Chapter 14

Chapter 2 of menswear

3 hours later

“Lads where actually shite today, what’s up with that “ , we’d been sat in the rehearsal shed for literally only half an hour, Ross and Adam had gotten far to engrossed in the game we were playing so the promise of waking Matty up in the next hour never came to fruition but now, we’d all been bundle into the rehearsal shed and not being doing great.

“I’m just shattered guys, I’m sorry I know that’s no excuse, you guys were good, it’s me, just can’t seem to concentrate today” ,It wasn’t just Matty really , Ross and I weren’t staying on beat together, Adam even messed up a few cords. We were all messing up.

“Why don’t we just call it a night, go in have a cuppa, see if we can wake ourselves up a bit, if not we can just have dinner or something and Ross and I will go home and we can try again after school tomorrow, I have to be home by 9 anyway I’ve got work in the morning.” , to think the rest of us are still in school and Adam is like a fully fledged adult with a job and everything is such a weird thought to me.

We all put our instruments down, Ross and Adam made their way outside but Matty just parked himself on the couch in the corner “you comin!?”.

“Gimmie a sec yeh?”, I heard him groan from the other-side of the room it was only quiet it could have been missable If I wasn’t paying attention and the heels of his hands where digging into his eyes. So I walked back over and sat myself next to him and tried to slowly pull at least one hand away.

“What’s wrong!”

“Headache”

I softly get him to lay down his head in my lap and card my fingers through his hair softly. “Why ?, you only get headaches when your stressed”, his hands were still pushing into his eyes so I pulled them away again. “That’s not going to help”.

“I think I’m just scared that when my voice starts changing that I won’t be able to sing anymore and I’ll lose all of this that we have and I’m not me without it but on the other hand I’m also scared that even though I’ve only had one shot things won’t change and I’ll just be like this forever and I’m scared”, he rolled over onto his side wrapping his arms around my waist awkwardly, resting his head on my stomach.

“You’re always going to have this, we’re always going to be here. Do you think that we’ll just go if you “can’t sing anymore”” , I raise my hands and add quote marks around what I said. “You’re always going to be able to sing in my opinion, it’s going to sound different, yes , but it’s still going to be amazing”. I bring my hands down to rub at his back softly. “And as for the other thing, your already such an amazing man right, and things will be sooo good for you once you start noticing the changes for yourself, you won’t notice it yourself straight away but there will be so many things that will change, and I’ll be sure to let you know everytime I notice something, how bad is your head feeling?”

“It hurts real bad , like it’s making everything hurt and I feel nauseous”

“Can you stand up for me, we’ll get you inside to bed and I’ll make sure Ross and Adam get home” , I feel him shake his head slightly against my stomach while I’m still carding my hands through his hair. “No you can’t stand up ?”

“Can we just sit for a minute if I try get up, I’ll throw up”, I relax back on the sofa and pull Matty closer to me so he could get some body heat from me, I could feel him shivering against me. The silence in the room was comforting, but also slightly eerie , Matty was rarely quiet these days. Since I met him actually, he’s always been a whirlwind of emotional rants and nonsense. When he did go quiet it was always weird for me.

We sat there for a while the sun had started to go down, it was getting colder in the shed and I could faintly hear the rain beating down on the top of the roof not hard just sprinkling. Matty’s breathing had calmed down and I think he’d fallen asleep again. He must be getting sick. My phone vibrated in my back pocket, I had to manoeuvre myself to get it out and not wake Matty in the process.

Adam: where did you guys go, we thought you where behind us you’ve been gone like 30 minutes?? , Are you alright ??

George : Matty isn’t feeling to great, he wanted to sit for a while to calm himself down but he fell asleep :)

Adam : do you want be to bring anything out ??

George: maybe just a brew for us and if you can find a jacket for Matty that would be helpful, it’s freezing out here.

Adam : alright lad, let me just get them ready I’ll be back out in a bit.

I put my phone on the arm of the sofa and began to card me hand through Matty’s hair again softly fixing the knots that had accumulated throughout the day. Since moving head when I was 11 the lads have always been a constant in my life making me feel like I belonged for the first time every but my connection with Matty was the strongest from the start, we just clicked so fast and nothing tore us apart, no matter how hard they tried. Not even my dad who hated Matty but for the life of me couldn’t tell me why.

Summer holidays 2004

“George where are you off too now, you’ve been home at most 3 hours and your off out again, can’t you stay at home even just for one day” , I was on my way back to Matty’s , I was really just home to collect more clothes and extra games that I’d left behind, it was the second last week of the summer holidays and I had spend the majority of the holidays at Matty’s. My dad had stopped me in the hallway while I was putting my shoes back on, he wasn’t impressed that I’d come home played with my sisters for a little while and now I’m leaving again. “We don’t even know what you’ve gotten up to all summer break, most likely up to no good with that young man ”

“You know what I’ve been doing, I’ve been at Matty’s”, we were 13 and 14 there wasn’t much really that we could be getting up to really, playing video games, staying up late watching movies , listening to music and annoying Matty’s parents and looking after Louis , Matty’s new born brother. As well as learning how to play our instruments that we’d began playing. “We haven’t really been up to anything”

“I’d like you to call that boy and tell him that your staying at home for a little while , to spend time with your family” I opened my mouth and closed it again a few times trying to think up and argument but there was really no point once my dad had a notion in his head there was no stopping him. “Now please George”. I dropped my shoe that was in my hand back onto the ground and kicked my other one off and stormed past my dad. “And less of the attitude please”

“There is no attitude” I muttered under my breath as I picked up the phone and started dialling Matty’s number.

