I Swear I Said The Weirdest Thing Today I Need To Know If Anyone Agrees

What is this another installation already had a bit of inspo

Word count 3737(so beautiful)

Mentions of : weed, this chapter also contains smut it’s very awkward but sweet, slightly Subby matty and slightly domgeorge but only if you squint , aftercare AND JUST OUTRIGHT CUTENESS

Warnings : Smut and Weed

George's POV

"George you're as good as me darlin"

As Matty got up to lock his door he pulled the hoodie off placing it on the dresser beside the door and was starting to unbutton his shirt on the way back. "Is this okay?" , I couldn't take my eyes off of him and I nod frantically. He reached the end of the bed and tossed his shirt off in a different direction "can you take yours off for me darlin ?, or would you like me to do it"

"Come ere and do it for me babe", Matty climbed up onto the bed straddling my lap pushing his hands under the hem of my top as my hands connect with his chest and his breath hitches. "Your so fuckin handsome Matty , I swear". My shirt slipping off over my head and Mattys mouth connected back onto my neck , I slid my hands  from his chest down his sides to his hips and under his jeans taking hold of his butt "Bab...Baby, Can I ...Can I take ..your jeans off?", I couldn't help the stutter as I was talking , his teeth took hold of my pulse point and he was just nibbling along my neck. I could feel him nod against my neck as his hair tickled my face but I took a hold of his chin raising his face to look at me "I need you to say the words handsome".

"Ye..Yes you can darlin", He sat up for me and guided my hands to the front of his jeans as I unbuttoned them, I could feel his hard on through the fabric as I poped the button open. "George, I've never done this with a Guy, how ..how do we uh..or I mean what...Sorry I don't know what I'm asking"

"I haven't either , we can learn together babe" , I slowly pulled the waistband off his boxers back and then let it spring back softly. "Can I touch you?" , I felt him shudder under my touch and his eyes gloss over.

"Please" , Mattys hips pushed forward just enough so my hands brushed over his erection and I heard him groan and it sent a jolt of arousal through me. I again went to pull the front of his boxers down and slowly pulled everything all the way down as he helped get himself out of his jeans. My eyes scanned his body , and I couldn't help but stare at his dick , it was hard and the tip was red.

"Wow , how long have you uh ..."

"Not long don't worry , but it's all for you George", he leaned down and kissed me his tongue pushing through and I groaned into it but I stopped for a second

"Baby that looks painful"

"No George please I just need you to touch me please, these meds I'm on I know I won't last long, I just , just need your hands on me , please George" Matty guides my hand right to his dick and I wrap my hand around it and I begin to pump him slowly "That's it... yes ...shit that's it", That comment gives me the confidence to continue pumping him with one hand and the other comes to the back of his head pulling him down into a deep , breathless kiss. As I'm pumping him Matty starts grinding into me rolling his hips right against me causing me to groan into the kiss, he just continues to kiss me slowly from my mouth back down to my neck his hands grasping onto my shoulders. "George....can you ...can you go faster baby".

I whisper "as you wish handsome" and I pump him faster as he also grinds faster. My eyes roll into the back of my head as I feel him against me "Oh baby, you feel so good doing that, please don't stop"

His grip gets tighter on my shoulders as his dick twitches and he latches onto my neck with his teeth. "Arghh ...I ca...George keep going please..I'm close" ,

"Matty, lay down for me" , he stops momentarily to look at me. "I wanna taste you baby", he grinds down on me one last time and we both moan into a kiss as he lays down pulling me with him. "Your gunna be the death of me Matty seriously" . I start leaving wet kisses all the way down his body being sure to swipe my tongue over his nipples. And taking extra care to kiss along his happy trail. "I'm going to suck you off now okay" , I look up him through my eyelashes and I could see his back arch as his head is pushing into the pillows

"Yes , Oh my god , yes", his hands find there way to my hair and pull on my roots roughly and it feels amazing. I wrap my lips around his dick feeling the stretch of my lips as I go all the way down slowly. Feeling the head of his dick hit the back of my throat makes me moan around him and Matty's hands pull on my hair harder. "Shit ...George please". I swirl my tongue around his tip as I pull back up and I pull off with a pop. I rest my head on his thigh for a second. The whine that escaped his mouth was angelic

"Please what love"

"Please don't stop...I was so close just then George...I swear you're teasing me" , the look on his face was devine, his eyes were hooded and there was barley any brown left in them, there was a sheen of sweat across his hairline and his lips were red and swollen.

"Anything for you baby", I got right back to sucking him off, my own erection was pulsing in my jogger and I had to touch myself. The hand that ain't holding Matty's hips slide down my body and into my own jeans and I begin pumping myself at the same pace I'm sucking Matty at. The moment my hands connect with myself I moan around Matty's dick again and I felt it twitch in my mouth

"Baby...arghh...I'm...I thi...I'm gunna cum , please....can I" , his breath is coming out ragged and he's moaning my name. I nod around him as my hand begins to get faster around myself and I know I'm not going to last long, I keep moaning around him and I feel his hot thick ropes explode in my mouth as his hole body tenses under me and he groans my name. I pull of him quite fast and I sit up on my knees as I pump myself faster

"Matty, I need you, please", Matty’s hand ever so softly takes hold of me and we jerk me off together I double over as I feel my orgasm coming "oh my god .... Yes... that's it ...I'm cumming" , I explode over both of our hands and immediately fall to his side as we both try to catch our breath , both of our chests heaving rapidly "Wow ...that was definitely something ....Jesus Matty".

