Soil-just-needs-water-to-be - Dylan

Blurb idea like maybe when they are in a relationship george is like matty u need a hair cut but he agrees to george cutting it if he lets matty do the same to him

See first off I see them just playing FIFA or watching a documentary on the TV and Matty is laying on George’s lap while George threads his hand through Mattys hair but his fingers keep getting caught in knots so he looks down at him as Matty is falling asleep and he’s like “Hey love ! I think it might be time for a haircut again”, in Mattys sleep addled brain he just nods not really hearing what’s George says

But the next day when there out George stops outside a barber Matty is like “what are we doing “, George then retells Matty agreed to last nigh but Matty is stood shaking his head “I don’t want to George , I like my hair like this” ,

“But it’s getting long love it getting knotty”

“I can just brush it more”

George then explains that everything will be okay, and the he’s getting his hair cut too so there’s nothing to worry about , they can get it done together, quickly an idea builds in Mattys head and George can tell he’s thinking “what’s that face about huh?”

“I’ll get my hair cut if you do it , I can do your too”, he’s smiling at George now and George can’t really see why it would be a bad idea for them to do it for each other because if they mess up it’s fine they can both just buzz it.

“Alright”

So later on the day

A laughter can be heard trailing through the loft that they share together and laughter along with a drowned buzzing, Matty was stood over George and George is sat on the floor in the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his shoulders so that hair could be collected easier

“So how would you like your hair today Mr Daniel?” Matty enquired just like he was an actual barber.

“How about you just buzz it love , that’ll be new and easier to control “ Matty was stood for a second contemplating the idea, trying to imagine what it would look like then he slowly brings the clippers to George’s hair a begins his art work. Still pretending he’s a barber

“Any plans this weekend then”

“Just studio work really and date night with Matty, that’s why I’m getting a haircut, he should be through next” , Matty laughed along with him smiling at the prospect of Date night, they’d been so busy lately that they hadn’t gotten to do much together as of late. When he was finished George’s hair he put the clippers down and carefully pulled him up to see in the mirror

“Do you like it”

“I love it Matty , thank you, it’s your turn now”

Matty takes George’s place on the floor slightly nervous “can we just put it a little bit shorter, I don’t want it to short and maybe just tidy up the sides” , he was combing through his hair explaining to George how he’d like it and how it needs to be done

“That I can do love”

The fact no one is singing is UPSETTING ME

This is giving “children laughing at something on there phone while mother overlooks the content” 😂😂

https://href.li/?https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1697864713911025664/pu/vid/634x360/MvcQtgBSBB8-LelN.mp4?tag=12

This is so funny to me

“Matty wanted an orangutan “ 😂

Reblog if reading someone else’s fanfiction has helped you get through a hard day

To read after work

unplanned - ross macdonald x reader

chapter 1

a/n: hello! i posted this a long time ago but was very unsatisfied with it, so i took it down to polish up and am far more pleased with this version! plz let me know what u think :) excited to write this.

you feel frightened by how quickly you jolt awake; once you had finally managed to fall asleep last night it was deep, the kind you knew would have been refreshing had it lasted. but only a few hours have passed, and as soon as you’re awake you panic because you know why this has happened. the nausea hits you immediately and you run to the bathroom down the hall, not even worrying about trying to keep quiet despite the fact your grandmother is asleep just down the hall and you don’t want her to know what’s been going on with you the last few days.

it’s a close call but you make it just in time, emptying your stomach even though there’s really not much left at this point. you try to be quiet but your retching is loud enough that once you’re finished you hear a small knock on the door.

“darling, are you ok?” you hear your nana ask on the other side of the door.

you lie your head back against the tub, grabbing a cold washcloth you had left from when you’d been in this same situation a few hours before and putting in on your forehead.

“i’m fine, nan. something i ate i suppose,” you say back, weakly.

“alright then. i’m going back to bed but if you need anything let me know.”

