"Let Me..."

MY FAVOURITE DPS FICS (in the order they appear on my bookmarks)

Dog Days are Over by rubylaurus - Mordern AU where Neil is a successful actor and Todd is a intern writer for his show. It's adorable with a little bit of ambiguity in the end.

lick me like a flame by perksofbeingpoet - ANGST SO MUCH ANGST. THE BEST ANGST I'VE SEEN.

Let Me Wallow in Your Afterglow by Glittery_Bubbles - This could easily be the script of the 2nd movie if Neil hadn't died. LOVED the characterization and Keating's lessons.

I Read You for Some Kind of Poem by Glittery_Bubbles - A WIP but ADDICTED hello??? Like so sad, so so sad. Cry bitches

True Blue by PureCacophony - Another WIP which is updates pretty periodically. Very fluffy, very adorable. Mordern AU. Extremely well written. Mwah

I Crawl, an Animal to You by dirtbag_dyke - Amazing Characterization, it has smut.

how it is, how it was (how it has to be) by perksofbeingpoet - TEARS. ANDERPERRY BREAKUP. Phone call rituals. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Volta by suffragettecity - Neil meets Todd after med school.

White Walls and Blurry Eyes by lightswechase - four words - crown tattoo, ring finger

how can you even frikin think abt a 'good day' after THAT-

You know what’s so sad? Sirius Black was probably so loved the day he was born. And then the love slowly became less and less the more he began to grow and form his own opinions.

Anyways have a good day guys!

he da best!!!!!

there are no words

also shout out to Rue's mom, I dont KNOW what its like for her, i dont know a thing abt being a mother and heck i cant even BEGIN imagine what it must be like for her!!! she is just so strong!! i mean like fuck man??? how is she SO FUCKING STRONG!!??

i mean from what i saw, what we all are seeing it must be so fucking hard!!!

shout out to all the mums out there, all the mums who know what its like to be rue's mum, all of you who has been in her position, and just really all of you who are mothers tbh, god you are doing a great job and yes you all are so strong SO FUCKING STRONG!

just lOOk at tHeSe tWo!!!

i feel like remus and sirius would look like this in a car on a trip with james driving and lily literally just shaking her head....ayee:))

another art block means another wolfstar 

oh dear :D (from georgia's insta)

Goncharov score masterpost

I want to make a post to keep track of all the Goncharov score that’s been uploaded to tumblr, so I will link to all the one’s I’ve found so far and update with any new ones that come up (if you know any I’m missing please share the link!)

Main Theme uploaded by @caramiaaddio

Main Theme (End Titles) uploaded by @if-only-angels-could-prevail

Main Theme (Reprise) uploaded by @raccoonfink

The Bridge Breaks uploaded by @nicewizard

The Clocktower uploaded by @dungeonmastersconsortium

Farewell Scene uploaded by @levuna (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Tempus Fugit - “Clock Theme” uploaded by @trupowieszcz  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Goncharov Theme in Minor uploaded by @mapplejuice  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Katya’s Leitmotif (Vinyl Rip) uploaded by @unscharf-an-den-raendern  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Andrey’s Theme uploaded by @the-frosty-mac (pointed out to me by @muzic4sewerratz , thank you!)

It Is True (Extract) uploaded by @hex-of-els (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

Memories Of Water - Goncharov Soundtrack uploaded by @rismrus (pointed out to me by themself– please do feel free to toot your own horn!)

Katya’s Sonata uploaded by @arcanistvysoren

“For My Love” Andrey’s Serenade uploaded by @shits-getting-weird (pointed out to me by themself)

Stolen Time uploaded by @avatar-of-the-vast (I lost track of who pointed this one out to me I’m sorry but my notifications at the moment are A Lot, so thank you to whoever it was and I’m sorry I don’t know who you were)

Sharing A Dance uploaded by @the-frosty-mac (pointed out to me by themself)

In The Boathouse uploaded by @madame-karenina

What Was And Will Be uploaded by @piano-flute​

Overture on the Clocktower uploaded by @dead-minecraft-fandoms​ (pointed out to me by @mccoppinscrapyard, thank you!)