“Sorry what was that ?”, I knew he’d hear me even if I’d whispered it, I’d just gotten myself in to a whole new ocean of bother now.

“Nothing dad” , the phone rang through a few times before Denise picked up the phone.

“Hello”

“Hiya Denise, is Matty still around?”

“Yes my love he’s still upstairs, would you like to get him for you?” , I could hear tiny noises on the other side of the phone, Denise probably had Louis sat on her hips while she was making dinner for everyone.

“If it’s not to much hassle yes please”, I heard her call Matty, loud as anything, I also heard Matty bouldering down the stairs and most likely trip over the last one like he does every single time. As Denise told him to mind his language in-front of his brother and the phone was passed over.

“Hiya lad, how long you going be, I’m setting up the 64 on the big TV?”

“Eh my dad said says I’ve gotta stay home for a bit”

“Bollocks , why!?”

“I don’t know, cuz he’s being a fuckin arsehole , and apparently I’ve got to spend time with the family and he doesn’t know what I’m up too and thinks we’re up to no good” , I rolled my eyes as I heard myself say it, and Matty was causing a commotion on the other side of the phone. Making the biggest fuss as per usual. “Matty mate it’s okay , don’t stress , I’ll just annoy them enough that they won’t me here”

“Do you think my Mum could just talk to your dad about it and maybe you could come back”

“My dads already made his mind up lad , but hopefully I’ll be back over soon, I’m sorry”

“I guess I’ll see you later then, how soon ?”

“I don’t know lad but I’ll try okay ? , I’m sorry “

“Don’t apologise your dads just being an ass , I love you lad okay , I’ll see you later, miss ya already”

“Love and already miss ya too , bye”, I hung up the phone not to long after and shoved it back in the holder.

That was one of the worst weeks of the summer holiday in particular because I wasn’t allowed back over for the whole week. ugh.

I don’t even go home unless my dads away now a days after a few more years of arguing over it.

Back to present

Adam came back out with Matty’s fluffy hoodie and a few cups of tea plonking himself infront of the sofa after placing them down on the table. “Do you want me to help you carry him in ?” , I whispered a thanks and tried to shake Matty awake softly. He startled awake and slowly rubbed his eyes

“Let’s put your jacket on yeh , and have a cup of tea” , I helped him sit up and put his jacket on for him, he then cuddled up next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. “Thank Hann for that he made it for you”

“Thank you Adam”, Matty stretched out and gave Adam hair a ruffle and slowly dipped on his tea. “How long was I asleep for, I didn’t even know I fell asleep”, he said through a yawn.

“Little over half an hour I think, we’ll finish up here and get you inside”. I put my arm around his shoulder to steady him a little as we chatted while we drank out tea.

“I still feel like shit lads”, Matty tried to stand himself up but stumbled and fell back onto the couch, So Adam and I helped him pull himself up and wrapped out arms around him and helped him walk to the house.

“I’ll go get Ross and we can get going and I’ll let you look after him okay ?, keep me updated alright, and if you need anything call me, I know his mum and dad are here but just let me know” , Adam made his way through to the kitchen collecting all of his thing and informed Ross about what’s going , I watched them both leaving shouting goodbye to each other. Then Matty and I carefully made our way to his room. But before I could totally get him to his room he stumbled into the bathroom and threw up.

“You alright love ?”, making my way inside next to him and rubbed his back until he stopped and managed to calm down a bit. “Your really not having a good day today are ya”

I didn’t really get a reply from him other than a simple grunt and a shake of his head. “It’s shit”. He smiled though and we laughed together sat on the floor of the bathroom together until we calmed down basically where he started our day

The masculine urge to call everyone Darlin is well high up in my priorities today

And it’s all Mattys fault

https://href.li/?https://video.twimg.com/ext_tw_video/1697864713911025664/pu/vid/634x360/MvcQtgBSBB8-LelN.mp4?tag=12

This is so funny to me

“Matty wanted an orangutan “ 😂

"babe, you can barely keep your eyes open...let's go." with matty 🧎🏼‍♀️ thank u my liege ily 💞🩷💓

I’m connecting those because they’re kind of similar, I hope you like it. Thank you for your kindness btw x

sleepy dialogue prompt 🧸

^ "you're blurring your words together, time for bed." & "babe, you can barely keep your eyes open...let's go." (matty)

You know matty said you don’t have to wait up. But you’ve barely seen each other the past weeks because he’s been busy with working on his new album and honestly work hasn’t been giving you a break either.

That’s why you’re sitting on his couch, watching criminal minds with a soothing night lamp at the end of the couch.

You’re fighting sleep at this point and when you look at your phone and see that it’s almost 2 you know he’s going to be home in just a few minutes. You rub your eyes and watch the people trying to investigate a crime in the TV but all you can think about is matty. His hair, his smile, his skin, the way he loves to kiss every inch of your skin.

You feel your heart flutter at just the thought of his Matty’s going to act when he finally comes home.

