Reblog If You’re Over 20 And Still Read/write fan Fiction.

Ask me anything I wanna get too know some people and make some mutuals ❤️

Part 15

Word count 3075

There’s a little bit of Ross in this one so if your a Ross girlie/guy your man’s in this has a slight POV and I think it’s quite sweet mention of anxiety and drugs again in this one

Matty's POV

The walk to school was pleasant to say the least, My headphones were in ,the sky was blue and there was nary a car in sight not much to complain about on this fine morning other than the pollution in the air affecting the Ozone layer. Green house gasses and Carbon emission affecting climate change but what can a 17 year old boy do about that really. I decide to wait at the park for Ross he'll most likely want to walk with me. I pull out a cigarette while I wait lighting it in-between my lips while I guard it from the wind, I let the nicotine run through my veins and relax right into it. Ross doesn't take to long to turn up, rucksack flung over his shoulder and one shoe still needing tied. "Bloody hell, what happened to you?", He looks down right dishevelled,

He leans over tying his shoes "Stayed up last night talking to John and I slept in, missed my alarm didn't I." mans stressing, he really thought hed be late. It's kinda funny seeing Ross in this state usually it's me. The more important thing here is that he's stayed up talking to someone. That's never a Ross thing to do

"What really !?" I pat him on the back and pull his bag strap onto his other shoulder for him. His bag weighs a fuckin ton what the hell. I look at him he looks more presentable and pat down his shirt a little bit though and straighten his tie "There you go lad, looking loads better", We sit down on the swings next to each other and I hand him a cigarette and a lighter he probably needs it right now. I take another drag out of mine "on a serious note though , I do need to tell you something". I can't look him in the eye , I'm nervous about telling him what happened last night because I know he'd be upset that I didn't tell him sooner, I contemplated telling him how I felt , I contemplated texting him but I just couldn't.

"What's up Lad ?", although I'm not looking at him, avoiding all eye contact with him , boaring into the ground with my eyes. I exhale the smoke that I didn't realise I was holding. I can still feel his eyes on me "Matty you can tell me anything you know ?."After inhaling the last of my cigarette I throw it on the ground and squish the reminisce with my foot now my hands are free and I don't know what to do with them. They immediately go to my hair curling the ringlets carefully.

"I did something last night" my hands are now between my knees I'm crushing them together , it's an anxious tick I suppose something I do when I'm scared "it was stupid", although I really want to tell him I can't bring myself to say the words. I'm stalling .

"Come on lad, what happened ?". I was hyper aware of everything going on around me and how anxious I was getting. I was sweating and it wasn't the least obvious thing.

"I used again" , my hands were clammy and I still couldn't look in his direction never-mind at him, I know it's just Ross and he'd never judge me but everything around me is spinning again and my vision is going blurry and I feel like I am about to throw up . It's just nerves.

"Shit man ,I'm so sorry , why?, what caused it ?, did something happen?, why didn't you call me ?" . That's so many questions in one go , how am I supposed to answer, shit everything is going crazy and my head, it hurts , I'm dizzy and I don't want to be here having this conversation right now.

"It's a long story....I had a meltdown really...George and I were talking about music ...he threw a track together in his class yesterday and really wanted me to hear it and uh I wanted to show him that I knew what I was talking about and he wanted to hear something I'd done so I made the error of singing 102 didn't I....and everything just spiralled" . It all came out all at once . I didn't plan on telling him the whole story but when I started I couldn't stop. Word vomit comes to mind. Still no chance of it stopping there though my mind is just raving " and and ...I had forgotten that Corey had given me gear from the party we went to the other week , I was trying to be good so I didn't take it ...but I found it when I was cleaning up ....and singing 102 again without Janey just hurt and ....".I felt Ross' hand on my bank and his arm snake around me in a tight hug trying to comfort me as the tears start rolling down my face

"Hey hey ...it's okay Matty, I understand, it's alright" , He held me close rubbing his hands down my back in a comforting kind of way , I'm now soaking his shirt with my tears there's no way that it's going to subside anytime soon "Can we just go back to yours for a bit" I mumble into his shirt. I don't quite know if he heard me because he makes no effort to move. He just held me. After a few minutes more he pulled away and guided my chin to look at him "we can go back to mine, my mum won't mind, I really don't think school is the right place for you right now, it'll be okay". I was upset , more so angry at myself . I had really been looking forward to school this morning somewhat excited to maybe have a full day in lessons but now my head was throbbing and everything was telling me there was no way that was gunna happen.

"I'm sorry" , Ross is still holding on to me while we walk back to his , the guilt I feel that he's missing school is bubbling in my stomach, " You don't have to miss school you know?, not for me" . The walk to his isn't to long, he lets go of me for a second to unlock his front door and he lets me go in first and follows close behind. Once I've dropped my rucksack into his room I slip into the bathroom because I'm feeling super nauseous. Ross tentatively follows behind me "please, don't come in".

