I Never Understood

depression makes everything feel so grey. the color has been sucked out of me & my world.

i have an eclipse father

he’s rarely home & when he is it’s only physically

but in the summer

in the summer he’s my protector, my sweet father

he rides roller coasters with me

and teaches me about the world

but then fall rolls around

and again i’m left cold

so much of myself is a secret and it makes me wonder if people would still like me if they knew all of me :(

“i don’t think we were ever just friends.”

“i definitely miss you more than any one person in particular.”

to me you’re a rose among weeds

always commanding my attention

beautiful, yet seasonal

nothing too good ever stays with me

i’m just a convenient distraction while you’re here

because to you, i’m just another weed.

i want to punch you

and punch you

and punch you

until i’m too tired

to do anything

but collapse into your arms

“and yet?”

“and yet i still love him so much i could probably set an entire forest aflame just by uttering his name.”

anyone else too mentally ill for love?

not only do my favorite people leave me

my favorite things do too

i lose them one by one

just like i lost you