Taught My Dog The Word 'yucky' In Association To Grossness So If He's Chewing On Something Weird I Run

My family is so good at gift giving I can never compete. My dad kept “borrowing” my aunt’s oven mitts so she made him a robe out of nothing but oven mitts.

the five stages of grief your honour

I was looking for something in my email inbox, going back a few pages, and I came across an email a friend sent me in May asking if she could come visit me this summer and I was seized with blind panic, !!!!! oh my god I procrastinated on this email and never ended up replying to her and now the summer is almost over and it’s much too late to plan anything and she didn’t dare to reach out again and probably never will now I’ve lost this friend forever and then I fearfully clicked on the email and realised I had actually replied to her. In a timely manner. And she actually did come to visit last month and I had no trouble remembering everything we did during her visit. I love starting my morning with a spike of worry so intense it’s like my brain gives itself a stress-lobotomy, erasing entire series of events. A reverse near-death experience where instead of seeing your past life flash before your eyes, you remember not a single potentially-reassuring past decision but you see your tragic future flash before your eyes, ruined by this one mistake you made

Reblog if I can go on your page and write stupid things in your ask box whenever I'd like to.

Follow your dream

Men in porn always so desperate for validation. "oh you like that cock? You like my cock?" go to therapy dude

I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.

haunted dolls are cool not scary like bro there's a friend in there

the new family drama i’m obsessed with has been the saga of my eight year old cousin trying to understand how our uncle is related to our grandpa and not our grandma. the answer is our grandpa cheated on her with a nurse and had our uncle, but NO ONE wants to explain cheating and adultery to an eight year old so they’ve just been telling him to ask someone else. so far it’s gone my mom -> me -> his mom -> his dad and he still is no closer to an answer. we are very quickly running low on knowledgeable adults and i cannot wait to see where he goes if that trail goes dry