“thanks nan.” you want to cry thinking about how sweet she is, how much you will miss her when you finally head back to the city. you have been here all summer, and all of the paid time off you should have been saving for an upcoming wedding and honeymoon is gone, spent instead on feeling sorry for yourself, mourning the loss of your new home, a large group of your friends, and of course, your relationship with ross. you are due to return to london today, and back to work tomorrow. you try and take deep breaths as you lie there, then get up, brush your teeth, and head back to your room. you lie back in bed, thankful for how cool your sheets feel on your face and your back, then pick your phone up off the bedside table. 5 am. you will be leaving the house in just two hours.

you unlock it and see you have two texts. both you are expecting, but one you dread.

the first is from your friend, gemma, confirming the time you’ll be at her flat this morning . you’ll be staying with her temporarily until you can find a place of your own, at least you hope. you wait to respond, as your answer will depend on what lies ahead in your next message.

it’s from ross:

yeah, i suppose i can meet up. what time

you hate how indifferent his tone is. you know it’s just a text, that a lot can get lost when you’re communicating without seeing or hearing him, but you still have a gut feeling that he is not happy to be hearing from you.

you stare at the screen for several minutes, feeling incapable of responding. you lock and unlock your phone several times, another knot forming in your stomach. you’re sure he’s not awake, that’s he’s barely thought about you since he received your message asking if you could see each other and talk, but you also can’t help but worry that he knows you’ve read your message, that you’re taking so long to respond. you can’t think rationally right now after the news you’ve received yesterday.

you unlock your phone again then go to your mail app, where you have an email from your doctor with your blood results. you scroll to the bottom and see the words again, still as big of a shock to your system as they were when you read them the first time: PREGNANCY (HCG) - POSITIVE.

over the last couple of weeks, you could sense that something was off. you’d felt far more tired than normal; when you’d first arrived at the beginning of the summer, you had made a habit of spending your afternoons gardening with your nana, but the heat seemed to be getting to you more easily now. but when you’d started throwing up a few days before, you realized you had missed your second period in a row. upon this realization you had texted gemma immediately, panicking, but she tried and reassured you that maybe it had just been the unduly high amount of stress you’d been under. but when you did the math in your head of the last time you and ross had slept together, you knew you wouldn’t get any reassurance until you’d seen your doctor.

you exit the mail app and go back to your messages, staring at the blinking cursor. finally you respond:

does noon sound ok? i’m driving back from nan’s this morning so i can just meet you as soon as i get back into the city. maybe at that coffee shop around the block from my office?

you sit up against the headboard after you hit send, feeling your eyes well up again. you are so scared about telling him, scared of how he will react, scared of seeing him again for the first time in two and a half months. you’d known that eventually you would have to contact him again; your stuff was still in the house you’d shared after all, you were going to have to fetch it eventually. but you had not expected your first meeting after your breakup to be under such strange circumstances.

by now it’s 5:45, and you figure you might as well get up and start packing. before you can get out of bed, your cat, harvey, jumps up and starts rubbing his head against your hands, purring up a storm. you smile through your tears at him; he is so old, his fur is patchy, he’s half blind, but he has been a constant source of comfort for you during your summer stay at your nana’s.

you continue to cry as you pull your suitcase out from under your bed and put your things in it. you don’t want to go back to what you have left behind. you still don’t think you have even fully processed your breakup with ross; the night you’d broken up with him, you’d immediately packed a bag that night and driven up to liverpool. you hadn’t looked back, and because of that you’d spent the whole summer distracting yourself rather than dealing with your grief. your nana had been wonderful, and had offered to talk things out with you several times, but you’d always refused. you feel guilty for not telling her what’s going on now, but you don’t want to tell anyone until you know exactly how you are going to handle the situation.

once your things are in your suitcase, you wash your face, throw on a pair of jean shorts and an old t-shirt, then pack harvey up in his crate and head downstairs, where your nana is making tea and toast. she follows you out to your car, giving you a big hug before you get in. you start crying again as you hold her tightly, not wanting to let go.

“it’ll be ok, sweetheart. you’ll make it through, i promise,” she says, rubbing your back.

