My Journey To Escape The War In Gaza

“Actually it has been so long since I act as Suho. I prepared throughly by watching whc1, I was really nervous. But the moment I sat in the wheelchair and looked into Sieun’s eyes, Suho just came back to life. His gaze just naturally brought that out of me.”

-choi hyunwook.

"I am just Wes fucking Bennet Liz, the guy who can't remember a single day in his life when he didn't love you"

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

AKSKSKFHFUDIFIFFIJJHHGTDID5TDYDIYT

this was genuinely the most heartbreak one shot i have ever read.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤCAR CRASH * MATT STURNIOLO

SUMMARY　::　where an amazing date night leads to a devastating car accident, leaving Y/N severely injured and Matt hospitalized and feeling extremely guilt.

FEATURING　Matt Sturniolo x reader　REQUESTED?　yes.

WARNINGS　::　Car crash, blood, gore (nothing too extreme), mentions of surgery and death.

AUTHOR'S NOTE　::　that is my work, I DON'T authorize any form of plagiarism; copy, "inspiration" or translation! | english isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

The night had been perfect. The kind of night that made Matt wish he could bottle up every second and live it over and over again. As they cruised down the road, Y/N’s laughter filled the car, bubbling up with a joy that made his heart swell. He stole a quick glance at her, unable to resist the smile tugging at his lips as he watched her eyes crinkle at the corners.

It was all almost too serene. The road was deserted, stretching ahead like a long, winding ribbon through the dense forest. Trees lined both sides, their dark silhouettes swaying gently in the cool breeze. The glow from the dashboard lights bathed Matt’s face in a soft blue hue, highlighting the way his jaw clenched whenever he concentrated on the road.

Matt’s hand rested gently on Y/N’s thigh, fingers intertwined with hers. The music in the background was just soft enough to allow their conversation to drift through the air. Their fingers were laced together like they had been for years, her thumb softly brushing over the back of his hand in a way that always sent a thrill through him.

"You know." Y/N started, turning to look at him with that familiar, teasing sparkle in her eyes. "I still can’t believe you almost choked on that dessert tonight."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"Hey, those strawberries were huge, okay? It’s not my fault they didn’t fit in my mouth." Matt chuckled, his voice low and slightly raspy as he lifted her hand to press a soft kiss to her knuckles.

"Sure, that’s what she said." She quipped, sending a playful wink towards the brunette.

His laughter echoed through the car, his eyes crinkling at the edges.

"Hey, babe, we should-"

But before he could finish his sentence, Y/N's heart jumped to her throat as she noticed something.

"Matt!" Y/N’s scream pierced the air like needles.

Matt’s heart seized, his veins flooded with pure adrenaline. The world seemed to slow down, the seconds stretching into infinity as he turned his eyes from Y/N to the approaching car. It was swerving uncontrollably, zigzagging across the two-lane road, headlights blinding and erratic.

Panic gripped him like a vice. His instincts kicked in, hands flying to the steering wheel as he yanked it to the right with all his strength, desperate to avoid a head-on collision. The tires screamed in protest, the smell of burning rubber filling the car as the vehicle veered off the asphalt, gravel spraying against the undercarriage like bullets.

The seatbelt bit into his chest, and Matt let out a guttural grunt as the force of the swerve tried to rip him sideways.

"Hold on!" He shouted, the words raw and choked with fear.

But there was no time to process, no time to think. In the chaos, Matt’s vision narrowed to a tunnel. He could barely make out the blur of trees and darkness as the car skidded off the road. The other car blazed past them, its horn blaring like a scream of rage, disappearing into the night as if it had never been there.

Matt’s heart hammered in his chest, every beat like a drum of dread. He tried to correct the car’s course, but it seemed to be impossible with the velocity of it, and the steering wheel slipped under his frantic grip. The headlights illuminated nothing but shadows and thick trees ahead, and before he could even register what was happening, the world exploded into chaos.

The impact was instant. The front of the car crumpled like a tin can as it collided with the tree, the force of the crash sending them both jolting forward. Y/N’s scream was cut short as her side of the car bore the brunt of the crash, the airbags exploding around them in a cloud of powder.

Everything went black.

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A few seconds - or maybe minutes, Matt couldn’t tell - passed before he came to. The first thing he noticed was the sharp, metallic taste of blood in his mouth, his head throbbing like it was being split open. His vision was blurred, darkness and flashing colors swirling together as he tried to blink them away.

"Y/N..." He croaked, his voice barely a whisper. Panic seized his chest like a vice grip as he turned his head, trying to see her through the haze. "Y/N!"

She was slumped against her seat, her head tilted unnaturally to the side, blood smeared across her forehead where she’d hit the window.

"No, no, no, no!" Matt’s voice came out in a broken sob as he reached for her, his hands trembling violently. Pain shot through his ribs with every movement, but he ignored it, his vision blurred with tears. "Y/N! Wake up, please, wake up!"

But she didn’t move.

"C'mon, please. Please- fucking shit!"

He could barely breathe, his chest tightening as though an invisible hand was crushing his lungs. Warm blood trickled down his temple, but he barely noticed it. All he could focus on was Y/N, slumped lifelessly beside him.

"What do I do? What do I do?" His bloody hands flew to his head, smearing it all around his skin. "An ambulance, I need-need to call an ambulance."

His trembling fingers fumbled with his phone, hands slick with blood and sweat, and his vision blurred with tears. He couldn’t think straight; everything was a whirlpool of noise, pain, and terror. As he finally managed to dial 911, he searched for Y/N hand, squeezing the cold, unmoving member, his other hand shaking so hard it almost dropped the phone.

"911, what's your emergency?"

Matt could hardly get the words out, his throat so tight it felt like he was being strangled.

"We-we've been in an accident! Oh god, please- please help us! I... I don’t know what to do!"

His voice was a broken sob, the words tumbling out in a chaotic rush, barely coherent. He was gasping for breath, panic clawing at him with icy fingers. He kept glancing at Y/N, hoping, praying that she would suddenly move or blink or give any sign that she was okay. But she was too still, her face shining with blood, eyes closed, and her chest...

He couldn't even tell if it was moving.

"Okay, sir, I need you to try to stay calm. Where are you? Can you give me your location?"

Matt’s mind was spinning, the world around him a dark blur. He tried to remember where they were, but it was like every thought was slipping through his fingers.

"Uh- I, I don’t know! Somewhere near... near Elm and... I think we’re by a park or something. There’s glass everywhere, and- she's not... she’s not waking up!"

As he spoke, Matt’s voice cracked again, his words coming out in choked sobs. His free hand kept shaking Y/N’s shoulder, trying to rouse her, to pull her back to him.

"Alright, I’ve got your location. Help is on the way. Sir, I need you to focus for a moment. Is anyone else in the car with you?"

Matt’s voice broke into a desperate wail.

"Yes, yes, it’s my girlfriend. She-she’s not moving! I tried to wake her, but... but she’s just lying there, and she’s bleeding. Oh god, there’s so much blood!"

He couldn’t stop his crying, his entire body shaking as if he were freezing. Maybe he was.

"Okay, I understand. Help is on its way, I promise. But I need you to check if she’s breathing. Can you see if she’s taking any breaths?"

Matt let out a strangled noise, almost animalistic, as he leaned back to try to see. His hands were unsteady and he wiped furiously at his eyes to clear his vision. He leaned closer to her, straining to see if her chest was rising, but everything was too dark and chaotic.

"I-I can’t tell! I’m trying, but she’s not moving! Please, just help her!" His voice rose to a scream at the end, cracking under the weight of his despair.

"We're doing everything we can, sir. You’re doing great, okay? Just stay with me. Take a deep breath. I need you to look at her chest. Is it rising and falling, even a little?"

