“One Of The Hardest Parts Of Life Is Deciding Whether To Walk Away Or Try Harder”

Wisteria

by patrix15

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Remnants of April

April was pretty ok, when I wasn't spiraling lmao. I kept hoping that my April would be cool, cause my March was so ass. But when I started to think about it, I'm not sure what a good month is like, I haven't had one in a while lol, I forgot how they felt.

I got caught up with a lot of anime backlog,

svsss

Ousama

Apothecary(even tho I didn't finish yet)

Castlevania Nocturne (sososososososo good!!!! have to watch again)

Arcane(I'm so late ik, it was so good tho, a bit short but cool)

Kuroshitsuji school arc

its been really comforting, helps me not think so much. I even started keeping track of them when I finish lmao, and adding more stuff to watch. I thought this was gonna be my book year. I did manage to finish TGCF book 5, it was so good, that book had me giggling, it was a really silly book, with a lot of dark themes. It got really heavy at some parts (well for me it did). I keep thinking about all of MXTX's series and how I feel no problem in rereading Svsss and MDZS over and over again. But when I think of TGCF I feel sick lmao, this series is so dark and sad at times( XL past I mean, and others) that I just shutter at the thought of rereading. I will have to bookmark all the past arcs so I can skip them lmao. I can watch the donghua's just fine tho, maybe because they haven't touch any of the heavy arcs. (probably never will sob) 😭.

I also got a lot of books in April too, I haven't gotten to enjoy them yet, cause my life is always in chaos lol. But still super excited for them. Gonna miss you April, you were actually a chill month. May is kind of kicking my butt now, and it's only the 6th lol.

May so far, I haven't had an appetite for like a week now. It's kind of freaking me out. Like I still try to eat but I get full so fast and then I feel like wanting to vomit if I try to overeat ugh. At first I was like this is good, I can indicate when to stop eating. But then I got sad because I like food and I like eating. But my body won't let me ughhhhhhhh lol. I hope this doesn't last.

I got a haircut, it was long overdue, I cut like 4 inch. I asked my mom to cut it. usually I cut it myself but I was just so tired that day and asked her to do it, I wanted her to cut more, but she has this control thing about hair or whatever, I would cut it all off if I wouldn't absolutely hate myself the next day.(it has to be someone else lmao)

I have decided to sell clothes that I don't use anymore or never have used. I am lowkey excited about getting rid of things. My brain has been on sell rot and everything I touch I'm like "YES SELL IT" lmao.I have a lot of clothes that I have accumulated over the years and never regulated because life keeps getting in the way, so I've just been ignoring the mess lol. So thats why I am excited that I found a solution for this. I'll try to also donate half of it to, I just need it all to go. But I have to be calm and be smart about this because I still need clothes to wear lol.

sigh~ this was suppose to be a short post

a hell of your own making

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Usually I get super moody when my birth month comes. And I get into a really dark place where I want to be alone and don’t want to talk to anyone. I cannot explain why. But this year I was surprisingly stable.

My sister got this really cool Bratz doll that also too expensive for a doll lol and a card with hedgehogs on it(so on brand for her).My mom got me a hair dryer that is air powered or something lol, I was so surprised she doesn't usually buy gifts for my b-day so I was shocked, like this is really for me I thought she was gonna say sike lmao. My mom also got me the same bday card she got me last year and the year before. should I be concern lol.

Today just felt like any old regular day for me honestly. I just stayed home and read my books. lol 💖I didn't even bother to think about how I am another year older, I'm just grateful that I have another chance to try again.

Mom and Dad

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Oh boy so many setbacks this month.

It honestly started off so good. And now its ended in a confusing way. I’m trying to handle each month as slow as I can. February feels like 2 years ago lol. 

I watched Nezha 2, 3 times lmao. I almost saw it a 4th time, but I had to restraint myself plus I’m short on money for the month. it's probably gonna be one of my favorite memories of the year. I love that movie so much. I don’t even consider myself to be a big 3d animation fan. Some of my faves are Megamind, httyd, happy feet and maybe tangled shrugs. But I never saw any of them in theaters tho.

Nezha 2 is almost 3 hours long not including travel to get to the theater(it’s not in the best area either). So I must really love the hell out of this movie to waste 3-4 hours to see it(I do I really do). It’s such a great movie, I think about it almost everyday. There’s so much I can say about it about it but I will end up writing a book on why it's great lmao. I’m so jealous of all the merch it gets out of the U.S. our country is full of so much hate. I can’t wait for the dvds, and the art books 😫. I wish it could stay in theaters forever lol, so I can see it whenever. 💖

Other stuff that happen, I cleaned my bedroom, I made it as functional as I can, hopefully for the rest of the year. It still needs a lot of work but I think I used up too much energy on it and was feeling like a dried jerky for a week just floating in the air, head empty no thoughts ugh.

The weather has been really nice out, I was out a lot this month, I wasn’t doing anything fun tho, but I had some cute outfit combos that I didn’t get a chance to take pics of, sigh I always forget. 

Some of the cherry trees are in bloom, I think it just the dark pink ones tho, still I love walking around outside just to see them.

This month I really was drawing a lot. The question of what do I want to draw just flashes in my head all the time. What do I want to draw, what do I want my art to look like? Idk, I just want to draw lol. I think that in the early 2010s I use to draw for myself, whereas now I am self conscious about what others might think.

sobs I’m just rambling now. I wanted to post more this month but it’s been a long ride. Hopefully April is less bumpy.