“i love you, nana,” you say, still holding her arms as you pull away. “thank you for everything.”

“i love you too, more than you will ever know. give me a ring when you make it back to gemma’s.” she watches as you get in your car, start the engine, and drive off, and you sob as you see her fade away in your rear view mirror.

the drive to london passes in silence, but it’s quick, as you spend the whole time trying to play out how you will break this news to ross. you practice different scenarios out loud, occasionally glancing down to see harvey glaring back up at you from his carrier in the passenger seat, grateful he’s there to help you calm down when you start to feel like you’re getting too worked up about it. when you finally arrive in the city you make a quick stop at gemma’s flat, where she’s left a key for you at the front desk while she’s at work so you can drop off harvey and your suitcases. once you set up his food and water bowls and his litter box you look at your watch. it’s now 11:57.

“shit,” you say out loud, leaving the flat and walking the six blocks as fast as you can to the cafe where you are supposed to meet him. you’d wanted to get there early, to compose yourself as much as possible before he arrived, but the time had gotten away from you.

when you arrive you are a little out of breath, and feel a bit alarmed because you don’t immediately see him. it was unlike him to be late, and while you were driving down the thought of him not showing up at all had occurred to you more than once. but you catch your breath as your eyes take a second glance around the cafe and see him sitting in the corner booth, his coffee already at the table, staring at his phone. after a few seconds he looks up and sees you, gives you a small wave; as he does he gives you a strange look, not exactly a frown and not exactly a smile, a grimace of sorts. you wave back and try to force a small smile, then go to the counter to order.

while you wait for the barista to finish up your drink, you look over at him a few times. he looks good; hair up, arms looking more toned than usual, skin tanned, most likely from his time spent outdoors on the festival circuit this year. he and the boys had seemingly hit a high this summer from what you could tell when you would torture yourself by checking instagram. it bothered you that he looked so good and you looked so pitiful, showing up with a puffy face, frizzy hair, no makeup on. you curse yourself for not thinking of that possibility, but aren’t able to dwell on it for long because your name is being called.

he does not stand up or greet you as you approach the table, just locks his phone and looks up at you when you sit down, folding his hands. “hi,” you say, softly, again trying to force a smile you know he’ll be able to see through.

“hey. alright?” he says, a little too politely.

“fine. sorry i’m so late. lost track of time.”

he chuckles a little at that, giving you a small smile. “i wouldn’t expect anything less.”

you smirk, looking down at your coffee as you stir it nervously with your spoon. “you look well. have things been okay with the band and all that?”

“yeah, really good. just got home from a long run of festivals a couple days ago. don’t have much else planned until the new year, so it’ll be nice to have a few months off.”

that’s nice,” you say, looking back up at him. the tension is sharp, and there is an awkwardness, but even so you can’t believe how kindly he is acting toward you after everything that went down. you’re both silent for a few moments, eyes wandering around the room, not sure what to say next; you keep trying to figure out when to bring it up without it seeming like too big of a bomb, but you’re kidding yourself if you think there’s a way to tell him organically.

but just before you’re about to speak up again, he clears his throat. “erm…have you figured out where you’re staying yet? sort out a flat or anything?”

you take another sip of coffee. “not exactly…like i said, i literally just got back from staying with my nana. think i’ll just be crashing with gemma until I can find a flat. might be a while though. i’ve applied to several places but keep getting rejected because of my credit.”

“shit,” he says. “sorry about that.”

you can tell by the way his jaw clenches that he wants to say something else on the subject, something about how this could have been prevented, but he bites his tongue. you nearly roll your eyes at this, but continue. “it’s alright, really. i’ll make it work. you, um, is it still okay with you if i keep my things at the house until i sort something out? i promise i’ll get them out as soon as i find a place. just can’t really afford storage at the moment.”

“sure, i don’t mind. not bothering me. i’ve only been back from tour for about a week myself so everything is sort of all over the place at the house anyway.”

another silence. then, he goes again.

“your nana doing alright?”

“yes, she’s doing really well. still as active as ever. and your family?”