You sink deeper into the fabric, the warmth of the blanket trying to lull you into sleep. And you almost do but then you hear the clinking of the door.

Matty exhales all his worry and stress when he comes through the door, shrugging off his jacket and shoes. He’s sure that you’re asleep but when he hears voices from the living room he steps inside, running his hand through his hair.

When he sees you on the couch, Redbull on the table in front of you his heart melts a bit.

You turn your head and smile at him, “you’re home.”

“I am,” he says, settling onto the couch next to you.

He leans over you and spends some time kissing you.

His lips are warm and soft, a perfect contrast to the cool night air that clings to him. He cups your face gently, his thumb stroking your cheek as he deepens the kiss. You melt into him, the exhaustion of the day slipping away with each tender touch.

"You should've gone to bed, love," he murmurs against your lips, but there's no reprimand in his voice, only affection.

"I wanted to wait for you," you reply, your voice sleepy but full of love.

“You’re cute,” he brushes his nose against yours, “scoot over, what are you watching?”

“Criminal minds, of course.” you sound sassy which makes him giggle, behind you.

“F’course.”

His arm wraps around your waist, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between you. You feel his lips brush softly against the spot behind your ear, sending shivers down your spine. He moves your hair to the side, his kisses trailing from behind your ear to the nape of your neck, each one slow and tender.

His hands are warm, one resting gently on your waist, the other slipping under your shirt to caress your skin. "I missed you," he murmurs, his lips barely leaving your skin as he speaks. His voice is low, filled with affection, and it makes your heart flutter.

You close your eyes, fully focusing on his touch.

“Missed you too,” you whisper back.

Matty's lips curve into a smile against your neck. "You’re so beautiful," he says softly, his hand tracing gentle patterns on your stomach. “Most gorgeous girl on the planet.”

You turn your head slightly to look at him, your eyes meeting his. “You’re too sweet, Matty.”

“Nonsense,” he tries to convince you by kissing you softly, his lips lingering against yours.

When he pulls back you don’t move. You try to gaze into his brown perfect eyes but you fight fight to keep your eyes open.

Matty smiles, brushing a few strands of hair away from your face.

“Are you tired, love?”

You don’t respond immediately, too caught up in the warmth of his body and the softness of his touch. He nudges you gently, his voice a soft murmur, “Hm, baby?”

You shake your head, not wanting to admit how tired you are. “Not tired, tell me about your day, about your week.”

Matty chuckles, “you sure? babe, you can barely keep you eyes open, let’s go to bed.”

“No.” You turn around, switching from the spooning position to facing him. You wrap your arm around him to keep him close. “C’mon Matty, talk to me.”

“god,” he laughs, “alright.”

His touch is soothing, his fingers lightly massaging your scalp. You relax completely, feeling the tension drain from your body.

“It was busy, we had a lot of work, some new projects that came in. It was a bit chaotic but we all managed.”

His hand moves to your back, drawing slow circles that make you sigh contentedly.

“Tell me more,” you say, your eyes fluttering close. You don’t want matty to notice so you hide your face in the crook of his neck. He’s not stupid though and he knows you.

First of all he grabs the remote control to shut the TV off, the less distractions the more you might admit that you’re tired.

Matty kisses the top of your head, “thought about you the whole day and all I wanted to do was come home to you.”

“N’ I’m glad you’re here, after this shit week n’ all.”

It’s clear that you shouldn’t be awake. Matty sits up which leads to you groaning and trying to cling to him. He sits up and pulls the blanket away from you, folding it and throwing it over the back of the couch.

“Alright now, you’re blurring your words together, time for bed.”

He lifts you effortlessly into his arms.

“Matty, want to stay here with you, want to-.”

He shakes his head and shushes you gently. “Nah, no arguing, you’re exhausted, love.” His lips brush your forehead.

You try to object again, but he’s already carrying you towards the bedroom. “You just came home though, we have no time,” you start, but he cuts you off with another kiss, this time on your temple.

“Shh, just relax,” he insists. “Everything can wait. Right now, you need to sleep and we have tomorrow, right?”

You finally give in, your head resting against his chest as he carries you. You can hear his heartbeat, steady and comforting, and it lulls you further into drowsiness. He lays you down gently on the bed and tucks you in, his hands warm and soothing as they adjust the blankets around you.

“Love you so much.”

“I love you, darling,” he replies, slipping into bed beside you and wrapping his arms around you. He holds you close, his body warm and comforting against yours. “Now sleep, love. I’m right here.”

Chapter 23

Word Count : 2182

Mention of fight details , flirting

I actually really enjoyed writing this one , I don’t know why, there was just something about it , any thoughts and comments would be much appreciated from you guys , I’m actually in love with these lads

George's POV

Once the school had gone over the incident with Reece and I like a thousand times and checked details with others that's when they called my dad to come and get me. That was when the shit hit the fan, I was just sat in the receptionist office when my dad came storming through the doors and just stood there waiting for me to stand up, I followed him out just in wait of the onslaught of trouble I'm about to be in. Once we got into the car that was when it began

"What the fuck George , I literally just spoke to you this morning about your behaviour lately" , he's red in the face and I can already see that he's seething , he's had to leave work to come and get me but I'm not going to just sit and take it right now.

