I've read them and possibly kind of got my mind think that everytime I play Genshin, they're real sentient beings so each time they die, get hurt or if I need yo remove their artifacts to enhance the other's artifacts, I apologize to them.
I realized that in SAGAU (not the Impostor AU) it's basically like Religion with the way they worship you as "The Creator".
Most of what I write (which is ironic cause I do have plenty of drafts that I don't publish in fear people will judge me like they did back then) consists of self-indulgent or self-insert cause I can't make a character without giving them a part of me so when I write them, I can relate to them.
Which is why Y/N or x Reader is hard for me to write since I'm used to writing a personality I already know or have decided but you do you for those who write it!
So where was I?
If in SAGAU they worship you like a Religion, I just realized if I were to be in SAGAU. I'd have a hard time because I basically find it uncomfortable about Religion talks despite growing up in a household who teaches you about Religion and needing to be Pure and Clean.
If any of my OCs were to be in SAGAU as well, they wouldn't like it to be treated as Royalty. Yes, it's a dream come true to be in Genshin but all the worshipping could sometimes just turn you off.
They can worship you but not too much or just hold it in when with said OC or Creator, it sometimes gets uncomfortable but maybe that's just my perspective and opinion.
Yet I'm also itching to write SAGAU, with twin OCs. Thoughts?
Anotha one ๐ค mf was really hating on Ms. Ma'am for nooooothing. "She's goNna StEal tHE bOyS...." Like babes...bffr... As if she isn't constantly flirting w/ MC through the chats...mkay.
LISTEN UP AGAIN KIDS STOP REBLOGGING THIS FUCKING GARBAGE POST. IT IS 100% FUCKING BULLSHIT AND CAN AND MOST DEFINITELY WILL LITERALLY KILL. DO YOU NOT SEE WARNING LABELS THAT SAY โDO NOT INDUCE VOMITINGโ? THEY ARENโT FUCKING AROUND. YOU CAN FUCKING BURN THEIR ESOPHAGUS BY CAUSING VOMITING, CAUSE CHOKING, DROWNING, OR MAKE IT WORSE! AGAIN DO NOT FORCE ANYTHING DOWN ANYONEโS THROAT. THEY. CAN. DROWN. IF SOMEONE IS LOSING CONCIOUSNESS ALL THE CHIT CHAT IN THE WORLD WILL NOT PREVENT IT AT THAT POINT THEY ARE IN SERIOUS DANGER. โBuuut i donโt wanna take them to the hospital!!!โ WELL SUNSHINE GLAD YOUโD RATHER HAVE A DEAD FRIEND THAN A LIVING ONE BUT YOUโRE IN LUCK CALL FUCKING POISON CONTROL. THEY ARE NOT THE COPS. THEY WILL HELP YOU. AND IF THEY SAY GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL YOU GO TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. NO EXCUSES. 0. NONE. I have seen this shit cross my dash SO MANY TIMES so PLEASE fucking reblog this and prevent some well meaning idiot from accidentally killing someone they love!
Hello, my name is Areej Kassab. Iโm a 27-year-old English teacher and writer from Gaza, and Iโm reaching out to you with a heavy heart and a desperate plea for support. My family and I are enduring unimaginable hardships as relentless bombings devastate our home and our dreams.
We are a family of 15โ10 adults and 5 children. Every day is a battle for survival. Food is scarce, humanitarian aid is not reaching us, and my little nieces and nephews go to bed hungry. Among them is my sister, who is deaf, and another sister who has a newborn baby. They, too, are suffering in this crisis, and Iโm doing everything I can to protect and provide for them.
๐ A Life in Ruins The war has robbed us of everything: safety, peace, and even the hope of a future here. My familyโs needs are basic yet criticalโfood, clean water, diapers for the babies, gas for cooking, and other essentials to make it through each day.
With rising prices and limited access to necessities, we are struggling to provide even the most basic items. My sisterโs home has been destroyed, and we are working together to ensure everyone has shelter, food, and warmth.
โจ My Plea for Your Support โจ Iโm a writer, and Iโve been documenting the harsh realities faced by my community under siege. But words can only do so much. We need action, and we need help. Your kindness can save us.
๐ How You Can Help
Donate: Every contribution, no matter how small, brings us closer to securing the essentials we desperately need.
Share Our Story: If you canโt donate, please share this post to help us reach others who can.
Your support will help provide food for the children, clean water for my family, and basic supplies to help us survive this unimaginable crisis.
Thank you for reading, for caring, and for standing in solidarity with us. Together, we can create a lifeline for my familyโa chance to live, to dream, and to hope again.
