Trying To Talk To Maggie And To Muriel – Attempt Nr.2

Trying to talk to Maggie and to Muriel – Attempt Nr.2

Hi Maggie, please tell Muriel to come over to the record shop, so that I need to say this only once: Stop trying to talk to me, the both of you. Stop sending me notes, stop trying to call me, just stop doing anything about me. I am not your friend and never will be.

There, you have it. Nice and short.

The only problem is, if I put it like that, Maggie will probably cry and Nina will give me her angry face again. And Muriel will look at me with those big brown eyes and think it’s their fault. And perhaps cry, too.

Enough! No more crying. I’m sick of blowing my nose all the time. It gets all red and blotchy. Why do noses always have to run when you cry! Major design flaw if you ask me. But I forgot, you are not asking, @the-almighty-god. You’re just playing your ineffable game. Next time, please play Dungeons & Dragons with us. At least that one has uhm…. dungeons and dragons and elves and Bags of Holding in it. I would quite like a Bag of Holding, then I could’ve kept all of my plants when Hell kicked me out of my flat.

Okay, next try: Hi Maggie and Muriel. I can’t be your friend because I don’t do friendships. Bye.

That one’s so short, I could actually write it on a card. Maybe I should, then I don’t have to talk to them. But Nina was very specific about this one. If you don’t want friends, you have to tell people to go away and you have to do it in person. Writing will not do, texting will not do, and simply going away until they forget about you will not do either. That one least of all.

Nina says, the truth is painful, but at least they’ll have a clean cut and they can start to heal. They can’t when I just leave them hanging. No closure.

Hi Maggie and Muriel. I don’t want to be your friend because I’m scared. Scared that I’ll get hurt when I open up to someone. Scared that you’ll get hurt, when Heaven and Hell start doing their thing again and we all get caught in the crossfire.

No, by ‘the truth’ I didn’t mean ‘that much truth’.

Just the clean cut. The one we never got to have. First, I walked out, then he walked away. We never sorted anything out. Did he leave because he chose Heaven over me? Did he leave because he chose Heaven for me? Did we break up? How can we break up if we aren’t even together? Are we still friends, or is everything over for good?

What does he want with Heaven? Does he truly believe, he can make a difference? Was it just an excuse to get away? Why did he kiss me back and then told me, he forgives me? Did he even listen to anything I said?

Why suddenly dance with me at the ball when he refused to dance with me back in 1941 when I asked him to? Why does he want me to be an angel again? Am I not okay for him the way I am? Does he even want to be “an us”, or did he at least want it before everything went down the drain? Does he still think about me as he is up there, doing God knows what?

Is he thinking of me right now? Perhaps this very moment?

I slam on the brakes and let the Bentley spin to the right, so the car behind me passes by without hitting me. The driver yells something rude, but I’m not listening to him. My mind is full of questions and I can’t answer a single one of them.  

No closure. No clean cut. Just pain.

I can’t heal because I’m left hanging. I can’t move on with my life because I don’t know what’s there to move on to and what there isn't. Is he still a part of this life or is he gone for good?

I’m on hold. I’m on hold like a human on a phone who doesn’t know if they should hang up or if they should wait for the conversation to continue. When Beelzebub came to talk to me about Gabriel, I understood immediately what was going on with them. Why can I not understand what is going on with us?

Again Nina’s words: “But then, other people’s love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own.”

I start the Bentley’s engine again, but before I can bring my foot down, I freeze.

“Hello, traitor.”

 No literal freezing. Just a jumpscare.

“I was going to pull you down to my new office, as it seems befitting for my new position. But you’re so miserable already, I didn’t want to drag you out of your safe space. Besides, Hell doesn’t need to know about our little talk, do they?”

~*~

More Diary Parts

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19

@aziraphalesdiaries @muriel-not-the-dim-one

More Posts from Secretdiaryofcrowley and Others

Things To Do Today...

Drive around

Sleep

Drive around some more

Get drunk

Sleep it off

Sleep some more

Repeat

~*~

More Diary Parts:

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21


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10 months ago

Exactly. I would give anything for this right now.

What Is The Key To Enjoying Life? (x)
What Is The Key To Enjoying Life? (x)
What Is The Key To Enjoying Life? (x)
What Is The Key To Enjoying Life? (x)
What Is The Key To Enjoying Life? (x)
What Is The Key To Enjoying Life? (x)
What Is The Key To Enjoying Life? (x)
What Is The Key To Enjoying Life? (x)

What is the key to enjoying life? (x)


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11 months ago

Well as the Lily quoted the Will....

"Aziraphael, Aziraphael, wherefore art thou Aziraphael. For a book in any other cover would read so well.."

Besides, whyever would I need a potion to sleep? And, believe me, if Aziraphale tried to stab himself, he would most likely miss.