"What , I was sticking up for a friend, what did you expect me to do , just leave him to get tormented, you raised me better than that , right?" , I raise my voice a little to get my point across because he has he raised me to look after those who  can't or won't do it themselves

"We've had this before though George , we've been telling you since you where 8 years old , there are better ways at resolving your issues then using your hands" , he has been telling me that for the longest time but like nine times out of ten it's not even my fault or me that's started it, I've always just been bigger and teller than most kids so I've always done slightly more damage is that my fault no , I don't think so. I just feel the need to protect people , I always have

"I understand that dad but it wasn't even me who started it" , there we go resorting to the answer of every 5 year old in the world, he started it , Jesus what am I even saying. "Seriously dad , I was just trying to help Joe"

"I know that George and I appreciate you helping your friend , but youve gone and got yourself excluded again, this behaviour of yours needs to be sorted, As I said this morning , I will be grounding you so for the next two weeks you will be home after school , won't be going to that lad Adams is it ?, also I know you won't be at school but I expect you to still be doing your studies and I'll be taking your phone before you go to bed 10 on the dot so you actually get sleep" , A sigh escapes my lips before I even have a second to think about it. "I'm sorry, Is no there a disagreement you have with that"

"No dad" ,  I just rest back on my seat and close my eyes escaping to my happy place as my dad continues to ramble on while he drives, I don't really catch on to anything he's saying at this point I've lost interest in what he's talking about. The amount of times I've heard this same exact speech a number of times. I know he means well and he’s just trying to get me to be a well upstanding citizen but I’m doing it my way and doing an Okay job. Once I’ve noticed he’s finished his onslaught I take my phone out and shove my headphones in and I really want to talk to Matty right now but he can’t see me like this he’ll just worry.

“Sorry, I got a little bit distracted, What have you been up to then love ?” I wanna see his face it will calm me but if I keep snap chatting him he’ll wonder why I’m not showing him my face “also do you have instagram”

I just rest my phone on my leg until I get a reply , the rest of the drive home was quiet but awkward, my dad drops me at the front door and tells me to make sure I get studying before racing off back to work, my phone goes off once I reach my bedroom , just Matty sending a link to his instagram and he was telling me that he’d spent a lot of the day writing a new song , he had also asked me if I was okay again

“Yeh I’m fine love I promise” , I click on the link that takes me to his instagram page, and there I go losing my breath again at just how gorgeous he is. There was a lot of pictures with his friends and his family but my favourites are the ones of him just looking like he’s asked someone to take it and he’s just being the model that he is. They make me laugh, I can just see him begging his mates to take them . There’s also a lot of pictures of him with his guitars and his band mates playing tiny gigs and he looks so free in them, like he’s having the best time. A cigarette hanging from his mouth or in his hand in like 6 out 10 of them. The latest one was the picture he sent me of himself a Louis so I like it and send a quick

bedforddanes75: That’s my boys right there ❤️

And just leave a few more comments on a few pictures that might be bit weird but I want him to know I’m there. There’s a picture of him with a couple of his friends looking like there at a house party Matty has a bottle of wine in one hand and a cig in the other and he’s smiling like really smiling, like he’s mid laugh or something.

bedforddanes75: You need to be happy like that all the time love ❤️

A notification comes up on the top of my screen slipping me out of my insta stalking “you enjoying yourself there Georgie?”, shit I totally slipped my mind that he’s see all the comments and likes just come in all at once, my checks start to heat up already and I smile to myself and open my texts to reply

“Whoops” , I quickly go back to his insta and find the last picture to comment on just to be cheeky, he’s wearing a Newcastle Football shirt and he’s standing with his dad outside the stadium and I comment

bedforddanes75: Don’t like Mackems ay ? 😂😂

“Your a cheeky sod Daniel”, another text from Matty shows at the top of my screen and it makes me literally laugh out loud.

“Hit a nerve did I?” , I know I’m just winding him up but it’s what I do best really I’m a massive wind up always have been. I throw my rucksack across the room as I forgot I still had it on my back and lay back down probably on my bed “oh , yeh , my uh dad grounded me”, I have to tell him because what if I can’t call him when he needs me , Ill still have my laptop but I have to wait till my parents go to bed

“Why?, can we still call ?”

“Yeh I still have my phone till about 10, but we’ll have to wait to call till my parents are asleep, I’m sorry”, I really hate that I can’t be there for him every minute but I’m sure it’ll be alright we can work it out.

“What happened?”

“Just something at school it’s not important love”, I don’t want him thinking I’m a violent guy because I’m really not, it just get wound up easily especially when bullies are involved. “I can call till my family come home if you like?”

“If that’s okay, I don’t want you in more trouble darling”

“I wanna hear your voice , I miss you” , I’ll have to hide my face from him, I’ll just do some work while I’m calling him so he doesn’t see it. That might work maybe just maybe, I make my way over to my desk and set my laptop up and push the screen further back so it’s facing the roof more so my face isn’t to mu h in veiw then I get my books out to work through some science. Once I’m all set up I pull up Mattys contact and press call and wait for him to pop up

“Heya Darlin” from what I can see he’s sat on his bedroom floor and he’s got his guitar in hand pen sticking out of his mouth and a fag on a tiny ashtray and there’s a million papers scattered around his small body.