Matt tried. He really tried. But all he could see was blood. Blood on her eyes, her lips, her collarbone. He could barely make out her features through the darkness and the horror of what was happening.

"I don’t know, I don’t know!" He cried, his voice breaking into another sob. "It’s too dark, and her hair- there’s so much blood on her face. I’m scared to move her, I don’t want to hurt her more! Y/N, baby, come on. Please, don’t leave me." He begged, his voice raw with desperation.

He reached for his own seatbelt, fingers fumbling as he tried to undo the latch, but it was jammed. Tears blurred his vision constantly, frustration and fear boiling over as he yanked at it, the metal digging into his palms.

When the seatbelt finally gave way, he turned his attention back to her face.

"I’m here, I’m here." He whispered, pressing frantic kisses to her forehead, ignoring the cold of her skin and the taste of blood hitting his tongue. "I’m not leaving you, okay? Just stay with me."

"You’re doing the right thing by staying with her, sir." Their voice made him remember that he was still with the call on-going. "Just keep talking to her, alright? I know it’s hard, but you need to stay calm for her. What’s her name?"

Her name. God, her name was everything. It was the first thing he thought of when he woke up and the last thing on his mind before he fell asleep. He let out a shuddering breath.

"Y/N... Her name’s Y/N." He whispered, his voice raw. He cradled her face with his free hand, gently brushing the blood-streaked strands of hair away. "She’s so cold. Why is she so cold?"

"Y/N is going to be okay, sir. We’re sending an ambulance to you right now. I need you to tell me: are you hurt? Are you bleeding anywhere?"

Matt’s mind was short-circuiting, the edges of his vision tinged with black spots. But he couldn’t focus on himself. He couldn’t care less if he was bleeding or broken.

"N-No, I’m fine. It’s just her. She-she hit her head so hard." His voice broke into a whisper at the end, as if saying it too loudly would make it more real.

"I understand. But you might not realize you’re hurt because of the adrenaline. Can you check if you’re bleeding or if you feel any pain?"

Matt’s eyes darted frantically between his phone and Y/N. He couldn’t think about himself, couldn’t even process what they were asking.

"I told you, I’m fine!" He screamed into the phone, his voice cracking with a desperate fury. "I’m fine! It’s Y/N! Just... please save her! She’s... she’s everything. I can’t-" His words broke off into a series of harsh, broken sobs.

"I hear you, and I promise we're doing everything we can. Help is almost there, okay?"

Matt nodded frantically, even though they couldn’t see him. He clung to Y/N’s hand like a lifeline, pressing it to his lips, whispering her name over and over.

"Please, baby, stay with me... Please. You’re so strong. You can get through this. Just keep breathing for me, okay? Please..."

Outside, the wailing sirens grew louder, the red and blue lights flashing through the shattered windows of the car.

"Please... don’t leave me." He whispered one last time, the sound of his door being ripped open sounding muffled before the darkness around him finally swallowed him whole.

The last thing he felt was Y/N’s cold hand slipping from his grasp as the world went dark.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

A slow, rhythmic beeping was the first thing Matt became aware of as he drifted back into consciousness. His eyelids were heavy, as if weighed down by invisible anchors, and when he finally managed to pry them open, his vision was blurred, everything around him a hazy mix of white and blue. The smell of antiseptic stung his nostrils, making his head spin, and the low hum of machinery filled the air.

Matt blinked, trying to clear the fog from his mind. The room was dim, a soft light glowing from a corner lamp, casting long shadows across the pale walls.

There was an IV taped to his arm, the clear tube connected to a bag hanging from a metal pole beside the bed. His body felt like it had been crushed, every breath sending a dull throb through his ribs.

It hurt to move, but he turned his head slowly, trying to get his bearings. That’s when he noticed the figure slumped in an uncomfortable-looking position on a small armchair near the bed.

Chris.

His brother was fast asleep, his face drawn with exhaustion, dark circles etched beneath his eyes. The armchair seemed to have been pushed so close to the bed that it almost touched it, like Chris had wanted to stay as close to him as possible.

Matt’s mind was sluggish, like wading through thick mud. He couldn't remember how he’d ended up here. Why was he in a hospital? What had happened?

As he lay there, trying to piece together the fragments of his memory, a flash of vivid color cut through the fog like a lightning bolt; Y/N’s face, pale and covered in blood, slumped in the seat next to him.

The memory hit him like a truck, and suddenly everything came rushing back at once: the crash, the panic, the desperate phone call. Y/N’s lifeless body beside him.

"Y/N!" The name ripped out of his throat, raw and broken.

Adrenaline flooded his veins, pushing away the pain as panic seized him. He tried to sit up, ignoring the sharp agony that shot through his side and the dizziness that made his head sway. The only thought in his mind was finding her, making sure she was okay. He had to see her. He had to know if she was still-

His hands scrambled at the IV taped to his arm, trying to yank it free.

"No, no, no... C'mon, I need to find her!" He gasped, his voice frantic and uneven. His vision blurred with tears, anxiety closing in like a vice around his chest.

Chris woke with a sudden start, his eyes snapping open. For a split second, he was disoriented, but then he saw Matt struggling on the bed, clawing at the IV line.

"Matt! Hey, stop. Stop!" Chris practically leaped from the couch, crossing the short distance to his brother in a heartbeat.

Matt barely registered Chris’s presence.

"Let go of me! I need to find her!" His voice was wild, a desperate, guttural scream. He shoved at Chris with what little strength he had, the effort sending another stab of pain through his ribs, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was Y/N. She was out there somewhere, alone, hurt. He had to get to her.

Chris’s heart twisted painfully at the sight of his brother in such a state. He grabbed Matt’s hands, trying to stop him from tearing the IV out.

"Matt, listen to me! You need to calm down!" His voice was steady, but there was an edge of panic in it, fear for both Matt’s physical and mental state.

He pushed the call button for the doctor frantically, knowing they needed help, now.

Matt was beyond reason. He was sobbing, his voice breaking as he shouted like crazy.

"Get off me, Chris! Please, I have to find her! Y/N- where is she? Where’s Y/N?!" He thrashed against Chris’s grip, raw terror coursing through him. His mind was a whirlwind of worst-case scenarios, each one more terrifying than the last.

Chris used every ounce of strength he had to pin Matt’s hands down against the bed, his fingers digging into Matt’s wrists. He leaned in close, his face inches from Matt’s, forcing him to make eye contact.

"Matt, you need to stop!" He shouted, his voice cracking. "Listen to me, please! Nick is with her, and they’re taking care of her! You have to stay here and let them help you, okay? You’re hurt, too!"

But it was like Matt couldn’t even hear him.

"No, no, no! She’s not okay, she wasn’t moving! I need to see her, Chris! Let me go!" His screams were hoarse, filled with a raw, primal agony that tore at Chris’s heart.

Before Chris could say anything else, the door burst open, and a doctor, along with two nurses, rushed in, their expressions tense and focused.

"What’s going on?" The doctor demanded as she approached the bed, her gaze flicking between the brothers.

"He’s trying to rip the IV out." Chris said breathlessly, his voice shaking. "Please, he won’t calm down!"

The doctor nodded sharply, gesturing to one of the nurses.

"We need to sedate him before he injures himself further."

"No!" Matt screamed, thrashing even harder against Chris’s grip. "Don’t you dare! I need to find Y/N!" His voice was broken, desperate, his eyes wide and filled with terror.

Chris's hands tightened around Matt’s, holding him down as the nurse prepared a syringe. Tears streamed down Matt’s face, his breaths coming in ragged gasps.

He was looking at Chris with an expression so lost, so utterly heartbroken, it nearly broke Chris, too.

"Matt, listen to me." Chris pleaded, his own voice breaking. "She’s going to be okay. But you’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t stop. I promise, I promise I’ll take you to her as soon as they say it’s okay. But you have to calm down, okay? Please, Matt..."

