15 Points Of A BDSM Relationship!

15 Points of a BDSM relationship!

1) Communicate- The importance of this can never be stressed enough. If you are a Dom, make sure your requirements and demands are clearly expressed. If you are sub, make sure you talk about what you need and want out of the relationship. Talk about issues that arise, joys and pleasure that you both experience, things that are going really well, and areas that need to be adjusted. 

2) Go Slow- When you are starting a new relationship, or trying a new aspect of a BDSM relationship, take things slow. Nothing good comes from rushing into anything. 

3) “A” sub, not “Your” sub- Just because someone is a sub, doesn’t mean they want to be YOUR sub. Calling yourself a Dom doesn’t give you the right to call subs names, or act dominate towards someone who has never given you their submission. Treat people with respect at all times. 

4) The BDSM Buffet- It’s ok to take different aspects of different BDSM dynamics and create something that is unique and works for you. Every relationship is different. If you want to be in a DD/lg relationship with pieces of pet play and a bit of Master/slave dynamic, then go ahead! Find what works for you. Experiment.

5) Don’t EVER kink shame- It’s ok to not like every kink. It’s ok to be confused as to why someone would enjoy a certain activity or dynamic. But it is NEVER ok to shame someone for what they like to do (so long as what they like to do is legal, consensual, and safe).

6) No two relationships are the same- You don’t have to try to be like every other relationship. If your rules are super strict, or really relaxed, that’s fine. If you live a 24/7 relationship, or only play once a month, that’s ok! If it works for you, and makes everyone involved happy, then that’s all that matters. Don’t compare your relationship to others, and don’t make other people feel bad for not doing things the same way that you do.

7) Aftercare is ESSENTIAL- After any scene it is vital for the Dom to look after the sub. Encourage them, tell them they are beautiful, hug, cuddle, massage, kiss, sing a lullaby…whatever the sub needs (as everyone is different). If the sub is crying, make sure they are consoled. If part of the scene requires humiliation or intense physical/mental exertion, then make sure you re-assure them and give them a chance to rest. Most importantly, make sure they know that you love them, care for them, and want only whats best for them! 

8) Keep going over/adjusting the rules- This goes along with the earlier communication point. Don’t be afraid to adjust the rules to meet current needs. As people grow, things change. A rule that once made sense, may no longer be required, or perhaps something that was once strict needs to become more lenient (or vice versa). This should be something that both Dom AND sub talk about, and all rule changes should be mutually agreed upon.

9) Try to switch- This isn’t a requirement, but it is a suggestion. It’s hard for a Dom to fully appreciate how beautiful and difficult submission is if they have never experienced it. Likewise, a sub who has never been dominant may not understand how hard it can be to constantly be in control. Try switching (even if it is just for a half hour play session). It gives both parties experience, and everyone will learn something! 

10) Stay Safe- This seems obvious, but it should always be said. If you don’t feel comfortable in a relationship/situation….LEAVE. If you need something to stop, use the safe word! It’s the subs responsibility to make sure they are communicating with the Dom (especially if things are starting to get uncomfortable), and it is the Dom’s HUGE responsibility to make sure they are respecting all limits, and respond to safewords. 

11) Explain punishments- Never punish for the sake of punishing. Don’t just create arbitrary rules just so you can punish the sub. If you are going to punish, make sure the sub knows exactly WHY they are being punished.

12) Submission is a gift- Never take the subs submission for granted. It’s a beautiful gift that needs to be respected at all times!

13) Make sure you give rewards- Don’t just be the Dom that only ever hands out punishments. Give your sub praise for a job well done, and make sure that you give them rewards as often as you can!

14) Don’t make a habit out of acting up just so you can get punished- I’m not saying to never do it…sometimes it can be a fun little game to play. However, if you (the sub) wants to get spanked or punished, it’s ok to just ASK for it! Trust me, very few Doms will turn down the opportunity to spank their sub.

15) Have Fun! BDSM should be fun. Enjoy it! Don’t take the relationship so seriously that you don’t ever enjoy yourself. Yes…a BDSM relationship is a big deal and a lot of work…but if it’s not enjoyable then whats the point? If you can’t laugh and smile with one another, play games (that aren’t always sexual), or just enjoy each others company, then you are either doing something wrong, or you are in the wrong relationship.

This is by no means a complete list. What other things should be added to the list?

More Posts from Slutboisstuff and Others

6 months ago

eating a girl out for the first time? as someone with a couple of decades' experience (i started young, ok?), can i offer some advice?

take your time. your aim isn't to make her come as fast as possible, it's to make sure she enjoys every moment. slow down, revel in the process of finding out what she likes.

tell her how beautiful she is, how tempting her cunt looks, how intoxicating it smells, how sweet she tastes. she might be feeling vulnerable, especially if she's inexperienced too - it's your job to make her feel safe and adored.

enjoy the journey - i know you just want to feel your tongue on her clit NOW, but exploring her thighs, working your way slowly to her folds, trailing all the way up her cunt, drinking her juices, letting her feel your breath before she feels your touch...it'll be worth it. for both of you.

learn to read her body with all of your senses. she might be vocal but she might prefer to bite her lip or enjoy being gagged. you don't need to hear her words to know what to do. you'll feel her muscles twitch and relax - learn what it means when she lifts her hips, squirms or sinks into you. she might taste and smell differently when she is close to coming for you. pay close attention to her clit - if you're lucky and you've done a particularly good job, you might see it twitch as she recovers from the perfect orgasm. enjoy it.

you can be vocal though. moan into her. use every sensation you can. light flicks to determined, long, slow licks. blow gently on her wetness. how does she react to your lip piercing? your teeth?

build and add to the experience until she's completely overwhelmed. play with her nipples. run your nails over her skin. lift her legs and spank her.

chances are, she'll get to the point where she really needs you to fuck her. slip your tongue all the way down and inside her. if you can't breathe, you're doing it right. that means you probably won't be able to keep it up for hours, so save this move for when she's right on the edge and you're ready to let her tip over.

if you're especially lucky and she's a squirter, you will get absolutely soaked. enjoy it. show her you're enjoying it. moan into her cunt; she'll come even harder.

if she needs to be fucked harder, slip your fingers inside her cunt and curl them up towards your tongue as it circles her clit. all of her most sensitive nerves will be between your tongue and your fingers. you'll be able to feel every tiny twitch inside her; it's the most beautiful place in the world to be.

when she can truly take no more, stay close to her as you drift away from her cunt. kiss your way up her tummy and her chest, let her taste herself on your lips as you hold her and let her ride out the aftershocks. trail your fingertips over her back. whisper in her ear. tell her everything you loved about eating her out.

1 year ago

Science Exhibit Fantasy

You're spread out naked on a table as a presenter exhibits you to a room of people. They describe your body explicitly and talk about you like an object of curiosity, and the audience stares, intrigued. The presenter begins to stimulate you, remarking on your reactions. They pinch your nipple, and they remark on how when they do that, your nipples get hard, blood flows to your pussy, and your pussy starts to get wet to prepare for penetration. They say that these are all signs of sexual arousal, and you feel yourself blush.

They brush their gloved finger ever so gently along your wet pussy, flicking your clit, and explain that when they do that, you become more aroused, and that's why you're breathing faster and squirming a little. As they say this, you try to keep still.

The whole time they're doing this, you can feel the audience's eyes on you, and the air against your naked skin. You feel yourself involuntarily exhibiting all of the reactions the presenter is listing - hair standing on end, your heartbeat in your pussy, shakes, twitches, involuntary gasps or slight moans. Every time they predict a reaction and then force your body to do it, you feel more and more like a thing made for their amusement. But your pussy is so wet and you're desperate to be touched, even though it's so embarrassing to be put on display like this, moaning and writhing in front of all these people.

The last demonstration of the exhibit is showing them what it looks like and sounds like when you orgasm. Assistants step in to help with this step. Two begin to suck on your tits, flicking your nipples with their tongues. You moan involuntarily, writhing on the table. One lubes up a dildo and slides it into your pussy, pumping in and out of you excruciatingly slowly. Your eyes rolls back and your mouth gapes open, but you try to stifle your moans and resist the urge to touch yourself. In between gasps, you beg them to stop, not to make you cum in front of this room of strangers. But then one assistant begins to pump your swollen clit between their fingers, and within a few seconds you're screaming, unable to control yourself. The audience sits forward in their seats at this spectacle. You writhe and scream, shaking from the intensity of the orgasm, and as the come-down starts, you feel the dozens of eyes watching you and you want to crawl into a hole and disappear. You didn't want to cum in front of all these people, really. You just couldn't help it, it was so much. You didn't enjoy it, right?

The audience is amazed. They'll definitely tell all their friends about this fascinating new exhibit. Those friends will definitely buy tickets to the show tomorrow night. And the next. And the next...

8 months ago

oh, good little thing, aren't you? already on your knees, so ready to be touched and used however I see fit. fucking adorable, really. whine for me a little bit? come on, darling, make me smile.

1 year ago

obsessed with that face tops make when they accidentally discover a weak spot of yours or a kink of yours through something they did. that little surprised face and then the WICKED grin and then they say some shit like “oh? so you like this? yeah?” and then they do it again??? it gets to me every time on god

1 month ago

I want to dominate a man bigger than me, I want to watch him fall apart and cry and whine as I fuck him into oblivion. I want him to look at me with wet eyes and beg me to keep on going, for him to pull me closer and spread his legs even wider. For him to tighten up around my strap and beg me to breed him, over and over and over and over.

1 month ago

the line between praise and condescension/degradation is so thin, and i plan to drive a boy insane by using it as a jump rope.

“you’re such a pretty, dumb little thing, aren’t you?”

“so gorgeous… you were truly made to be my little slut, weren’t you?”

“look at you, drooling and whining. so pathetic, it’s adorable.”

“you’re crying already? thought you said you could handle it, acting all big and strong earlier, just to turn into crying mess, so disappointing, thought you could handle a lot more. you look absolutely gorgeous when you cry, though, sweetheart, so i’ll just have to carry on.”

“so whiney… you can barely even get a word out anymore, can you? it’s okay, sweetheart, whores don’t need to think. just focus on being an good boy for me.”

“such pretty noises… you’re so pretty when you beg me to stop. you don’t really want me to, do you? clinging to me so hard, i bet you’d cry if pulled away… aw, look at you, tears already welling up. your eyes are so pretty, doll, makes me want to fuck you harder. don’t even know what you want, hm? i just know what’s better for you, so just focus on staying so pretty and loud for me. such a pathetic, dumb little thing.”

1 year ago

I want to make a boy moan so loud that he has to bury his face into the crook of my neck to muffle the sound

4 months ago

fucking be nice to your dommes, they're just as traumatized and messy as you and need to be loved and supported for it

6 months ago

Are you blushing, puppy? All because I called you a good toy? My good toy. You’re just a pretty fleshlight, barely have enough brains to be embarrassed. You like it when I pick you up and use your holes like a real toy? My hands tight around your waist, fucking you back and forth on my cock? Use your words, puppy. Good toy, thats it. Fuuck, sweet thing, you feel so incredible. Tightest little toy, oh my god, you were made to please me.

7 months ago

why can’t a subby boy be making me a sandwich with nothing but an apron on rn ?? i wanna grope him while he’s making it 😕💔

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