“Hi love, you writing something new”, he looks up to the screen for a second before going back to plucking his guitar strings, and I start my work

“I’m trying but I can’t seem to get it right, it’s a nightmare, I’m getting somewhere slowly though” , he looks really into it and I can’t take my eyes away from him , he’s just plucking away and writing stuff down , my mind is already off of the work I should be doing and I’m just watching him while still trying to keep my face out of shot. “Where are you Georgie I can’t see you”

I wave at the screen a little so he can see my hand “I’m right here love”, I want him to see me so he’s happy but I know he’ll just freak out at me if he sees my face covered in cuts. I can’t put that one him right now “I’m just working is all”

“I wanna see you darling, what’s wrong seriously”, he’s dropped the guitar beside him and picked up his laptop and it’s all I can see is his face trying to figure out why he can’t see me.

“Nothings wrong love, I’m just trying to work this stuff out , you can see me in a second I promise” , I know I’m being stupid , and I know it’ll just upset him but it’s better this way once it’s healed it’ll be better , I don’t know how I’m going to keep it from him that long but I’ll have too. There’s a silence for a while , when Matty speaks up again

“George come on tell me what’s wrong please, what happened, you know I won’t judge” , fuck I know that , I know he won’t it’s more of a me thing and sit and think for a while before I decide that fine I’ll just show him.

“Right fine I’ll show you but please don’t think I’m a bad guy” , I pull the screen down and remove my hat so he can see it better , it’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be but it’s still a lot just a bust lip , black eyes growing exponentially and my nose is still a bit messed up, I sigh and look back down at my lap leaning back on my chair. “I got into a fight and I uh , I didn’t want you too see, I didn’t want you to think I’m a bad guy”, he’s searching my face and he’s got a cheeky little smile on his face, I can’t work this kid out sometimes.

“You look hot” , the smile on his face grows bigger when I look back up to him and my eyes widen at his statement, “like scars are beautiful and you look hot, like you defended someone’s honour, that’s fit”.

I scoff a little “your a strange one love but yeh , I was just tryna stick up for my friend Joel, some lad was just winding him up …”, While trying to explain myself, he’s still looking at me with those deep brown eyes, cheekily smiling at me, making me flustered again. “ and uh yeh he threw the first punch like but I got my point across this time I think”

“Is that why you got grounded , being a little rebel”

“Just a-lot went on today , and it all just boiled up to that and I lost it I think, you know just teenage drama”

The smile plastered across his face just keeps getting bigger as I explain “Teenage drama has my heart, teenage angst is what I write about most yanno lad”, we both break down in fits of laughter after that. We’re both red in the face from laughing. “But on a more serious note though is everything okay”

“Yeh I’m grand , I don’t know how the other lad is, but I’m grand, He just keeps getting on at Joel cuz he’s gay, and then after I posted you on my story ealier my ex tried to get information out of me about who you where but I don’t want her to be involved right, want you to myself for now, and my dad was just being a whole fuckin nightmare this morning” , I let out a breath after just that word vomit was a lot.

“I’m sorry that was a lot” , He doesn’t say anything for a minute or two just looking at me his eyes sparkling “what?”

“You want me to yourself?”

Boyo needs to stop chewing on his nails man (I mean my hands are constantly bleeding cuz of it but we don’t gotta talk about that )

Part 24

Word count :2079

Mentions : just talking about codependency a lot in this chapter

George's POV

"Huh?", I totally didn't even register that I'd said what I'd said until I'd finished talking and now I look like a right idiot confessing how much I want him even though I've know him less than a week. What a knob I am, my mind is spiralling while he's just sat there with the biggest cheesiest grin and blushing

"You want me all to yourself, all you gotta do is ask Georgie", I looked up at him from where I was looking at my floor slight shock in my eyes I've barley know him a week as I've already said how do I as someone something like that he barley know me , I'm mental.

"Wh...eh...what do you mean love?", He might just be messing , hopefully , I'd get it , I understand why he'd be messing I have been kinda clingy, I have been all over him to just talk to me all the time maybe he's just trying to get me to back off , in's aging that everytime I think about him all I can hear is him telling his friend he likes me.

I watch him get comfortable on the floor and concentrate on what he's trying to say his mind already looks like it's racing "what I'm trying to say is um, I know we haven't know each other long, but like I feel this kind of like peace and tranquility when I'm around you and you keep me calm and I'm happy right, and people now a days are just striving to find happiness constantly looking for the pursuit of happiness and it's like if you not happy your wrong but that's not that case but either way you make me happy I don't have to pretend with you , I want you around , no , I need you around, so what I was trying to say is if you want me then you can have me, we don't have to label it as anything just yet, we can just talk and see where it goes", his hands flailing around as he's pulling his words together looking so animated "like it's nothing you have to force yanno just see where it goes and we can like , I don't know decide what we want to do at a later date if that's what you want", he lets out a big breath after ranting and shy smiles at me while picking at the skin around his nails.

It takes me a minute to process everything he just said and I lose myself in my thoughts until I hear slight movement on his side and jump out of my thoughts "if that's really what you'd like to do then I'd really love to give it a go but I don't want to put pressure on you" , There's no way he could be interested in me I'm not that amazing. "I really like you Matty".

"I really like you to Darlin , and I want to give this a go, I haven't properly tried with anyone in a long time, that's on me but I really want to try , and I need you to know that there will be times where I'm not talkative or might not wanna talk but please just bare with me when that does happen" , I'd give him anything he needs whenever he needs it so long as I always know how he's feeling and he communicates it with me.