Privyet Goncharov uploaded by @rismrus (pointed out to me by themself)

Goncharov’s Gun uploaded by @netcup

Sofia’s Serenade to Katya, from the deleted scene in the boat where she sings “Come Raggio di Sol,” uploaded by @melongumi

Dockside #2, one of the unreleased tracks, uploaded by @reptilemodernism

Unnamed Fragment from Goncharov’s death scene, uploaded by @quizshow1994

Bonus:

Cover of the song Goncharov (2010) by @idiopathicsmile  (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

At Goncharov’s Gate (PC Version), song written for the PC game with a Super NES port released in 1994 for PC-DOS, uploaded by @badgraph1csghost (pointed out to me by @graduatedpillowmonster, thank you!)

One of the official trailers was recently recovered by @talkshowhost1996

i hv always imagined (since the oh-so-overwhelming epiphany) what it would be like to just say the words...just say it out loud to my parents. i really felt it when sirius said, "i didn't know being gay was an option."

I felt that. i have been in denial of my sexuality for a very long time, so being able to say this rn, it feels good.

Broken Things

(when an anon asks for a bi-harry coming out moment...you write a bi-harry coming out moment to his two gay dads. I'm not sure if this is angsty enough but...'tis here.)

cw: for sexual identity exploration; coming out questions...teen angst about identity?

Because up until his fourth year at Hogwarts, Harry hadn't even thought about being gay. Because he took one look at Cho Chang and his head exploded, his tongue getting tied up in what would be the perfect thing to say and falling short every time. He found himself staring at long jet black hair, wondering if it would feel as silky as it looked and wondering if he would ever get to know her well enough to find out. But...

But then there was Cedric Diggory. The boy with the soft brown curls and wide smile who once smiled at Harry and his head exploded a second time. Cedric and Cho could've gathered around the grounds with tiny brooms and a dustpan, picking up the remnants of Harry's skull as he muddled through blushes and heart palpitations every time Cedric so much as breathed in his direction.

--

Okay.

Sirius was gay. Harry knew Sirius was gay. Because Harry had been born, and Sirius was there, with Remus, who was his boyfriend, which could've been enough information. But then Harry grew up with Sirius and Remus. Remus was also gay. And Harry knew this too.

Sirius and Remus. Together. They were together. They were married, though Harry was barely four when they got married and only remembered from pictures what the day could've been like. In the backyard of Grimmauld Place. Remus said that Sirius really outdid himself and Sirius said he'd do it again in a cardboard box.

Sirius had a husband, and Sirius was gay. Remus was his husband and Remus was gay. Harry knew this. But he didn't...

he didn't know much else about the...being part.

Because up until his fourth year at Hogwarts, Harry hadn't even thought about being gay. Because he took one look at Cho Chang and his head exploded, his tongue getting tied up in what would be the perfect thing to say and falling short every time. He found himself staring at long jet black hair, wondering if it would feel as silky as it looked and wondering if he would ever get to know her well enough to find out. But...

But then there was Cedric Diggory. The boy with the soft brown curls and wide smile who once smiled at Harry and his head exploded a second time. Cedric and Cho could've gathered around the grounds with tiny brooms and a dustpan, picking up the remnants of Harry's skull as he muddled through blushes and heart palpitations every time Cedric so much as breathed in his direction. And it wasn't like Harry was counting the breaths, because that would be insane, (but it had been twice) and Harry left both conversations wiping his hands on his school trousers, hoping his face didn't give away just how truly enamored he was.

And that was the trouble.

The trouble was...he didn't think he was gay.

The trouble was...he might be gay.