"You can say that again ...Jesus Christ", Matty rolls over to face me and begins to trailing his hands down my chest "we need to clean up then get some dinner cuz I'm starving", we both giggle at that and I get up

"I'll be right back sweetheart", I come back with some tissue and a glass of water and place the glass beside him then carefully wipe off any residue of my cum off his chest. "Want me to help you get dressed sweetheart" , I ask as I pick up my t-shirt and pull it back on.

"Sure", Matty sits up against the headboard as I make my way over to pick up the hoodie from the chair where he left it and his jeans from the floor. "Boxers are in the top drawer ", I also get some boxers for him and make my way back over

"Arms up", He raises his arms up over his head as I pull the hoodie over him, his face pops through the top and I kiss his nose and ruffle his hair. It makes us both chuckle again. "Stand up for me and put your hands on my shoulder" , he does so and steps into his boxers as I hold them out for him and he does the same with his jeans. I pull him into a soft lingering kiss I can't help but smile into it. "Let's go get some food yeh!"

"Yeh , OH I got you noodles" , he looks so excited as he tells me this and it makes me smile and take his hand as we leave his room

"Did you really?"

"Yeh, your always eating them on call, guessed you liked them , so I got loads", he's so fuckin cute sometimes and it really impressed me that he remembers the little things.

When we get down to the kitchen his mum is sitting on the bar stool at the breakfast bar and she smiles as we come in hand-in-hand "Hi boys, how are you doing", we watched her take a sip of he coffee and smile over the rim. "Next time Matty try make sure no-one is in next time you need to be doing that stuff , your dad took Lou out on a walk", the blush that creeped up Matty's face was a sight to see.

"Sorry Mum", We awkwardly shuffle over to the cupboard letting go of each other hands and Matty starts getting the noodles ready to heat up. I tentatively take a seat next to his mum.

"So, this is George am I correct", his mum extends her hand to me and I take it giving it a simple shake as she tells me that her name is Denise and she's very happy to meet the boy that has helped Matty out a lot recently. She asks us if we had any plans for the rest of the night since it’s about 8 o’clock and we’d been upstairs since we got in and as Matty is handing me the noodles he mentions that he wants to go up to the skatepark for a while after we’ve eaten. I spot Denise give Matty a look , I sense some tension but I don’t say anything. Although Matty does reassure her that everything will be fine as he shovels noodles in his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in days “please dont worry Denise , I’ll look after him”

“Thank you love” , Denise smiles at us both and leaves, I smile up at Matty he’s really enjoying those noodles.

“So what happened at the skate park I could sense some tension”, Matty shrugs and looks around.

“Nothing happened , it’s just cuz it’s late and she doesn’t want me going out late because you know , dealers and stuff”, The noodles that he picked out where exactly the type that I buy all the time I don’t know how he could have known these were the ones I liked, I nod along with what he said because I get where his mum is coming from, and we sit in a peaceful silence for a while. Until Matty gets up and bins the pot that the noodles where in and climbs up onto the cabinet like literally climbs. It makes me lose myself in laughter.

“What are you doing dingus?” , he freezes as he grabs something from the cupboard on the top shelf and looks at me sheepishly.

“Just getting some stuff to roll a joint with for the park, I keep it up here so Lou can’t get it”, I’m still lost in laughs but I nod along and agree with him, I finish my noodles and stand with him as we roll a joint together, as I’m watching him do it I notice that he rolls his the opposite way to mine and I ask him if he’s left handed which he says yes to and smiles as he sticks the joint behind his ear and wrap his arms around my waist while I finish rolling mine

“You ready ?”

“Just let me grab our shoes, I’ll run and get yours, do you have a specific pair you want” , he informs me that he doesn’t mind so long as it’s a pair of vans , so I jog upstairs grabbing my red converse and a pair of black and white checkered vans from Matty’s shoewrack and I notice the rabbit hat on his dresser and pick that up too, Matty is stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me and I pull the hat over his head and cover his eyes and hand him his shoes

“Hey I can’t see at the best of times, this is very mean”, he adjust the hat on his head as we both sit on the bottom step pulling our shoes on, another difference I notice is where I tie my laces , Matty doesn’t he just simply tucks the laces into his shoes and jumps back up dusting his jeans off “ready?”

“Yeh”

———————————xx————————

Matty’s POV

I didn’t bring my boards with us but once we reached the skatepark it was empty so I bet George that I could beat him to the top of the halfpipe, we let each others hand go and we bolt over ti the graffiti covered concrete of the halfpipe , George quickly pulls himself up, leaving me to struggle (I’m not very strong), After a couple of seconds he offers me a hand and he pulls me up. Our legs are dangling off the edge as he pulls me into him. I’m leaning on his shoulder for a second until I decide to flop down laying on my side and put my head in his lap.

“I think I won that one sweet one”, I just mumble a quick “mhm” and I feel myself fully relax into him. “What we doing here then my love?”, I pull the joint from behind my ear and search around in my pocket for my lighter , finally sparking up when I find it watching the ember glow

“Just wanted to smoke under the stars in peace with you and I wanted to ask you something without prying eyes”, I quickly pass George my lighter watching his joint light up under the moon light. He nods as he inhales , I mirror him before exhaling the smoke and smile up at him.