Matt’s eyes were wild, searching Chris’s for any sign of a lie, any hint that he was just trying to placate him. But Chris’s face was so full of anguish, so full of love and sincerity, that Matt’s resolve wavered for a moment.

The nurse took advantage of that brief second of hesitation, quickly inserting the needle into Matt’s IV line. Within seconds, the sedative began to take effect. Matt’s thrashing slowed, his screams dying down to broken sobs as the world around him began to blur again.

"No... Chris, please... It was my fault... Y/N..." Matt’s voice was barely a whisper now, his eyelids drooping as the drug pulled him under. The last thing he saw was Chris’s tear-streaked face, mouthing something he couldn’t quite hear before the darkness swallowed him whole.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The darkness that had pulled Matt under before slowly began to recede, but this time, it was different. Darkness enveloped him in a terrifying nightmare, pulling him under like the tide dragging him out to sea.

He was back in the car. The smell of gasoline and blood was suffocating, the crunch of broken glass grinding beneath his legs as he struggled to move. Y/N was next to him, her face ghostly pale, her eyes closed, blood streaming down her forehead and pooling beneath her. Her body lay limp, lifeless against the car seat, and no matter how many times he screamed her name, she didn't stir.

"... Y/N, please! Wake up!" Matt’s voice was raw, his throat burning with the force of his screams. He shook her shoulder frantically, his fingers slick with blood. "No, no, no... please, Y/N, don’t do this to me!" But she remained still, her head slumped to the side, blood trickling down her delicate features.

The world around him was spinning, the sound of sirens in the distance growing louder, yet somehow they never seemed to get closer. His breaths were short, and frantic gasps as he clutched at Y/N, his tears falling onto her lifeless body.

"God, no! Please!" He was breaking, unraveling, his heart tearing apart as he held her close, praying for a miracle that wouldn’t come.

"Matt!"

The voice was distant at first, barely cutting through the thick haze of his panic. But it grew louder, more urgent, like a beacon trying to pierce through the storm in his mind.

"Matt! Come on, wake up!"

But Matt couldn’t make sense of it. His eyes were still glued to Y/N’s lifeless form, his hands desperately trying to stop the flow of blood, his heart shattering with each second that passed. The voice was there again, louder this time, sounding so familiar, so achingly real.

"Matt, it’s okay. You're safe. Matt, listen to me!"

The scene in front of him wavered, flickering like a glitch in a broken film reel. The wrecked car, the blood, Y/N’s unmoving body; all of it seemed to blur, like someone was tearing the nightmare apart at its seams. Matt blinked, his vision shifting between the nightmare and something else. A figure - blurred, indistinct - hovered above him. He could hear that voice again, so much clearer now, so desperate and familiar.

"Y/N?" Matt’s voice was a hoarse whisper, his eyes darting around frantically. But his mind was still caught between the nightmare and reality. He could feel Y/N’s cold body beneath his fingers, could see her blood staining his hands. "No, please! Don’t let her die! God, please, don’t take her from me!" His voice broke into anguished sobs, raw and heart-wrenching, as he pleaded into the darkness.

The figure above him froze, and then, in an instant, arms wrapped around him. Matt was pulled into a tight embrace, warmth pressing against his trembling body.

"Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m here. Matt, it’s me. You’re safe." Chris’s voice was thick with emotion, his own tears spilling as he held Matt close.

The youngest dropped to his knees beside the hospital bed, leaning over Matt’s shaking form, one arm cradling the back of his head as he tried to bring him back from the brink.

"Shhh, it’s okay, Matt. Y/N is okay. I promise you, she’s alive. It was just a nightmare." Chris whispered desperately into Matt’s ear, his grip tightening when he felt his brother’s body shake with gut-wrenching sobs. He rocked them both slightly, his own chest heaving as he tried to keep it together for Matt’s sake. "I’ve got you, alright? I’m right here. She’s okay. I swear."

But Matt couldn’t process the words. His mind was still stuck in that twisted nightmare, where Y/N was cold and still beneath his hands, where he’d failed to protect her.

"No, no... I have to get to her." He choked out, struggling weakly in Chris’s arms. "I can’t lose her... I can’t..."

"Matt." Chris said more firmly, his voice breaking. He pulled back just enough to look Matt in the eyes, his hands cupping Matt’s face, thumbs brushing away the tears streaming down his cheeks. "Listen to me. You’re not in the car anymore. You’re in the hospital. Y/N is okay. She’s being taken care of. She’s safe."

Chris’s words were slowly, agonizingly, starting to sink in. Matt’s sobs grew softer, his breaths still ragged and uneven, but the desperate thrashing stopped. He could feel the warmth of Chris’s body, the steady pressure of his hands holding him down, grounding him in the present. The nightmare was slipping away, reality clawing its way back into his consciousness.

Matt’s fingers, which had been gripping Chris’s shirt with bruising force, gradually loosened. He blinked, his vision clearing enough to see the hospital room around him. The blinding lights, the beeping machines, the sterile scent, all of it slowly registered, pulling him further away from the nightmare’s grip.

"Chris...?" Matt’s voice was small, broken, like a lost child. His wide, tear-filled eyes searched Chris’s, looking for confirmation that this wasn’t another twisted dream.

"Yes, it’s me." Chris whispered, his forehead pressing against Matt’s. "You’re safe. I’ve got you."

Matt collapsed into Chris’s arms, his body going limp with exhaustion. The adrenaline that had kept him going drained away, leaving him weak and trembling. He buried his face in Chris’s shoulder, his hands clutching at his brother’s back like a lifeline.

"I thought... I thought I lost her..." He sobbed, his voice muffled and choked. "I couldn’t... I can’t lose her, Chris..."

"I know, I know." Chris murmured, tears streaming down his own face as he held his brother tighter, laying his cheek above his head. "But she’s alive. She’s okay. And you’re okay. We’re all here, Matt. You’re safe."

Slowly, so slowly, Matt’s sobs began to quiet. His breathing evened out, but that only brought the pain to control. Each breath sent a jolt through his bruised ribs. His head throbbed, the pain pulsing behind his eyes, and his skin was clammy with cold sweat. He shivered, his body exhausted and aching, but he let himself lean into Chris’s embrace, the warmth of his brother’s presence keeping him grounded.

Chris continued to murmur soothing words, his hands rubbing circles on Matt’s shoulder, trying to calm the tremors that still wracked his brother’s body.

"You’re okay, Matt. You’re safe. I’ve got you."

Matt let out a shaky breath, his body finally beginning to relax, the nightmare fading further into the recesses of his mind, the steady rhythm of Chris’s heartbeat against his ear helping to calm the storm inside him.

For the first time since waking, Matt felt like he could breathe again. He was still in pain, his body battered and broken, but Chris’s comforting presence kept him anchored, keeping him from slipping back into that dark abyss.

"Can... can you call me the doctor?" Matt whispered hoarsely, his voice barely audible.

"Are you feeling pain?" Chris asked worriedly, receiving a small nod as an answer. "Okay."

Chris brushed back the damp hair on Matt's forehead while pressing his free hand against the red button.

"Chris." Matt croaked out again. "Y/N... how is she?"

His younger brother's face crumpled, and he let out a shaky breath. He looked away for a moment, trying to collect himself before turning back to Matt.

"She... she was in surgery." He said quietly, every word seeming to cost him. "Nick told me... she had internal bleeding, and they had to go in to stop it. She hit her head super hard, too. But... the surgery went well. She’s stable now and probably still asleep."

Matt’s heart shattered at those words, a cold, sick feeling twisting in his stomach. Internal bleeding. Surgery. Y/N had gone through so much, and it was all because he couldn’t control his own damn car. If he had just been paying attention... He clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms as he struggled to hold back the tears.