The trouble was he didn't know how to think or feel about either thing and instead spent nights lying awake in bed, especially as winter holidays approached knowing his attentive godfather would surely pick up on something. Remus already had noticed the crease in Harry's eyebrows when they met for Sunday tea at school, asking Everything okay? enough times for Harry to start avoiding tea altogether. Home from school for the holidays, Harry waited until Remus had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room in front of the fireplace--as he usually did when the school bells stopped ringing and Remus got to indulge in just as much sleep as he wanted-- and he was alone with Sirius in the library. A record player turning softly in the background, a tea tray on the table, though it had hot cocoa instead.

Harry swallowed, feeling uncomfortable on the couch, even though that was usually his favorite place to sit; maybe it was his skin he wanted to crawl out of this time. "...Hey Sirius?"

"Hey, Harry?"

"So..the rule about me asking you any question is still okay...right?

Any question except the ones about your crushes on boys. And crushes on girls.

Keep that to yourself.

It's teenager stuff and it'll...pass. You don't even know what you're feeling.

"Always," Sirius said and sat up from his lounging position in an armchair so he could look at Harry, giving him his full attention. Grey eyes met his own across the table and Harry squirmed for the briefest of moments.

It's Sirius. He loves you. Always. You know this.

Don't you?

"When...when did you know you were gay?"

Harry expected a question in return, fingers gripping the knees of his jeans in preparation.

Why are you asking me that? What made you think of that? Who asked you to ask me that? You should mind your own--

Stop it.

"Which version would you like?"

"What?"

"There's the real version, and there's the version I tell people I've come out to throughout the years that's...more...dignified."

"...Can I...have both?"

Sirius grinned, "For you, anything," he said simply and Harry already felt better, though his fingers still found absent threads on his clothing, on the couch, picking to avoid looking fully at Sirius. "For a very long time, I didn't know being gay was an option. It hadn't occurred to me. My family was traditional and sex wasn't something we spoke about. Marriage and...procreation was all about maintaining blood purity, carrying the Black line and not...about pleasure or...anything." Sirius started, and Harry found himself sitting up a little straighter, his hands slowing their picking as he listened to his godfather, his answer already unexpected, "I didn't know any different until I was shown it could be different and that was at Hogwarts through...hands-on experience."

"I don't need to know those bits, thanks."

He laughed, "Abridged version. I didn't...really realize until I was about fifteen or so that I liked men. I just assumed I had to like women and thought that...I was just too broken and damaged and defective to enjoy being with them. But... you know, from what I'd been raised in, pleasure didn't matter."

"Why would you think that? That...you were broken?" Harry asked, eyebrows knitting together. Sirius was his favorite person in the world--he looked at his godfather and saw easy confidence and brilliance that he hoped to reach someday--how could he ever look at himself and think he was anything less than whole?

"I..." Sirius paused for the first time, a sort of pain passing through his features briefly, "Thought a lot of unkind things about myself when I was a teenager. But, when I got to Hogwarts, as I got older, there were some students who were queer, that...I kind of saw myself in. Remus showed me David Bowie and Queen and I actually found out my Uncle-- Alphard, remember? I've talked about him?" and Harry nodded, "He was gay. I didn't find out until after receiving his share of the Black estate though. Point is...I was overjoyed the first time I kissed a boy and liked it, and I realized I wasn't the broken thing. That...I didn't have to like women."

You are not the broken thing. You are not defective.

"It brought its own set of challenges of course but...I was much happier with myself after coming to that conclusion."

"..You said there's another version?"

"Oh. Yeah," Sirius grinned widely, his grey eyes twinkling, "There was a seventh-year. Ravenclaw Quidditch player by the name of Porter Turpin. And at the beginning of fifth year, I took one look at his arse in his uniform trousers and that really...confirmed my suspicions."

"Did you snog him?" Harry asked through laughter and the acid that was still lingering in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh, you want to know now?"

"Well yeah, now it's important."

