I’ve Just Realised How Much Of A Simple Man I Am , Having A Bad Day Or Feeling Upset Or Angry Or Whatever

Matty in his Johnny Knoxville era

Mr Hann be the smolest bean 🥹

cutest man to ever exist

Chicken Shop Date | Part 7 |

By @imagine-that-100​​ and @alovesreading​​

Description: Matty Healy x Reader (Female) | You and your best friend Amelia came up with a very simple idea of taking celebrities on awkward chicken shop dates, and somehow, it’s managed to become both of your jobs. In the past, you’ve found sitting across from some of the biggest stars on the planet and eating chicken nuggets easy. But then Amelia manages to score you a date with the man who you’ve been obsessed with since you were nineteen; Matty Healy.

Word Count: 36.9k

A/N: Bestiesssss, we’re back with a monster of a chapter. Hope you’re ready for smut, angst, and fluff. This brings it allllllllll! Honestly can’t wait to see what you all think of this one, please give us all of your reactions as we love to see it and it keeps us motivated to write. We have a little cameo in this chapter, she was already going to be in it before anything happened irl so yeah, funny how things turn out hahaha. Thank you for being patient and sticking with us, we really hope you enjoy!  x

| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 |

| N’s Masterlist | A’s Masterlist |

~*~*~*~ January 1st 2023 ~*~*~*~

Waking up in his arms feels like something out of a dream.

You feel warm inside and out, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips feeling his slow breaths hitting the back of your neck. You faintly remember coming back to his and the concrete walls surrounding you confirm that your hazy memory isn’t betraying you.

The light peeking through the windows burns harshly even through your closed eyes but it isn’t enough to bother you when you’re in such bliss to be waking up next to Matty. Or rather, in front of him, since he’s got his chest pressed against your back with an arm wrapped around your waist which has you flush against him.

A hum of content falls from your lips as you relish and shuffle impossibly closer to him, your movement making him stir in his sleep and open his eyes a few seconds later.

Keep reading

Backstage At Your Show

Matty x Reader

Warning: Smut (Mutual masturbation, voyeurism, public sex? cumplay, dom-reader, and subby Matty)

WC: 3.2K

Summary: You catch Matty in the act backstage at his show.

Masterlist

Matty and the guys had no clue that you would be attending their first-ever arena show. You could hardly contain your excitement for them, having worked so fucking hard to get to this point. Everything felt surreal; you couldn't believe that they were performing on such a large stage and for a sold-out crowd at that. You felt so proud of all of them.

To Matty's knowledge, you wouldn’t be here for another eight days for Christmas Eve, and he was missing you like fucking crazy. As sadistic as it may sound, it made you feel good knowing he was going crazy without you. 

The arena appears in sight as the driver whips the car into its parking spot. You clutch your suitcase tightly and wave a silent goodbye before they pull away. The cold air bites against your body, and the sheer top you’re wearing does little to hide the goosebumps littering your skin. 

You wanted to look hot for Matty, but now you fucking regret not bringing a jacket. The queue of fans lined up outside the arena stretches on for what feels like miles, but you make your way through them, stopping to take pictures with them before Mark rushes outside to get you.

"C'mon, love." Mark grabs your suitcase and leads you through the front entrance, "How was your flight?"

You smile at Mark as you make your way backstage, trying not to bump into people doing last-minute preparations for the show. "God, it was exhausting! I forgot how much I hate traveling during the holidays. Just a nightmare."

Mark chuckles. "Well, you made it just in time. Matty's been moaning about you not texting him all day, you know. He's been driving everyone mad. Hann sent him back to the dressing room because he couldn't take his complaining anymore."

You laugh at Mark's words, imagining Matty pacing around the room, fidgeting with his clothes, and checking his phone every two seconds. It was cute, really, how much he cared about you, but you couldn't help but tease him a little. "I spoke to him this morning! He's just being dramatic, as usual."

Mark chuckles again, shaking his head. "You know how he is."

"Oh, trust me, I do. They definitely need to pay you more for always dealing with his shit." You joke, giving Mark a playful nudge as he leads you towards the dressing room.

Mark laughs, "I keep telling him that. I'll take your suitcase to the bus. The guys are doing the soundcheck without him. Just go down this hall, and it's the last door on the left."

