It’s 3 Am And Ive Decided That Since God Is Dead I’m God Now. Cant Believe Nobody Thought Of Doing

clown on clown violence

guys guys guys Ive got some huge news:

Things that are humans:

T-rexes until proven otherwise

Mannequins

Smeargle

A broken tripod

Those bird toys that dip their head into a cup of water over and over

Things that arent humans:

Peacocks

Most robots

Kirby

Corporations/companies

A bop-it (up for debate)

I live in rare pair hell //

Please inform me if i missed something because i probably did

You are a mark of hospitality halfling

You have 7 levels of samurai fighter

You have 6 levels of fiend warlock

You have 3 levels of redemption paladin

You have 3 levels of fey wanderer ranger

You have found two books that bring your wisdom and charisma to 22 respectively

You have spent one feat on skill expert to get expertise in persuasion

Your fighting style is superior technique

Your maneuver is commanding presence

Your cousin, throckmorton, is a wild magic barbarian/wild magic sorcerer/divination wizard/peace cleric

Your other friends are a maxed out Spirits bard, any artificer that is level 7, and a circle of stars druid

You are confronted by a god, and are given 30 seconds to convince them you deserve to live

Your cousin throcky gives you guidance, emboldening bond, a portent of 20, the wild magic sorcerer d4 and the wild magic barbarian d3

Your spirits bard spends one of their inspiration to inspire you and burns one to get a story, rolling a 1

Your artificer promises to do their best, giving you flash of genius for your dialogue

The druid, begrudgingly, offers to assist you with a cosmic omen

You take a deep breath, channel divinity, use your manuever, and beseech your patron for aid

You then roll 1d3+4d4+2d6+1d10+2d12+5+6+20+30

Rolling max on every die, you get 126. It’s just not enough.

Luckily, you had your talisman on you, and because you failed, you roll one more d4.

Persuasion Check: 130

Volume 9 predictions

I think what dnd is missing balance wise is exploding crits. I think a champion fighter should get another attack for every crit they land without a cap. I think that would be good for the action economy.

You are a mark of hospitality halfling

You have 7 levels of samurai fighter

You have 6 levels of fiend warlock

You have 3 levels of redemption paladin

You have 3 levels of fey wanderer ranger

You have found two books that bring your wisdom and charisma to 22 respectively

You have spent one feat on skill expert to get expertise in persuasion

Your fighting style is superior technique

Your maneuver is commanding presence

Your cousin, throckmorton, is a wild magic barbarian/wild magic sorcerer/divination wizard/peace cleric

Your other friends are a maxed out Spirits bard, any artificer that is level 7, and a circle of stars druid

You are confronted by a god, and are given 30 seconds to convince them you deserve to live

Your cousin throcky gives you guidance, emboldening bond, a portent of 20, the wild magic sorcerer d4 and the wild magic barbarian d3

Your spirits bard spends one of their inspiration to inspire you and burns one to get a story, rolling a 1

Your artificer promises to do their best, giving you flash of genius for your dialogue

The druid, begrudgingly, offers to assist you with a cosmic omen

You take a deep breath, channel divinity, use your manuever, and beseech your patron for aid

You then roll 1d3+4d4+2d6+1d10+2d12+5+6+20+30

Rolling max on every die, you get 126. It’s just not enough.

Luckily, you had your talisman on you, and because you failed, you roll one more d4.

Persuasion Check: 130

Reading time.