“great. my parents are supposed to come visit in a few weeks i think.”

“good.”

another silence. you start to pick at the skin on your thumbs a little, and watch as he taps his phone, pretending to look distracted. from your side of the table you can see that only about seven minutes have passed since you sat down, but you feel like it’s been hours. a lump builds in your throat when you realize this; if anyone had told you this would be how things between the two of you would be a year ago, you would have laughed at how absurd a notion that was. you can’t believe the two of you were a couple for four years before this; you are behaving as if you’ve never met.

you swallow, take a deep breath, and then look him straight in the eyes.

“look, ross, there’s something i need to tell you.”

“i suspected,” he returns, a little too sarcastically for your liking.

you take another deep breath before deciding to brush his comment off, then say, “i…i’ve tried to think of about a million different ways to tell you this without just totally blindsiding you, but i guess that’s not really possible because i just found out myself and…and…” your eyes are starting to well up again, a couple of tears escaping and running down your face.

he starts to look alarmed now, his eyes getting wider. he adjusts his hands a little, at first looking like he’s about to extend one to you, but then remembering his place, remembering that that might no longer be appropriate, and puts them back together again. he doesn’t say anything, though, just keeps staring at you, searching your face and listening intently.

“okay, erm…i’m pregnant.”

another silence, but his face speaks volumes. obviously, he’s stunned; there is no expression, just his brown eyes still wide, his mouth a straight line. he stays quiet for about a minute, keeps his gaze right on you, eye contact not breaking. slowly, he sits up straighter in his chair, messes a little with his watch band, then takes a breath, looking out the window next to you as he does so.

“uh…” is all he can muster up. you wipe another few tears with a napkin. after you do so, he says, “okay. when did you find this out?”

“yesterday,” you say, setting the napkin back on the table now, feeling a little relief since you’ve at least spilled the beans. “got it tested through bloodwork, so it’s official.”

“okay.” he’s looking down now, continuing to mess with his watch band, not looking you in the eyes anymore. “and…okay, i’m sorry, what i’m about to say might make me sound like a massive dickhead, but you’re sure it’s mine?”

dagger straight to the heart. “oh my fucking god,” you say, starting to raise your voice a little bit, but catching yourself. “of course. do you really think i would…is that what you think of me?”

“okay, i’m sorry, i’m sorry. that was unfair.” he puts his hands up, like you’re pointing a gun at him or something. “i haven’t seen you or spoken to you since you left. it’s been, like, three months. i just had to be sure.”

you sigh. “no…it’s ok, i get it. this is…it’s just a lot for both of us.”

he scratches his nose, then puts his hands behind his neck and leans back against the chair, looking out the window again. “no, it was a stupid thing to say. i just…am shocked. and…like, you’re sure? i’m just trying to think how this could have happened.”

you can’t believe how thick he’s acting. yes, toward the end, you two had barely been having sex, and you know this comment is a petty allusion to that fact, but again, you try to keep your patience with him. “come on, ross. i know we were having issues, but…” you give him a stern look. “don’t you remember the last time? that party at george and charli’s when we both got wasted and fucked in the linen closet?”

his eyes get big again, it finally dawning on him. “oh. but…I mean you still have the iud and all that right? just because…”

“unlikely, but not impossible.”

just then, a ghastly smell from the counter hits your nose, and you feel a wave of nausea hit you again. you stand up quickly, halfway shout an “excuse me,” to ross, then run to the toilet as quickly as possible, throwing up the coffee. when you wipe your face off and rinse out your mouth with water, you look in the mirror. you look like shit, you feel like shit. you stand there and stare at yourself, furious that you’re in this situation, dreading returning to your table. but when you walk back out the door, ross is standing in the corridor, waiting on you. hands in his pockets, he looks extremely concerned.

“are you ok?”

you wipe a little sweat off your forehead, and reply, quietly, “i’ll be fine. morning sickness, i expect.”

“do you want to get out of here and go for a walk?”