NEIL GAIMAN I AM SO SCARED THAT GOOD OMENS WON'T END HAPPILY☹️

It won't. It will have a very tragic ending. Crowley takes a sleeping potion, but Aziraphale thinks Crowley is dead and plunges a dagger deeply into his fair breast. Crowley wakes and, finding Aziraphale dead, becomes, in his heartbreak, a furniture delivery person and is crushed to death by a falling wardrobe. Then everybody cries.


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Aziraphale.... 😭😭😭

My internal monologue, at any given time


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I know that everyone is waiting to find out who met surprised poor drunk Crowley on the bridge - and you will soon - but I want to answer this one quickly, before I forget.

I, too, choose five things that go for me in real life and also go for me as Crowley.

I am very creative and I love what I create.

I enjoy rock music (possibly a bit more metaly than Crowley)

I love to dance and I absolutely don't care how it looks

I am nonbinary at heart. I enjoy presenting male most of the time and I enjoy presenting female when I'm in the right mood for it.

I am very inquisitive. I collect knowledge and new skills, I want to dig through all the layers to get to the bottom of things. And I often got in trouble for "asking too many fool questions" especially as a child and teenager. I didn't get chucked out of heaven like Crowley did, but I did get thrown out of religious class at school once.

I nominate: @crowazira @taraiha @goodomensfanbase @gayforanthonyjcrowley @dagonmasteroftorments @somebebop @draemorah @caterhoades1971 @starfruitsomething

once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~)🌈🌈

Ah, I love this! Thanks @hell-hath-no-fury-like-love (love the handle, by the way!)

I’m creative

I like trying new things

I have a deep connection with nature and animals (or so I tell myself)

I’m a good listener

I think I have a good singing voice

@greenthena @greeneyed-thestral @tangerine-ginger @dee-morris @sayuri-of-the-valley @godfrey-the-chaos-duck @godihatethisfreakingcat @lookingatacupoftea @phoen1xr0se @takemetotheworld


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This is beautiful. The memories hurt like worse than Hell, but I just want to look at my angel right now and have myself a good cry.

Somehow, I don't want to believe that something that lasted this long can simply be over in a heartbeat. It just can't be.

He can't be gone for good...

New Good Omens Fanvid!

This song was requested by the very kind and lovely @celestialcrowley, and I really hope I did their vision justice. Since it was meant to be a surprise edit, well, surprise! Here it is. (lol/yikes)

The song and artist are not familiar to me, but I had a good time working with what felt like a good edit to fit it. I even made two versions: this one, which I prefer, and a sadder one which might show up later. Anyway, it was an incredible honor to have someone ask for a song so I guess this is me saying have at it, if you want.

And I hope you enjoy this. :)


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Absolutely.

I will rise like Phoenix from the ashes... (though not in the way, Shax intended me to.) chrchrchrm....

Despite Everything...
Despite Everything...

Despite everything...

Despite Everything...


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11 months ago
And My Absolute Highlight At Proud Nerd Con Was, Of Course, Meeting David Tennant.

And my absolute highlight at Proud Nerd Con was, of course, meeting David Tennant.

I can tell you, he really is a wonderful person. Often when you meet actors in real life, it's a little bit of a disappointment, and the things we love about them, are just show. That's not the case with him.

He cares for his fans, and he means it. It was an incredible busy day for him, autograph sessions, photoshots, meet and greets, and pannels, he really was rushing from one thing to the next all day. But he went out of his way caring for his fans, even when he was getting tired at the end of the day.

He answered as many questions as possible, he had smiles and kind words for everyone, and even some hugs (with asking consent first, of course.). It really felt like he had adopted all of us.

He loved being at the convention. He called it "absolutely bananas" and said he enjoyed the cheerful atmosphere. Everybody got to be themselves, and no one needed to hide anything.

He is also incredibly funny. And it's not that kind of funny that mocks other people that you see so often in bad comedians. He loves to tell stories, he loves to play with with language, and he really had us laughing our heads off. His jokes are silly (the good kind), and his humour is incredibly intelligent.

His charms and great personality carried a big part of the event and turned it from a wonderful day into a truly magical day. Everyone was still glowing on the bus ride back to the train station.


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Things to Do Today

Slee.. oh, wait!

There's a missed call from Aziraphale on my phone.

Yes, that's his name on the display. Did they finally insist on giving him a mobile phone in heaven? Even if they did, how would my phone know that it's him? Wouldn't it just be Unknown Number?

The number connected to his name in my phone is the number of the bookshop. He no longer is in the bookshop. If he was in the bookshop, I would feel that he's on Earth. I no longer feel him on Earth, so he can't be on Earth and in the bookshop.

Phone, delete missed call.

Phone, delete contact Aziraphale.

Phone, block this number!

~ * ~

More Diary Parts:

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17


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secretdiaryofcrowley - Crowley's Secret (not so secret) Diary
Crowley's Secret (not so secret) Diary

Good Omens fanstuff, mostly Crowley's PoV. Post Season 2. Mild content warnings for swearing, misuse of alcohol and angst.

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