With love and gratitude, Areej Kassab โค๏ธ
So this may not be important but I came out of the closet to my aunt yesterday and she really supports it since her nephews and nieces come out to her as well, even asked if I was comfortable with telling her or showing her the person I like, it really removed the heavy weight in my chest and really felt nice. I'm planning on telling my mom about it soon, I'll just wait for the right timing. So to those who really want to come out but can't, you'll find your pace when you do, whether you come out to relatives, family or friends, there will always be people who support you no matter the gender you associate with <3
This animation without the filter because it fucked with the framerate for some reason (this isn't the intended look otherwise, but bleh)
do me a solid and just reblog this saying what time it is where you are and what youโre thinking about in the tags.
If my mutuals canโt rb this then we canโt be mutuals
so embarrassing when i forget im checking someone's blog and i start scrolling through and liking and reblogging shit as if it's just my dash. it feels like wandering into someone else's apartment and not noticing and making myself lunch
๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ ๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐
"๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐? ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ ๐๐๐ง ๐ญ๐๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฆ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฒ, ๐๐ฏ๐๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ฉ๐จ๐ข๐ง๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ง ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ, ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ฒ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐๐๐๐ก๐ฅ๐๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ ๐ซ๐๐ญ ๐๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐๐ข๐ง."
๐๐ฅ๐จ๐ฌ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฌ: ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฅ๐จ๐ ๐ฎ๐
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In the far-off, distant past, there was once a coiling collar.
At the age of 6, Prim was raised to believe one thing. If she were to make her parents proud and happy, then it means she's a good child.
โI want people, I want people,โ it cried, this cursed collar.
And so she did. She met every expectations whether small or big, she earned medals at a young age and even had her certificates displayed on the wall.
Donโt get angry.ย
"I'm sorry..." Prim softly choked on her sobs as she is kneeling down, clutching onto her father's pants.
Donโt abandon me.
"I won't do it again, I promise!" She begged and cried. All because she made a mistake, she hates it when people yell at her. Why is her father looking at her coldly? Is he leaving her?
Donโt go anywhere.
She was alone in the room, crying. Why did he leave? Didn't she promise to be a good girl? Why? What did she do wrong? She thought she was making him happy!
(Hey.)
As Prim gets older, she kept hearing the same thing from her parents. 'It doesn't matter to us if you're an achiever or not, we just want you to have better grades, but it's better if you are an achiever.'
It strangles me tightly, til I could throw up, whenever no one's, no one's around.
She didn't know when it happened, but she started fulfilling their expectations. She studied hard, getting recognized by teachers and even scoring high marks.
Nice grades, huh?
Prim is holding her report card, the average is high and her conduct is highly satisfactory...yet it feels so...empty to her.
Hey, hey, arenโt I a good kid?
Everytime her mother is viewing her card, she is praising her child for maintaining the high grades. But she nitpicks when her grade in a certain subject is lower than the previous semesters and quarters, causing Prim to feel more pressure.
Arenโt I a cute kid?
Soon, it even turned to appearances. Ever since her father had passed away, she gained weight. She wasn't really all this 'fat' or 'chubby', she's fit.
Hey, hey,
Yet their insults never stopped, it was suffocating to the point she wanted to carve a knife to her skin until she cuts out the imperfect parts of her. Until she began to slowly lose weight, exercising and starting diets even if she has a medical condition that doesn't allow her to eat less.
Iโm good, right?
She hated seeing her face, her reflection and body since she gained weight. But as she slowly lost the heavy weight, the fat and chubby cheeks...she could finally be confident in herself, to finally look at a mirror without breaking it.
It hurts, hey...
But why does she sometimes feel like she needs to change some parts of her?
Love me.
She seeks validation, whether through academics or just compliments about her body and face.
Love me.
She even decided to have curtain bangs, to cut her waist-length hair and turn it to a wolfcut.
Love me.
She learned how to use makeup, to make herself look more pretty and hide her ugly parts.
more and more.
"Your eyeliner is amazing!" A girl from Prim's class commented when Prim entered the room. Prim puts on her usual smile for formalities and faรงades, someone noticed? It felt nice. "Thank you." She softly replies.
Love me.
"If you all need complete notes, you should all talk to Prim." A teacher says during a review session, Prim's eyes widened as she didn't expect anyone to acknowledge her notes. It's pretty, clear and those aesthetic notes you see in pinterest.
Love me.
They were having an activity where a paper with a student's name gets passed around in a circle and everyone writes what the think or see of that person, once Prim read hers, she received many compliments.