You give a curt nod of thanks to Mark before hastily making your way down the damp-smelling hallway. Eyes focused on finding a head of curly hair. There’s a hum of music playing, growing louder and louder as you approach the door at the end of the hall. The door is barely cracked, but it’s enough for you to see where you’re stepping and to make sure you don’t bump into anything.

The music grows as you stalk further into the back of the O2 dressing room, and you can see the silhouette of a shadow break against the adjacent wall.

A smile breaks across your face at managing to perfect the surprise. Matty would be none the wiser, completely taken aback and shocked. You could practically see the way his eyes would crinkle at the sight of you.

Matty’s back is facing you as he lounges on the chase situated in the middle of the room. The music you had heard is playing on the speaker in front of him, and you are about to walk behind him, jumping into his arms when something catches your attention.

You can't help but pause when you see how his black suit hugs his shoulders, stretching with every tense movement. And it's the subtle sheen on his skin that catches your eye.

Your mouth runs dry as his head lulls back, his mouth parted in silent ecstasy, and his eyes clenched tightly in awe.

“Fuuuck,” he moans to himself, and the grit of his voice has your legs squeezing together, “god–yes.” His shoulders move more intensely, and your eyes are drawn to the glimmer of his many rings, shining with each pump of his hand. And it has you walking closer to the back of the chase.

You dragged your index finger across his body, from one shoulder to the other, going over the highs and lows of soft fabric agonizingly slow. He jumps in surprise and spins around quickly, in utter shock. You have to stop yourself from screaming when you notice the black eyeshadow and liner around his eyes, making his brown eyes pop even more than usual.

He is a vision of beauty. His black suit jacket clung to his body like a second skin, displaying the white dress shirt beneath it in all its crisp glory. The black necktie added a touch of sophistication. Tight-fitting jet-black jeans unbuttoned and hung low on his waist, exposing a dark dusting of hair above his hard cock that was leaking precum at the slit.

He looks like a fucking gothic god.

His eyes, even though wide with confusion, are teetering on the edge of ecstasy as he takes you in.

“Hi, baby.” You purr, letting your eyes wander down the expanse of his body. His entire body tenses, and you shake your head slowly, “why did you stop? I’m enjoying the show.” 

Matty knows that tone of your voice. He dreams about it, makes himself cum to the memory of it. As you circle around the chase, he grows comfortable on the cushions. Palming his dick, he lets you watch as he slowly rubs the length of his cock up and down. “That’s a good boy.” You praise, and you can see the light grow in his eyes.

Sitting opposite of him on the oversized chair, you part your legs in front of him. The skirt you’re wearing rides up your thighs, and his breath catches in his throat at the sight of your bare pussy through your stockings.

Hey, you wanted him to have easy access. You knew how this night was gonna end anyway, and you wanted to make it easier for the both of you. So, you took off your underwear in the airport bathroom.

“What were you thinking about, baby boy?” You ask, and Matty's mouth hangs open slightly as a moan rips through his throat at the pet name. You smile knowingly at him, and his cheeks are tinged red, and you can tell he’s embarrassed by it.

It's fucking hot. You loved it when he had that innocent look on his face when he’s completely lost in his thoughts and didn’t realize what he was doing. God, you just want to eat him up.

His eyes follow every movement as you let your hand dance down the length of your abdomen, teasingly inching its way under your skirt and up the insides of your thigh. “Was it me?” You purr, tearing away the flimsy stocking with your nails, exposing your glistening and ready cunt.

Matty nods, fist tightens around his cock. “I missed you so fuckin’ much, baby.” He moans, pausing the slight lifting of his hips as you circle your fingertip over your already sensitive clit. The moment you stop, he’s staring back at your face, “No, please.” He begs, pumping himself again–quicker, more desperate, “Don’t stop.” 

Your pussy clenches in anticipation, yearning for the stretch of his cock inside of you. “Were you thinking about how I’d ride you right there where you’re sitting if I had been here?” You push further, and his lips part.