"I'll just wait out here okay , and just call for me if you need me" . He lets me close the door and if I know Ross which I do he will literally just be sat at the other side of the door. With that knowledge I rest my back against the door and slide down, and try to avoid looking at the light so I can calm down. I slip my glasses off and place them on the floor beside me and force my knuckles into my temples to try and ease the throbbing in my head "Ross do ave any more painkillers by any chance?"

"Yeh there in the cupboard above the sink", His voice is soft and quiet from the otherside, I must have gotten up from my place on the floor to quickly because as I rise the nausea comes flowing through me tenfold causing me to rush over the the toilet and heave into it making a disgusting grumble echo through the room. "Matty are you okay ?". It comes in waves a few seconds apart three more times. The toast from breakfast swiftly making an appearance. My skin is sticky the room smells rancid and my eyes are feeling that familiar sting again. Here I go crying again for god sake. Once I'm sure I have finished I lean against the cool tile on the wall behind me , loling my head back.

"I know I asked you not to come in but I've changed my mind..." before I've even finished my sentance Ross is in the room and by my side, I curl up into a ball and fall against his shoulder

"I hate this Ross , I hate this sooo much , I was in such a good mood this morning and now here I am crying on your bathroom floor not even an hour later , I don't understand any of this" , my tears are flowing at a rapid pace now and I've lost all the ability to stop them, my bottom lip is trembling. "I can't keep doing this"

"What going on up ere ?", he tapped my head in between my eye brows indicating that he's asking what's going on my head.

"Everything , Everything is going on, I'm not okay , I'm just...so...emotional....I feel unstable in my own head" .I'm clinging onto Ross for dear life right now like he's going to disappear if I let go or I'm not careful "I....I feel lost"

"Can you tell me do you know when this all started Matty, like when exactly did the first meltdown happen ?, was anyone there to help?" . I can feel his arms wrapped around me , his warmth is trapping me in this feeling of closeness and understanding. It's safety isn't it.

I speak into his shoulder "I don't quite remember when it all started but I know I was at work when it first happened , I was at work and um it was a particular busy shift and everything was just getting to much, It started with just a headache but then like 20 minutes later just everything , everything hurt and I couldn't see and the room was spinning , my hands where shaking, they sent me home and mum looked after me?". I really did think talking about it would be a lot harder but something about being in Ross' arms make it a lot easier.

"How does it make you feel after", his hands are playing with my hair he knows it calms me down. Lightly tugging on the curls running them through his fingers

"I just feel tired and a bit twitchy", I still have a slight headache but talking about it is really starting to help a small bit. "Could you get those painkillers for me lad ?".

He does so, standing up and filing through the cupboard looking for the painkillers , filling a glass and picking up my glasses from the floor, handing me them. I thank him as he sits right back where he was pulling me into him "Do you want to go lie down then , Ill ring your mum and let her know where you are so she doesn't worry ?"

"That would be nice, thank you".After necking the the pills and water and putting my glasses back on , Ross pulls me up to my feet. Guiding me to his room, my legs are are still shaky but Ross is doing a great job right now. He lays me down on his bed and sits next to me. He's only got a single bed so there's not much room for us both but I pull him close to me while he's here so he doesn't leave.

