You Are A Spy And Are Assigned To A Mission That Involves You Getting Married To The Person That You

I decided I want to document my first attempt at fanbinding the fantastic ATLA fic “Salvage” by @muffinlance. I’ll be reblogging this post with all my updates. Here’s the first!

Day 0: supplies have been ordered and I’ve done frantic googling on how the hell am I supposed to format this for printing. I’ve come to the conclusion I’ll have to take the pdf of the fic, transfer it to a doc to remove the author’s notes and add page numbers, turn it into a pdf again to run through a program that will format it for me and then print it. Tomorrow tho, it’s too late for that tonight

“I like people who crave adventure as much I do,” you date says, their eyes beaming. Your date is the most beautiful person you’ve ever met. In a panic, you grab your phone and order a taxi to Washington. Your plan - a nice little tour of the White House, overthrow the Pentagon and the government and win your date’s heart.

something that stuck with me once, way back in middle school when i was still learning how to write - my teacher said "writing shock and tragedy is easy, it's humor that's the hardest."

i have been up and down the halls of academia. i have the fancy degree and the experience in publishing. i think i paved most of my own road with the little bricks of sorrow i had stored inside of me. i know i did it mostly with works that are blisteringly lonely. i know why we write like that. it's lifesaving.

but yeah, i mean. i also know how much people think that "sad" media is the same thing as "good" media. our human desire to connect is so hard-pressed that we immediately latch onto any broken themes. the bullied kids and the tales of inspiration. people keep saying things like "glass onion" and "everything everywhere" weren't actually good. because, you know, they're. happy. or happy-ish. happy enough. and we only value art if it's grimdark-adjacent.

do you know - people still consistently whine at me that my writing would be so good if i just capitalized things. i used to flinch. i get kind of a weird, vindictive little rush these days - i get to say thank you for the comment! i have chronic pain and this is how i conserve my hands so i can write more during the day :) grammar isn't real anyway! and now they're trapped in the room with me, you know? i get to pull out my map and show them how grammar is not the same thing as good writing.

writers have this thing. we scratch at our insides, constantly, prying our lives apart into splinters. prying the splinters apart into atoms. when we combust something into poetry, we control it. it cannot hurt us if it exists outside of us rather than burning a hole through the bottom of our lungs. it's not a wonder to me that so much of what i make comes out like a death gasp. i spent a long time at the bottom. i keep going back, too. when you're down there for so long, the only thing you can exhale is fumes.

but humor is hard. humor needs timing; which i can't promise in a paragraph. i can kind-of force it through careful spacing, but i have no idea how fast you're reading these things. humor needs a somewhat awareness of your audience, when really - anybody could be looking. humor needs us to understand what the joke is, why it's a joke, and to think - ha! that is funny. in tragedy, everyone understands the metaphor of a kicked puppy. in humor, you need to introduce them to the concept of a dog.

and forget about positivity. forget about anything not made for adults explicitly. every time i see a well-made children's media piece, i feel fucking horrible for the creators. most of the time, people see children's media as being sort of "not worth" applause, even though i'm pretty sure they have to work twice as hard. i have no idea how hard it must be to not be able to have your character just say. "well, fuck." something about a message of peace or friendship or caring - for some reason, that makes the media not for adults. like, okay. i'm pretty sure my father actually, out of all of us, could use a good book on how to control his temper and talk about his feelings.

but whatever. i write a short story about my ocd, and how it's fucking killing me. it gets an award. it gets published. i write a short story about my ocd, and how i'm overcoming it, and how my days are getting lighter and starting to flourish. i keep getting ghosted. no response. it just is lacking... something.

is this it, forever? you can be an artist, okay. but the trade off is that the things you make - if they're happy? if they're joyful? people will say it's stupid and pandering. you bite your nails off. you file your teeth. you hear something inside of you breaking.

the other day in a writing group, someone i'd thought of as a friend said: "you write so much better these days! i love what you make when you'd rather be dead."

Christmas Prompts

• Person A trying to set up the tree for Christmas but Person B has to pick Person A up for them to put ornaments on the tree because they’re so short.

• Person A getting frustrated when wrapping presents while Person B being able to quickly wrap beautiful presents and A being absolutely amazed and jealous.

• Person A being sad when they weren’t able to buy a real tree to decorate for Christmas so Person B buys a little bonsai tree for them to decorate, even though it’s only a foot tall.

• Person A and B decorating their house/apartment together and when Person A goes to another room to grab some more ornaments they hear Person B yell. When they rush back into the room they see Person B has somehow tangled themself into the Christmas lights and fell over.

• Person A waking up on Christmas morning and being confused to find only one small box under the tree. Person B acts like everything is normal and convinces Person A to open it and when they open it they just see a note and an engagement ring.

sometimes a poem is just a poem and sometimes a poem is actually a confession and sometimes a poem is a person and sometimes a poem is a cardinal. sometimes art is just art and sometimes art is actually therapy and sometimes it’s a pipe and sometimes it’s also not a pipe. 

sometimes the text is “got home safe!” and sometimes the text is actually saying i already miss the way your hair feels in my hands and sometimes the text is a warning and sometimes the text is thank you for caring. sometimes you are on the phone with your friend and you’re talking about curious monkeys but you’re also both admitting how lonely you are but you’re also both talking about how love can be a bicycle and sometimes it is not a conversation it’s an intervention and sometimes it’s not a conversation it’s a poem and sometimes it’s not a conversation it’s an art piece and sometimes it’s just a conversation but more often it’s holding hands without touching

& sometimes you are in an argument about the dishes but none of the things you are mad about are about dishes, they’re about the stuff around the dishes and the hands and the soap and how he smelled on sunday of another girl. sometimes the dishes aren’t even dishes they’re blankets and sometimes they’re burnt food and sometimes they’re your favorite book. sometimes the song isn’t a song sometimes the song is a manipulation and sometimes the song is just bad and sometimes the song is stuck in my head from you singing it in bed and sometimes it is “i listened to this so i could learn what you like” and sometimes it is “i showed you this because i want to also show you my palm lines and my heart and the inside of my head.” 

sometimes you are dancing alone but you are not dancing alone because you are picturing seeing her in a green velvet dress across the room from you, and sometimes you are dancing with ghosts, and sometimes you are dancing with your mother’s voice. sometimes it is not a dance it is a walk and sometimes it is not a walk it is lying in bed and sometimes it is not lying in bed, it is not-dying, which is often good enough for survival purposes. 

& sometimes you say  oh, take a cookie with you when you go and you mean that i should take a cookie and sometimes you mean - take me with you, also. sometimes it is just burning something and sometimes it is burning something and sometimes it is burning a lot of other things first. sometimes it is just a shirt and sometimes it’s what you wore when you kissed her and sometimes it’s what you wore when you didn’t kiss her and sometimes it’s what you wore to the movies when you saw your last in-theatres movie without knowing it would be your last in-theatres movie. 

& sometimes the poem is just a poem and sometimes the poem is my earring in your hand and sometimes the poem is your smell and sometimes the poem is calligraphy and sometimes the poem is good lord you are addicting and sometimes the poem is a poem and sometimes the poem is unfiltered yearning and sometimes the poem is an anvil and sometimes the poem is - can i write a home, can you crawl in, can we be like little ferns, all curled up in bed. sometimes the poem is a poem and sometimes the poem is a dance and sometimes the poem is saying - no, i will skip showering, if you need me there, i’m coming.

VIDEO ESSAYS 2 (PT. 1)

The Adorkable Misogyny of The Big Bang Theory what happens to youtubers after they “expire?” the problem with aesthetics QUEERING THE SLASHER: SCREAM why you hate learning Heterofatalism: WHY straight women aren’t okay. How David Fincher Uses Pop Music Dunkirk - The Art Of Fear THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. (2015): Style Vs. Substance Homosexuality Is Not Moral And Here’s Why Alternative self help is brainwashing you. How To Harm Your Audience - Wonder Woman 1984 Dark Academia: The Corruptive Allure of Aesthetic Beauty TW: trigger warnings aren’t helping you How CAGE THE ELEPHANT Overcame Their Fear of Music Netflix’s Decisions are a Very Funny Joke What Makes Disney Villains so Gay? Succession Deserves the Hype the problem with teen dramas Miss Congeniality’s Mixed Messages | Good & Bad Takeaways The Lotus Blossom Stereotype - Dangers of the Asian Fetish How To Do A Fight Scene Why the Media NEEDED Joker to Fail you’re not s3xually liberated, you’re 16 Why You Should Stop Using Times New Roman Why a movie like Who Framed Roger Rabbit will NEVER be made again The Babadook: The New Physicality of Ghosts in Horror Get Out — A New Perspective in Horror Why The Shining is Terrifying The Importance of Horror (Why Horror Movies Don’t Suck) Vaping: A Lesson in Irony I don’t have a dream job: self-help scam or revolutionary concept? How To Do A Plot Twist Hunger Games clones and how they work Why The End of Jenna Marbles Is The End of Authenticity This Angel YA romance killed my ability to feel joy or love tiktok is kind of bad for fashion The Problem with Museums Is TikTok Hurting the Music Industry? I HATE “Guilty Pleasure” Music (A Rant) our obsession with glowing up Triumph of the Will and the Cinematic Language of Propaganda Talent Belongs to the Beautiful - How Media Manipulates your Tastes Edgar Wright - How to Do Visual Comedy NIETZSCHE: THE MAN WHO VIBE CHECKED GOD KANYE EXPLAINED: A Guide To Bipolar Disorder & Creativity Sleep is Just Death Being Shy This Is NOT How People Talk Men In Black International — How to Build a Toxic Hero How Spielberg Shoots A Film At 3 Budget Levels

soft asks:

cherry - what is your sexuality?

lollipop - favorite makeup products?

daydreams - if you could be anything or anyone, who would you be?

october - what month were you born in?

caress - do you like to snuggle?

ivory - describe your pajamas?

golden - favorite stationary product?

freckles - most-worn article of clothing?

twilight - best friend?

silk - do you like k-pop?

poppy - favorite pastel color?

dimples - most attractive features of a person’s face?

sunkissed - autumn or spring?

buttery - favorite snack?

whisper - how much sleep do you get?

pencil - do you own a journal?

cupcake - are you a good cook?

honey - favorite term of endearment?

clouds - describe one of your favorite dreams?

velvet - who was your first crush?

paper - favorite children’s book?

peaches - do you have a skincare routine?

mochi - favorite studio ghibli film?

backyard - did you ever have an imaginary friend?

strawberry - favorite fruit?

kiss - have you ever kissed a friend?,

nightlight - do you read before bed?

shampoo - favorite scent?

skin - what distant relative are you closest to?

aphrodite - favorite actress/actor?

cuddles - do you have any pets?

lace - if you own any dresses, which is your favorite?

sheets - sanrio or san-x characters?

cream - frozen yogurt flavor?

watermelon - do films ever make you cry?

sapphos - favorite poet?

plush - how many stuffed animals do you still own?

roses - what flower do you find most beautiful?

sweetheart - favorite mug/cup?

sunset - what are your pronouns?

Prompt #411

“You can’t start stories with: When I died.”

“Could you at least try to be nice?”

“You’re still breathing. That’s me being fucking nice, asshole.”

“this is so romantic” and it’s two characters trying to kill each other