Latest Posts by shelfinthedark - Page 2
when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever
i love you vaccines i love you research i love you reading the book instead of having chatgpt summarize it i love you critically thinking rather than reacting to a headline i love you investigating the source material i love you science i love you math even though you are personally my enemy (math/yn slowburn) i love you writing even though you try to stab me a lot i love you Experts in Your Field i love you Using The Brain
A belly can be a "slut waist" too. If you're not a fearful little freak
If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.
One thing I love about studying math is that when you ask any fellow student or prof why they went into math we all say it’s because we find it beautiful. It’s so diametrically opposed to the opinion that everyone else has about math that it feels like some kind of virus that infects you and makes you unable to study anything else
a wonderful ao3 author note
tomboyism is so funny to me. gender non-conformity for girls is acceptable for like two minutes between the ages of 8 and 10. beyond that it’s appalling and you’re a freak but for those two years…… they could’ve had it all
everyone wants him (pt 1)
in which Harry is obsessed with Y/N but she doesn't want anyone to know about them and for good reason
In this part: popular college football star Harry, fluff, Harry being cute & obsessed w Y/N, no warnings i think!
Inspirations: “Slut!” (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault] by Taylor Swift, Teenage Dirtbag by @freedomfireflies
1.6k words
Y/N's textbook disappeared from under her bent over head just as suddenly as she felt her chair being nudged. She gasped, then looked up. And his face in front of her - it just made sense. Of course it was Harry. She always chose the quietest, most remote place in the library, but he always managed to find her.
Harry morphed his face into one of fake thoughtfulness as he stared at her textbook. “So, Y/N, true or false? A consistent heuristic is always admissible.”
Y/N groaned. “I would be able to tell you if you would just stop interrupting my studying.”
He lowered the book and looked right at her. He was still a bit sweaty, which meant he was off doing some football thing.
“You like when I interrupt your studying,” he said, his grin returning and Y/N felt her own face betray her by breaking into a smile.
“I do not. I’m seriously going to fail my exams.”
He pulled the chair beside hers and collapsed into it. “You are not. You’re gonna ace the exam.”
“How do you know? Have you seen the paper?” Y/N retorted.
Harry placed the book back in front of her and rested his chin on his palm. “No, but I’ve seen you. It’s gonna go great.”
Y/N smiled at his compliment. “How was football?”
“Boring. Missed you.”
“Oh? Did you miss my obnoxiously loud cheering or my incredibly helpful tips on kicking technique?”
Harry chuckled. “You have no idea how it works, do you? No one cheers in practice.”
Y/N shrugged. "Maybe they should. Might help you kick the ball better."
Harry’s mouth tugged at the corner. “Come here,” he said, gentler than before, and reached forward to drag her chair closer to him. He lifted a hand up to her face, carefully cradling her jaw, making her eyes meet his.
“That’s better,” he said, and leaned forward, lips pressing at the corner of her mouth.
Y/N smiled, her hands reaching up to rest on his waist. “You really did miss me, huh?”
She felt his breath on her neck. “Always, Y/N.”
Y/N felt warm and bubbly inside. These days, Harry seemed to get more and more… needy. There was no other word for it. He kept finding her at random moments in the day, he kept saying how much he missed her everytime they weren’t together. She never felt the way she did when she was with Harry. In the two months they’d started this, he’d more than proved to her that he was sincere, but everytime he was even slightly affectionate Y/N felt her defenses go up. His touches and his affection made her incredibly giddy, but it also made her feel guilty. And sad. And terrified.
Two months ago, when she’d let this wonderful, talented, golden boy kiss her, she’d made him promise no one could find out about them. About her. And at first Harry seemed to understand, he almost agreed. His teammates were assholes, Y/N’s classmates were huge gossips, and she honestly just thought he was too good for her. This is what she’d believed: she was easy and lonely, he was bored and famous. No cared about her, everyone cared about him.
But she didn’t think that was true anymore. Or at least, most times she didn’t. Harry was wonderful to her. Sometime it almost felt like she was hurting him by not letting him be with her around other people. But she was scared that once they let it out, he would realise what he was actually missing out on, all the other wonderful people he could be spending time with instead of this girl whom he made his entire day revolve around.
There was a rustle behind them and Y/N suddenly remembered where they were. Who she was. She pulled away suddenly. Her cheeks reddened and she tried to subtly glanced around. She felt Harry gently squeeze her fingers where they were intertwined with his, and as she turned back to him the look on his face was slightly worried.
“Sorry,” Y/N murmured, “for being so paranoid. I just - ”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Harry replied. “I understand. It would be absolutely shameful for you to be seen with me.”
Y/N’s jaw fell open, but then she saw the look on Harry’s face, his wide grin, crinkles near his eyes, and she swatted his arm. “I hate you.”
“Liar,” he said, and pulled his chair out to stand. “I need to go shower and then head to class.”
Y/N nodded. “I need to study the shit out of this textbook.”
“Don’t worry your pretty self too much.” He bent down and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Y/N nodded and watched him walk away. She couldn’t focus on any studying for a while after he’d left.
****
At night, his call was unexpected. Y/N was at her table, stress clouding her mind, considering just going to bed and going over the material she was trying to revise in the morning. When her phone rang, she groaned, because the last thing she wanted to do was speak to someone.
Except the person who’d actually phoned her. Just his name on her phone had improved her mood entirely.
“Hey,” she said.
“Y/N,” Harry’s voice came from the other end, slightly grainy due to the terrible service on campus, but she could hear his smile through it.
“You good?” she asked.
“Now I am,” he said, and she swore her insides fluttered. “Were you about to sleep?” he asked.
“No, not really.”
“Okay so listen, I was thinking if you’d be up for something.”