“sure.”

the two of you keep your hands in your pockets as you walk side by side. you can’t help but notice how strange it feels; even toward the end you rarely walked anywhere together without his hand in yours, his thumb rubbing up and down the back. the silence between you now is a little more comfortable at least. you both know you have things you must say, but you’ve come to an understanding that, at least until you get to your destination, you can keep quiet. about twenty minutes pass before you reach a park you two would often visit when he would meet you after work and you find a bench you can sit on. when you sit down, you start to notice loads of families, many with prams. you try to imagine yourself with one, but shiver a little at the thought.

“so…um…have you decided what you’re going to do?” ross breaks the silence.

“no, i haven’t really considered all the options i suppose. still trying to let it all sink in.”

“what’s your first instinct?”

you laugh a little. “not a fucking clue. was going to see what you thought, to be honest.”

“oh, this is the thing you want my opinion on?” he retorts, and the two of you really start laughing then, a deep, refreshing chuckle you could feel in your belly. “four years with the most opinionated woman i’ve ever met who constantly reminds me she doesn’t need my thoughts, then all of a sudden a child’s in the mix and she wants me to make the decision.”

“hey,” you slap his arm, playfully. “i always take your opinion into consideration. when i ask for it.”

“oh, really? and please enlighten me, when was the last time you asked my opinion for anything? i can’t seem to recall.”

“seems like i asked you what kind of fencing we should consider for the garden when we were getting ready to start the renovation.”

“only because i was going to have to be the one to put it up.” he smiles at you sweetly as both of your laughter fades, and for a second you feel like nothing between you ever changed, that the last few months had just been a bad dream and things were how they were supposed to be. “seriously, though,” he starts again, “it’s your decision. i’ll be fine with whatever you decide. it’s your body.”

you sigh. “right now i’m thinking i’ll wait until after the first scan and then decide.”

“seems reasonable enough.”

“do you…um…do you want to come with me for that?”

“do you want me there?”

you smirk a bit. “who else would i bring along? harvey?”

he laughs again at this. “sick bastard would probably puke all over the table, make it all about himself.”

you giggle, tucking a loose piece of hair behind your ear. “is that a yes, then?”

“of course.”

you look up at him, taking in the way he smiles, the little lines around his eyes that you love so much and how much his dimples pop out. it’s killing you how much you’ve missed this, how much you’ve missed him. you have to fight back the urge to touch him, to take his hand or kiss his cheek. “thank you. and also, sorry, i guess.”

“sorry? it’s not like i’m blameless in this situation either. you do know how making a baby works, right?”

he walks you home shortly after; still contactless, another silence settles between you two, but this one is far more comfortable. you are still scared shitless, but you still feel as though an enormous weight has been lifted off your shoulders knowing that, at least for the moment, ross is not going to abandon you completely.

as you approach the steps of gemma’s building, he says, “you still look a bit green. are you sure you’ll be alright for now?”

“yeah, i think so. this has been going on for a few days now. i’m just going to try and take it easy until i have to go back to the office tomorrow.”

“when is the scan?”

“next tuesday at 2:00.”

“i can drive us there. if you want, that is.”

“i don’t think i’d mind.” you give him a small smile.

“okay…well, see you then?” he puts his hands behind his back. you can tell he is unsure how to say goodbye to you; as long as you’ve known him he’s never left you at least without a hug. but, especially with the bizarre twist of events that today has brought on, he is unsure what is allowed, and doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.

“see you then.” you don’t reach out, you just turn from him and begin to walk up the stairs, seeing him walk away from the building when you talk. quick glance back. when you get back up to gemma’s flat, you hear your phone ding as you sit on the sofa, greeted by your cat, who nestles into you as you unlock your phone. it’s from ross:

i forgot to mention this, but if you need anything from me between now and tuesday, let me know. i’ll be around. xx

you smile at this, and cannot help but feel grateful that, even though your relationship with him is an absolute wreck, and you are uncertain what the future holds, that there is a small glimmer of a possibility that your lives will still be somehow entangled, at least for a little bit longer.