"Try to get some sleep then lad", I close my eyes and concentrate on his breathing, I know he won't call my mum until I'm asleep since I don't like it when people talk about me. He turns the TV on and plays it on low friends is playing, I can feel him slightly shake every-time they tell a joke, he gets a good laugh. I fall sleep listening to the sound of his breathing against my ear.

~~~~~

Ross POV

Once I feel like Matty's asleep, I find my phone in my pocket and fire his mum a text.

"Good morning Denise, It's Ross , which you know I guess obviously but yeh , I don't know if your free to talk or anything but just so your aware Matty is here with me , you probably got a message from the school saying he's not there but I just thought I'd let you know he's here with me and not to worry"

"Good Morning sweetheart, I did see a message from the school but I have had a minute to check it over , what happened , he seemed happy this morning when he left?"

"I don't really think it's my place to say he should really tell you himself but I'd just recommend speaking to him or just keeping a closer eye on him for a little while , There's alot going in his head right now"

"I have realised that but you know how he is just avoiding us as much as he can , but thank you for letting me know sweetheart , I'll be round to pick him up after work, please just make sure he gets something to eat and keeps hydrated, I'll let his dad know"

"You don't need to thank me, I'm just looking out for him , he's asleep right now , I'll get him some lunch when he wakes up"

I put my phone back in my pocket because I'm not sure how to continue the conversation I've never been good at talking with peoples families without them around even though Denise is like another mother to me. I just stay in my room with Matty to keep a close eye on him. I've never seen this kid so quiet, it's miracle trying to keep this lad still for longer than five seconds. I smile to myself because finally seeing him look peaceful for the first time in so long really pulls at my heart strings. The TV in the background drowning as I just watch him sleep keeping an eye out for any signs that he's having a nightmare or something.

He's been asleep for nearly an hour now , he's laying next to me I can feel him start to get a little restless slightly thrashing about not much but it's still noticeable. "Hey , Matt , shhhh , it's alright I'm ere , Matty it's alright". His grip on me tightened and I don't know if I should wake him but I don't want him to be in distress so I shake him a little "Matty your alright, I don't know if you can hear but everything is okay" . At that his eyes open a little and he squints as his eyes get used to the room around him and he pulls himself into me guarding his face from the light seeping through the window. "Are you okay?"

"It's...it's to bright, the curtains can you close them" , I get up slowly to close the curtains and Matty sits up pulling his knees to his chest and the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes

"Matty , stop your going to hurt your eyes mate, you've got to be softer". I'm next to him again in an instant pulling his hands away and holding his face so he's looking at me "Is that better?"

He's looking at me with those eyes of his, so apologetic for no reason, he looks so young "I'm sorry , my eyes just always really hurt after a headache...like there just really sensitive"

I'm still holding his face, he's till looking right into my eyes "it's okay Matt , why you apologising, were you having a nightmare"

"I don't think so, I think I was just panicking in my sleep if that's even possible"

"I think that can happen you know", You know I don't actually know if it is possible but feels like it could be and it definitely seemed like that's what was happening. "Oh uh I haven't mentioned , your mums coming to pick you up after work"

"Okay , fuck she's probably gonna take me out for a drive somewhere so I'll talk to her , I don't wanna go out I just wanna be at home" , he lets his legs go straight again and rest his head against the headboard

"Why don't you want to go out ?". I'm sat next to him with my legs crossed playing with a singular thread coming off the pocket of his trousers, "doesn't it help to talk to your mum ?, she used to take you out on drives when you were younger didn't she to help you talk more ?"

"She did yeh , she used to take me out a lot when I had things going on , or when I was anxious as a kid like when I was anxious to tell her things, it did help, I think I'm just scared to tell her what I did, she'll be so upset"

"She'd be upset but she'd understand and she would never be mad at you , you know , I know your mum she loves you , just wants what's best for ya". I really hope he gets the help he needs seeing him so fragile and scared is weird he's always been so confident in himself , we'll not always he was always a little shy as a kid but since high school he really grew into himself and became such a light in everyone's world and watching that light dim has just been so upsetting lately. "Do you think they might be panic attacks or Anxiety attacks or something"

"Maybe , it's just everything sets it off that's what bothers me is that I don't know what's going to set me off everyday because there's always something"

"We'll we can work it on them, see what helps you calm down , and please talk to your mum , you never know how much it might help ya" . I pull a cigarette from my pocket and steal Matty's lighter from his blazer pocket "want one ?"

"Sure", I offer him one of mine as I light mine, we sit in silence for a bit as I ponder what to do next because I really just want to make sure he's settled before his Mum arrives which might make him open up more.

"What do you wanna do , watch tv , fifa or just sit for a bit", picking up my remote I look through what's on Netflix "if you want the TV you can pick"

"I don't mind , we can just watch whatever" , we finish our cigarettes and he immediately pulls out a joint "this might calm me down"

"Thats alright I'll just put some music on"

And that we do and we smoke until his mum turns up. Just around the back of 1

This is My Favourite Era of Matty and I won’t be changing my mind anytime soon

It’s like Matty x Johnny Knoxville and I love it 😂😂

Matty in graphic tees: A Collection

"babe, you can barely keep your eyes open...let's go." with matty 🧎🏼‍♀️ thank u my liege ily 💞🩷💓

I’m connecting those because they’re kind of similar, I hope you like it. Thank you for your kindness btw x