As he exhaled his smoke I watch him smile back, “Ask away love”, he leans back slightly leaning on one arm while the other removes the joint from his lips as he watches me thinking through what I want to ask. I close my eyes and I take another drag before asking.

“Well you know how we’ve known each other for nearly a month now , and we clearly like each other yeh ?” , I watch George just nod at me before I continued. “And now that we’ve met , I feel this mad connection with you, like I guess I already felt it , like even from our first conversation I could feel it”, again I pause as we both take another drag watching each other just enjoy the piece although George mouth a yes at me as the smoke leaves his mouth. “I was wondering , If you uh maybe wanted to officially, I don’t know be mine, my uh boyfriend or whatever?”

A smile grows in George’s face as he looks down at me. “ You know what I’d love to be your boyfriend or whatever” his eyes sparkle in the moonlight.

“Shut up, you know what I meant , but if your serious”

“Dead serious, I want nothing more than to be able to call you mine”, he brushes the end of the joint on the concrete then flings it over the edge of the railing and leans down and pecks my lips, he then takes my quickly disintegrating joint from my fingers. “Can I shotgun you?”

“God, yeh”, I pull myself up as he shuffles closer to the back of the halfpipe so he can lean against the railing and I can straddle his lap, he holds my waist with one hand and my hands rest on his shoulder, He raises the joint to his lips inhaling deeply pretty much inhaling the rest of the joint, holding it in as he throws the remainder away and pulls me into his as our lips brush each other I open up as he exhales into me. In inhale the last of it but I exhale as my head falls onto his shoulder and I pull him into a hug.

“Your so pretty Matty honestly so pretty”, I feel him kiss my head, “Do you wanna watch the stars baby” , I nod into his shoulder and he helps my turn into his lap , I sit between his legs with his chest against my back his arms wrap around my mid section, his lips make a connection with my neck as his hands rest under my shirt. I can’t help it when my head Luls backward onto his shoulder again. “You want to put some music on handsome”

“Okay, my phones in my pocket can you get it for me”, one of his hands fall out of my shirt and pulls my phone from my pocket , I feel his chest vibrate as he giggles a little, I look up at him knowing fine well what he’s laughing at but decide to play innocent “what?”

“You really have me as you screensaver already ?”

“Do you not?”, I watch a blush crawl up his face which answers the question for me as he tries to hide his face in the crook of my neck. “I thought so”. I have no password on my phone as Lou is always one it. He slowly makes his way through my Spotify trying to find a song. I hear the soft notes of song that I didn’t really know start playing it sounds upbeat as the lyrics come through “what is this?”

“Just the twink anthem of the year”, I look with a slightly confused look on my face as a sign for him to elaborate a bit more “Rush by Troye Sivan , it’s literally about poppers, the video is full of twinks” , he chuckles before telling me the rest of his thought “I bet you’d look great in the video to be honest”

“No way am I a twink Mr Daniel” , this revelation makes him laugh again even more. The sound being so contagious that it makes me laugh too.

“Matty darlin , you’re cute but you’re the literal definition of twink my love”

“If you insist”, the song continues to play and I can’t help but slightly lose myself in it , “it’s actually pretty good” , as it dies out , George picks up my phone again and immediately begins to find another song. But this time the song that comes on next I know all to well

As it plays George turns it up to full blast and at the chorus we both begin to shout “YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH A PSYCHO” and jump up and pretend where actually singing to each other making a complete arse of ourselves. “I didn’t know you liked Kasabian George , you are full of surprises”

“I saw them when I was 11 with my dad in like 2018, it was actually insane”, The next few songs on the list are Kasabian songs and we both just dance around having the times of our lives until I run out of breath and have to stop for a second.

“It’s getting pretty cold , do you think we should head back now”

“If you’d like , we can go home , get in bed and relax , watch a movie , bit of Game or Thrones or even play something, how’s that sound ?”

“It sounds great” , so that’s what we do George jumps down and helps me off the top of the halfpipe with the state my ankles are in , any of my bones are really, if I landed wrong I would sure as hell snap them.

———————- xx————

The walk back to mine was peaceful, We walked hand-in-hand, Showing George a few of my favourite spots to shop, We walked past Ross’

Once we got in everyone must have gone to bed because the house was quiet, We kicked our shoes off at the door and ran like a heard of elephants up the stairs to my room. “So what do you wanna do?”

“Film ?, I’ll get changed , brush my teeth and stuff and you can decide” , George looks around in his suitcase for some clean boxers and clean T-shirt pulling out a bag with his toothbrush and tooth paste “I’ll be back in a second”

I watch him make his way into the bathroom before I remove my jeans from my legs, and pull off my socks, perch myself on the end of my bed and flick through a million films on Netflix before I come across “The Imitation Game” , that’s what I wanna watch right now. I set my laptop up on my bed. I know we could watch it on my TV but watching it on my laptop cuddled up together just feels better and more intimate. After about five minutes George comes back and crawls into bed trying to catch what I put on. “Nope it’s a secret you have to wait till I come back to see”

“If you say so” , I quickly run to the bathroom , brush my teeth and pee then come back and crawl into bed next to him and cuddle up into he’s chest. I press play and wait for the film to start. The minute the audio starts to play George’s says “This film is awesome I love it so much , this guy was such a pioneer for so many reasons , Good choice my love”

And this is what we do for the rest of the night, I can’t say either of us made it to the end of the film. I know George didn’t he was out like a light at least 45 minutes in snoring away peacefully and I wasn’t to far behind him, falling asleep to the feel of his chest rising and falling under me and the sound of the film in the background

Thanks for tagging me @ros3chu

This is my last saved celeb pic (idk if these count cuz there screenshots with Celebes in them )

Inspired by a game you played.