He shakes his head feverishly, stumbling over his own movements as you stand and start walking towards him. Matty quickly pulls down his jeans to his lower thighs before palming his dick. The hand he had wrapped around his dick only a second ago slips under the mesh shirt you’re wearing and pulls you closer to his chest.

“What do you want, baby boy?” You ask, biting your own lip to stop the moan as you feel his dick glide against your already swollen clit, his hips involuntarily bucking up as he tries his best to form a coherent sentence.

“Anything. Fuckin' anything.” Matty answers immediately, pressing his lips to your neck, right below your ear. “Just need you.” He mumbles against your skin.

Reaching between the two of you, you take his cock in your hand and stroke teasingly over the length, and you watch as his breathing accelerates. "I heard you were driving everyone crazy today," He choked on a breath as you swiped a thumb over the tip of his cock, smearing the precum over him. Your legs shake as he moans your name lowly and deeply, the sound coming from his chest. "So, maybe don't you deserve anything."

"N-no, please. I do! I do, I do, I do." Matty babbles in a rush, mouth dry and stuttering over his words. His fingers bite into your skin, and he raises his hips once more, attempting to bury himself inside of you.

“Not yet.” You demand, forcing his eyes on you. He looks completely desperate, pupils blown, cheeks red, and slightly sweaty curls falling on his forehead. “You don’t get to fuck me until I say so, do you understand?”

Matty nods and lets his head fall back against the edge of the chase. He loosens his grip, letting you rock your bare pussy over his cock slowly. You can see how hard he’s fighting the urge to push up inside of you. His jaw is locked, his brows pinched together tightly, and to be honest, you were nearly coming undone as well. With every roll, the head of his dick was brushing against your clit, and the precum mixed with your own wetness, aiding in the ease of gliding against one another.

"Wanna make that pretty makeup run down your checks, hmm? Would you like that?" You taunt, as his eyes widen with anticipation. He nods frantically but fails to form a single word. "I want to see you cum all over yourself before I let you fuck me."

Matty almost chokes on his breath, and his hips shoot up into you, the length of his cock twitching against your clit. His black-lined eyes had become glassy; whether it was from the sight of you or the sensations you were inflicting on him, you couldn't tell.

But you can't be bothered by it because he looks so fucking gorgeous, and he doesn't even know it. You almost forgot what you were doing. Almost. But not quite.

"Such a good boy." You purr, picking up the pace once more.

Matty's hips were thrashing in tandem with yours, his knuckles white and his cries more frenzied. Your breath came in heavy gasps as the tension between you increased. You tangled your fingers in Matty's now-soaked hair, pulling him close as you writhed together. Each hip thrust made the knot in your stomach tighten, sending shivers up your spine.

Your breaths are shared with one another: open mouths and heaving chests. In a frenzy, Matty is ripping the shirt over your head and unclasping your bra with one hand, just leaving you in stockings and a skirt. Letting his other hand roam your body. His chest presses against yours, his lips ghosting over your collarbone and down your chest, sucking at your peaked nipples.

“Fuck, baby.” He moans as you pull your skirt around your waist and angle your hips and roll harder against his cock. “You’re gonna make me cum.”

You can see him shake, trying to stave off an orgasm. But you can also see how much he wanted it. How desperately he wanted to cum, to spray all over you, to feel the relief of it gushing out of him.

You loved doing this to him.

“Do it.” You command, gripping his hair, and his eyes go wide. “Fucking do it.” You repeat. Matty’s mouth falls open, his brows high on his forehead before his head falls back against the seat, his hips jerking erratically as he orgasms. You watch as pearly white jets of cum erupt over your boyfriend's still-clothed chest. You can feel him tense beneath you as his orgasm hits and rattles through his body.

He looks at you like he’s never seen you before. And in a way, he hasn't. High on the feeling of his release, he looks at you like he’d never be able to get enough. Like he wanted you to stay just like this, forever.

“You're so fucking beautiful.” Matty whispers, buried in your neck. In any other situation, you would've melted at his words, but the only thing you can think about is wanting to see black streaks running down his face and onto his—now cum covered shirt.

Without a second thought, you tighten the grip you have on his hair and force his eyes on you. The pain surges through his scalp, and he hisses out, but you can feel the pulse of his dick when you do it.