"Can I... can I maybe see her?" He asked, his voice so small, so broken, it almost didn’t sound like his own.

Chris stared at him for long seconds, his eyes searching Matt’s face, like he was trying to read the thoughts swirling in his mind. And maybe he could see it. Maybe he could sense the guilt that was eating Matt alive. But Chris didn’t press him. Instead, he sighed heavily, searching for his hands and stopping him from hurting himself further.

"The doctor is the one who has to let you." He whispered, biting his bottom lip hard. "You know... I was really scared, Matt. I thought... I thought I was going to lose you forever."

Matt watched the pain swimming inside Chris's blue eyes.

"I’m sorry, Chris." He muttered, his voice cracking. "I’m really sorry for scaring you. You and Nick."

Chris looked down at him, his eyes shining with tears, and shook his head.

"No, Matt... no, it’s not your fault." He said, his voice fierce despite the tears. "I just... I’m just so glad you’re here. That you’re alive."

Matt swallowed hard, his throat tight. He didn’t deserve Chris’s relief, not when Y/N was still out there, hurt because of him.

Before he could say anything else, the sound of the door creaking open echoed, and a doctor stepped in, clipboard in hand. Behind her were two nurses, ready to assist with whatever was needed.

Dr. Patel, a middle-aged woman with gentle eyes, gave Matt a small, reassuring smile as she approached his bedside.

"Good to see you awake and calmer, Mr. Sturniolo. How are you feeling?" She asked, her tone soft yet businesslike.

Matt swallowed, his throat dry and raw from the crying.

"I... I’m in pain." He admitted hoarsely, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Everywhere."

Chris squeezed his hand reassuringly before turning to the doctor.

"Is there something more you can give him for the pain?" Chris asked, his voice thick with concern.

Dr. Patel nodded, her expression turning more serious as she flipped through the pages on her clipboard.

"We’ve been managing his pain with a mild dosage to avoid any complications, but given that he's more conscious now, we can adjust his medication." She gestured to one of the nurses, who immediately set about preparing a new injection.

Matt’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he tried to focus on breathing through the pain. Each inhale felt like it was slicing through his ribs, the weight of his guilt and worry making it even harder to catch his breath.

"Doctor, can... can I see her? Y/N, I mean... please." He pleaded, reopening his eyes before looking at her.

Dr. Patel paused, her gaze softening as she looked at him.

"Let’s take care of your pain first, Matt." She said kindly, her voice a steady anchor in the chaos. "I promise, as soon as you are stable enough, we’ll let you see her."

The nurse approached with the syringe, and Matt turned his head away, too drained to watch as she injected the painkiller into his IV. Moments later, a cooling sensation spread through his veins, slowly dulling the sharp edges of his agony, but it did nothing to ease the turmoil inside him.

As the medication began to work, Matt’s eyelids grew heavier, but he fought against the sleep that threatened to pull him under.

"I'm fine now... please." He begged, his voice wavering. "I'm fine, I need to see her. I... I have to make sure that she’s okay." His breath came in shallow, slow gasps, and his eyes darted to Chris, silently pleading for help.

Chris stepped forward, placing a calming hand on Matt’s shoulder.

"Hey, hey." He whispered, trying to soothe his brother. "Let the doctor decide if you're stable enough, okay? I promise you’ll see her soon."

Matt shook his head stubbornly, the panic still clawing at his chest.

"I promise that I'm feeling okay now, m-my pain is gone." His words sounded slurred, his eyes blinking slowly while trying to keep himself awake, looking at the doctor with determination.

Dr. Patel’s face softened as she listened to Matt’s broken pleas. The room was quiet for a minute, save for the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor. She glanced at Chris, who was holding his brother’s shoulder tightly, as if trying to anchor him to the present moment.

"Please... I have to see her." He whispered again, the words more of a gasp now. "I just... I need to know she’s really okay."

The doctor sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She understood his desperation, his need to see Y/N with his own eyes. It was a common reaction, patients often believed that seeing their loved ones would somehow confirm their survival would make it more real. And judging by the fear and panic still etched into Matt’s face, this was something he desperately needed.

Dr. Patel turned to the nurse beside her, exchanging a brief, silent conversation before she turned back to the brothers.

"Alright." She said finally, her tone gentle but firm. "We can take you to her room, Matt... but only if you’re in a wheelchair. You’re still recovering yourself, and moving around too much could set back your progress."

Chris’s head whipped toward the doctor, a glimmer of hope lighting up his tired eyes.

"Wait... you mean... he can see her?"

"Yes, but only for a few minutes." Dr. Patel clarified. "And he must stay seated. We’ll have to monitor him closely."

Matt’s entire body seemed to sag in relief at her words. He would have agreed to any condition at that moment if it meant seeing Y/N, even if it was just for a second.

"Yes... yes, please. I’ll stay in the wheelchair. I promise." He breathed, the frantic edge to his voice slowly easing into something softer, more hopeful.

Chris nodded gratefully at the doctor, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"Thank you." He whispered, his voice thick. He turned to Matt, squeezing his brother’s shoulder. "Okay, Matt... just breathe, alright? We’re gonna see her."

The nurse quickly wheeled in a padded, adjustable wheelchair. Chris helped Matt shift carefully from the hospital bed into the seat, wincing with every grimace of pain that crossed Matt’s face. Matt tried to hide it, but his stiff movements and shallow breaths were enough to betray just how much he was still hurting. Once seated, Matt clutched the arms of the chair with white knuckles, willing his trembling legs to steady.

Chris crouched in front of him, locking eyes with Matt.

"Are you sure you’re good to go?" Chris asked softly, his voice laced with concern. "If you start to feel worse, we can turn back, okay?"

"No." Matt said quickly, shaking his head even though the motion made him dizzy. "I need to see her, Chris. I won’t... I can’t rest until I know she’s a-alive." His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper now, but it carried a weight that cut Chris to his core.

The small entourage - Matt, Chris, the doctor, and a nurse - began their slow journey down the fluorescent-lit corridor. The sterile scent of antiseptic filled the air, and the occasional sound of distant monitors and hushed conversations drifted from other rooms. Chris stayed beside the wheelchair, his hand on Matt’s shoulder the whole time, a steadying presence as they moved.

Matt’s heart was a wild drum in his chest, each turn of the hallway only ratcheting up his anxiety. He felt like he was caught in a nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from, the fear that he might find Y/N still and lifeless on a hospital bed eating away at him.

Finally, they stopped outside a door marked with Y/N’s name on a small placard. Dr. Patel turned to Matt, giving him one last assessing look.

"Remember, just a few minutes." She reminded him gently. "She’s stable but still heavily sedated. It might be a while before she wakes up."

Matt nodded, barely hearing her as his eyes locked on the door. Chris leaned down to give his shoulder one last reassuring squeeze before opening it. The soft creak of the door seemed to echo through Matt’s mind, the sound like a gunshot in the quiet hallway.

As they wheeled him inside, Matt’s breath hitched. There she was, his Y/N, lying so still in the bed, surrounded by machines that beeped and hummed softly, tubes and wires connected to her fragile form. Her face was pale, bandaged in places, and her chest rose and fell in the slow, steady rhythm of sleep. But she was breathing. She was alive.

Before his eyes could drink in every detail of her condition, his attention was pulled to another figure in the room.

Nick.

Nick’s head shot up at the sound of the door, his eyes widening in surprise. Relief washed over his face, softening the lines of exhaustion and worry that had been etched there. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, his hair disheveled, eyes red-rimmed.

"Matt." Nick breathed, his voice trembling with emotion.

He quickly crossed the room in a few long strides, his eyes scanning his brother’s face like he couldn’t quite believe he was awake and here in front of him. Without a word, he dropped to his knees beside the wheelchair, wrapping his arms around Matt in a tight, desperate hug.