No cheating: Your last saved celebrity picture is your stalker.

THE smile that crawled across my face rn. MUAHAHHAAAA! I love a dark! ask >:D

Who is yours @queenoftheworldisdead?

Tagging a few. If anybody else wants a crack at it ya'll jump in if you want! Have Fun!! <3

@titty-teetee @iwantutobehapppier @americasass81 @sagechanoafterdark @littlefreya @goldieccentric @golden-ariess @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes @@navybrat817 @letsby-writes @darksideofthecocoamoon @ellethespaceunicorn @cardierreh15 @valthevalkyrie @cockslutpadalecki @caffiend-queen

I don’t know if anyone knows the lyrics to this song but the chorus and bridge are just everything , and it gave me such a good idea for a one shot or miniseries tha G has a really terrible girlfriend and confides in Matty all the time (young them btw again ), and one night Matty just let his feeling slip for G and they end up doing stuff and then Gs gf finds out and then the lyrics from the chorus is what he said

“t's not my fault

You know what's done is done

She wanted me, let it be

We were still so young

Wish I could say that "Sorry, I'm wrong"

But it's not my fault that you got cheated on”

blurb ideaa for george so gigi is out with a boy and she runs into george and he is in protective uncle mode hahah he’s like wait until i tell your dad

gigi is maybe fifteen when she starts showing a proper interest in dating. she's had little crushes and maybe a sweet little first kiss or two but honestly was too busy just doing her own thing to be that bothered. but she's been seeing this guy for a bit now and she thinks she really likes him. apart from all the questions swirling in her head, am i old enough, does he like me, what's it like being someone's girlfriend, the biggest one in her mind is, how is she going to tell her dad. she had a boy round when she was a bit younger, and he invited the whole band to dinner to stare the poor lad down. luckily he thought it was cool.

but now she is out with her crush, and her parents think she is with friends, but they're too busy with the little girls to really notice what she is doing today anyway which is fine by her. they've walked to get coffee, well frappucinos, and they are now wandering to the park. it's a warm day and gigi is on summer break and hasn't seen her crush since school broke up a week ago. she's giddy. she's even more giddy when he reaches out and takes her hand, swinging it as she walks. this is what her dad writes songs about. she's convinced!

then she sees him. he'd stand out anyway. bleached blond buzz cut. abnormally tall. dark sunglasses. it's george. he's walking towards them, still at a distance. charli isn't there, which gigi thinks with regret, would probably make the situation less bad.

"oh shit," gigi says. the boy looks at her.

"what? what is it?"

"that guy," she says, pointing to him. he's getting closer. she's panicking. "that's my uncle."

"aw nice!" the boy says, "shall we go say hi?"

"no!" gigi says, "of course not. you have to hide."

"i have to what."

"hide. now."

the boy looks around, grinning, amused at her, "where am i supposed to hide. it's a street."

"erm. er. fuck," gigi says, and george is already too close. he's spotted them. his face has lit up.

"hey gus gus," he says, he scoops her into a hug. "what you up to?"

"oh nothing, just hanging with a friend."

george's eyes land on the boy. he raises an eyebrow.

"friend?" he says.

"yep!" gigi says, brightly, "anyway, we've got to go." she all but shoves the boy on. he doesnt move.

"you alright mate," george is saying to him.

"yeah thanks, you gigi's uncle?"

"yep," george says. he straightens up, tall. he blocks out the sun with his head. he puts them both in shadow. gigi takes a deep breath.

"you taking care of this girl?" george says, his face a hard line now.

"yes sir," the boy says. he holds his own. looking at george in the eye.

"you don't do harm to this girl, correct?" george says.

"yes sir."

george snaps back into his happy self. his goofball self. he smiles.

"i gotta meet my missus. cant keep the ladies waiting," he says, "can we?"

"no sir."

"nice to meet you. bye gussy. come round soon okay?" he says. he hugs gigi goodbye.

"please dont tell my dad," she whispers to him. he doesnt respond until he starts to walk away. he winks at her.

"oh ho ho. i'm telling your dad," he says. and then he is gone.

gigi puts her head in her hands, "we're screwed."

"we'll be okay. you're dad doesnt sound like a hardass," the boy says, putting his arm around gigi.

"he is when it comes to me," she says, "he'll pretend to be all cool with it but he'll stare at you when i'm not looking. cry to my mum about me growing up. "

"nothing i cant handle," the boy says.

"then he'll write a song about you called, little shit get away from my daughter or something."

"that sounds pretty cool," the boy grins at her.