"We did snog, quite proud of myself for that one." Sirius said, leaning forward onto his knees to catch Harry's gaze from across the room, "Anything else?"

What if I can't decide? What happens then? Did someone forget to flip a switch one way or the other? I'm somewhere in the middle of off and on and the lights keep flickering.

Broken. Shorting out.

"No."

--

Getting Remus alone was harder, Harry not realizing how much Remus and Sirius actually spent together until trying to get them apart. Harry could remember when he was younger pulling faces at the kisses they shared in the middle of the kitchen, or the way he would sometimes find them wrapped up in each other on the sofa. Or when they would share a single glass of wine at the Weasleys for dinner, taking turns taking sips like a well-choreographed routine, never understanding why they couldn't just have their own. But as he got older, he saw the morning embraces and the way Remus's head would fall on Sirius's shoulder in the evening and Harry couldn't look away.

What was it like to find your other half? What was it like to know who your other half was going to be?

Harry was able to get Remus alone, up in their bedroom, as he put away laundry into the dresser. Harry had been given his own basket to put away (which was presently being ignored, but a sexual identity crisis took precedent over folding t-shirts), and had taken a small detour, sitting on the foot of their big bed as Remus opened drawers by magic.

"D'you...want me to pair the socks?"

"You're offering?"

"I'm sitting here is all..."

"Be my guest, Harry." He said, folding a pair of jeans not so carefully. Harry grabbed a sock from the pile, going through the combination of patterns and sizes to find its missing side.

"...Remus?"

"Hm?"

Remus loves you too. You know this.

...Don't you?

"When...did you...when did you know you were gay?"

"Oh, well..." Remus paused to think in the center of the room, "I don't think there was one defining moment...I think I always knew I was gay."

Harry had to stifle a sigh, wondering what it must be like to grow up knowing everything there was to know about yourself. Remus always knew he wanted to be a professor too.

"Yeah but...did you ever think that maybe you weren't?"

"Love," Remus smiled softly, "I shared a dormitory with Sirius. I stood absolutely no chance at ever thinking I was anything but."

"But....what if that was just Sirius. Can't you like a person? Not...their...like it...doesn't have to be..." Harry fumbled awkwardly, sock tumbling out of his hand and onto the floor. He bent forward off the bed to retrieve it, blood rushing to his head and deciding that was much better than trying to articulate how am I supposed to know I'm gay or if I just really like Cedric as a friend who I barely talk to and only see in hallways, who happens to have dimples and curls and smells nice?

Remus let magic take the rest of the pants and put them into the drawer, not caring if a leg got caught and that it didn't close perfectly, coming to sit next to Harry on the bed, "When I was younger, I didn't have the words to explain being best friends with a boy in my neighborhood. I just had really big feelings. And then..eventually, I got words, and unfortunately, most of them were swear words--" Harry snorted, "But some describing once too. And the same big feelings I had when I was younger were still there when I was 12 and then 15 and then...now? And it wasn't just around Sirius. It was...around muggle boys I met during summer holidays, and every time I got a copy of Rolling Stone magazine."

Harry thought of the extra time he spent looking at Quidditch Mag. The intense heat at the back of his neck when he flipped to a page with Viktor Krum. Harry knew the big feeling well.

"So...what did you do? About...?"

"I'm afraid I'm rather boring, Harry. There was no Great Goblin Crusade moment in my coming out story... when a girl would ask me to Hogsmeade, I'd just tell her I wasn't interested and that was it. My friends knew, my parents knew...that's all that mattered to me."

"Hm."

Harry felt Remus's long fingers run over his hair, "Anything else?"

But what if I am interested? How am I supposed to respond? Can I have both? Will you love me all the same?

"No."

--

It had been days since speaking with both Remus and Sirius, nights spent tossing and turning, days spent in a fog as a flurry of faces and features clouded his mind.

Oliver Wood's broad shoulders, he noticed those.