"I promise I'll be what you need Matty", There's a smile adoring my face and my cheeks feel warm as shit and I can tell there blushing, his face mirrors mine on the other side. "Can I hear what you where writing ?", I start swaying on my chair. Swinging back and forth as he picks up his guitar from the floor and places the pick in his mouth again as he goes over the words on the paper

"It's not done yet but I'll show you what I have", he brings the pick down and begins to strum the guitar

"Now run,run away from the boys in the blue

Oh my car smells like chocolate

Hey now , I think about what to do

I Think about what to say

I Think about how to think

Pause it , play it , pause it , play it , pause it"

But every-time he says think it comes out more like fink and I swear it's the cutest thing ever. I'm in awe of him every-time I hear him play, hearing his voice a little crackly and raw is amazing.

"Oh , we go where nobody know

With guns hidden under out petticoats

No , where never gunna quit it

No , where never gunna quit it no"

He awkwardly placed the guitar down and pulls his jumper sleeve over his hands "that's all I have right now"

"It's kinda funky actually I really like it, any discourse behind it or just a vibe?" , he's searching me , I can see he's willing himself to talk his mouth opens a few times but no words come out, "you don't have to tell me"

"No, no....no..it's okay...it's about the night of the crash really...very losely based on what happened....it was quite cathartic writing it really", I just want to be there with him and watch him go through that writing process with him, write with him , make music with him, my room suddenly gets really cold again , I guess the heating is broken and they can't get it fixed yet. I pull my hoodie around me tightly and pull my hood up. "Are you alright darlin?".

"It's just cold in here is all, wish I could hold you, wish I could have you warming me up ?" , that's when my mind travels again, Imagine he was here with me right now, laying with me on top of my grey duvet, cuddled up together watching a movie or playing video game. Just melting into one another.

"Do you want a hug", he stretched out his arms towards me from his side of the screen as if to pull me into a hug and it just melted my brain.

"Love if I could possibly even touch you right now you wouldn't even have to ask" , I'm a stage four clinger the minute he's in my presence I don't know if I'd ever let go. "But yes love to answer your question I'd love a hug right about now"

I can see Matty looking around his room then he basically jumps up from his spot on the floor exiting the screen for a second but comes back with a really fluffy cardigan "I should send you this ay, because then you'd be warm and feel like your getting hugs at the same time and a bonus it smells like me, all the best things really" , I can see him holding it tightly and I can tell it means a lot to him even though it's just a cardigan.

"You don't have to do that if you don't want to you know" , I can feel myself blushing again, this is going to be a very common occurrence when I'm around him "it does look cozy though"

"I want to give it to you though" , I can't get over how  beautiful he is right now, he looks so small in his room, the juxtaposition between his tiny body against the high walls.

"If that's what you want handsome, hey sorry but back to the song, em do you mind telling me about Janey, just so I know how to help you when you get bad, if I know about how you guys where and stuff I might be able to help” , I know this is really out of the blue but I’ve just really thought about it the last few days that telling me about her might give me better understanding on how to help him when he gets into his head.

“W…w..why?”

“Sorry that was stupid of me , you don’t have to, I uh just thought that, if I know how things were between you two I might be able to help you better when your in your head” , I begin to panic a little as I don’t want him to think I’m prying or deliberately trying to hurt him by asking about something that upsets him but if he can talk about her it might help.

“No no darlin , it’s okay, it just caught me off guard a little that’s all, we were very codependent with one another from like a really really young age, for the longest time we thought we were brother and sister , because her mum was friends with my mum and dad , so she’d be round most days we went to the same nursery , grew up with each other, one year she went to Tenerife when we where about 8 or 9 I swear those ten days where the worst days of my life, cried every single day asking my mum how many days till she’s home , the night she got back, I begged my mum to ask if she could come sleep over which she did” , he’s smiling and looks so happy talking about her , he still has his sleeves draped over his hands and he’s curled himself inwards so he’s holding his knees to his chest, I wish I could be there to lend a supporting hand, but for now all I can do is listen.

“As we got older, we were still joined at the hip, couldn’t have one without the other really but things happened with her , her mum left when she was 11 and her dad basically turned into a drunk more or less , then she kinda turned into a little rebel herself but I wouldn’t let her do anything by herself so if she got I trouble we’d both get in trouble , blood bonds and all that” , I could see him get up from his position on the floor and set himself up at his desk .

“Sorry it was getting uncomfortable down there , anyway , yeh I’d have done anything for her , she was the best thing to ever happen in my life you know , I was always trying to impress her , I know she’d never like me that way cuz she liked girls which is also another reason that when we dated it didn’t last long , but she was always so beautiful and I always wanted to be around her, so when she was drinking , I was drinking , when she was smoking , I was too , and the same when it came to coke”

“I always just wanted to keep her safe , so if she was getting high I was gunna get high with her , didn’t want her doing it alone , wanted to protect her because I know what guys where like and what they’d be thinking so I wanted to be there all the time when she was getting high so she was safe, we used to only get high at parties but then it happened more often to get us through school , or get us through work and it got really bad and people started noticing so we tried to stop , the last party we were at we both tried not to but people kept offering us and we could say no and that’s when it all went to shit really “

“Cuz uh , yeh um , we went to this party down the road…” as he’s trying to finish the story I can see him rise from his chair and start pacing around while trying to find his words hands racking together. So I let out a .