Chapter 9

Word count :4221

Warnings : school 😂🙄 , slight panic attacks , mention of illness

Matty's POV

German is alright actually the class is full and sitting with everyone is still making me feel tetchy and on edge but at least Jamie is here with me so I'm a little calmer. He's not really talking to me as he's paying attention for being the complete opposite of nerd and teachers pet in this class he excels and actually listens so I let him do his thing. I feel a like I might be okay if I just try to ignore the fact that the classroom is packed. I think that's what's been setting me off recently the fact that people can actually see me losing my mind and it was getting harder to control. I hate that people can see what's actually going on. The sincerity of situations sometimes scares me. Once upon a time I used to be so out there that people watching me doing anything never used to be an issue but the last six months things have changed and I don't really understand why. The room starts to get a little louder as people start to get on with the task. This causes my brain to start spinning again but I'm going to deal with it looking at the questions my eyes lose focus a little I shake my head and rubs my eyes and try to get back to it but my head ends up in my heads about 3 questions in Jamie spots this and gives me a little nudge on the shoulder "dude are you good?."

I look at him and squint to see him right the lights are brighter than I originally felt they were but I shrug him off "Yeh , yeh I'm alright it's just a little loud in here"

"Are you sure that's all, do you need to go back to Miss Conner's?"

I scoff , I wasn't trying to convey that I didn't appreciate the concern but I hate that people are seeing me as fragile "Nah Jay it's okay it's just loud don't worry about it". I stick my hand up and ask Mr Reeves if I can put my headphones in which he reluctantly agrees to with this a little relief washes over me and I put them in and pick and calming playlist. Bach not my usual listening material but I'm sure It'll keep me calm, I start making my way back through the questions answering them with ease. I get to the last question it's the essay portion of the exercise, I've got to write about my family in fluent German again that's easy, My dads been teaching me German since I was 4. I've recently been teaching Lou.

In the moment a message comes through from my mum "How are you doing today love?" , I contemplated not answering until lunch but she'll just worry

"I'm doing alright Ma , I'm in class right now actually , I didn't go into Maths I just did it in Miss Conner's office that was pretty good actually but I'm in class doing okay x"

I decide to message George again since my phone is out and I'm slightly bored now. I snap a picture not to dissimilar from before my hands are running through my hair and I'm smiling "Class is going okay, I nearly had a minute but I managed to take hold of it x". He's slowly becoming a lifeline at this point so long as he knows I'm okay and I'm doing okay for him then I'm happy.

I place my phone back on the table and finish my essay, I'm getting a little restless it's just boredom though so I ask Mr Reeves if I can quickly go to the bathroom. He lets me go under the pretence that I be sure to show him my progress on my work when I get back which is fine because it's basically done. I wander around the school a few times just making notes of how quiet the hallway is right now since everyone is in class. This is peaceful and I really enjoy the quiet. I think about going for a smoke as I haven't really had much smokes today. I took my way outside and quickly light up letting the nicotine flew through my body and I relax even more as bird fly around me and the only sound I hear is the occasional car driving in and out of the car park. I quickly make it through my cig and make my way back to class , sliding back into my seat but Mr Reeves spots me "Matthew you've been gone for fifteen minutes, where have you been ?".

"I just needed a minute to compose myself sorry Sir, I should have said" . I sit back down at my desk and finish up what I was writing. I'm sure all my teacher have been made aware of my hiccup yesterday "Right once you've finished that I'd like to see it and I would like to have a chat outside if you may". I finish up not long after and make my way over to his desk "i finished it , it's not my best but it's done" . This is always the awkward stage we're they look over you work and you just stand there like a spare part before you get there verdict. "Very well , can I see you outside please , don't worry your in no trouble". I sigh a sigh of relief and follow him outside . Once we're outside of the room I rest against the wall and scuff my shoes against the ground as he talks.

"Okay, I understand your having a bit of a rough time right now but rather than making up excuses to leave next time all you have to do is tell me that you need some time alone and I'll let you out to have a silent moment"

I look at him now still scuffing shoes against the carpet it's a terrible noise that goes right through me but it's just a habit at this point "again I'm sorry sir, I just didn't know how or what to say, I'll be sure to let you know next-time"

"Righty-o , next all I need to ask , for the actual exam do you think you might need to be in a different room to do it or would you like to be in with everyone else , I don't know if I'm the first to be asking but I know all your other teachers have been emailed and asked to ask you."

"I haven't really thought about it really , I should be okay with it. I'll try to sort my self out before the exams I promise but If I change my mind I'll be sure to let you know ahead of time." I hate that everyone is treating me like I could break at any minute but I know I also need to be honest it'll help in the long run I guess.

"Okay that's grand thank you very much back in you go you've got ten minutes till we're done if you don't want to sit in then it's okay to just go to the canteen but it's your choice"

"I think I'll be fine sir , it's ten minutes honestly it's all good" . We go back inside and when I get back to my chair Jamie is obviously itching to ask what that was about

"Sir was just asking if I needed any extra help with the exams and whatnot" . I see I have a message from my Mum and George but try to continue with my conversation with Jamie but I know I just want to check them.

"Hey that's cool , what did you say?"

"I said not for right now but if it changes I'll let someone know". I pick up my phone seconds after saying this. I open George's message first. It's a snap of him outside with his friends again or who I'd assume to be his friends here all huddled in a small corner and one boy has his arm around a girl and kissing the side of her head and there's another blonde boy there he's quite tall but not as tall as George and his eyes are bright blue none of them are wearing what I'd say was a uniform more just like school colours. It's captioned "I'm so proud you managed the class , you may have had a small hiccup but you worked it out and that's great , the guys say hi by the way"

That's makes me smile I guess he's spoken about me to them which leaves a small twinkle inside me and my checks redden at the fact that he's says he's proud of me. I snap a picture with my fingers crossed again. "I bet you were just hoping for me ay; my lucky charm , tell em I said hi back."