"Oh God, Matt." Nick’s voice cracked as he held on tight, as though letting go would make this moment disappear. "I thought we lost you... I thought..."

Matt weakly lifted one arm, patting his brother’s back as best as he could manage.

"I’m okay." He whispered hoarsely, though the pain in his body begged to differ. "I’m here, Nick... I’m here."

Nick pulled back, his eyes shining with tears, but he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"You have no idea how scared we were, Matt... but God, I’m so glad you’re awake."

Chris, standing close by, put a comforting hand on Nick’s shoulder, giving him a small, reassuring squeeze.

"He’s okay, Nick. We’re okay." Chris murmured, nodding assuredly.

The doctor and nurse patiently waited for the brothers to have their moment before gently nudging the wheelchair forward.

"Let’s get you closer to her, Matt." Dr. Patel said softly.

As they wheeled Matt to Y/N’s bedside, all the noise of the hospital seemed to fade away. All he could hear was the soft, steady beep of the machines monitoring her vitals.

Matt’s eyes welled up with tears as he took in her pale face, the bruises peeking out from under the bandages on her forehead and the soft rise and fall of her chest.

He reached out with a trembling hand, his fingers brushing against hers. Her skin was cool to the touch, and a sob tore through him. Without hesitation, he leaned forward, bringing her hand to his lips. He kissed her knuckles softly, over and over again, his lips lingering on every bruise and scrape he could see.

"I’m so sorry." He whispered, his voice raw with anguish. "I’m so, so sorry, my love. Please... please forgive me. I love you so much, Y/N. I need you. You have to wake up soon. Please."

He kept pressing gentle kisses to her hand, his tears slipping down and wetting her skin. His heart ached in ways he never thought possible, the guilt eating him alive. This was his fault. If only he had been more careful...

Nick watched silently, his own eyes filled with tears, and Chris had to turn away for a moment, pressing a fist to his mouth to stifle a sob. The sight of their brother - usually so composed - completely broken over the woman he loved was almost too much to bear.

Finally, Matt’s strength gave out. His body, already weakened and worn from the medication, was quickly reaching its limit. He slowly leaned forward, resting his head gently on the edge of Y/N’s bed, his cheek pressed close to her hip. He stayed there, clinging to her like she was his lifeline, his breaths coming in soft gasps as he struggled to stay conscious.

"I’m here, Y/N... I’m right here." He whispered, his voice barely more than a breath. "I won’t leave you... I promise."

The pain was slowly fading, his body seeming to finally allow the medication to work its way through his system. Matt’s eyes grew heavier, his body sagging with exhaustion. But he didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to stay with her, to watch over her, to be there when she finally opened her eyes.

Dr. Patel watched him with a soft, sympathetic gaze. She could see how much this was costing him, but she also understood that this was what he needed.

"We’ll let him stay for a little longer." She said quietly to Chris and Nick, who both nodded gratefully. "But you must agree that, if anything changes, if he starts showing signs of distress, you call for me immediately.”

"We will." Chris promised, his voice low and earnest. Nick nodded in agreement, his eyes never leaving Matt.

With that, the doctor and nurse quietly exited the room, leaving the three brothers alone with Y/N. The room was dim and quiet. The only sound was the soft beeping of the monitors and the occasional muffled sniffle from Nick or Chris.

Matt finally let the exhaustion pull him under, his breathing evening out as he drifted into a fitful sleep. His fingers were still wrapped loosely around Y/N’s hand, and his head rested against her side as if he could protect her even in his sleep.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Several hours passed in quiet vigil. Chris and Nick stayed sat on the small couch by the wall, watching over Matt and Y/N like silent guardians, their hearts heavy with worry but relieved that, for now, their family was still holding on.

As the soft light of dawn began to creep through the tiny window in Y/N’s room, there was a faint stirring.

The world around her was a hazy blur, everything out of focus and spinning, like she was caught in a dream she couldn’t quite wake up from. There were distant beeps and muffled voices, but they all seemed so far away, like she was listening from underwater.

A faint, familiar smell flooded her nose. Matt. Or is it Nick? It was something like strawberries or maybe coconut. She couldn’t tell, but it was comforting enough. She tried to move, to lift her heavy eyelids, but her entire body felt like it was weighed down by an invisible force.

After what felt like an eternity, Y/N finally managed to blink her eyes open, the harsh bright lights above her making her squint. The ceiling was white and sterile, and as her vision adjusted, she could make out the faint sounds of machines beeping rhythmically around her. Her mind was foggy, like a thick cloud had settled over her thoughts, and it took her a moment to realize where she was.

A hospital. She could feel something tight around her ribs, a dull, throbbing pain in her head, and an odd numbness throughout her limbs that made it difficult to move. Her throat was dry, like sandpaper, and when she tried to swallow, it sent a sharp ache down to her chest.

Panic started to bubble up in her chest, her heart rate quickening as fragmented memories began to resurface - the blaring headlights, the screech of tires, and the sudden, jarring impact that had stolen her breath away. She let out a small, pained whine, her chest tightening as she tried to remember more, but it was all so blurry, so confusing.

A voice cut through the haze, it sounded quiet but rough, like it had been scraped raw.

"Y/N? Hey, it’s okay... you’re okay."

She turned her head slowly, every movement feeling like she was wading through thick mud. The face that came into focus was familiar, a face that brought her the feeling of home amidst the confusion.

Nick.

Y/N’s eyes blinked slowly, struggling to focus on the two faces in front of her. She was still groggy, the world around her hazy, but the concerned expressions of Chris and Nick gradually came into focus. Her brows furrowed slightly, confusion clouding her tired gaze.

"N-Nick...? Chris...?" She mumbled, her voice rough and barely audible. Her throat was parched, every word scraping against the dryness.

Nick let out a shaky laugh, tears gathering in his eyes.

"Oh my god, I was so... I'm so glad you're back." He whispered, his voice breaking with a mixture of relief and emotion. He stepped closer, reaching out to gently brush a strand of hair away from her face.

Chris nodded, his face lighting up with the first real smile in what felt like an eternity.

"We’ve been really worried about you, Y/N." He murmured, his voice thick with emotion. "You’re a fighter, you know that?"

Y/N tried to smile, but even that felt like lifting a mountain.

"What... what happened?" She asked, her voice weak, her words slurred from the medication and anesthesia coursing through her veins. "I... I remember the crash. I remember..." She trailed off as she recalled the moment of impact, the way everything had gone black in an instant. "It all happened so fast."

Nick’s eyes filled with tears, and he traveled his hand from her hair to her shoulder, squeezing the covered skin tightly.

"It was... it was really bad. But you are here now, okay? You made it through the surgery. You’re safe."

"Surgery?" The word sent a chill down her spine. She tried to remember, but everything after the crash was a blur. "What... what happened to me?" She asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Nick took a shaky breath, his grip on her tightening as if he needed the contact to ground himself before connecting his eyes with Chris's, begging for him to answer her.

"You had internal bleeding caused by some broken ribs." Chris explained gently, cleaning his throat to disguise the emotion in his voice. "You’ve been out for at least 15 hours after a four-hour surgery. And... and you hit your head really hard. But the doctors said the surgery was a success, and your concussion is mild. You’re going to be okay."

Y/N let out a shaky breath, the reality of it all crashing down on her. Surgery. Internal bleeding. The thought of how close she’d come to... She couldn’t finish the thought, the fear overwhelming her.

"Where... where’s Matt? Is he okay? Oh god, he was driving-"

Chris’s eyes softened, and he exchanged a glance with Nick.

"He’s right here, Y/N." Chris reassured her gently, pointing towards Matt's figure with his head.