“Matty my love , it’s okay , if this is to hard , we can talk about this another time if it’s to tricky”, I’m trying to get him to hear me but he’s pacing and not paying much attention to me “Matty ?, darlin?, MATTHEW ?” , he pauses his movement and looks at me his eyes slightly glasses. “My love come sit down please , I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ask , it’s too hard for you too talk about right now”

As he sits down his head is in his hands again and I can hear slight sniffling on his end “Matty I’m sorry , I didn’t mean too”, he looks up at me and gives me a half-hearted smile.

“It’s okay darling, it’s not your fault, I just miss her like I’m missing part of me”

Chapter 29

This chapter is so bad I swear but I wanted to get it done for people and I hope you like it..

Comments are most appreiciated

George's POV

A few hours after we had done what we'd done we were both sat with each other quietly just studying our own stuff with each other's company, it was peaceful and it really helped me having him there just the extra person to give you comfort, studying in my own got really boring and it was really starting to drive me insane but while he was there with me it helped a lot , every now and then I'd catch him mumbling little things to himself like "nah man your an idiot", or simple sums trying to work out his maths problems a few times I did notice him get a little frustrated and upset so I helped him through a couple of solutions on how to fix them because I know maths can be challenging and he's told me before that it was something he didn't like, but in turn he'd helped me through my English literature paper which I am eternally grateful for. Even though I was enjoying the peace and we were both getting work done there was still a little problem itching at the back of my brain that I needed to ask about. I was just scared to ask incase it wasn't my place too, but I think he could tell because in the last fifteen minutes all I'd done was stare into space or directly at him and he'd caught me a few times

"Hey my love , can I ask you something"

"If it's about maths darlin, it should be me asking you?" , I know for a fact he knows what I'm going to ask him so he's just trying to make light of the situation before it gets a little deeper

"No my love , I need to ask you about the other night" , I visibly saw him tense at the question and he dropped his pen in the desk and scrubbed his face over with his hands

"What about it gorgeous?"

"Can you tell me what happened"

"Nothing happened really , it was just a bad day", At this he picked up his pen and tried to concentrate on his work again but I could tell he was a little nervous, stressed out maybe and I don't want to be the person that causes that for him but I also don't want him to feel like he can't tell me how he's feeling. I don't want to push it I know he'll tell me in his own time but I'm worried for him. For now I just let him concentrate on his work it'll keep him focused for now but I know I'm going to worry about him. Getting back to my own work will be a challenge. I try I really do but it's hard and I can't seem to focus on it and I know he's watching me "George"

"Yeh?"

"I'm sorry, I know you worry about me but it's just if I tell you, you'll just worry more and I can't do that to you"

"My love , I understand it's difficult for you but I need you to hear me out here, we're talking and we like each other right , you would be worried if I was in the same position as you right ...", I pause for a second to let him answer which he does with a small nod. "You'd want me to tell you what was going on yeh ?" , he nods again slightly looking more sheepish and shy. "We'll then you understand that if I'm asking how things were it's because I need to know and of course I'm going to worry but it's important I know so I can help"

"I know you wanna help , it's just complicated Georgie, and I would tell you but I don't really understand why it happened , other than I was really deep in my own head"

"We'll we can start there , what were you thinking about , what was going on your head"

"There's just always so much going on my head all the time , I can't shut it up you know, it's so hard to feel comfortable when you can hear everything that's going on and theres just so much pressure in my head and it feels like I'm going to explode if I don't shut it up, and if I do explode I just get angry at everyone and I hate that , drugs or alcohol are the only way I know that makes it quiet for a little while , I can lose myself and feel like I'm not actually in my own body for a while" , Matty had shoved his books out of the way and was resting his face in his hands while his elbows dug into the desk that he was working at.

"What did you take?, it's okay if you don't want to say", I think I probably know the answer since it was only a few days ago when it happened last but if I can be more knowledgeable about how to help him when he's on a come down then it'll make things a little easier for him.

He looks a little uncomfortable, fidgeting in his seat "Coke, but I drank a bit too and I think my body just kind of shut down, because one minute I was okay and the next I felt like I was dying and that's never happened before , like you know the panic just over took me and I couldn't breath, I just thought we'll this is it , for a second I didn't mind which is the scary part"

"You...you don't ....you don't really wanna die do you"

"Not right now I don't no, but in the moment I didn't mind for just a second, I'm not going anywhere though darling I promise , I just find it hard sometimes"

"How does it feel when your on a come down , from what I know about drugs there's always a come down" I'd moved over to my bed at this point my work completely forgotten about, the bed being more comfortable.

"I either get really clingy to people cuz I'm in pain or I'm just angry and I hate that. It usually happens a couple hours after , Ross is really good at dealing with me he's been doing it a long time loads more times than he should really, I mean I'm always clingy so I'd understand that he can deal with that but when I'm angry he deals with it so we'll I couldn't ask for anyone better"

I know Ross is his best friend but I still couldn't help but resent him a little, it's maybe even jealousy that he gets to be with Matty as much as he wants he can just go see him anytime he likes, sees him at his best and can help him through his worse. Ross is amazing from what I've seen over the weekend he's a wonderful guy and I'm glad that Matty had someone but I'm just envy him a little. I must be thinking about it harder than I thought I was because Matty pulls me out of my thoughts "Georgie ??"