“You’re my little whore–aren’t you?” You question, reaching down between you two, lining him with your entrance and sinking down in one swift motion. Matty moans, almost choking on his spit. Still extremely sensitive from his orgasm not even a second ago. “F-fuck, god–yes, I’m your whore, baby.” Matty whines.

You lean back, hands resting on his knees, pushing your hips down onto him roughly. With your cunt exposed, Matty's eyes can't help but fall to where your bodies meet, watching as his cock slides into your pulsing cunt.

Matty glances up at you through the hair falling over his forehead, and you notice tears starting to form as his hands find your hips, trying to slow your movements. "Please, pleassse! I can't anymore–" He whimpers, sliding his hands to your ass, squeezing it painfully.

"Look at you—shit," Another rough drop of your hips, "a withering fuckin' mess because of me." You chuckle lowly, fighting back the moan as you feel his hips come off the couch, trying to match your speed.

Matty's eyes snap to yours, and his mouth opens, assumingly to respond with some witty comment, but you rut yourself back onto him, bottoming out to the hilt, and Matty's words are cut off with a loud moan.

“Yes, baby, that’s it, fuckin’ give it to me. Fuck my little pussy and make me cum.” You yell, grinding down onto him hard.

Matty’s hips shoot up, his dick twitching inside of you, and you can see him bite his lip hard enough to draw blood. "Oh, god, please." Matty nearly begs, hands griping your ass even tighter, his head to drop back against the chase, exposing his neck. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re so good." He moans, trying to restrain his voice.

"I wanna see your pretty makeup all over you." You whisper, leaning forward, licking a trail from the base of neck to his ear. "Wanna see you covered in it."

You feel Matty's breathing quicken, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Fuck, please.” He whines through gritted teeth, and you can feel he’s about to lose it. You purposely clench the muscles in your pussy, building up pressure in the base of your stomach, and Matty fucking loses it.

"I take it, baby. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I—I'm gonna cum again, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, love. I can't stop it. I can't-I can't- I'm gonna cum again." He whines.

You push yourself faster, grinding down onto him hard. "Not just yet, sweetheart. Give me some tears, baby boy. We're not done yet." Reaching out, you cup your hand over his mouth to muffle his cries. "Don't cum yet. Don't you fucking cum yet." You demand firmly. Matty nods quickly, whimpering against your hand. "Want you to get your head as fucked up as your cock is right now."

You keep one hand cupped over his mouth, muffling his cries while you're harshly bouncing up and down on his cock. "You're gonna take it. You're gonna take it all, alright? Just like a good boy." You grind into him a little harder, making sure your nails are digging into his cheek, but not hard enough to leave marks.

He's out of control.

He's no longer Matty, the cocky, self-absorbed man you love. He's some sort of desperate animal. He’s a whore, and you fucking love it. You can feel his little whimpers in your hand, begging you not to make him cum again, then begging you to let him cum.

Your other hand finds its way to his hair, where you pull at the roots, rocking your hips back and forth. You can feel Matty's head thrashing from side to side, his eyes screwed shut, and black tears beginning to stream from them.

"You love this, don't you, you little slut. You love being a slut for me, don't you?" You chuckle lowly, watching his head fall to the side, away from your hand. "My beautiful boy."

"Ungh! Yeah—shit." He whines. "I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum. Fuck. Fuck."

Your gaze is mesmerizingly fixed on him; his chocolate brown curls are tousled, and there are black smudges tracing the contours of his eyes and cheeks. His pink lips swollen from biting them, his dick twitching inside of you while on the verge of cumming again, It's absolutely perfect.

"Cum for me, Matty. Paint my pussy white."

And he does.

It's so perfect that it has your stomach tightening in knots and your orgasm rising at a rapid pace. "Ungh! Fuck! I'm gonna cum." You moan, losing yourself and crashing your lips to his.

You taste blood as your teeth crash together, and a high-pitched moan escapes from the both of you as your bodies tense. He's cumming, you're cumming. Both of you cumming at the same time.

It feels like your spine has been struck by the strongest bolt of lightning you could possibly imagine. Explosions of pleasure course through your body, your vision goes white for a moment, and you can feel every muscle in your body tense and relax at once.

