I'm Just A Girl Standing In Front Of Studios Begging For Tv Shows To Introduce Throuples Instead Of Love

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

Seriously though were people in the past just constantly giggling at the word “suck” being written with a long s like was that a thing do you think

You're telling me somebody creamed in this soda?

I’m such a slut for casual intimacy. Like yesss rest your chin on my shoulder while we're in line at the grocery store, I live for that shit.

‘Live-Action’ (yet 99.999% CG) Lion King Remake Begins Casting

Director Jon Favreau has announced the first TWO actors cast for his upcoming remake of The Lion King: Donald Glover (a.k.a. Childish Gambino, a.k.a. Young Lando) will play Simba. James Earl Jones (a.k.a. Darth Vader) will once again play his iconic role of Mufasa!