Chapter 25

Word count : 2917

This chapter contains , a lot of mention of drugs and drug use , anxiety and being high

This chapter is written in a slightly different style I hope you enjoy but please give me feedback if you prefer it the other way or this way. It's not to much different just more clear demographics of who is typing when it comes to texting I suppose but yeh I'd still love some feedback that would be grandly appreciated ❤️

Matty's POV

It really wasn't George's fault that I got so worked up over a single question he was just trying to help, and I genuinely am so grateful for him and everything he does for me but I'm fragile and my state of mind is so frail , has been for the longest time and certain stuff sets me off, George left the call a few hours ago his Mum came home so he had to go talk to her about what happened at school and then I think he got caught up with studying, we're texting but I still feel like I'm going to explode my anxiety has been through the roof since he's been gone, I meant it earlier when I told him he calms me, he's like the literal embodiment of Pablo Picasso's painting of the Dove of Peace that represents peace and unity, maybe a little pretentious of me but it's true , he's like a lighthouse in a storm if you may.

I'm currently sat with my Mum, Dad and Louis , watching Star Wars , my Mum thought it would be good if we all spend sometime together, When she got home from work she could tell I was hopped up and skittish, she did try to speak to me but I said I was fine but she insisted we all spent some time together. Really all I want to do is go get high or drunk at this point I don't really mind which option is pulling me in most. My mum had poured herself a class of red wine before we started the film and it's all that's been on my mind since I sat down, I doubt I'll be allowed anything, my dad usually offers me a beer but right now I don't think they'll let me and Louis is sat on my knee and I don't want to disturb him, I'm biting my nails now trying to concentrate on the film and not the ticking of the clocks in the room that are surely just going to blow my brain up in a minute.

"Matthew", my Mum brought me out of my haze.

"Mhm", my reply was muffled by my mouth still chewing on my nails.

"Hands", I look at her quizzically for a second as I don't quite know what she means, "stop chewing your nails love", my hands drops from my mouth immediately

"Sorry Mum" , I carefully lift Louis of my knee must to his protest and ruffle his hair, "my eads really cloudy right now I can't concentrate, I'm just going to lay down for a little while, I'm sorry".

"You alright son", I just nod at my dad with a halfhearted smile and make my way upstairs the quiet of my own room and head probably won't be much better but I just need to be alone. I make it to my room and just slump down on my bed the duvet felt to soft but also really scratchy but there's nothing I can do about that right now, I feel like I was just laying there staring at the ceiling, falling into a spiralling vortex with nowhere to go but it was really only a couple of minutes. My hands where twitching like mad and I could just feel a tingling sensation through my whole body and I hated it. I knew what I needed right about now so I instantly pull my phone free from my pocket and scroll through my texts till I find his number

Corey (Bigman) , If I could trust anyone to have anything to quell my anxiety Corey would have it so I fire him a quick text

Matty: yo it's Matty , are you about!

Corey : yeh bro 😎, what you after?

Matty: I don't know just something to calm me the fuck down.

Corey : right no worries man, meet me at the oak in ten yeh don't be late.

Matty: cool.

I sit up a little resting on my elbows to keep me steady taking a second to just breath or at least try to relax my breathing, then scrub my hands down my face and go back downstairs "I'm gunna go for a walk clear my ead, I'll be back in a bit yeh, it's only about 8, I'll get something from the shop if you want", I pull on my old tattered black vans and I wait for a response and shove my wallet into my back pocket , stick my head round the door and notice that Louis has fully zonked out on the couch "do you guys want anything from the shop?"

"No thanks love, please be safe, call me if you need anything and don't be long alright, I know it's summer and it's light out but you still need to careful , come give your mum a hug first first" , I roll my eyes and smile while I make my way over and pull my Mum into a tight hug. "We love you Matthew , be careful alright"

"I love you too Mum" as I pull away I try to sent the most reassuring smile her way. "I'm alright though" , I say goodbye again leaving the room and snag my jacket (Jamie's jacket ), from the coat rack and slip out the door, and start the journey to the Oak Hill, on my way I send a Snapchat to George not really of anything just the scenery and just put a little heart on the screen before sending. The walk is peaceful really besides a few hoodlam kids across the other side of the road making the biggest ruckus for absolutely no reason but I ignore it. After about five minutes I get a reply from George a pretty artsy picture of all his school books on his desk

George: where you off to love❤️?