So much that it's maddening
Prim gets praised by her teachers that whenever she enters the faculty room, her teachers smile when seeing her.
It's painful
Prim slowly finds herself piled up in duties that were way worse than before, causing her to feel overwhelmed and pressured.
It hurts
She wants to cry, to scream, to be angry. She's human too, why can't they see that? She's not always the Perfect and Smiling President.
Break, break this binding spell, okay?
"Is this what my life would be like?!" She cries to her best friend who remains quiet, gazing at her with pity. She was always known to be perfect, to be able to handle pressure and always come out on top. Yet her closest friends see the truth, how broken and how much pain she endures.
It can't be stopped...
Yet she can't stop this, this responsibility, this pain and this pressure. She was never supposed to be involved in design team for competitions anyway, why did they have to include her in the design team? Once she sent the design, there were no objections. Yet when it was finally discussed upon, those bitches had to fucking ruin it and act arrogantly because someone older was backing them up.
"I'm fucking older than them, I'm the President. I don't use any of these as a way to get things my way, so why the fuck can't they understand and comply when their own ideas are fucking garbage?! I fucking tolerated everything, every fucking headache and stress they give me and this j what I get in return for being so nice, for not being a bitch?!"
Prim throws her bag, destroying everything she sees. Screaming and punching and even kicking things. Destroying graded projects and papers and even attempting to hurt herself. Scratching her body, pulling her hair or hitting her head.
Yet her mother never comforted her, only telling her to stop crying, it's annoying. And it triggered Prim.
No matter how big your body, your body grows, this collar remains small.
Prim continues onto living, putting her dark humor as for 'jokes' when she's thought about offing herself. The fucking adult in the room can't even act like one, yet gives the eldest the fucking responsibility of one. It disappoints and disgusts Prim.
It's agonizing now, but this is nothing new.
She grits her teeth underneath the face mask she wears as she fakes a smile, luckily the face mask hides it. It hides the hatred Prim bears for everyone she despises.
People just, people justโthey're not enough.
Prim slowly loses herself in all this pain. If it's not academics she struggles with, it's life.
I vow not to lose to anyone in my class, aren't I a lovely child?
Prim's heart aches and sinks to her stomach each time she reaches the achiever's list, she's happy but only for a short while. Of course, if she tells her mother, that woman would be proud. Yet Prim has to bear the weight of expectations and responsibility again.
(right?)
She can't even play her video games as much as she wants, she can't even laze around for a bit when it's the weekend as much as she wants.
Way more than that child and more than that child. Everyone, marvel at me!
Prim climbs on stage, receives her certificate and smiles brightly before bowing and leaving the stage. Finally, all her hard work and breakdowns made it to where she is now. Is it all worth it?
Behind the gymnasium when I told you that I was in love
"I like you for a really long time now. I know you'd figure that one out easily since you pick up hints that fast." A girl confesses to Prim, she was taken aback of course. Under all that much insecurities and issues she has, someone actually likes her? Or is it just because of how they view her?
Wasn't that kind of a lie?
"Ah, I see..." Prim replies before noticing the girl's nervous expression, she's sensitive to people's emotions. She's scared that if she makes the wrong move, people will hate her and it's all her fault. "How about I think about my answer to you before replying? I...wanna make sure if I feel the same way." She replies, it gives the girl hope. The weight in Prim's chest feels a little light.
I love you so, so very much
Prim accepted the confession, made the relationship work even in long distance. Yet as time passes, that girl seems to change. Be moody, start a fight and not even hear Prim out, even calling out Prim's issue and struggle of being too sensitive to other people's emotions. "You would atleast understand what I'm feeling!" It echoed to Prim's head, she wants to tear that girl apart and rip her to shreds.
Even though I think you are trash.
That girl never went through the abuse and trauma Prim had to undergo, they were never kicked out of the house when they were sick, they never had to experience in facing expectations of everyone or having to change their own body for someone else's sake! Or needing to discard their own pain and feelings because their significant other or family is in pain and need comfort! Or having to fear mirrors because she dislikes the way she looks! Or having to bargain God to atleast change places with her dead father!
Love me.
Now the girl is ghosting Prim. During that time, Prim slowly learned things herself, is this what she really wants in a relationship? To be this hurt and misunderstood just like her mother does? To hate arguments because it reminds her of her mother's fights?
Love me. Love me.
She slowly realized she was losing feelings during the 4 days the girl ghosted herโNo, this isn't right! She's supposed to keep her promise! She swore to never be like her father who can't keep a single promise! Why us that girl so cold? Why is the spark gone?! Are they not interested anymore?! Do they not love her anymore?! But Prim loves them! Whether they were being an asshole or a dick, they still accepted the insults and called 'dramatic' for writing Prim's own issues in writing as a coping mechanism.
