Smallconsciousness - Smallest Stream Of Consciousness

ordering a pup cup for my chikorita in lumiose

@patricia-taxxon if she wasn't fucking around

I went ahead and just made it

Genuinely got a migrane from the way they formatted that exam

As someone who did the general and foundation exam I want to say that the foundation exam was somehow worse written than any of the other exams

Think you could take a 10x10 inch cock? Asking for a friend 👀

like is it a cube or am i misunderstanding

I'm a big fan of wizards-as-programmers, but I think it's so much better when you lean into programming tropes.

A spell the wizard uses to light the group's campfire has an error somewhere in its depths, and sometimes it doesn't work at all. The wizard spends a lot of his time trying to track down the exact conditions that cause the failure.

The wizard is attempting to create a new spell that marries two older spells together, but while they were both written within the context of Zephyrus the Starweaver's foundational work, they each used a slightly different version, and untangling the collisions make a short project take months of work.

The wizard has grown too comfortable reusing old spells, and in particular, his teleportation spell keeps finding its components rearranged and remixed, its parts copied into a dozen different places in the spellbook. This is overall not actually a problem per se, but the party's rogue grows a bit concerned when the wizard's "drying spell" seems to just be a special case of teleportation where you teleport five feet to the left and leave the wetness behind.

A wizard is constantly fiddling with his spells, making minor tweaks and changes, getting them easier to cast, with better effects, adding bells and whistles. The "shelter for the night" spell includes a tea kettle that brings itself to a boil at dawn, which the wizard is inordinately pleased with. He reports on efficiency improvements to the indifference of anyone listening.

A different wizard immediately forgets all details of his spells after he's written them. He could not begin to tell you how any of it works, at least not without sitting down for a few hours or days to figure out how he set things up. The point is that it works, and once it does, the wizard can safely stop thinking about it.

Wizards enjoy each other's company, but you must be circumspect about spellwork. Having another wizard look through your spellbook makes you aware of every minor flaw, and you might not be able to answer questions about why a spell was written in a certain way, if you remember at all.

Wizards all have their own preferences as far as which scripts they write in, the formatting of their spellbook, its dimensions and material quality, and of course which famous wizards they've taken the most foundational knowledge from. The enlightened view is that all approaches have their strengths and weaknesses, but this has never stopped anyone from getting into a protracted argument.

Sometimes a wizard will sit down with an ancient tome attempting to find answers to a complicated problem, and finally find someone from across time who was trying to do the same thing, only for the final note to be "nevermind, fixed it".

so i'm currently rereading Lolita and, in it, the word "crepitate" is used. i wasn't sure if it had multiple meanings, so i googled it.

now, i don't know about you, but when i type a word like "crepitate" into the search bar, i don't really expect "fart" to appear in any of the top results, and yet:

i was disappointed to learn that there isn't a classification system for farts, but, rather, you can buy a CD featuring a fart competition called The Original Crepitation Contest that Amazon reviewers assure me is comedy gold. okay. mystery solv--

hang on.

this also came up. Google is presenting it as fact.

Google is telling me that on May 16th, in the year of our lord 1972, a man farted for 1/3 of a second at a register of 194 dB.

according to the National Hearing Conservation Association, that is the loudest possible sustained sound. when a sound reaches that decibel, it no longer travels through the air, but moves it. it only comes from things like volcanic eruptions and can cause organ damage.

call me a Doubting Thomas if you must, but i just don't think this is true.

i just don't think anyone recorded a man farting so hard that it created a literal shockwave, blowing his asshole clean off and probably killing everyone around him, because i just don't think a guy did that, and i especially don't think that, if he did, his government name was Alvin Meshits.

at this point i'd totally forgotten i was trying to read literary classic Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov and instead started searching for the origin of Mr. Meshits, fart terrorist. from what i can tell, someone on Reddit just randomly shared it to r/todayilearned and Google went "yeah, this seems true" and now it's just out there.

now someone might stumble upon it and go "wow, that's crazy" and live the rest of their life believing a fart erupted at such force it likely blew its own progenitor to creamed corn.

i don't think Madeline, Texas is even a real place.

every time i remember this video exists im not even exaggerating when i say i wheeze until i cant breathe its the fuckijgn funniest thing in thw world to me it gives me a migraine every time i watch it