Your trembling lips locked together as wave after wave of pleasure washes over your intertwined bodies. Inhaling deeply, you both feel the intensity of the moment before slowly exhaling into each other's mouths as his tears wet your cheeks. You can feel Matty's cum gushing into you, marking you as his. You can feel him tense and shiver against you as you milk every last drop of cum from his cock.

You pull away from him, and after a moment, he raises his head to look at you. You move your hands to his face, thumbs swiping away the black lines from his eyelids, cheeks, and chin. He smiles at you, and you can't help but smile back, "Think you gotta redo your makeup. Sorry about that, love." You whisper, gently kissing his lips.

Matty chuckles silently. "Mhm, you're fuckin’ doing it for me this time." He whispers back, kissing your nose.

Tags (can't tag if your @ is red): @nothingrevealedeverythingdenied, @x-a-black-winged-dove-x, @butyou-callmewhenyourebored, @sugarkane1001, @uramilf, @thereisaplaceintheheart, @squishysoupy, @ari-turner, @0nlyangel1975

Bout to getting my silly little box tattoo in September

This is just a small one shot I thought of based on one of my favourite songs , it’s pants and I know it could be soooo much better but it’s like 6am and I’m so sorry if it sucks

Called “Now your mine” , written from Mattys perspective, there about 17-18 and there isn’t much warnings for it other than maybe slight jealousy and cheating

(Changed the feminine pronouns to male ones just for the Fic)

I saw him standing cross the AstroTurf , I couldn’t believe that you had got there first.

Playing footie on the Astro after school is something that we always did before we wrong home, That day was no different I was standing with Ross and Hann just waiting for George to come along , as he did I could see that he was with her! Again , what a nightmare she is , and from the look already on his face I could tell that something was going on something was brewing between them. She was just chatting away to him and it looked like she was genuinely draining the life out of him. I couldn’t help but watch his every move as he came over to us, his broad shoulder and tall frame dark hair righted up in the bin that had always drive me wild. I couldn’t help being jealous of her and how she had somehow managed to crowd her way into George’s life, with her stupid little laugh and long ass legs (what that’s got to do with anything I’ll never know but there we go that’s what’s annoying me today), I’d loved George for as long as I’d known him but how could she just turn up one day and turn his life upside down.

You said you loved him did you really though , already had someone else on the go

They’d been together about five months at this point and George appeared to be totally smitten by her, she was always around , at school , when we hung out, always coming to see him at work and he even had to bring her to practise. She said she loved him too but the amount of stories I’d heard from others that would disprove this theory was immeasurable. I don’t know much about her but I know that she’d been with nearly ever lad out year and is now just making her way through the year below George being the newest she’d gotten her fuckin claws into. I’d brung it up with George a million times but he just told me every time that “she’s changed”, “she loves him” , but I’d heard that no matter how she was with or how ever many times she’d “changed” , she just used people and cheated every chance she got, she’d probably be looking for her new prey at this point. Not that I’d ever call George prey because he could stick up for himself and he was my best mate but even Hann dislikes her and he doesn’t dislike anyone you know.

And yes he stayed the night and he, he probably shouldn’t have.

He’s stayed the night, we’d spent a few hours with the lads practicing for the gig we had lined up down the pub that weekend and on the off occasion that , she hadn’t actually come he stayed over, it was a Thursday night and we’d gotten high after dinner and we were watching re-runs of friends. Laying next to each other I could feel the height coming off him I was the close to. I couldn’t keep my eyes of him, blowing out the smoked as his cheeks hollow out, his eyes slightly blood shot, his lips always so pretty.

“ Bro , you know you can take a picture right it’ll last well longer”, even his laugh his godly.

This leads us into a conversation about how he’d been so quiet and to himself recently, comes to think of it if he wasn’t at home, he was with her. We hadn’t seen him in months and when we did he just seemed off, upset, maybe even traumatised if that was the right word. He’d tried to say he was fine but I could tell he wasn’t,

Look in his eyes tell , tell me you wouldn’t have

I had to get him to be honest , his eyes weren’t as bright as they used to me, not as full as optimism and mischief as they had once been. They just seemed dull, as did he just tired and overall done with everything. So I pushed him to be honest with me. And that’s when he told me that Little Miss Jessie is just as bad as everyone says she is, That they argue all the time , that’s she’s manipulative , doesn’t trust him, won’t leave him alone. He’d told me that she’s always at him for being out and not with her or always making him feel like the bad guy. She overall just treats him like shit but he loves her and doesn’t want to hurt her even after the fact that he’s so upset by everything.