I'll give you everything.
Everyone knows how devoted and loyal Prim is when she falls in love. Even if there were pretty and handsome people in her school, in her class, she only had eyes for her lover. Wasn't that loyalty enough?! Being excited to talk to her lover after school, to be able to talk to them again...
I'll have you.
And that person broke it off in Halloween, just when Prim had made a gift. Prim felt her world shatter, she didn't know what came of her when she suddenly burned the gift just to feel something. She already lost her own identity, emotions and personality because of everything. She can't feel, what's going on? After all the nights she spent awake trying to understand why this gurl was just so important to her, finally accepting that she is bi...just to be replaced by someone near that girl? A boy?
I'll have you.
She hid the pain from her family, heartbreak is normal after all. People only confess to her because she was the fat pitiful girl, she was used to it. But why does this hurt so much?
I'll have you shoulder everything for me.
She can't cry, she has duties to fulfill. She pushes that pain down and focuses on completing her project and duties as the girl people see her as. Usually, being the President could mean that you are the 'head' or leader of the class when the teacher isn't around, it feels like a dream isn't it? But for Prim? Being the President means needing to do things a Secretary or Monitor should do, needing to keep everyone in check or having to announce events going on in class. Yet the 'popular' girls think they're high and mighty and don't respect Prim, even though Prim wants to hurt themโshe never does. She's surprised her patience last that long. Her own adviser is a useless adult as it doesn't even really act like one, giving Prim all the responsibility alone and it makes Prim sick.
It's not enough.
Her eyes lost their shine, she doesn't feel like her body is her own anymore. She doesn't even feel anything, she feels so numb.
You're not enough.
Everytime her mother tries to act affectionate after fighting with her, it makes Prim so sick. She knows she has mommy issues, yet her mom makes everything worse to the point she even questions her own life.
I won't let you go.
She doesn't know what went through her mother's mind, telling her details before, during and after Prim was born. Her father was never present during the time of her mother's pregnancy, he was staying at another girl's house and they broke it off when her mother found out. Yet, they got together when Prim was born. Their anniversary is Prim's birthday, causing her to dislike it.
Please forgive me.
She hates herself even more, disliking her own date of birth. Prim slowly underwent an identity crisis, she has thoughts she wishes to escape that even no internet or music can't help her escape it. She hates her own being, feeling betrayed and offended by the act that her parents had to keep. Pretending to be a 'happy' family, making her think abuse is normal when it isn't. She hates it.
Love me.
Prim doesn't understand why her life became like this.
Love me.
She's been sexually abused since childhood even up till now, no matter what her body looked like.
Love me.
Prim wants to fall in love, to trust someone again after that horrible relationship but...is it really worth it?
More and more.
A lady matures faster than a man is what her mother would say, yet it irritates Prim that her mother never let her experience a proper childhood without all the trauma and abuse or needing to be a perfect golden for validation.
Love me.
When Prim wants to wear what she wants, her mother acts dramatic about it. When Prim wants to put on makeup to make herself look pretty, her brothers act as if it's the end of the world and Prim hates it.
Love me.
Whenever Prim complains, her mother goes "It doesn't matter, you're an honor student now." It makes Prim wonder if that's what's really important to her mom.
So much that it's maddening.
Is her life even worth it just to be a trophy daughter? Is this what she'll grow up to? Pleasing people, putting on faรงades and always needing to put her pain away because her feelings aren't validated?
It hurts.
She can't breathe.
I won't let go.
Prim gasps for air as she sits up and tries to count to 10 as she takes deep breath.
It hurts.
Prim grips her hair. She's never had an anxiety attack before, she doesn't know what to do. She grabs her phone and tries to breathe. "Hello?" "Mom, come here please." She drops the call and phone as she cries, why can't she breathe?
More, more and hey.
Prim works hard everyday, to make people happy, keep her grades up and to make sure her body maintains it's healthy shape so she won't be rushed to the hospital anymore. She spent her childhood in a hospital and it was torture. White plains walls, machines and tubes around you, oxygen tanks, needles and you feel like wanting to die. Prim's used to the needles poking her skin, she has high pain tolerance after all. Puking acid, that horrible smell of soap they mop the floor with and the food.
This is happiness.
Glad I could help! Keep up w your writing itโs very good and an interesting read for sure. Have a great rest of your day
THANKK YOU IM VERY SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLYYY