Sometimes I Wish I Didnt Have To Talk. I Wish I Could Communicate Through Cards Or Something. Im Often

Sometimes i wish i didnt have to talk. I wish i could communicate through cards or something. Im often overwhelmed/overstimulated and want to or do go semi nonverbal. Or I just really dont want to talk to people, but if i tell people that they just think "oh shes rude" no i just really want to be alone. Please let me be alone and ground myself. I need a second to breath and get away from everyone. I struggle with daily life its so infuriating. Why is normal so hard? I thought I was normal. But noooo. Apparently im just sensitive. Yeah theres nothing wrong with me, its completely normal to want to break down crying simply beacause your routine will be changing for 1 day and will go right back to normal the next day. No your normal. Nothin wrong here. And sometimes i feel just genuinely stupid. I payed attention to this thing, i was taking in that information and it was running through my brain, but now that im not currently learning, i completely forget when im on my own and have to learn for myself. Idk if that made sense. But basically i feel so incapable if no one is holding my hand through something and im guided through step by step. And i was never like this before, i dont think. Everyone i ask says i was completely normal. But i also know i kept and keep alot inside, aka mask alot. My closest friend dosent even know half my interests. They dont even know im like this. The only person who knows basically all of me is my sister, shout out her. But anyway. I dont know why my brain cant live life the way it wAS LITERALLY MADE TO. Yeah theres definitely somethin neurologically mixed up in there. Dont know what but. Yeah. I honestly think im being dramatic half the time. I never really voice half the things i just yapped about so how would anyone be able to help me? Idk. Im just so tired of being confused.