Like clock work literally the bell chimes bang on one o'clock and everyone starts piling out of the room and make a mad rush to the door. I wait till everyone is out then make my way out with Jamie's hand resting on the small of my back , it's a protective "older brother" thing. He's a few months older than me it's been a thing he's done since year 7 so I'm used to it at this point it makes me feel safer I suppose. The minute I walk into the canteen the noise is the first thing that overwhelms me stopping me in my tracks. Jamie's pauses with me "you okay mate?"

I glare at him for a second but then decide there's no point in trying to even lie right now "yeh, um , actually, I'll just go wait outside if you wanna go find Ross and get what you guys want I'll meet you out back" he rubs my back before he wanders off looking back at me "okay bro we won't be to long okay?" Then makes his way into the crowd of kids waiting for there lunch. I walk in the other direction trying to get to the back doors as quick as humanly possible. I hate noise I don't know where that has come from but recently any type of loud noise , grating sounds or repetitiveness has just really made me skittish and I don't really understand why but I have every feeling I'll figure it out. Once I'm outside and hidden away at the bottom of the field I pull my phone out along with a zoot and pull up George's name and having a little thought to myself and quickly change his name in my phone to "My lucky charm" cheesy and a little weird maybe but it makes me smile and I open up his latest message.

"I'll be anything you need me to be just so long as you feel good, I hope your eating lunch or at least something, but I am super proud you managed a class I know you said earlier you might struggle going to your last class but do you think it might be worth trying?"

This man really knows how to get me in my feels I take a picture of my zoot and my shoes yanno like all the stoners do on there private stories and reply after really thinking "I'll eat my other cereal bar, I might ask Jamie or Ross to get me something from the canteen before we go back to class , my last class is physics tho so I may only be there five minutes but I'll try just for you". That just for you might push some boundaries or make him feel a little weird but it's not my intention

I get a reply instantly he's still in his small corner I feel like it's pretty much like us all huddled in the corner of the field we're we smoke all schools have there places I suppose but the blonde kid from before is sat in his lap my heart sinks but I don't really know why . I don't know a lot these days if im honest. "We'll you know we're I am if you need to talk about it right ?, and maybe rather than sending you the song would you like to call again tonight so I can show you it "in person", I''m going to Adam's for a little while with the guys but I'll let you know when I'm home"

I just reply through normal messages this time taking pictures sometimes just is futile to me when I can convey how I feel just through words "I'll be sure to let you know the minute I need anything don't worry, AND YEH SHRE THAT WOULD BE AMAZING". As I send that away Ross and Jamie come running over to me and plonk themselves down on the grass in front of me "hey bro", Ross is always just simple and sweet always to the point

"Alright Rosso?" I hand them my lighter when they pull out there joints and start hastily looking around for one they never seem to have

"Cheers mate" Jamie takes it and lights up before passing it to Ross who also lights up

"Yeh I'm alright , how are you doing Jay said you managed German".

"Yeh dude it's was fine , but it's just a class I don't know why everyone is so mega impressed I've been doing school for like 12 years now, it's a normal thing". Again here comes the self depreciation and loathing it's never really good to dwell on my achievements if that's what you'd call them

"Bro I don't know if you've noticed the only class you've done properly in two weeks has been English you haven't attended a full class except English in two weeks , so really I think it is an achievement". Ross always knows how to put things into perspective. "That is true mate you've either skipped or not been in class the whole lesson for days bro" . Jamie not to much

"We'll alright , it's just some classes mess with my head and make me crazy that's all. It's nothing to write to the newspapers about", I rub my temples waiting for my headache that started as I walked into the canteen to dissipate because I really don't feel like dealing with this right now it's been a good day I don't want a headache to ruin it "Ross mate have you got anymore pain killers ?". The suns in my eyes I swear it never used to be this bright but Jesus I'm squinting again. "Are you sure that's a good idea having been smoking".Always the levelheaded is Ross

"Where are your glasses mate you brung em with you yesterday but I didn't see you wearing them and your not wearing them now, they might be contributing to your headaches". I know he's probably right but they just make everything even brighter and stark

"I know I probably should be wearing them but there just really irritating my eyes, but honestly I'll be fine the weed and the painkillers will help I'm sure they will even if it's just one, I just need it to go away before next class or there's not a single chance in me sitting in there". I try to block my eyes from the sun so it's not so bright and look at Ross pleading with him.

"Alright fine but one because I don't know how well they mix I don't want you throwing up on us again okay?". He hands me the pill and throws over his water i thanks him and neck it hopefully it's fast-acting

"Also here have this". Jamie throws me over a bag of crisps I also thank him and starts digging into them. It might be the fact I'm highly delusional right now or I just haven't eaten much in hot minute but these are amazing.

"So how you feeling like honestly feeling right now mate?" Jamie pipes up after a good solid five minutes of silence as we all eat and drag out joints out as long as possible

"I don't know how ready I am for physics if I'm honest but I spoke to George and I said I'd try". I finish with my crisps and just shove the empty packet into my blazer pocket and will dispose of later when we go back inside.