sleepy dialogue prompt 🧸

^ "you're blurring your words together, time for bed." & "babe, you can barely keep your eyes open...let's go." (matty)

You know matty said you don’t have to wait up. But you’ve barely seen each other the past weeks because he’s been busy with working on his new album and honestly work hasn’t been giving you a break either.

That’s why you’re sitting on his couch, watching criminal minds with a soothing night lamp at the end of the couch.

You’re fighting sleep at this point and when you look at your phone and see that it’s almost 2 you know he’s going to be home in just a few minutes. You rub your eyes and watch the people trying to investigate a crime in the TV but all you can think about is matty. His hair, his smile, his skin, the way he loves to kiss every inch of your skin.

You feel your heart flutter at just the thought of his Matty’s going to act when he finally comes home.

You sink deeper into the fabric, the warmth of the blanket trying to lull you into sleep. And you almost do but then you hear the clinking of the door.

Matty exhales all his worry and stress when he comes through the door, shrugging off his jacket and shoes. He’s sure that you’re asleep but when he hears voices from the living room he steps inside, running his hand through his hair.

When he sees you on the couch, Redbull on the table in front of you his heart melts a bit.

You turn your head and smile at him, “you’re home.”

“I am,” he says, settling onto the couch next to you.

He leans over you and spends some time kissing you.

His lips are warm and soft, a perfect contrast to the cool night air that clings to him. He cups your face gently, his thumb stroking your cheek as he deepens the kiss. You melt into him, the exhaustion of the day slipping away with each tender touch.

"You should've gone to bed, love," he murmurs against your lips, but there's no reprimand in his voice, only affection.

"I wanted to wait for you," you reply, your voice sleepy but full of love.

“You’re cute,” he brushes his nose against yours, “scoot over, what are you watching?”

“Criminal minds, of course.” you sound sassy which makes him giggle, behind you.

“F’course.”

His arm wraps around your waist, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between you. You feel his lips brush softly against the spot behind your ear, sending shivers down your spine. He moves your hair to the side, his kisses trailing from behind your ear to the nape of your neck, each one slow and tender.

His hands are warm, one resting gently on your waist, the other slipping under your shirt to caress your skin. "I missed you," he murmurs, his lips barely leaving your skin as he speaks. His voice is low, filled with affection, and it makes your heart flutter.

You close your eyes, fully focusing on his touch.

“Missed you too,” you whisper back.

Matty's lips curve into a smile against your neck. "You’re so beautiful," he says softly, his hand tracing gentle patterns on your stomach. “Most gorgeous girl on the planet.”

You turn your head slightly to look at him, your eyes meeting his. “You’re too sweet, Matty.”

“Nonsense,” he tries to convince you by kissing you softly, his lips lingering against yours.

When he pulls back you don’t move. You try to gaze into his brown perfect eyes but you fight fight to keep your eyes open.

Matty smiles, brushing a few strands of hair away from your face.

“Are you tired, love?”

You don’t respond immediately, too caught up in the warmth of his body and the softness of his touch. He nudges you gently, his voice a soft murmur, “Hm, baby?”

You shake your head, not wanting to admit how tired you are. “Not tired, tell me about your day, about your week.”

Matty chuckles, “you sure? babe, you can barely keep you eyes open, let’s go to bed.”

“No.” You turn around, switching from the spooning position to facing him. You wrap your arm around him to keep him close. “C’mon Matty, talk to me.”

“god,” he laughs, “alright.”

His touch is soothing, his fingers lightly massaging your scalp. You relax completely, feeling the tension drain from your body.

“It was busy, we had a lot of work, some new projects that came in. It was a bit chaotic but we all managed.”

His hand moves to your back, drawing slow circles that make you sigh contentedly.

“Tell me more,” you say, your eyes fluttering close. You don’t want matty to notice so you hide your face in the crook of his neck. He’s not stupid though and he knows you.

First of all he grabs the remote control to shut the TV off, the less distractions the more you might admit that you’re tired.

Matty kisses the top of your head, “thought about you the whole day and all I wanted to do was come home to you.”

“N’ I’m glad you’re here, after this shit week n’ all.”

It’s clear that you shouldn’t be awake. Matty sits up which leads to you groaning and trying to cling to him. He sits up and pulls the blanket away from you, folding it and throwing it over the back of the couch.

“Alright now, you’re blurring your words together, time for bed.”

He lifts you effortlessly into his arms.

“Matty, want to stay here with you, want to-.”

He shakes his head and shushes you gently. “Nah, no arguing, you’re exhausted, love.” His lips brush your forehead.

You try to object again, but he’s already carrying you towards the bedroom. “You just came home though, we have no time,” you start, but he cuts you off with another kiss, this time on your temple.

“Shh, just relax,” he insists. “Everything can wait. Right now, you need to sleep and we have tomorrow, right?”

You finally give in, your head resting against his chest as he carries you. You can hear his heartbeat, steady and comforting, and it lulls you further into drowsiness. He lays you down gently on the bed and tucks you in, his hands warm and soothing as they adjust the blankets around you.

“Love you so much.”

“I love you, darling,” he replies, slipping into bed beside you and wrapping his arms around you. He holds you close, his body warm and comforting against yours. “Now sleep, love. I’m right here.”

STAFU , You Can’t Show Me This And Expect Me To Be Normal About It

hard launch

Why does this picture alone make him look so fuckin tiny he’s so cute

the1975: L’Olympia Paris, France July 12th 2023

GETTING MY TATTOO TODAY GUYS !!!!!

i just had an a wild thought , I lied , the first band that got me to wanna be a band apparently wasn’t t75 , it was The Kaiser Chiefs THEN t75 😂🤦😂🤦😂

Bout to getting my silly little box tattoo in September