As A Small Child My Favourite Activity Was The Kubrick Stare

calling someone or groups of people “narcissists” says way more about you than about anyone else

TikTok has finally gone down 😔✊

What if a bird flies up my ass what do I do then do I just have to go to the er and fart it back out or something you think I have the money for that you swine you liberal commie fraud I salute whichever man puts an end to this pansy pussy popping pageant.

HMU if you wanna get married. Cool couples ONLY. If you’re lame I’ll scream at such a volume and such a pitch that my glasses will shatter and I’ll make you pay for new ones. And also. Eye surgery for me probably

I just realized Like most people have never heard of Hole Island and I think that’s so ridiculous cause I thought it was a really common place to go to during summers growing up but I guess I was wrong. (I guess this generation’s parents don’t care about good clean American fun anymore 🙄)Lmk if you remember going here cause I wanna find y’all hole island goers. It was this really allusive island that had like a specific passcode to get in but a lot of people found out about it so it got really popular as a vacation spot. It’s the main destination for busses and boats so all you gotta do is get on and go up to the driver and do the secret pass code (you gotta climb onto his lap while he’s driving and give him a long, wet, kiss and if he doesn’t crash you get to go) and you get launched from the bus onto this zip line that leads to hole island. You get there and you gotta bypass the no girls allowed gate (girls have cooties and the island is gay) and if you’re a girl you get zapped with the “randomized fate ray” and if you’re a guy or a they you get to enjoy the beautiful beauty of hole island . It’s got alot of holes and in one of them is the zombie ghost thing of former American president Ronald Reagan and like the main attraction of the island is that you get to skin him alive every morning and by every night his skin grows right back so the cycle can repeat forever! When I was a little kid I remembered wandering off into the woods after the daily Slut Skinning (that’s what we liked to called it) and I found what I think might’ve been the literal fountain of youth. It was being circled by helicopters bc the government is full of fun hating squares but I figured out that if you drink enough of the water fast enough that you can actually de-evolve so far that you don’t pass as a human anymore and so therefore the law doesn’t apply to you. Anyway hmu

I just think it would be so awesome sauce if there was a secret underground commune hidden under an old abandoned subway system that were born without feet and only drank horse milk but sadly this is only a hypothetical PURELY FICTIONAL. DO NOT look for the commune it DOES NOT EXIST and if you try to find it you’ll look really silly and everyone will point and laugh!!! Again not real

the police budhget should be one dirty old penny that smells & is cursed

I hate that "schizoposting" has become such a meme that people will respond to genuine posts about schizophrenia with stuff like "I don't get the joke??" Well, maybe that's because schizophrenia isn't just a joke, asshat!

Creamy dinner:phallic breakfast