"George ??". Shit I forgot they don't know about George, I haven't actually said his name until now.

"Oh uh yeh George , he's the guy I was telling Ross about I met him online the other day and he's been tryna keep me right and out of my head". They look at me now a bit bemused "what?"

"You Matthew Timothy Healy are you trying to tell us that your actually letting someone help you". Ross chimes in with a mouthful of crisps himself.

"He's nice, but hey I let you guys help I'm just used to you guys ain't I , he's new and he doesn't fully get me yet".

"Alright alright , settle down , so you told him you'd try what does that mean exactly?"

"That I'll go but if I don't want to be in there I'll ask if I can go sit with Miss Conner's again don't worry I won't leave I'll still walk you guys home today" . I cross my heart for added affect and dramatisation.

"Alright then but you know you don't have to right?". Ross is looking at me all serious now "like don't force yourself to stay in the lesson"

"I'll be fine, I know what I'm doing" I give them both a hopeful smile and a big thumbs up mainly to convince myself more than them but it's alright. Just then the bell goes off as we all run back down to the top end off the field and inside so we don't get locked out. This door always gets locked on during class so people don't leave but they forget there are other doors. We say our goodbyes and I make my way to physics my heart evidently throwing itself out of my chest before I even enter the room but I push through. I sit down and my table and shove my rucksack under it and wait for everyone to arrive. The volume starts to rise almost instantly as everyone is hyped after lunch and ready to start the lesson. This already is not feeling like a win. I send George the fingers crossed emoji just a quick little reminder to know I'm thinking about him and letting him know that I know he's there if I need him. Mrs Alaric makes her way in and ask us all to settle down as we have an experiment to take part in today and that she needs us all to listen, I feel my chest start to heave slightly as experiments always make everyone loud and bunsin burner smell really sets my teeth on edge but I let her explain before I decide what I'm doing.

She's spends at least half of the lesson describing the experiment and we all note down the information and how we think it will end there are two boys across the other-side of the room messing around and the constant shouting is really doing my head in but alas Mrs Alaric separates them and then she asks us to pair up and start the experiment and that's when it all goes to shit for lack of a better word really. Everyone gets up there chairs scraping against the vinyl flooring which goes right through me and then everyone starts chatting and working around me. I try to start collecting all the equipment but there's people everywhere and there loud and I keep getting knocked into people. So I sit down and cover my ears with my hands and close my eyes hoping to drown everything out. Mrs Alaric comes over to me and taps me on the shoulder startling me

"Are you okay Matthew would you like a minute outside". I take a minute to look at her she does look mildly concerned I wish this feeling of dread and uncertainty would just fuck off honestly man.

"Can I just go see Miss Conner's"

"Let me page her and let her know once I know she knows your coming I'll let you go okay ?" Alright she taps me on the shoulder again and turns to the class to give them there next instruction standing next to me the whole time then pages for Miss Conner's to come get me

I close my eyes again and just rest my head on the desk, the desk is cold and it's kinda nice you know after a few minutes there's knock at the door looking up I see that's it's Miss Conner's and I have never packed my bag and left a room as quick as I did then.

"Alright Matty?" We start the trek back to her office. My second home at this rate. My head is still rattling the pain killers didn't help at all .

"I tried but it's to loud my brain felt like it was gunna burst out my skull". My chest is still heaving and I'm still finding it difficult to breath but I'm slowly calming down and it's completely back to normal once we reach her office. She sets me down and lets me get settled. I pull my phone out just to let George know what's going on I did tell him I'd keep him updated. "We'll that's went as well as I'd pictured". I place my phone back onto the table and take out my notebook .

"I haven't got any work for you to do as of just yet so just catch up on anything you need to get done, I've got a meeting I need to attend to will you be alright in here by yourself" . She checks her watch as if keeping an eye on the time

"Yeh it's quiet in here I'll be fine". I send a smile her way hoping to convey what I need it too.

"Alright we'll Mr Cahills office is just next door if you need anything please ask him and I'll be back at 3 and we can have another little chat before you go is that okay"

"Yeh that's okay , thank you Miss" . She then leaves and it gives me a second to just think on my own my screen lights up with George's contact and I scramble to pick it up

"What happened are you okay" he sent it with a picture of his class looking like there playing football and he's just off to the side.

"It was just to loud and too crowded and my brain was gunna explode so I came back to Miss Conner's office". My notebook is just full of lyrics and unfinished songs. There's a few that are complete but there not all the good really to me anyway.

George's replies within seconds "we'll at least you know you've got Miss Conner's to keep you right and I'm glad you came to me"

"We'll I did say I'd keep you informed , also I thought you were on the football team, why aren't you playing"

"I really couldn't arsed today honestly, I'm sooo ready to go home" . A smile creeps onto my face because damn do I get it. I'm so over today and I'm so bloody tired and I don't even feel like I've done anything. "That's understandable"

"Yeh and my teacher is a colossal knob anyway" he's sat there on the gym floor wearing the school gym uniform and to me it's so funny I don't know why but seeing George falling under rules is really funny

"Your really rocking that uniform lad 😂"

"Some can say the same about you "lad" he's smiling in this one his chocolate brown eyes glimmering in the florecent light

"Mate I'm actually fit as fuck right fighting the girls off left right and centre. I don't know about you but I think I rock this uniform quite grandly actually" I'm really not but you know got to raise the stakes push the boundaries

"I mean I get it, your a handsome lad anyone would be lucky to ave ya" . My cheeks start to heat up , does he really think I'm handsome or is he just being nice , I've never really been seen like that by a guy to my knowledge anyway. Some guys are very pretty but I don't see myself as one of them no I'm not gay.