All is fair in matters of the heart so , go ahead and tear this friendship apart

We’d gotten into a massive discussion about the fact that he has to look out for number one no matter how much you may love someone, that the people you love shouldn’t be allowed to do as they please just because they feel like it. And then.

As I’d like magic he turned me and told me that he just couldn’t take it anymore and that he doesn’t want to leave her but doesn’t know what to do about it, his head fell onto my shoulder and a few tears let slip, I wiped them away holding him close to me. I waited till he had calmed down a little bit. Holding him this close to me wasn’t helping my situation in anyway what-so-ever and I couldn’t hold myself back. While I was comforting him I brung my lips to his cheek and then the other I could feel the heat raising throughout my body and when I looked at him we both leaned into each other and my world fell into place. Our lips met and our souls connected on a deeper level.

“What was that Matty!”

“George honestly , I’ve loved you since the day I met you and I just can’t watch you go through it with little miss perfect anymore I just wanted you to know that, and if ….if you don’t feel the same that’s fine….but please for the love of God ….you have to get rid of her….she’s just messing with you ead”

He then pulled me into him again , into a brain melting kiss. I closed my eyes this time and pulled him closer to me feeling his hands trail up my body until they were resting on my flaming hot cheeks and mine where shoved into his shirt that I grabbed onto for dear life.

“Gimmie your phone love” , we pulled away from each other for a second to breath and he passed me his phone after he’d pulled it from his pocket, I punched in the passcode and found her contact sending her

“It’s not my fault you know what’s done is done , he wanted me let it be , we’re still so young , which I could say that sorry I’m wrong but it’s not my fault that you got cheated on - Matty ❤️”. I send it away and got back to the task at hand.

Based off of “Cheating” by Michael Aldag

update on the band situation

IMMA BE A LITTLE DRUMMER BOY

UNWELL

The New York Times (Sep 2022)

Chapter 19

Word count / 2374

This chapter is nothing to shout home about I really hate it but I just wanted some communication with other characters in the story and some female characters other than Carly , hopefully the next few will be better , again I hope it’s okay

Sorry for typos

I HATE THIS CHAPTER HONESTLY

Matty's POV

"I bet you do"

That was the last thing I messaged George before I stepped into work, it wasn't to busy just yet and I saw my friend Vivian stood behind the counter wiping it down as I entered , I hung my jacket on the hook well Jamie's jacket because I still haven't given it back and make my way over to her "hey there gorgeous", I have nicknames for my friends it's nothing weird. I reach around her to clock myself in then take a second to look around. There's a few older couples in and a guy with dreadlocks sat in the corner he's a regular I see him every time I work so I think today might be a slow easy shift if it stays like this.

Vivian isn't doing much herself continuously cleaning the same spot of the counter "hey I heard if you clean hard enough you can scrub a hole through it" , she just glared at me through her eyelashes and I pull myself up to sit on the counter "what's up with ya?"

"Just Lukas , he's being a nightmare, just being super clingy and needy lately and it's doing my head in dude", she drops the cloth down onto the counter and sighs "like yeh sure he's my boyfriend but like I just need some space you know?". I've never liked Lukas he's always been really overbearing or the complete opposite and just not caring. He's very hot and cold with Viv, no one ever knows how he's going to be. He's a dick in all honesty

"Talk to him then Viv you know use your words man, or you could equally just tell him sling his hook, he's useless", I've had this conversation with Viv multiple times that he's useless but I guess when you love someone it's not that easy just to let them go.

"Did you speak to Lottie, like did you guys get anywhere?", I knew she'd try to change the subject because she doesn't like the idea of leaving him because they've been together on and off since they were 12 he all she's known really.

