Soil-just-needs-water-to-be - Dylan
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Chapter 25
Word count : 2917
This chapter contains , a lot of mention of drugs and drug use , anxiety and being high
This chapter is written in a slightly different style I hope you enjoy but please give me feedback if you prefer it the other way or this way. It's not to much different just more clear demographics of who is typing when it comes to texting I suppose but yeh I'd still love some feedback that would be grandly appreciated ❤️
Matty's POV
It really wasn't George's fault that I got so worked up over a single question he was just trying to help, and I genuinely am so grateful for him and everything he does for me but I'm fragile and my state of mind is so frail , has been for the longest time and certain stuff sets me off, George left the call a few hours ago his Mum came home so he had to go talk to her about what happened at school and then I think he got caught up with studying, we're texting but I still feel like I'm going to explode my anxiety has been through the roof since he's been gone, I meant it earlier when I told him he calms me, he's like the literal embodiment of Pablo Picasso's painting of the Dove of Peace that represents peace and unity, maybe a little pretentious of me but it's true , he's like a lighthouse in a storm if you may.
I'm currently sat with my Mum, Dad and Louis , watching Star Wars , my Mum thought it would be good if we all spend sometime together, When she got home from work she could tell I was hopped up and skittish, she did try to speak to me but I said I was fine but she insisted we all spent some time together. Really all I want to do is go get high or drunk at this point I don't really mind which option is pulling me in most. My mum had poured herself a class of red wine before we started the film and it's all that's been on my mind since I sat down, I doubt I'll be allowed anything, my dad usually offers me a beer but right now I don't think they'll let me and Louis is sat on my knee and I don't want to disturb him, I'm biting my nails now trying to concentrate on the film and not the ticking of the clocks in the room that are surely just going to blow my brain up in a minute.
"Matthew", my Mum brought me out of my haze.
"Mhm", my reply was muffled by my mouth still chewing on my nails.
"Hands", I look at her quizzically for a second as I don't quite know what she means, "stop chewing your nails love", my hands drops from my mouth immediately
"Sorry Mum" , I carefully lift Louis of my knee must to his protest and ruffle his hair, "my eads really cloudy right now I can't concentrate, I'm just going to lay down for a little while, I'm sorry".
"You alright son", I just nod at my dad with a halfhearted smile and make my way upstairs the quiet of my own room and head probably won't be much better but I just need to be alone. I make it to my room and just slump down on my bed the duvet felt to soft but also really scratchy but there's nothing I can do about that right now, I feel like I was just laying there staring at the ceiling, falling into a spiralling vortex with nowhere to go but it was really only a couple of minutes. My hands where twitching like mad and I could just feel a tingling sensation through my whole body and I hated it. I knew what I needed right about now so I instantly pull my phone free from my pocket and scroll through my texts till I find his number
Corey (Bigman) , If I could trust anyone to have anything to quell my anxiety Corey would have it so I fire him a quick text
Matty: yo it's Matty , are you about!
Corey : yeh bro 😎, what you after?
Matty: I don't know just something to calm me the fuck down.
Corey : right no worries man, meet me at the oak in ten yeh don't be late.
Matty: cool.
I sit up a little resting on my elbows to keep me steady taking a second to just breath or at least try to relax my breathing, then scrub my hands down my face and go back downstairs "I'm gunna go for a walk clear my ead, I'll be back in a bit yeh, it's only about 8, I'll get something from the shop if you want", I pull on my old tattered black vans and I wait for a response and shove my wallet into my back pocket , stick my head round the door and notice that Louis has fully zonked out on the couch "do you guys want anything from the shop?"
"No thanks love, please be safe, call me if you need anything and don't be long alright, I know it's summer and it's light out but you still need to careful , come give your mum a hug first first" , I roll my eyes and smile while I make my way over and pull my Mum into a tight hug. "We love you Matthew , be careful alright"
"I love you too Mum" as I pull away I try to sent the most reassuring smile her way. "I'm alright though" , I say goodbye again leaving the room and snag my jacket (Jamie's jacket ), from the coat rack and slip out the door, and start the journey to the Oak Hill, on my way I send a Snapchat to George not really of anything just the scenery and just put a little heart on the screen before sending. The walk is peaceful really besides a few hoodlam kids across the other side of the road making the biggest ruckus for absolutely no reason but I ignore it. After about five minutes I get a reply from George a pretty artsy picture of all his school books on his desk
George: where you off to love❤️?
Again I don't really send a snap because if I'm going to show him around Manchester I want to do it in person not through a screen or pictures , Pictures rarely do anything justice
Matty: just on a walk darlin , tryna clear my head , how's the enforced studying going 😂
George: it's an absolute nightmare honestly I don't know how people do this on purpose , clearing your head are you still upset?