Y/N’s gaze flickered downward, and her breath hitched when she finally registered for the first time Matt slumped over on the edge of her hospital bed, his head resting beside her hip. His brown hair was disheveled, and his face looked paler than she had ever seen, decorated with a variety of bruises and cuts, but he was breathing, his chest rising and falling steadily.

It was then that she noticed the weight of his fingers against hers, holding her hand firmly as if she could disappear at any moment.

"He’s been by your side from the minute he woke up..."

The sound of the boy's voice, combined with the familiar touch of his girlfriend, pulled Matt from the depths of his medication-induced sleep. His eyelids fluttered, a groggy groan escaping his lips as he slowly stirred awake. For a moment, he looked confused, his eyes unfocused as he blinked against the harsh lights.

But then, as his gaze settled on Y/N’s face, now wide awake and staring back at him with teary eyes, everything clicked into place. His heart leaped in his chest, and any remaining fog of sleep vanished instantly.

"Y/N?" He croaked, his voice raw with disbelief. His eyes widened as he looked at her, truly seeing her awake for the first time. "Oh my god... you’re... you're awake."

Y/N managed a weak smile, tears gathering in her eyes as well.

"Hey, baby. I'm here." She whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. "You look like you’ve been through hell."

Matt let out a choked laugh, a mix of relief and joy bubbling up inside him. He quickly pulled himself closer to her, his hands shaking as he reached for her face, brushing his thumb tenderly over her bruised cheek.

"I thought... I thought I had lost you." He confessed, his voice breaking. "God, Y/N, I was so scared. I... I couldn’t-" His words were cut off by a sob he couldn’t contain, and he buried his face in her neck, pressing desperate kisses to her exposed skin, his curls tickling her chin in a grounding way.

Y/N’s heart ached at the sight and feeling of him so broken. With what little strength she had, she squeezed his fingers, trying to comfort him.

"I’m here, Matt." She whispered. "We’re okay. You don’t have to worry anymore."

Matt shook his head, his tears soaking her neck.

"I’m so, so sorry." He choked out between sobs. "I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should’ve protected you... I couldn't even-"

Y/N’s brows knitted together in confusion as she tried to process his words. She lifted a trembling hand to stroke his messy hair, trying to calm him down.

"Matt, baby, hey... where's this coming from?" She asked, her voice soft and full of concern as her eyes traveled momentarily to Chris and Nick, searching for an answer in them that they didn’t seem to have.

Matt just kept shaking his head, his sobs growing louder, muffled by her skin.

"It’s my fault... it’s all my fault." He whispered, his voice breaking. "I should’ve seen the car... I should’ve done something... God, you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me. I'm really, really sorry..."

Y/N’s confusion turned to anger as she realized what he was saying.

"Matt, look at me." She demanded, her voice suddenly stronger despite her weakened state.

He slowly lifted his tear-streaked face from her shoulder to meet her gaze momentarily, his eyes red and puffy.

"How can you blame yourself?" She asked, her voice tinged with disbelief. "You... Matt, there was nothing you could’ve done. A crazy driver was coming to our direction. You didn’t cause this."

"But... but I should’ve seen it sooner. I should’ve done more." Matt insisted, his voice cracking terribly. He couldn’t meet her eyes for more than a second, ashamed of the guilt that had consumed him. "You got hurt because of me... I should be the one lying in there, not you."

"Don't you dare say something like that, Matthew." Y/N said firmly, her fingers gripping his hand as tightly as she could manage. "Listen to me. It was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to stop it." She let out a shaky breath, her eyes softening as her free hand traveled to his face, softly brushing away the tears from his cheeks. "I’m okay, Matt... because of you. You were there. You kept me safe until help came."

Her words only made Matt’s tears flow harder, dripping directly where her fingers met his skin, his sobs causing his body to tremble and his ribs to ache, but there was a shift in his eyes, a flicker of something like relief. He didn’t fully believe her, but hearing her say it, seeing the sincerity in her expression, it was like a balm to his raw, bleeding heart.

"You did everything you could, baby. You saved my life. If it wasn’t for you..." Y/N couldn’t even finish the sentence; the thought was too painful to bear. To lose a life with the love of her existence.

Matt sniffled, pressing the side of his face against her palm and wiping the other side of it with the back of his hand, still holding on to Y/N like she was the only thing keeping him afloat.

Nick and Chris watched the whole scene unfold in silence, their hearts heavy with the raw emotions in the room. Chris discreetly wiped away a tear while Nick stood there, his arms crossed over his chest as if trying to hold himself together.

"I love you so much." Matt whispered, nuzzling against her hand. "I can't even picture a life without you."

"I love you too, Matt." Y/N murmured back, her fingers weakly squeezing his. "But you don’t have to picture anything. I’m right here."

Matt let out a shaky breath, nodding.

"Now, why don't the both of you rest a little bit more?" Nick's voice seemed to remind them of the brother's presence. "It will do good for your healing process." Y/N's eyes lifted to the oldest momentarily before nodding slowly.

As the room settled into a comfortable silence, Matt gently laid his head back down on the bed, still holding Y/N’s hand as if it was his lifeline. Y/N stroked his hair softly, her heart aching with love and relief.

For the first time in what felt like forever, they could finally breathe. They were together, alive, and that was all that mattered.

© vanteguccir

you might not see anton anymore…i’m so sorry you guys. i ate him for breakfast <3

username change!

before; iram5shaikh

after; snowflakemoon3

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This is the saddest thing I've ever read. Haechan and Jeno's hit personally for some reason to me and I've haven't even had my first kiss yet, lol. If you need something to feel this, read this.

IF I LOVE YOU WAS A PROMISE, WOULD YOU BREAK IT IF YOUR HONEST?

They say the most painful thing is unrequited love, oh they must not know how falling out of love with someone feels.

How NCT dream members would react to falling out of love with you,

GENRE: angst

PAIRINGS: NCT dream Hyung line x fem reader

WARNINGS: Swear words, alcohol, Jeno and Haechan being drunk in Jeno's part.

\\\ ｡:ﾟ(;´●♡ °*✧ ◍ ✧*° ♡•;)ﾟ:｡///

Mark Lee:

Maybe it was the 5th time that week that the thought came into his head, maybe it was the 6th time you and Mark had fought again that week.

The constant though kept on pressing his mind no matter how hard he tried to kick it out, it kept on finding its way out to the surface no matter how hard Mark tried to bury it

He does love you, he always did and he always will

So why were things feeling different all of a sudden? Why were his feelings changing all of a sudden?

The realisation hits Mark fast and hard like train.

Maybe a little too hard that he forgets to breath, maybe a little too fast that he tried to brush it off.

It hits again, even harder than before but slower, he brushes it off again shaking his head and closing his eyes

The third time it hits him, was when you kissed his cheek trying to make up all the cruel words the both of you spewed at eachother moments ago. This time it hits him softly but slowly.

This time he realises he doesn't love you anymore, atleast not like how he used to and it hurts, it hurts so fucking much.

But what hurts more was faking his love for you. Kissing you, holding you, listening to you tell him that you love him and that you not going to give up on the both of you without the knowledge that Mark had already given up.

He had given up months ago.

What hurt more was that he knew no matter how hard it was hurting him, that it would end up hurting you even more and that was the last thing he wanted, that was something he never wanted.

He takes you out on a date to your favourite cafe, it has a special meaning. It was the place you first met, the place you had your fist date and little did you know at that moment, the place you would have your last.

He doesn't order anything but asks you to order something for yourself. You knew something was wrong, Mark wasnt being himself. He wasn't cracking jokes or laughing awkwardly, he wasn't smiling at you nor was he looking at you but you just kept quiet. You guys were finally out on a date after quite sometime, you guys were arguing too much, too long. You didn't want to question anything.

"Mark?" You finally ask "is something wrong baby?"