"Huh?", Lottie was one of the other girls that worked here we were really close and she kinda had a thing for me and she told me the other week that she'd like to try give us a go, we'd spoken a few times since but since I've started speaking to George I haven't spoke to her much. It's not really the best thing I've done, I kind of ghosted her because I wasn't feeling all great about it "oh um yeh, it didn't really go anywhere I wasn't feeling it", Im playing with my hands waiting for her to be annoyed at me, but she's not she just comes over standing next to me

"Did you even try Matt ?", I haven't really tried with anyone in quite sometime , George has been the first person really to make me even want to try, but I've just not felt it you know, I've had one night stands and been with people at parties but I can't say the last time I was really properly interested in anyone.

"Honestly Viv , no , I didn't really want too, like don't get me wrong she's lovely and she's absolutely gorgeous but I just couldn't bring myself to be interested", I know, If I really tried I could have been interested but being with anyone in the last few weeks maybe even months has just been right at the back of my mind. I want to let her know that I'm not totally isolating myself because she'll just get all big sistery on me "I am talking to someone though", a smile immediately finds its way to my lips even at the thought of George and I look at her "there wonderful"

She gets so giddy so fast clapping her hands and smiling "oh my god what's she like Matt", Vivian isn't the most feminine girl I know but she LOVES a bit of gossip and has always been interested in my love life. It's endearing really. "Tell me everything" , we both jump down from the counter and make ourselves coffees , the benefit of working here we get free coffee whenever we like. I scratch the back of my head a little contemplating weather or not I should tell her that it's actually a he not she. It think about it for a second then realise there's no need to hide.

"His name is George , and he just so ...I don't know so amazing" , Viv stops making her coffee just to look at me her mouth basically on the floor, and I'm just smiling at her with the biggest smile on my face

"No way , how have I never known this before, I need to know everything". Just as Viv asks me the store begins to get somewhat busy so we stop making out coffees and push the mugs to the back of the counters for later. Then we turn round to start serving customers. I think there may have been a kids club on tonight because there are a lot of families in just getting drinks and sandwiches, As it gets busier I can feel that all to familiar buzz run through me and my hands start to shake. A small child hands me the money that he'd like to pay with but instead of a note or the correct amount it's change but small change so I have to add it up to make sure it's correct but I count it three times and still feel like it's wrong. Looking over to Vivian for help I notice that she still has a line of people ordering this causes me to panic slightly. I count it one last time and put it through as what I believe it is and hand him the change. I try to busy myself with heating up paninis for a small table in the corner but with my hands shaking I accidentally burn myself on the grill "shitting hell", I slam the grill closed and turn back to Vivian who is now making coffees "I fuckin burned my hand again". I show her my shaking hand and the raging red rash that has already appeared on my hand.

"Matty Jesus , how do you manage that everytime, you gotta calm down lad your shaking". She takes my hand in hers and examines in "it should be okay just go and run it under some cold water and try to calm yourself down a little yeh!?" I nod as she lets me hand drop to my side, I scutter off to bathroom to rinse my hand wincing as the water connects with my hand and a small pain jolts through me . I take a breath through my teeth and force my hand to stay under the water. As I'm stood there rinsing my hand, I catch my reflection in the mirror not to dissimilar to how I've looked the past few days, I look totally done in , my cheeks are quite hollow , my eyes are a deep red and the bags around them are so black it looks like eye shadow and my cheek bones were perturbing a slight bit. I sigh to myself and roll my eyes , how did I let it get this bad I think to myself but than also realise that it's been easier for me doing everything the way I'm doing it now instead of forcing myself to be okay. I take another few seconds to myself and then turn off the tap and make my way back through to the front room. My manger now happens to be stood there god I hate this guy. He eyes me as I walk in. "Where have you been Matthew. You've been gone ten minutes right in the middle of a rush".

I immediately roll my eyes at him hopefully he doesn't notice "it's Matty, and I was rinsing my hand under water, I burnt my hand on the grill". I momentarily show him the burn and then shove my hands into my pockets, staring him down waiting for a reply from him

"Right , anyway back to work please". He walks back through to the office as I stand there awkwardly till he's gone then pull at face behind his back so that Viv can see

"He's a fuckin tool by the way", I get back to work, making coffees for a few more customers and serve them too. I'm really just willing my break to be soon , I've only been in and hour of my 4 and a half hours but I really can't be bothered with this right now. My head is still spinning from the rush ealier but I'm really willing it away and hoping It will just fuck off . After another half hour of this mundane job . My nicer shift manager comes over and tells me I can go for my break it's only 20 minute s but it's the best news of the shift.

