to ride it out and continue moving inside you, but his thighs are achy and you can see the tiredness in his face. He stills and stays there, pushing you further down onto him so you’re as full as you can be. You can feel his cum being pushed further into you as you are lowered all the way. It feels exactly right.

You look down to see the mess between you and reach with your finger tips. Yours and his cum. Together. Your fingers play with it feeling its consistency, before licking it off. He reaches for your hand and sucks the other fingers clean.

"We taste good."

His hands are on your face. Finger tips tracing around the landmarks your features create. Over your eyebrows, lashes, the bridge of your nose, cupids bow, the tip of your chin.

“You’re so beautiful,” he finally says, eyes spaced out and his cheeks bright red. He looks down at your belly as though he can see through and into you. “I hope the next one has your eyes.” 

The water had run cold before you could even properly shower. So you both sat on a towel on the bathroom floor, you in between his legs, waiting for it to heat back up for a bit. You’d turned some quiet music on and opened a second bottle of wine to drink naked and in each other's arms. He pressed kisses into the side of your neck as he rubbed your belly. 

“Do you think we did it?”

“I don’t know baby, but I know we’ll have fun trying.” 

Sorry but why is baby Matty Healy , Eric from Mr Magoriums WonderEmporiam (can’t spell it)