An Apology

An apology

I'm sorry if I help fuel your ed

I'm sorry if this account is one of the reasons you have an ed

In sorry if you looked on my page out of curiosity then stumbled down the tabitha hole

I'm sorry if my page influenced your ed in anyway

But let me say something

It might be too late for those people but please I'm BEGGING you if you don't have an ed and are at the "curiosity" stage let me tell you the saying "Curiousity Killed the Cat" has never rang more true, so LEAVE. I'm not asking you nicely I'm telling you FUCKING LEAVE.

I don't care if I seem rude to you, get the fuck off tumblr RIGHT NOW. I ignored these when I saw them and I regret it this disorder is one of the WORST things that happened to me, you know anorexia is the most deadly mental illness ? If you don't recover you will DIE.

I want to scream through my phone, I am so fucking angry, I don't want to influence any eating disorders !!!

As the sister of a recovered anorexic being their family member is horrible, seeing someone slowly deteriorate, hearing the fights escalate, not knowing when you would see them for the last time, wondering why they won't eat this. When I was 8, my parents FORBADE ME FROM WAKING MY BIG SISTER UP IN FEAR I WOULD SEE HER DEAD BODY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?! THEY THOUGHT A CHILD, A BABY, WOULD SEE THE PERSON SHE LOOKS UP TO DEAD.

THIS ILLNESS IS NO JOKE, NOT A SKINNY DISNEY FAST PASS, NOT A CUTE QUIRK, IT'S DEADLY.

And as an anorexic let me tell you, it's even worse. You will cry in front of the mirror, pinch your "fat" until it's red, shower in the dark, the scale will be your best friend and worse enemy, you will hate yourself so much more, you will MISS FOOD, you will miss being able to eat fries or pizza or spring rolls or crisps or potatoes, you may be thinking "I'll still let myself eat them from time to time" NO YOU WON'T, you will probably have a breakdown when you have them on your plate, you might purge, you might starve for the next day or more. Your personality will dissolve, you will be constantly angry and irritable.

Oh and also, if you have siblings or cousins I would like to inform you that people are more likely to have an ed if a family member had one and I KNOW you care about your family. (I am not accusing any one of purposefully influencing family members it's just for information)

If you have an already existing ed you can stay, if not then get the FUCK OFF MY PAGE YOU BEAUTIFUL PERFECT HUMAN BEING AND GO HAVE A SNACK. This illness is not beautiful and aesthetic, it's torture.