Matty: honestly yeh my heads all over the place still but it's okay I'm trying to calm down darlin , also I can 100% feel your there studying is the worst thing about of school 😂
George: I'll call you once my parents go to bed I'll just need a minute to be sure so I don't get caught, I miss your face already love.
I quickly skim read his message again and slip my phone in my pocket and turn the corner coming face to face with Corey, he's got a joint in between his lips and I can see he's holding another in his hands with a lighter next to him. He looks up at me nodding and hands me the joint
"Have this with me first lad then I can hook you up with gear yeh"
I willingly take the joint and quickly flick the lighter a couple of times before the end lights up sparking an amber glow and I inhale the contents deeply sighing as I release "This is good shit"
"Quite strong so It might calm you down lad" he pats the ground next to him indicating for me to sit with him, I pull him up in the offer and slide myself next to him. Watching as he fiddles with my gear in his pocket and passes it over to me. "You given me good weed recently too lad so I'll give you this for free, but please be careful", I nod along with him as I take the baggie from him and slip it into my pocket. "What's up lad, you haven't come to me in a while, what's troubling ya.?"
"My heads all over the place and I can't shut anything up, I just want everything to be quiet for a bit, be able to breath you know" , I continue to inhale the substance and then go back to texting George as Corey starts trying to help me through something, he's not the smartest button in the box. I take a picture of the joint in my hand the flash causing the smoke to seem grey and float across my screen
Matty: "I fuckin miss you too man Jesus , it's not even been that long and it's scary, and yeh please don't get yourself into anymore trouble, we can call when you can , I don't know if I'll be home straight away but I'll let you know yeh"
With that I slip my phone into my pocket and pull the baggie out again "you wanna share it then Corey, I don't mind" , as I'm saying this I pull out my credit card from my wallet and preparing what I need , the oak is a very secluded area no one will catch us, I don't even know if it's an oak tree to be honest it's just a tree on the outskirts of the park that's been chopped down and just lying there , kids come here all the time to drink and party in summertime. I take a bump from the coke from the corner of my card letting it take through my body, it makes me shiver a little, and I then pass the stuff over to Corey as I feel my blood start to heat up a little. I take a seat leaning against the trunk of the tree and lol my head backwards and stare up to the sky, the starts looking like tiny torchlights leading the way to the heavens and they spin around us slowly , after a while Corey sits next to me
“So man , is it working is your head quieting down yet bro ?”, come to think of it it has a little, there’s still that anxious lump in my throat and my heart is still going a million miles a minute but my brain is a little quieter. A little foggy but quiet.
“It’s a little foggy and everything is still really grey and colourless but yeh it’s quiet”
“What had you so hopped up in the first place lad”, he pulls more papers out his pockets and starts rolling another joint as I close my eyes and let the world go on around me talking as i fall into a peaceful state of bliss
“I don’t wanna talk about right now” , once Corey finished rolling the joint he passes it over to me and I light up again bringing it to my lips inhaling then ask “bro got any drink on ya”
“I’ve got beer in my bag”
“That’ll do , not the best but it’ll do”, he pulls a can of carlins from his bag and passes me a can as well as opening a can for himself. “Bro how do you always just know what I need”, He’s known me a while now and always been able to set me up some good gear when I’ve needed it.
“I just know you bro”, we just spend some time drinking and smoking, we did a few more bumps of coke. It has been about an hour and a half at this point my brain had stopped racing everything was quiet and I was getting really tired. Corey was zoned out next to me and I was nearly half asleep. “I think imma go now lad, are you coming or are you just gunna sit for a bit”
“Nah man I’m good ay, just leave me one last can will ya”, I didn’t feel like what I said was actually how it came out, everything was slurred and just blending together as I said it but I’m sure he understood. “Thanks again Corey, you always have what I need when I need help”
“It’s cool bro don’t worry”, he got up from his place on the ground probably at a normal speed but too me it looked like everything was in slow motion and he dropped his last can next to me. “Be safe yeh”, after we said our goodbyes he walked off back in the direction of the park.
I don’t know how much longer I sat there just nursing the beer that was left for me , but eventually I started to feel like I was sinking into the ground my heart started beating faster, a lot faster than normal which started to freak me out a little. Causing my breathing to come in fast burst. This makes me open my eyes and everything around me spinning , making my head hurt “not again nah I can’t do this right now” , I pull my phone out and start stabbing at my screen trying to find someone’s number, anyone’s number I don’t care who at this point. The more I search the more I start to panic I hate this. Eventually my eyes fall on Ross’ name and I click his name and bring the phone to my ear and hear it ring a few times and it goes to voicemail “no, no, no , please pick up”, I press his name again hearing the ringer go through again “please Ross pick up” , I’m beyond panic at this moment and I can’t concentrate right. Eventually he does pick up
“Yo Matty what is it?”
“Ross , is that you!”
