You Know That Ada Limón Poem Where She’s Like “i Can’t Help It I Love The Way Men Love”? My

the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.

hi guys muslim aid is raising money for aid in afghanistan, following the news. donate if you can, pray if you can’t. the minimum donation is £3.

There is currently a massive (and growing) bundle of games available on itch.io with money raised going to Abortion Funds in the wake of the attack on reproductive freedom in the US Supreme Court.

It may seem like a small thing to buy some indie games for just $10 but bundles like this are a fantastic way to contribute real tangible good to the world. 700+ game designers said that they care enough to give up the collective profit on their games so that we could collectively raise money to effect change in reproductive justice. Get some really phenomenal games, and use them to recharge after taking action in the streets or fighting back in other ways. We are in for a long fight and preventing activist burnout is the only way we can win.

sosthemortalcoil​:

Black Lives Matter

Everyone should be familiar with the concept of ‘All evil requires to win is the apathy of others.’ The time for action is now.

This blog and @at-sixes-and-sevens-game​, who I’m teaming up with, are for the development of games. We want to do our part to support Black Lives Matter. To that end, anyone who donates and notifies us will receive a short prompt.

For those who can donate:

Send a screencap of your donation (see image below). Must have confirmation id and time stamp.

Minimum donation: $5

Include your tumblr url or discord id if you would like to be notified of the completion of your prompt

The prompt itself: character(s), scenario, tone.

Characters may come from @sosthemortalcoil​, @bloodmoonrisinggame​, and @at-sixes-and-sevens-game​.

 ~250 word prompts.

No gore. No NSFW except–

Five NSFW slots for donations over $30. @at-sixes-and-sevens-game​ is not included in this. The word count on these will be 1000+ words.

1. Gone! Available

2. Gone! Available

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NEW

1. 800 x 800 px portrait head shot (flat colored) from @feather-x-crown​ for a $30+ donation.

PLACES TO DONATE

Reclaim the Block (aims to redistribute police funding to help the minneapolis community)

Twin Cities DSA (provides fresh groceries and hot meals to people in minneapolis)

Snap 4 Freedom (working toward divestment from the prison industrial complex)

Black AIDS Institute (end the black HIV epidemic with direct services and advocacy)

Black Visions Collective (seeks to expand the power of black people across the Twin Cities metro area and Minnesota)

Know Your Rights Camp (educate minority communities on their rights and legal options)

Campaign Zero: (identify and promote effective methods to end police violence)

NAACP Legal Defense Fund (a legal fund for racial justice)

Communities United Against Police Brutality (Twin Cities-based resistance and support network to deal with police brutality)

Showing Up for Racial Justice (organizing protests and campaigns for racial and disability justice)

National Health Law Program (legal representation and assistance for low income and minority communities)

Lake Street Council (direct cash to businesses affected by demonstrations in Minneapolis)

Pimento Relief Fund (providing black business with insurance relief after white supremacists set them on fire during the protests)

Dignity and Power Now (fights for dignity and respect for incarcerated peoples and their communities)

Southerners on New Ground (black queer support charity)

Audre Lorde Foundation (focused on social and economic equality for queer people of color)

Innocence Project (exonerating wrongfully convicted, often for racial reasons, people)

Most of these links take you directly to the donation page. Please look up these organizations to learn more.

We understand not everyone can donate right now. There are other ways to take action, such as:

Text FLOYD to 55156 to demand all four officers involved be charged and arrested.

Contact your congresspeople to ask to them to support Reps. Pressly and Omar’s resolution condemning police brutality.

Reblog this post or a similar one with resources to assist others in taking action

Raise donations by watching youtube videos, such as this one

We hope this is a starting point, one that will lead you to many other resources. Thank you.

Hey guys, @feather-x-crown​ has offered an art piece as a donation reward (details are above)! Limited rewards have also been updated. It’s amazing to see people donating and spreading the word; keep it up!

links to help Sheikh Jarrah

links to help Palestine

gofundme to help Gaza

petition to save Sheikh Jarrah

please help palestine.

hey sorry if this is a stupid question, but some of the phrasing is slightly confusing, are nonprofits themselves bad or is it jsut specifically ones such as gates' that protect private interests?

wealthy non-profits are typically a tax haven. there are decent non-profits yes, but theyre usually picking up slack that the government should have already been dealing with imo.

like we shouldn’t have charities feeding children our government should simply pay people enough and provide them with enough resources so their children dont go hungry in the first place.

but apparently this is too controversial of an opinion.