Y/N plopped down on her bed. “Okay, I’m listening.”
Harry cleared his throat at the other end. “There’s this game next weekend. It’s here as well, and super important. You probably don’t want to know about the leagues stuff, but if we win we could get into the finals for the next season.”
Y/N felt her heart lurch. She knew where this was going. “Okay, and?”
“And, there is this after party later.”
“Right.”
“Which I would have to attend.”
“Because it would be for the team in which you play, yes.”
“And also because we would win.”
“Oh? How do you know you’ll win?”
“If you will come to the party with me, I’ll win it.”
Y/N was silent. She knew what her answer was gonna be, but she didn’t know how she would make him accept it.
“Harry…” she started, her voice already lacking conviction.
“Okay, listen, I know. I know,” Harry scrambled in the aftermath of her reply. “I get it, Y/N. But think about it - it’s gonna be a huge party, no one is really going to care about us. And I really want my friends to know you. My life would be so much simpler if I could talk about you to my friends. Because I always want to fucking talk about you. I feel like I need to keep it in all the time.”
Y/N smiled sadly. She imagined Harry lying on his back with his arms folded beneath his head, phone lying next to him on the pillow. Or on his side, phone clutched in both hands, expectantly waiting for her to say yes.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” she said.
He sighed at the other end. “Whatever you’re worried about Y/N, I’m not going to let it happen,”
“I don’t - It’s just - we both know everyone is gonna be confused seeing us together and I just don’t want to -”
“We don’t even have to be together!” Harry said, excitedly. “I mean, if you just came, we could just stay apart. Can’t promise I’ll be able to, though. But we could sneak around and no one has to see. I would just love it if you came.”
Y/N felt a little ache in her bones. “I’ll think about it.”
“That’s all I want,” Harry said.
The entire night Y/N kind of tossed and turned around in her bed. She could never really explain to herself fully why she was so paranoid about them. Y/N felt like she had been stringing Harry along, even though they both knew that wasn’t really true.
She was just simply scared of a repeat of last year, which she thought was a very valid fear. She never really spoke to anyone about it except her parents. Y/N shuddered at the small flashbacks she got. She wondered if all of Harry’s teammates still remembered. And how had Harry never even known about her? She had become a private joke for them. They way she’d let Jacob treat her… Y/N had sworn to never let it happen again. And now she was putting herself in that exact situation.
****
The next day, she met Harry in the parking lot outside the cafe.
"What are you doing next weekend?" he had a smug grin on his face and Y/N just knew he was not going to take no as an answer. She had to just get through it.
"I have no plans yet. Are you proposing something?"
He turned her away from the side of the cafe and put his arms around her waist, drawing her close.
"What if I am? Will you say yes?"
Y/N's eyebrows raised. "Propose first."
Harry stepped away from her and got down on one knee. Y/N feigned surprise, hands flying up to cover her mouth.
"My darling Y/N, will you make me the happiest man alive and come to the afterparty with me, but kind of not with me, on Saturday? "
Y/N couldn't help but beam down at his honest, beautiful face even as everything inside her still remembered the horrible feelings she had felt.
"Yes, Harry. Yes, I will."
****
omg omg omg my first post ever. i am so excited for pt 2 hopefully i can actually write it soon. i have no idea how to do this but i really wanted to start!
in this essay i won’t
beautiful women will be like “i baked a cake” and you will say “oh ? what flavour is it” and they say well its a honey rosewater apricot pistachio cardamom vanilla fig jam earl grey poppyseed orange blossom extra virgin olive oil chiffon sponge soaked in raspberry elderflower champagne lipgloss pomegranate matcha ginger blueberry cherry blossom magnolia petal almond passionfruit persimmon syrup with whipped amalfi lemon limoncello ricotta goats cheese honeycomb black pepper bergamot lemon thyme lemon balm rosemary chantilly whipped cream cream cheese feta cheese italian meringue frosting . like ok. i want to spend the rest of my afternoons walking around inside your beautiful mind like a garden
Anaïs Nin, in a diary entry dated 27 February 1929, featured in The Early Diary of Anaïs Nin: Vol. IV, 1927-1931
The only soundtrack
umm did you know... those who walk in the shade of love must have paradise under their feet 💃🕺
*starts reading Sunrise on the Reaping* *patiently wonders if Bizarrestars will write a version based off this to be Sirius’ games*
bring back REAL fashion 2025
just occurred to me that sirius black was an eldest child in a friend group of ONLY CHILDREN?? what a poor poor soul
phoebe bridgers is a stronger person than me because if I was in a three person band and the two other members started dating each other you would see me on the news
headphones aren't enough, I need sufjan stevens to shoot me
i can't stop watching sanam teri kasam edits please help
another day of thinking about jeff buckley calling nusrat fateh ali khan his 'elvis'
being single on valentines day is hard but also being friendless is a fucking stab in the heart
"This is the way I talk. I'm sorry your father never taught you the meaning of repugnant. He was too busy smashing your head against the wall of your trailer while you apologized for being alive."
- Gansey, probably
2 guys sitting behind me on the train discussing music. One is a staunch Punjabi music fan and the other is arguing that Bhojpuri music is the superior genre.
Who's going to tell them that they're both wrong and the winning genre of music is actually Emraan Hashmi songs
rip vincent Van Gogh you would’ve loved studio ghibli
make sure to check on your bisexual friends today
they are probably dying
E.M. Forster from Maurice (1971)
Jenny Slate, Stage Fright (2019)
“I feel such a creative force in me: I am convinced that there will be a time when, let us say, I will make something good every day, on a regular basis....I am doing my very best to make every effort because I am longing so much to make beautiful things. But beautiful things mean painstaking work, disappointment, and perseverance.”
― Vincent Van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent van Gogh