"Mmm?"

"What're you thinking about darling? , you were very deep in thought just then"

"I just wish I could be there , wish I could be the one you could rely on when your feeling like that"

"Trust me if you knew how it was really , you wouldn't want to even be near me, it just makes everyone around me upset and it's so bleak and dark for ages" I can see his eyes have begun to look glassy and I really don't want him to cry right now because it'll break my heart.

"My love trust me , I wanna help no matter how dark it gets . I'm here okay, We can talk about something else if you like" , I notice him shrug but only minutely if I wasn't paying close attention I wouldn't have noticed at all.

"No it's okay , I'm seeing my doctor on Monday so I'm going to have to figure out how to talk about it"

"We can do something else for a while though if you need , watch a movie or something take your mind off of it , maybe watch some more game of thrones I know we liked that " I watch him look up from where he'd been boaring a whole into the floor and faintly smiles at me "would you like that love ?" , Matty nodes calmly and wanders off to his bed and brings me with him as he settles

I let him get comfortable as he pulls his duvet around him even though it's only 3pm and cuddles up with his cozy cardigan again then I set up the show for us so he doesn't have too and can just stay settled up in his own little world "you look so cosy my love ", he just smile at me sweetly and nods to me as the show begins , the theme tune breaking through my room brings me a lot of joys , I know I've only just watched a few episodes with him but this feels like our thing and it makes me happy as well as the fact I can see it makes him happy aswell , he's so cute just softly bobbing his head along to it the episode plays as we both lay there basking in the events of the show , stealing glances every so often like we usually do. As the next episode begins I can see his eyes start to drift closed as he grip on the cardigan looks to be getting tighter. It makes me smile to no end watching him lose himself to sleep and not fighting it.

"George", I wasn't expecting him to speak as I thought he was half asleep and looked to far gone to even acknowledge that I was still there

"Yea my love?", I was also not expecting the next words to fall out of his mouth.

"I'm scared" , hearing that leave his lips as he drifts of to sleep makes me pause the show and sit up a little straighter. So I can concentrate on him and him only.

"Of what my love?"

" my brain", this comes out as more of a sigh mumbled as if he's not even aware he's speaking, sleep talking maybe but I still have to check if he really knows that he's talking

" why?"

Matty rolls over to lay on his back still gripping his cardigan his hair slowly falling over his face as he shuffles around to get comfortable. He must have been sleep talking as I don't get a reply, my first instinct was to text Ross to see if he's knows if Matty talks in his sleep. So I take out my phone and find him on instagram

George : You bro , does Matty talk in his sleep by any chance

I busy myself doing more work and cleaning my room while I wait for Ross' message, I pick up the pile of dirty clothes and bring it down to the kitchen leaving it in front of the washer as I'm not finished taking things down. Next to come down is the dirty coffee cups and a few plates that I haven't brung down. I bring the hoover upstairs with me when I go back up, I put my side of the call onto mute so as to not wake Matty then begin to hoover up my room it's such a mess up here. I never usually let it get this bad but I've been so preoccupied lately , after hoovering up my floor I take the nozzle off and hoover up the dust , ash and nicotine from my windowsill (rank I know I'm sorry ), when I've finished hoovering I take my laptop back downstairs with me to begin the washing and dishes .after loading the washing machine it takes me like ten minutes to wash my dishes leaving them on the drying rack to drip dry, my phone vibrates in my pocket

Ross : I don't know a time the lad doesn't talk, why ? Whats up ?

George : it's alright don't worry, I just couldn't tell if what he was saying meant something or not but it's okay don't worry

I slide my phone back into my pocket and turn the washing machine on, I check the dryer to see if there's clothes in there , there is so I get on with folding them into piles. Matty stirs after a little while, while I'm still folding and he sits up bolt right rubbing his eyes "huh?" , I move over swiftly to my laptop and unmute myself

"Hey hey hey , what is it?"

"G..G....G...George?"

"I'm here Matty , I'm here , what's wrong"

He's still rubbing at his eyes quite roughly , and coughing a little bit. "I think I was having a nightmare but....I don't...I don't remember...falling asleep"

"You fell asleep like 30 minutes ago my love, what we're you dreaming about?"

"It was like I was alive but like also dead and I was just walking around and like when I tried to speak to someone I either couldn't speak or if I could they weren't hearing me or they were just choosing to ignore me , not that scary I understand but it just freaked me out"

"Maybe it's because you struggle to talk to people and you brains just trying to show you how scary it can get"

"Maybe , what are you doing ?" , I know he's just trying to change the subject so he doesn't have to talk for now I'll let him out of talking. I bring my laptop over to the middle island in the kitchen and set it up so he can see that I'm cleaning up and I get back to folding the clothes.

"I just finished cleaning my room, but now I'm just cleaning up for mum"

"Awww mummies boy are we ?"

"Are you not?", the smile he gives back in response , goofy and lopsided like he's a puppy trying to understand humans. "What's that face for ?"

"You really are, aren't you?"

"Am what?"

"Mr Perfect"

I’m sorry but he’s so gorgeous, I actually adore him