Cho's silken hair; her white smile, he noticed too.

Cedric's light eyes, caught in hallways.

Parvati was pretty, gold jewelry on her fingers. He couldn't help but glance at Angelina's long legs during Quidditch practice.

He liked both. He wanted both.

Heart hammering in his chest in cadence with his feet down the wooden floorboards of the hallway, rushing until he reached Remus and Sirius' room, and knocked before entering. Not caring if he was fourteen, almost fifteen, and too old to be doing this; not caring if they were awake or sleeping or if he made too much noise, Harry climbed into bed, taking the empty spot next to Sirius, the spot that was vacant because his godfather always slept close to Remus.

Sirius rolled over, eyes half-open, Remus stirring beneath him, "Harry?"

"Hi," he said meekly, drawing his legs up underneath his chin, and wrapping his arms around himself as Remus and Sirius both sat up.

"What's going on? Is everything okay?" Remus asked, his voice scratchy, flicking his wrist to turn on the bedside lamp.

"I don't know."

"Hey, hey," Sirius said, warm hand connecting with his face, sensing the change in emotion faster than Harry could even start to comprehend it. He was too old to be in their bed, he was too old to be crying.

What if I'm the broken thing?

"My love," Sirius said, "What's all this now?"

"I don't know." Harry managed, looking at Sirius's face, "I...I...think I might be gay."

"Okay."

"And...and...also not gay? I...don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't...I thought if I just asked you both when you knew, that I would know. But...all it did was make me more confused because obviously, I know you...you're gay, and...other people aren't and...I'm not? but I am? and...I-I-I-I don't know."

"There's nothing wrong with you," Sirius told him gently, pulling him into his chest, and Harry clung to the fabric of Sirius's shirt like a life vest "Absolutely nothing."

He felt Remus's hand on his back, rubbing in slow circles the way he always did. Harry could remember being much younger, Remus bringing him into his arms after every skinned knee, rhythmic patterns on his back slowing tears in seconds.

"It's...called bisexual," Remus explained, his voice soothing, calm, and steady, "If...you...like both. You can like both. More than one. You can fancy girls... and you can fancy boys."

"But--"

"You can like both. Or neither or everything," Remus continued, "And you're also fourteen and...can keep figuring this out."

"I..." Harry released a breath into Sirius's chest, Remus's words washing over him, washing away worry and the ache in his bones that wouldn't subside. Sirius's words echoed in his mind: i didn't know being gay was an option. Harry didn't know either. "I...It's okay?"

"Mhmm," Sirius said, "It's okay. It's great, even. We love you, no matter what."

"There is nothing in this world you could do that would make us stop loving you, Harry James," Remus added, giving enough space between the two of them for Harry to crawl into. He had told himself the last time he slept in their bed at thirteen was going to be the last time. And the time before that at 11 before his first day at Hogwarts. But this time was going to be his last...even if it was the safest place he could imagine being. Settled between his two pillars of strength, quieting all fears with a simple i love you.

you can keep figuring it out.

you can like both. or neither. or everything.

bisexual.

a new word settling on the roof of his mouth, eager to make itself at home.

"...Even...even if I'm straight?" He asked, his arms circled around one of Sirius's, head sharing Remus's pillow.

Sirius laughed, kissing Harry on the top of his head, as Remus flicked his wrist, the room going dark once more. "Even then. Especially then."

-

sirius and remus were the true chaotic duo at hogwarts. like sure nobody could ever predict what james and sirius were up to. but we all know remus was the real chaotic force behind the marauders. plus, lets be real, when he was alone with james the worst thing you'd find sirius doing is like enchanting a toilet to sing opera.

but find sirus and remus alone together, and on top of the enchanted plumbing, you'd see a whole lot more of them that you'd bargained for. like honestly i don't know what the other prefects would have dreaded more. finding sirus and remus turning every suit of armor into a fluffy bunny suit, or them shagging behind said suits of armor.