CNN

She smeared blood on herself and played dead: 11-year-old reveals chilling details of the massacre

An 11-year-old survivor of the Robb Elementary School massacre in Uvalde, Texas, feared the gunman would come back for her so she smeared he

I am not being hyperbolic when I say every cop who sat around and made sure this happened to these kids for an hour deserves a public execution.

Art by Maurycy Szymczak

ALL THESE TWENTY YEARS TRYING TO FILL THE VOID

As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh by Susan Sontag x || Love Me More by Mitski || I’m Lazy, Reckless, and Addicted to Social Media. Help! by Heather Havrilesky || artwork by @blluish x || The Singing by Kim Addonizio x || My Solo Exchange Diary (Hitori Koukan Nikki) by Kabi Nagata || The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller, trans. by Ruth Ward || Remember My Name by Mitski || artwork by @blluish x || Humpty by Mitski

transcription under the cut

[ID:

1 : "I, in my corner, with my monstrous needs.", underlined in red

2: "I need you to love me more / Love me more, love me more / Love enough to fill me up / Fill me up, fill me full up / I need you to love me more / Love me more, love me more / Love enough to drown it out / Drown it out, drown me out". Dark red text on red background.

3: "You’re exhausted because [highlight-start] you’re looking for love every second of every day, in everything you do. [highlight-end]". Black on white; gray highlight.

4: Photograph of a ceramic sculpture of an anatomical heart. There is a big, roundish hole in its center. The heart is painted red and white to resemble the color of flesh; it darkens nearing the edge of the hole, which are black. The background is black.

5: "I don’t know what I want, only that I’m desperate for it, that I can’t stop asking." . The pic is a screenshot of an indented tumblr textpost, background set in dark mode.

6: It’s a manga comic strip that reads from right to left. It opens with a quadrangular text box: “Every part of me started going cold.”. In the middle of the strip are drawn three scenes of life, which depict a shivering woman with a bob cut (the protagonist) struggling to warm herself up: she hugs herself in a blanket near a heater (1), she bathes in hot water (2), she buries herself under a futon dryer (3). Near each scene there’s written, in order,: “HEATER” (1), “BATH” (2), “FUTON DRYER” (3). Over the third scene, with an arrow pointing to it, there is an additional text that reads: “APPARENTLY, YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THIS…”. The strip closes with another quadrangular text box: “No matter what I did, I couldn’t warm up”. The blanket, the hot water and the futon, all in pink, are the only colored parts of the strip.

7: “It is thus impossible for the grandiose person to cut the tragic link between admiration and love. In his compulsion to repeat [underline-start] he seeks insatiably for admiration, of which he never gets enough because admiration is not the same thing as love. It is only a substitute gratification of the primary needs for respect, understanding, and being taken seriously —needs that have remained unconscious. [underline-end]”. After a line of blank space, the text continues: “ [...]If his success the previous night only serves as the denial of childhood frustrations, then, like every substitute, it can only bring momentary satiation. [underline-start]In fact, true satiation is no longer possible, since the right time for that now lies irrevocably in the past. [underline-end]The former child no longer exists, nor do the former parents. The present parents—if they are”. Black on white.

8: “[highlight-start] I need something bigger than the sky /Hold it in my arms and know it's m

ine [highlight-end] / Just how many stars will I need to hang around me / To finally get somewhere I can be all done / Somewhere like heaven”. Black on white; pink highlight.

9: Photograph of a ceramic sculpture of the nude upper body of a woman. She has pale skin, black length shoulder black hair with bangs and closed eyes. Her expression is one of resignation, sorrow and hopelessness. Like in the heart before, there is a big roundish hole through the middle of her chest. It’s edges are red, though, and the color slowly fades on the skin. It’s the same shade of red of her cheeks (that goes up to her eyes, making her look like she has just finished crying), mouth, nose and chin. The background is black.

10: “I broke what you gave me / But you kept giving more / And I'm sorry for taking / [highlight-start] But I keep wanting more, more, more, oh [highlight-end]”. Black on white; dark gray highlight over white text.

/END ID]