Hello, I'm A Representative Of The Omen Darkly Defense Foundation And I'm Here To Inform You We Will

3 years later this is hilarious

Omen Darkly is totally the new boyfriend Cassandra warned us about.

valkyrie saying she hadn’t heard of the dead men while sitting next to skulduggery is the sorcerer equivalent of sitting next to harry styles and saying you’ve never heard of one direction

genuinely one of the worst things that’s happened to television in the last few years (exacerbated by streaming services) is death of Filler. going from 20 episodes to 8 because “we didn’t really need that episode where the main characters went to the beach right? it had no long lasting effect” but we DID!!! we needed to see how they act without the Big Bad Plot and to establish the dynamics between the characters and lay in the sun (do they forget sunscreen? how do they react to a thieving seagull? do they get buried in the sand or do they do the burying?). the plot isn’t everything. the action doesn’t hit as hard without the quiet moments. give us character development and our little scenes back

Love me some magical Russian assassin

And yet she's still the one that got screwed over by Marvel 😮‍💨

Doesn’t She Know (It’s the End of the World) (Skulduggery Pleasant)

Title: Doesn’t She Know (It’s the End of the World) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16936872 Platform: AO3 Creator: bubblemoon66 Work Type: Fanfiction Fandom: Skulduggery Pleasant Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Pairing: Valkyrie Cain/Skulduggery Pleasant Word count: 3717 Warnings: Major Character Death Number of comments: 8 Completion Status: Complete Short summary/description: 

According to the clock on the Bentley’s dashboard, it was 06:23. About 37 minutes before the world had been scheduled to end.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie are used to high stakes and heroic deeds done with minutes to spare. Together, they’ve saved the world a hundred times over. They were bound to slip up eventually.

this is 100% canon!! 

hey it's niche, overly specific, barely canon-compliant theory time so that i can convince myself to write this into my fic

okay so for some reason i headcanon skulduggery's wife as being called annalise? idk that's just what i call her in my head so that's what i'll call her here

annalise was caught up in the war early - by the time she was fourteen, she was helping her father (kenspeckle grouse) with healing wounded mages, and in herself was a pretty good healer. during this time, she meets skulduggery; a couple of years older, ran away from home and met ghastly on the way, and they signed up for the war together

things are dire, everyone knows too well that each day may be their last and annalise and skulduggery are close. in a relationship, in fact.

skulduggery comes close to dying one day, and annalise brings him back from the brink of death. at this stage, he's eighteen, she's sixteen. he proposes where he is, and as a spur of the moment thing, she says yes.

the wedding is messy and fast and barely a ceremony, but they're in love and everything is such a brash decision now that they want to savour their relationship for as long as they can. everything is good, or something.

annalise starts to get caught up with everything - she's struggling to find a purpose to this war, she's eighteen years old and married for two and watching her husband be battered to bits on a regular basis and going through that too, she's seeing death and blood and gore and everything awful around her and she's just so sick of it and wants it to end.

slowly, the idea of the church of the faceless starts to appeal to her. she was brought up in it as a child, her mother's family devout worshippers before her father took her away. it's something familiar enough that it's impossible not to fall back into.

slowly, she becomes more desperate. finds herself flitting between sides secretly, finds herself on mevolent's side. it was never supposed to be like this, but now she's her own faceless one - nobody knows what she looks like. she's simply a name, someone spoken about from the shadows, managing to push herself into power. nobody knows what she looks like, only that she is powerful and devout and someone who knows secrets, who holds knowledge.

skulduggery is clueless, unknowing about the way his wife leaves his side on "missions" and comes back, only for the church to have gained information, power - all from the hands of this unknown woman.

rumours, of course, start to spread. they say she is too beautiful to look at, and that is why she stays hidden. she must be older than time itself to have all of this information, and yet looks so young. she flits through mevolent's castle, seen as nothing more than a low-ranking convert, unknown and worthless. nobody associates the name known by all with that young, young face.

annalise is nineteen, and wakes, one day, to her lover's dead body beside her. she is alive, and realises that someone must know. this is a warning.

within two days, she is back at her husband's side, saying nothing about where she was. nine months later, the baby comes.

it has been three years. there is still that unknown enemy, the woman with a face beautiful enough to make men give their lives for her, and yet it is a face known by none. their daughter is three, now, and looks nothing like skulduggery. annalise knows that he'll start to suspect soon, knows that his suspicion of her unfaithfulness to him could lead to more.

one night, she leaves. releases her reflection, her child's reflection, orders them to hide until the time is right. and annalise runs.

three days of travel, alone, her child in her arms. three days and she meets a witch, offers her a deal.

a new face. a new face, one which will make men give their lives for her. a new identity, a new life.

“and,” says the witch, “what will i gain in return?”

her magic. her healing. she is young, only had her surge a year ago, and yet she is strong. stronger than she should be.

the witch accepts, and annalise brings her reflection to mevolent's castle, lures skulduggery in, and watches him die.

perhaps, in a few hundred years, she will allow herself to feel remorse. but not now. for now, she has power and a new identity to fill.

years pass. the child picks the name solace, and when skulduggery pleasant meets china sorrows for the first time, he notices her eyes. they are beautiful, a pale blue, just like his wife's once were.

four hundred years later, china still finds herself looking at her husband for longer than she should.

My favorite troupe

Bad Ass women cops with their sassy Consultants who will provoke people and run behind said bad ass women cop

Kate Beckett and Rick Castle

Lucifer and Chloe Decker

Teresa Lisbon and Patrick Jane

I can't stress enough how much I miss StumbleUpon

I like the new SP title. I'm not disappointed because it's not a cool reference to a poem or whatever. It reminded me of Bon Jovi, but also Dead or Alive are a good band?

If you're chill about SP/ not being ridiculous about the whole thing and hating on every little thing Derek Landy says or does feel free to message to talk about it if you want.