“Uh yeh , you called me so I’d assume you know”
“Ross I’m scared I need you, can you come get me please”
“What do you mean you scared , where are you!?”
“I can’t breath and my brain feels like it’s going to explode”
“Matty mate , where are you?”
“Um …I …I’m at the. Uh the oak”
“Okay lad, I’ll be five minutes, do you want me to stay on the phone”
“Please…Ross please make it stop”, I could hear him on the other side, pulling on his jacket and his keys rattling as he pulled his door shut.
“What did you do mate?”
“I just needed my brain to shut up for a second, nothing was working, I needed it stop…and and…and it did…but now I can’t …can’t breath”
“Matty ….I swear you need to tell me , what did you take” , he’s outside now I can hear the crunching of leaves under his feet , Ross’ house was just around the corner so he shouldn’t be too long.
“How long will you be?”
“Stop swirving lad what did you take?”
“Um I uh. I …the usual” , I could feel water running down my face now, I don’t know when I stared crying but apparently I had.
“Mate , seriously , what’s wrong?, I’m just round the corner”
“I don’t know what’s wrong Ross, I really don’t know” , as I was finishing that senatnce I could hear him trudging through the forested area behind me but I couldn’t lift my head properly for to long “is …is that you ?”
“Yes , I’m going to hang up now”
I heard the dial tone give out and then Ross was running over to me “let’s get you up okay …on three yeh”, he wrapped an arm around me and he tried to pull me up “1, 2 , 3” , I pushed a little as he pulled me up. “Where going back to mine okay?, you can’t go home like this”, I just subtly nodded because even just slightly moving my head hurt so much, he wrapped and my arm around his shoulders and we began to walk back to his in silence which didn’t feel good but I just couldn’t conjure up a sentance.
We stumbled through his front door, I could hear his mum calling from the bedroom asking what was wrong and he just told her that I was out and I’m a bit pissed so I’m staying here rather than going home that made me chuckle not in a good way “bit pissed as if”
“Bro this ain’t funny come one,” we made our was upstairs he dragged me along with him taking one step at a time. It was hard even just walking never mind conquering stairs “where do you need to go , lay down or vomit”
“Nah nah I just need a lie down” , he pulled me into his bedroom and helped me up to then bed and he sat next to me softly pulling my head into his lap and laying against the headboard
“What are we gunna do with you huh?”
Ooooo question for my fanfic “menswear” just for later chapter what do we feel if G and Matty where to get frisky , do we think Matty would trust G enough to let him do stuff to him or do we think Matty would just want to do things to G ????
I MEAN I UNDERSTAND THE PREMISE AND IT MAKES SOOOO MUCH SENSE BUT I DIDNT KNOW HE HAD THAT DIAGNOSED TOO THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ADHD
Again tho I understand the Premise
My fan-fiction is going to absolute shit right now so I was wandering if people would like to send concepts ideas and imagines and I’ll get them written for you it might get my brain into action and I’ll get my fan-fiction back into swing.
I’d love to write some things for other people so if people would like to send concepts/imagines and ideas I would really love that
I can write Gatty Imagines and concept really well but if anyone has reader or y/n concepts I’d love to try for you ❤️🥹
Another “On Repeat” playlist shuffle lets see what I have this time ❤️
1) Talk!- The 1975
2)POLAROID - Michael Aldag
3)cheating - Michael Aldag
4)Speed Drive - Charli XCX
5) Girl All The Bad Guys Want - Bowling for soup
6) girlfriends (sped up version)- Michael Aldag
7) UGH!- The 1975
8) Teenage Dream - Michael Aldag
9) She’s American - The 1975
10) Coming Home - Kasier Chiefs
As we can see I’m not the most diverse but hey
@footprint-in-the-snow @goldrushgoingunder @wrestletotheground @the1975music @imagine-that-100 @x-a-black-winged-dove-x
Tagged by @wehavecometoanend--maybe, thank you!!
Rules: Shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people.
Pain - boy harsher
Brand new city - mitski
Heaven - mitski
Just like heaven - the cure
Mama - my chemical romance
Cities in dust - siouxsie and the banshees
Spellbound - siouxsie and the banshees
Your best American girl - mitski
Wax and wane - cocteau twins
Promised land - skeletal family
I tag @silvainea @teapartycrasher @allafey @lilydvoratrelundar @tiredandangry @lesbiansagainsttheatre @necrogardens @hoptism @fleshdyke and @sharksnespresso
Here we go here’s my wrapped for 2023 guys
Been a great one , I honestly expected nothing less tbh 😂
Matty in his Johnny Knoxville era
Also fuckin hell dude I just saw the Chicago Lollapalooza “Oh Caroline” from last night , and I legitimately stopped breathing when I saw G
Got a another fanfic question my dudes 😂
Help pleeeeeeaaaassseee