Baby...that word felt so foreign to Mark, as if he was learning a new language, it felt so foreign for him to hear it from you. The way you said it, your tone, he felt his skin prickling because he couldnt recognise it. Not anymore.

"I'm fine...babe" his voice comes out so soft it scared you, but you didn't say anything, you didn't want to.

Time passes by, a little to fast for you too care, a little too slow for Mark to bear. He knew it was time. He just didn't know how he would tell you, he didn't know how he could tell you.

The both of you walk to the park nearby, you smiled upon seeing the yellow orange sunset, you eyes too distracted to see the pain in Marks eyes.

"Y/n" Mark says, not looking at you "mark? Is something wro-"

"I'm sorry" he chokes out, his voice barely above a whisper "I'm so sorry y/n-" he sobbs.

His eyes still refusing to meet yours.

"Mark? Babe what's goi-"

"Im so sorry y/n...but I- fuck"he swears midway his fingers massaging his temples as he tries to blink away his tears.

"I've fallen out of love with you" he whispers "I'm so sorry y/n but I don't think I can love you anymore"

Huang Renjun:

It all began with the small things, he realised he started to look at you in a different way.

At first it was nothing, he ignored it telling himself that it was because you guys spend too much time together, that it was just him getting used to you but slowly it started to become something else

He started to get annoyed at all the things he loved you for, the conversations you shared with him no longer had a spark, all the inside jokes were no longer funny. You no longer had that shine to your face, now you just looked ordinary to Renjun.

All the small things he used to find cute in you know just irritated him, all smalls things he used to adore you for was just felt like nothing to him. He felt nothing for you.

He knew something was wrong, he knew something was not right with him. He loved you so why was he noticing such things now? He loves you..right?

Its alright though, he tells himself again and again everynight when your fast asleep next to him as he's left all alone with just him and his thoughts.He loved you once he can love you again, it's simple.

But love doesn't work that way and Renjun knew it. He knew it deep down

That didn't mean he didn't try, he did try falling for you all over again like he did the first time don't get him wrong. He tried spending more time with you but ever second he spend made him feel bored, he talked to you but every conversation lacked interest. After sometime he realised that every moment he spend with you was dull.

He realised that all the moments the both of you shared was just like a passing scene to him. Like he poster he saw as he walked into the cafe nearby, or the people he saw in the park outside the cafe. It did happen, but it was just a passing moment, a passing moment which had no impact on Renjun.

Renjun realised that he couldn't bring himself to care anymore, atleast not like how he used to.

That didn't mean he didn't care for you, ofcourse he still cared for, he loved you at one point of his life. But now..there was feeling inside of him saying that he could live on without caring for you, he could live on without you.

At last, it stuck.

He gave in

He stopped trying.

It was him, who came clean at the end. He sat there right opposite of you as he ate his breakfast slowly

"y/n..I think it's time we end things"

At this point you had already noticed how things were going, how things were going to go. A part of you knew maybe even before a part of him did. You stopped trying to, you gave in too

"oh" you hated how soft your voice sounded, how fragile it sounded "okay"

Renjun hums in respond as he watches his cereal float in his milk "okay" he hated how he sounded. So selfish, so cruel

You both sit there in silence, both of you hating yourselves for how things came to an end, how things became how they were.

The both of you sit there in silence unable to say anything and the both of you end in silence, without saying anything,

After all you didnt matter to him anymore, at least not like how you used to.

Lee Jeno

Jeno's hand shook.

They've been shaking for some time now, they always seem to begin to shake whenever he thinks of you

"hey bud? You okay?" Jaemin's voice rang in his ear but Jeno couldn't muster back a reply, he was too scared.

"Jeno? You okay?" Someone shook him, Jaemin probably with his worried eyes and frowning face.

"y-yea" Jeno muttered "I'm fine-"

"you sure? You've been staying in that position for quite some time now?" Haechan asked with a worried look which Jeno tried to brush of with his smile "yea-"

A sweet melody fills the room interuppting whatever conversation was going on, as Jeno's left pocket began to vibrate, his phone lighting up against the coarse fabric of his jeans. Jeno freezes, it was the ringtone he set for your number. Only your number

"dude- your gonna pick that up? Isn't that y/n?" Mark asked the younger boy as he watched Jeno snap out of whatever trance he was in

"oh- oh yea...right y/n..." Jeno fumbles to retrieve his phone from his pocket as he gets confused looks from his friends

"y/n? Whatever happened to sweetheart or whatever he called her?" Renjun murmers to Mark as Mark just shrugs

Jeno stares at the contact name he saved you under, the little pink heart right next to your name and the butterfly emoji next to it.

He remembers him typing your contact name after you agreed to go out with him, giggling and smiling ear to ear as he added those emojis. He almost scoffs at his past self.

Butterfly's, how ironic. He always felt butterfly's around you, his heart will swirl and pump clashing against his body whenever he though of you but now, the thought of you made his hands shake, your name scared him. It scared him so much because he knew he fucked up. He always fucked up.

"Jeno you still didn't pick up-ow" Haechan shouts as Mark's hand hits his shoulder "you didn't have to hit me- he could have missed her call-"

"it doesn't matter" Renjun said a little shocked "he just did" his eyes slightly widened as he watched Jeno press the decline button

"I'll call her later it's fine" Jeno says giving them a strained smile muttering "it's fine..it's fine" over and over

"is everything okay between the both of you? Did she do something or?" Renjun asked his eyes still trained on Jeno

"no..she didn't do anything" Jeno shook his head, he did

5 bottles in and Jeno was gone, he never drank so much in his entire life.

"he drank as if he was going through something" Renjun murmered looking at Jeno's wasted body sprawled over the couch "as if something fucked up happened to him"

Little did Renjun know something did happen to Jeno, something so fucked up happened to him

Jeno was half concious half gone, he slurred his words, his brain was half working. He never lost control like this. Something pops up in his mind as he lays on the soft couch next to the table filled with empty bottles, right beside another equally wasted Haechan.

"Haechann" Jeno slurred as he spoke to the younger male "do you remember what you first told me when I started dating y/n?"

"huh? No..what did I say?" Haechan cocks his head towards Jeno, squinting his eyes confused by Jeno's sudden remark

"you told me not too love her too hard at the beginning or else I might run out of all my love for her.. .." Jeno says slowly looking up to the ceiling

"oh yeaaah" Haechan's face lights up, his eye widen as he remembers those words clearly "you punched me in the face after that-" Haechan's hand goes up to his cheek "I was just joking around but you ended up ignoring eachother me 3 days until I begged for forgiveness" Haechan begins to giggle

"right..sorry about that" Jeno cringes at the memory

"naah bro I took it too far" Haechan leans into Jeno's face "I know you love her, your never gonna stop huh loverboyyy?"

Jeno pauses. He nervously looks around, his hands getting sweaty. "Yea...I'll never stop loving her"

Haechan's word at that moment seem to have a lasting impact on Jeno, Jeno felt his entire body tensing up on hearing those words,he hated feeling this way. He needed something stronger, he needed something to numb his feelings

"what's wrong?" A not so drunk Mark asks Jeno holding a bunch of more drinks "nothing give me one-" Jeno stands up so abruptly that he nearly falls down only to be caught by Mark

"I think that's enough for you today buddy" Mark says worried "you sure you want one more?"

Jeno nodds his head as Mark hands him a bottle "that's your last one..yo are you seriously okay? Nothing happened with you and y/n?"

"no- nothing happened"

Yea. Nothing happened. He wished nothing happened, nothing should have happened.

