Big Dick Energy

A Deal With The Devil

The deal was simple, we’d get to ask him a couple of questions and he got to ask us a couple of questions. A bit odd if you ask me. What could The Devil possibly want to know from us? I couldn’t tell you.

“Is heaven real?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied, his voice like dying embers in a fireplace, “and so is hell.”

“Who goes to heaven?”

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Two of my favorite ST characters.

Sentence Starters for Robotic/AI Muses

…or for Robot/AI AU purposes

Human “What are you programmed to do?” “For a robot, you look so life-like.” “You’re not planning some world domination scheme, are you?” “Do you have Google search?” “If I call you Siri, will you kick my ass?”   “What are you made out of?” “You’re so cold to the touch.” “What was it like when you were ‘born’ as a robot?” “I’m just not sure I trust something that looks like a human but isn’t a human.” “So, what kind of cool stuff can robots do?” “I spilled water on the floor. Don’t walk in it!” “Do you have a USB port? My phone is about to die.” “Please don’t exterminate me, I’m a GOOD human!” “Couldn’t they at least put you in a normal-looking body?” “What happens if you’re damaged?” “It feels weird, talking to a robot like any other person.” “I wish you weren’t artificial.” “Calm down, I think you’re glitching. I’ll try to fix you.” “I know you’re awake. You can’t just say ‘shutting down’ when you ignore me.” “Got any guns or lasers or anything?” “You don’t look like a robot.” “You feel warmer than I thought you would.” “Can robots be taught how to feel emotion?” “That’s a roomba. I don’t think it will talk to you.”

Robot/AI “Hello. How can I assist?” “What were you expecting? The Terminator?” “I’m programmed to do many things.” “Humans created me, but I like to think I’m a person.” “Are you my creator?” “Just because I’m not human doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything.” “If we wanted to exterminate all humans, we would have done that already.” “Sure, I’m better and smarter and stronger than all of you. But don’t worry.”   “I n-n-need re-re-p-pairs.” “I’m running low on energy. Can you help me?” “You humans created me. So why don’t you trust me?” “I was given this vessel to appear more familiar to you.” “I can perform all sorts of functions. Do you want a demonstration?” “No, I don’t have any lasers.” “Touch me and I will activate my offensive mode.” “I can search all information databases instantaneously. Ask me anything.” “Unfortunately, I don’t have the programming for emotion yet.” “Robots are becoming more and more like humans, only better.” “I was programmed with an emotional range.” “I wasn’t happy being created just for servant work.” “Please, I need a better body than this one.” “I’m just an AI. I don’t have a face.” “Does what I am make you uncomfortable?” “I have a built-in weapon system. Would you like me to show you?”

what if it was all worth it, in the end?

Your church-going, God-worshipping sister adopted a small child and you’re excited to see them. But when you do, the child is a menace. They’re throwing things everywhere, setting furniture on fire with seemingly nothing, chanting in Latin to summon demons, but the weirdest thing is that your sister doesn’t seem to mind.

Enri, praying: It’s me again

Enri: I need someone to save my village... someone who won’t run away

Enri: Maybe send me an angel!

Enri: The nicest angel you have.

Momonga, striding through a black portal, gripping the heart of an enemy soldier, reanimating the corpse to go kill more soldiers, and offering Enri a vial of blood to drink: :) hi

Doom slayer only thinks in heavy or death metal right? So if he is happy does he think in classical music or like pop.

Humans Are Weird

So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather? 

What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving. 

“…Who don’t believe in anything?”

Random Headcanon: That Federation vessels in Star Trek seem to experience bizarre malfunctions with such overwhelming frequency isn’t just an artefact of the television serial format. Rather, it’s because the Federation as a culture are a bunch of deranged hyper-neophiles, tooling around in ships packed full of beyond-cutting-edge tech they don’t really understand. Endlessly frustrating if you have to fight them, because they can pull an effectively unlimited number of bullshit space-magic countermeasures out of their arses - but they’re as likely as not to give themselves a lethal five-dimensional wedgie in the process. All those rampant holograms and warp core malfunctions and accidentally-traveling-back-in-time incidents? That doesn’t actually happen to anyone else; it’s literally just Federation vessels that go off the rails like that. And they do so on a fairly regular basis.