I make my way out back and pull my phone out my pocket along with a cigarette and lighter. I light my cigarette and sit down on the steps of the back door and quickly snap George "hiya darlin , how are you doing without me?", I tear through my first cigarette quite quickly and immediately take another one out when George's reply comes through

It makes me smile and a shiver runs through me as I open it , he's just stood there hair wet and water droplet adorning his shoulders and chest "hiya love , I'm alright just out of the shower, how are you?", he can't be looking like this right now he's to gorgeous ,

"I've got a killer headache right now,burnt my hand , I'm a bit shaky and I feel like im on the verge of bloody murder but I'm okay", I feel the need to tell him I'm okay but I feel vulnerable about things and I send another quick message "can you tell me I'll be okay" ,  even asking that send another shiver down my spine because I hate that I already rely so much on George to keep me sane even after such a small period of time but really if he tells me I'll be okay then I'll believe him and it helps. That might not be the best thing for my sanity right now but it's what I need.

He replies not long after with a video message and I hear his soft deep tones coming through my speakers while he's laying there on his bed still top less "love trust me , If your really having a tough time, just know that I believe in you and I know your doing amazing , and you will be okay" , ahhh bless him he really is trying , I can't help but blush at the message I feel somewhat nervous even though he isn't here and my head starts to spin but for a completely different reason and I feel myself falling deeper into the whirlwind that's is George fuckin Daniel.

I send him a quick thank you and tell him I'll talk him later once I've finished and hopefully the rest of my shift goes by smoother. And at the I slide my phone back into my pocket and rise from the step dusting my clothes down before I step back into the store. Once I have come back in the store is a lot emptier and a lot calmer and I come bouncing over to Vivian with more of a spring in my step and jump back to sit up on the counter

The whole front counter area is back to normal, and all that's left to clean up is the kitchen itself and the dinning area, but I just know I'll get kitchen duty as we close in half an hour but we still have to clean for around 2 hours, Viv looks at me now noticing I'm alot calmer than I was. "Alright there stud".

"A little better yeh , it wasn't to busy while I was gone right ?". I hate leaving people on busy shifts but when I was feeling that uptight and needed a breather the break was the only option , "felt like I was about to fizz over for a second there but I'm doing a little better"

"What's up with you lately you've been really skittish Matt ?", I knew she'd ask after my little outburst but I really don't want to talk about it, not now at least because it will just set me off again and I want to stay calm and keep my composure for a little longer than 5 minutes . So with that I shrug , push myself back off the counter and go to starts cleaning tables

"I'm fine Viv", If I start cleaning tables and look like I'm busy out in the dining area I might not get shoved into the kitchen because that would just be the cherry on the cake that’s been this wank day , and I know I’d just walk out and lose yet another job.

The rest of the shift goes swimmingly , I do get a little shaky from time to time but I push it away and try to forget about it, it’s a struggle sometimes when I don’t know what causes it but I really have to do it, the last hour seems to tick away so slowly each minute feeling like a decade. Ten minutes before my shift ends I just give up with whatever I’m doing and try to procrastinate until my shift is over.

When my shift finally ends I clock out instantly, say goodbye to Viv and grab my jacket from the hook, stepping outside I light another cigarette and trudge the short distance home. I pull out my phone connecting my headphones and stick on some slayer and I see my last message from George “I hope you have an easier second half of your shift ay x” after that I reply with just a picture of myself smiling with a short message saying “yooo , finally finished ffs x”

I need to discuss this with somebody , cuz I feel like I’m going insane and it’s infuriating me , for like I want to say for at least the last week everytime I’ve said something to anyone they can’t hear me and it takes like 3 times for me to say it till they hear me but I feel like I’m shouting and it’s so mad , idk if it’s an adhd thing but I feel like I’m speaking loud and clearly but everytime there like “what you saying speak up” it just makes me not want to repeat myself or just in general makes me not want to speak , anyone have any tips for this