"I'm so sorry for this y/n" A very sober very annoyed Renjun said to you as he held a very drunk Jeno infront of your door. "I dont know what happened but he lost control and got wasted..I would help you get him in but-" Renjun grunts as he tried lifting Jeno "I kind of have to send Haechan to his girlfriend too" beckoning to a equally wasted Haechan who was sitting in the car

"god- he drank quite alot huh" your nose crinkles as Renjun handed Jeno to you "did something happen?" You ask "he didn't even call me back"

"i- I was gonna ask you that" Renjun looked as confused as you did "he uh- nevermind y/n- sorry again but I have to go"

You watch as Renjun rushes down to the car to help Haechan who was trying to get out of the car.

"Jeno? Jeno- c'mon" you try shaking Jeno "just a few steps more baby you can do it-"

"don't call me that-" Jeno's voice slurs "don't call me that"

You laugh "what else am I supposed to call you then? C'mon let's go into the living roo-"

"anything but that...don't call me that" Jeno tries getting away from your grasp as he shifts his body away from yours

"Jeno? What's wrong-"

"y/n..I don't want to do this anymore"

"do what?" Your voice softens "Jeno your drunk come on lets get you to sleep"

"no..y/n I can't do this" Jeno looks at you in the eye "I can't keep on pretending y/n- I can't keep on pretending to love you"

You stop. Your entire body stops as those words come out of Jeno's mouth.

"Jeno- your drunk" you say firmly trying to ignore the slight waver in your tone, trying to ignore the pool of waters forming in your eyes

"y/n..I'm so sorry y/n I dont think I can love you anymore" Jeno whispers as he struggles to stand properly

"your just drunk.. let's go" you grab his hand, this time he takes it occasionally muttering a "sorry" here and there as you lead him to the room the both of you shared.

"I'm gonna go now" you whisper to Jeno as he layed there in the bed

"y/n..I really can't do this. I dont think I love you..not anymore" he says, his eyes shut, his head layed on the pillow "I can't do this.." he mumbles

"your just drunk Jeno..you don't mean it" you whisper as you kneel down to kiss his cheeks, ignoring the slight hammering in your heart. You feel Jeno freeze the minute your lips meet his cheeks and that just makes you feel worser "you dont mean it" you repeated your words.

You kept on repeating your words as you laid down at the sofa in the living room "You don't mean it Jeno" trying to convince yourself more that he doesn't mean it.

But drunk thoughts are sober thoughts, and you knew that. You knew it all too well.

Because the next day when Jeno wakes up he can't find you, nor can he remember the incidents that happened the night before. All he finds was a sticky note on the fridge

"your right. You don't, not anymore"

Lee Haechan:

Haechan fell inlove with you at first sight.

He loved you first, he confessed first, he asked you to be his lover first.

Is that why he was the one to fall out of love first?

Is that why he couldn't look at you the way he did that one Sunday morning? Is that why he couldn't look at you the way he used to anymore.

Did he ever love you? Were those feelings even genuine at a certain point?

Haechan hated constant routines, he hated the same things, he got bored easily.

But he never thought he would get bored of you. Past tense thought

The silence swallows him. It was never silent around him but these days that's all it seemed to be. Just you, him and the contant banging inside Haechan's mind, the constant storm inside his heart.

"hey y/n? I'm going out for a bit okay?"

You don't even turn around to look at him, just humming back a response "hm okay"

I suppose you didn't realise, that this was the only conversation you guys had, other than the daily "morning" wish.

Haechan slipped into his sneakers as he watched your figure sitting in the table doing whatever work in your laptop. Trying to find something, trying to find anything, anything to make him fall inlove with you again.

Haechan was halfway through the door when he heard you shout from the kitchen "Hyuk come home early okay?"

"oh oka-" but he was cut short

"and I love you okay?"

Why did it sound like a question? Why did your love for him sound like a question?

Why did his love for you sound like a question?

"I-" Haechan choked on his words "I love you..too"

He said it in a way as if he was convincing himself more than he was convincing you but it didn't matter, you didn't hear him anyways

He ran out of the apartment the both of you shared. Maybe if he ran fast enough he'll be able to run from the throbbing pain in his heart, maybe he'll be able to run away from the thoughts that filled his head. Maybe he'll be able to run away from you

He finally stops, his legs giving out as he flops to the bench in a park somewhere nearby, his lungs asking for air as he pants.

His eyes meet a small daisy growing next to the bench. You once described your love for him to a Daisy, that thought always made Haechan's heart speed up but now it would begin racing for a different reason.

He stares at the weeds growing near the daisy, the weeds were going to kill the daisy if someone didnt uproot them. But the scary thing was, he wanted the daisy to die. He wanted your love for him to die, just like the way his love for you did.

His hands trembled lightly as his breathing hitches up.

All he feels is regret and guilt.

He regretted meeting you, he regretted loving you, be regretted asking you to be his girlfriend. And he felt guilty for what he was going to do, for all the things he felt or maybe for all the things he couldn't feel. Not anymore, not like before.

Time goes by when your deep thought, time went by as Haechan refused to go back to the apartment you both shared.

He was scared. He was scared of what he was going to do.

The sun set and the sky is filled with orange blue colours. It was going to get dark soon, the clouds were getting heavier. Haechan heart was getting darker and heavier too, a little to heavy for him to carry, a little to dark for him to bear.

He finally decides to return, his thoughts however were still unclear.

"Hyuk? Where were you? Didnt I tell you to come home early?" You ask as you watch Haechan walk into the kitchen

"well..it doesn't matter now. Anyways surprise!" You exclaim as you gesture to the table full of Haechan's favourite dishes

"y/n- what's going on?" Haechan is caught off-guard, a little too off guard as he stares at the candle lighted dinner, as he looks at you all dressed up

"listen...I know things have been weird between us" you say smiling as your fingers knit against eachother "so..I thought we deserve a small break like a date- Hyuk?"

Your words are cut short as Haechan begins to cry, tears streaming down his face

"Hyuk- baby what's wrong" you immediately run to him, holding him gently in your harms it made Haechan cry even harder.

You watch as Haechan sobs into your arms worried "if it's about the date i-"

"no..no your perfect y/n" Haechan sobs "but your not perfect for me."

"Hyuk? Babe? C'mon talk to me. What's going on"

"I didn't mean to do it, I never meant this to happen" Haechan cries into your dress. You try pulling him closer to your body, wrapping your arms around him. You were too worried to notice the way Haechan's body tightened

"Haechan. What's going on?" You cup his face that was wet with his tears.

"I'm so sorry..I'm so sorry" his sobs filled the entire kitchen, the candles in the table flickering.

"Im so sorry y/n I'm so sorry I stopped loving you" Haechan sobs, his heart shattering even more as he felt you freeze. Your arm which was caressing him stopped moving.

"y/n I didn't mean it- I didn't" Haechan hugged you tightly "I don't know- I don't know what happened"

"Donghyuk"

Haechan stopped. That was the first time you said his full name. Not Hyuk, babe or Haechan but Donghyuk

"it's okay" you whispered to him as you still held him, not letting him go. You held him as he broke down even harder, as he sobbed even harder

"it's okay" you whispered again this time to yourself. The only words you could tell yourself were that it's okay.

The entire night, you held him. You held him for the last time just like how he held you for the last time.

You held him tightly in your arms not letting go of him as you felt him drift away to sleep. Whispering to yourself that it was okay.

To describe your love with Haechan was simple. There was one word which could easily describe what falling inlove with Haechan was like. It was like fireworks

So sudden, so loud but so so beautiful. Lighting up the dark sky with dazzling designs and patterns. It was love like no other. But there was a thing about fireworks which you seemed to have missed out

The vanish just as soon as they appear

Their bright colours fade away just as fast as they painted the night sky. Their spark just vanishes into the dark sky, leaving it empty again as if it never even was there at the first place.

Haechan's love for you was like fireworks, and like fireworks, it faded away.

OH MY SHAYLA

i’m like if a writer did not write and did other things instead

FROM, 3x06 "Scar Tissue"