"You really think so !"

"Yeh bro honestly your fit 😉"

It takes me a second to reply because this has just slightly shifted the mood and I don't really know what to do with it. It must take a little longer to reply to him than I thought because he send another message

"Sorry if that's weird"

I rush to reply hoping he doesn't feel bad or hurt "no , no it's alright". I put my phone down for a second just to work on my lyrics for a second and to really get this demo together for Mr Hardy I might be able to practise with the boys later.

update on the band situation

IMMA BE A LITTLE DRUMMER BOY

THIS IS SO CUTE OMG

undo

“Are you scared to look into my eyes?” he teased, holding my hips tightly as I straddled his waist. He watched me with heavy eyes, his head laid back against my pillows. The day had slipped by soundlessly, and we watched the evening swallow the sun from my twin-sized bed.

“You’re trying to make me nervous,” I whined, staring down at his hands. He reached to open the window, the muscles in his neck taut. I imagined letting a finger trace down the tight tendon, trailing below his cotton t-shirt to find the end of it.

“Is it working?” he smirked, grabbing his pack of cigarettes. My throat went dry, and I watched the flash of the lighter in silence. His eyes closed as he inhaled, his stubbled cheeks hollowing. I craved the friction of his jaw, thinking of the red marks it would leave on my skin. I longed for any sign of him, any proof that he was real. He blew smoke from the side of his mouth out the window. “Is it?” he repeated.

“No,” I lied, and he laughed, placing the cigarette between my lips.

“Look at me,” he whispered. He left his fingers pressed against my mouth as I took a slow drag, his dark eyes burning into mine. He watched the smoke curl out of my mouth, pleased. “Pretty.” He put the cigarette back in his mouth, letting it hang from his lip. I had to look away.

“It would be easier if you didn’t look at me like that,” I mumbled, taking the cigarette from his lips and stubbing it out. He frowned, tilting his head to the side.

“Like what?” he drawled, hiding a smirk. He wanted me to say it aloud, as he always did. He could coax anything from my lips.

“Don’t start,” I reached for his hand, pushing the rough pads of his fingers against my cheekbone. He thumbed the corner of my mouth.

“You don’t like how I look at you?” he asked, determined. He let out an exaggerated, ragged sigh. “That hurts, darling.”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t say that.”

“Alright,” he clapped his hand over his eyes, “Better?” I giggled to mollify him. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he returned the gesture almost immediately.

“You’re peeking,” I gasped, and he shrugged, removing his hand and placing it on my other cheek, cradling my head.

“Whatever,” he grunted, and shifted to sit a bit more upright, “Have you got anything to drink?”

“I thought you had to go home soon,” I said, turning my head to kiss his palm.

“Oh, let me stay, baby,” he pleaded, wrapping his fingers in my hair, “Please?”

“I have a bit of wine,” I smiled, and he kissed my forehead. He flipped us over, kissing at my neck as my back arched against the mattress. I covered my grin with my hand, skin flushing at his gratitude.

“Give me a kiss, darling,” his mouth found mine, placing a round, weighted kiss. His tongue drifted to mine, the taste of sharp tobacco and toothpaste filling my mouth. The friction of his unshaven face burned my jaw, and I stifled a moan. He breathed through a laugh, lips turning upwards against mine.

“Don’t laugh,” I meant to sound firm, but it came out as a whimper. His hands were crawling over me.

“I’m not,” his chest was pressed flush to mine, making each of my inhales a challenge, “You’re so pretty.” I huffed, turning my head away at his compliment.

“Don’t,” I warned again.

“What?” he laughed, feigning innocence, “My pretty girl.” I looked at him sternly, and he dropped his head to my chest, shoulder shaking with silent laughter.

“Go get the wine.”

“Sure,” he trailed his hand down my arm, catching my wrist and kissing the back of my hand, “Stay like this for me.” I buried my head in the pillow.

//

I’m having a very weird moment rn , drinking with cis men i odd 😂😂

5 and 12 from the questions? ☺️

5 - do I have any merch - yes , I’ve got the at there very best cap , a self titled hoodie , a notes hoodie , and the still at there very best T-shirt (from TRSMT ), there are extra things that I wanna get , I wanna buy a record player so I can collect all the vinyls and then for shits and gigs me and my bf wanna get the rolling papers 😂 , but then I wanna get anything I can

And the songs that mean stuff to me rn - 1) number one is always gunna be Nana, for kinda the same reason as Matty but it’s not about my Nana but About my Parents cuz both of my parents have passed away and that song is just sooo angelic and I feel every word of it

Then

(This isn’t usually one but rn )- Is there somebody who can watch you - Ik matty wrote it about his brother or for his brother when he left - and my baby cousin (not to so much baby he’s 18 but he’s my little one you know ) , is moving from the Uk to America for school this month and I’m happy for him but scared at the same time and I really hope he has a great time .

Then lastly Ballad of Me and My Brain - FOR OBVIOUS REASONS 😊😍🥰😊😍🥰

might start writing again to fill the void off missing being in a relationship or in love with someone so keep an eye out !!