Again I don't really send a snap because if I'm going to show him around Manchester I want to do it in person not through a screen or pictures , Pictures rarely do anything justice

Matty: just on a walk darlin , tryna clear my head , how's the enforced studying going 😂

George: it's an absolute nightmare honestly I don't know how people do this on purpose , clearing your head are you still upset?

Matty: honestly yeh my heads all over the place still but it's okay I'm trying to calm down darlin , also I can 100% feel your there studying is the worst thing about of school 😂

George: I'll call you once my parents go to bed I'll just need a minute to be sure so I don't get caught, I miss your face already love.

I quickly skim read his message again and slip my phone in my pocket and turn the corner coming face to face with Corey, he's got a joint in between his lips and I can see he's holding another in his hands with a lighter next to him. He looks up at me nodding and hands me the joint

"Have this with me first lad then I can hook you up with gear yeh"

I willingly take the joint and quickly flick the lighter a couple of times before the end lights up sparking an amber glow and I inhale the contents deeply sighing as I release "This is good shit"

"Quite strong so It might calm you down lad" he pats the ground next to him indicating for me to sit with him, I pull him up in the offer and slide myself next to him. Watching as he fiddles with my gear in his pocket and passes it over to me. "You given me good weed recently too lad so I'll give you this for free, but please be careful", I nod along with him as I take the baggie from him and slip it into my pocket. "What's up lad, you haven't come to me in a while, what's troubling ya.?"

"My heads all over the place and I can't shut anything up, I just want everything to be quiet for a bit, be able to breath you know" , I continue to inhale the substance and then go back to texting George as Corey starts trying to help me through something, he's not the smartest button in the box. I take a picture of the joint in my hand the flash causing the smoke to seem grey and float across my screen

Matty: "I fuckin miss you too man Jesus , it's not even been that long and it's scary, and yeh please don't get yourself into anymore trouble, we can call when you can , I don't know if I'll be home straight away but I'll let you know yeh"

With that I slip my phone into my pocket and pull the baggie out again "you wanna share it then Corey, I don't mind" , as I'm saying this I pull out my credit card from my wallet and preparing what I need , the oak is a very secluded area no one will catch us, I don't even know if it's an oak tree to be honest it's just a tree on the outskirts of the park that's been chopped down and just lying there , kids come here all the time to drink and party in summertime. I take a bump from the coke from the corner of my card letting it take through my body, it makes me shiver a little, and I then pass the stuff over to Corey as I feel my blood start to heat up a little. I take a seat leaning against the trunk of the tree and lol my head backwards and stare up to the sky, the starts looking like tiny torchlights leading the way to the heavens and they spin around us slowly , after a while Corey sits next to me

“So man , is it working is your head quieting down yet bro ?”, come to think of it it has a little, there’s still that anxious lump in my throat and my heart is still going a million miles a minute but my brain is a little quieter. A little foggy but quiet.

“It’s a little foggy and everything is still really grey and colourless but yeh it’s quiet”

“What had you so hopped up in the first place lad”, he pulls more papers out his pockets and starts rolling another joint as I close my eyes and let the world go on around me talking as i fall into a peaceful state of bliss

“I don’t wanna talk about right now” , once Corey finished rolling the joint he passes it over to me and I light up again bringing it to my lips inhaling then ask “bro got any drink on ya”

“I’ve got beer in my bag”

“That’ll do , not the best but it’ll do”, he pulls a can of carlins from his bag and passes me a can as well as opening a can for himself. “Bro how do you always just know what I need”, He’s known me a while now and always been able to set me up some good gear when I’ve needed it.

“I just know you bro”, we just spend some time drinking and smoking, we did a few more bumps of coke. It has been about an hour and a half at this point my brain had stopped racing everything was quiet and I was getting really tired. Corey was zoned out next to me and I was nearly half asleep. “I think imma go now lad, are you coming or are you just gunna sit for a bit”

“Nah man I’m good ay, just leave me one last can will ya”, I didn’t feel like what I said was actually how it came out, everything was slurred and just blending together as I said it but I’m sure he understood. “Thanks again Corey, you always have what I need when I need help”

“It’s cool bro don’t worry”, he got up from his place on the ground probably at a normal speed but too me it looked like everything was in slow motion and he dropped his last can next to me. “Be safe yeh”, after we said our goodbyes he walked off back in the direction of the park.

I don’t know how much longer I sat there just nursing the beer that was left for me , but eventually I started to feel like I was sinking into the ground my heart started beating faster, a lot faster than normal which started to freak me out a little. Causing my breathing to come in fast burst. This makes me open my eyes and everything around me spinning , making my head hurt “not again nah I can’t do this right now” , I pull my phone out and start stabbing at my screen trying to find someone’s number, anyone’s number I don’t care who at this point. The more I search the more I start to panic I hate this. Eventually my eyes fall on Ross’ name and I click his name and bring the phone to my ear and hear it ring a few times and it goes to voicemail “no, no, no , please pick up”, I press his name again hearing the ringer go through again “please Ross pick up” , I’m beyond panic at this moment and I can’t concentrate right. Eventually he does pick up

“Yo Matty what is it?”

“Ross , is that you!”

“Uh yeh , you called me so I’d assume you know”

“Ross I’m scared I need you, can you come get me please”

“What do you mean you scared , where are you!?”

“I can’t breath and my brain feels like it’s going to explode”

“Matty mate , where are you?”

“Um …I …I’m at the. Uh the oak”

“Okay lad, I’ll be five minutes, do you want me to stay on the phone”

“Please…Ross please make it stop”, I could hear him on the other side, pulling on his jacket and his keys rattling as he pulled his door shut.

“What did you do mate?”

“I just needed my brain to shut up for a second, nothing was working, I needed it stop…and and…and it did…but now I can’t …can’t breath”

“Matty ….I swear you need to tell me , what did you take” , he’s outside now I can hear the crunching of leaves under his feet , Ross’ house was just around the corner so he shouldn’t be too long.

“How long will you be?”

“Stop swirving lad what did you take?”

“Um I uh. I …the usual” , I could feel water running down my face now, I don’t know when I stared crying but apparently I had.

“Mate , seriously , what’s wrong?, I’m just round the corner”

“I don’t know what’s wrong Ross, I really don’t know” , as I was finishing that senatnce I could hear him trudging through the forested area behind me but I couldn’t lift my head properly for to long “is …is that you ?”

“Yes , I’m going to hang up now”

I heard the dial tone give out and then Ross was running over to me “let’s get you up okay …on three yeh”, he wrapped an arm around me and he tried to pull me up “1, 2 , 3” , I pushed a little as he pulled me up. “Where going back to mine okay?, you can’t go home like this”, I just subtly nodded because even just slightly moving my head hurt so much, he wrapped and my arm around his shoulders and we began to walk back to his in silence which didn’t feel good but I just couldn’t conjure up a sentance.

We stumbled through his front door, I could hear his mum calling from the bedroom asking what was wrong and he just told her that I was out and I’m a bit pissed so I’m staying here rather than going home that made me chuckle not in a good way “bit pissed as if”

“Bro this ain’t funny come one,” we made our was upstairs he dragged me along with him taking one step at a time. It was hard even just walking never mind conquering stairs “where do you need to go , lay down or vomit”

“Nah nah I just need a lie down” , he pulled me into his bedroom and helped me up to then bed and he sat next to me softly pulling my head into his lap and laying against the headboard

“What are we gunna do with you huh?”

Here I am again the one the brung up a problem I was having , but also the one who is now apologising 🙄

that’s baby girl right there