Sarbithewizard - That Weird Turtle Wizard

I fixed it for you.

"Until they stop pursuing you." the hunter replied, the automatic reply coming out flat.

"They will never stop pursuing me. Please, let us just run and live together for as long as we can." the vampire pleaded.

The hunter stopped, closing a chest with a thump and turned to the vampire.

"We would always be looking over our shoulders. What kind of life would that be? We could trust no one." the hunter said coldly.

"Then we won't live around anyone." the vampire offered.

"That's not the problem. You just don't understand, but that's okay. You lived among them, but you haven't been the hunted before. Once they're all dead, it won't matter anyway. I'll see this through to the end." the hunter explained, then walked out the door.

"No, you don't understand. The end will be when you're gone, and I'm afraid you might be already." the vampire muttered forlornly to the empty doorway.

After a one-month long hunt, the vampire hunter returns home with a body full of hastily treated wounds and dark circles under the eyes. Yet, they are already preparing to embark on another hunt. Standing beside them, a vampire speaks up: "How long do you plan to live this way?"

When preparing to sell your tower to other prospective wizard buyers, remember to have your unseen servant sweep and mop daily to be ready for showings. Your familiar's fur builds up quicker than you think. While you may not be bothered by, or even prefer dusty corners and that spider by the back entrance that kills pest bugs for you in lieu of rent, others prefer to let their dust build up and choose their own multi-legged tenants.

"When you summon celestial forces to alter axiomatic principles of reality so that the demonic forces of entropy don't encroach upon our reality and disintegrate this quiet little town of ours, you can give me your attitude. Until then, good bloody morning to you too!"

Writing Prompt #3010

"I called you! Like five times! What the hell were you doing?"

"Sleeping. For the first time in days."

*Achoo!* "Uri-" *choo!* "Uriel!" *Sniffle*

"Yes (Choo!) my Lord?" Uriel replied, appearing in a puff of smoke.

"Call off *Aaah-* that Me damned *CHOO!* storm at that *muffled sneeze* atheist convention!"

"Thy will (achoo) be done." Uriel bowed.

God sank into his celestial throne with a heavenly sigh of relief.

It is often said that uttering the Lord’s Name in vain is forbidden because it is blasphemy. No, the truth is far more mundane and hilarious than that: Every time His name is uttered in vain, the Lord sneezes.

These and memes like it make me want to get an easel and pallet and paint wizards in nature and I likely places.

"Well we're here now, so what do you think?"

"The script is all wrong. It's in a first era type when it should be second. The curvature of those lines make it ever so slightly oblong, and over here you can see where they corrected but you'll still have instability. I wish you hadn't brought me here."

"You're the only one I know that could tell me all that!"

"Yeah, and a picture would've been fine too. This thing could blow at any minute! I'm not equipped for demon hunting, especially the unbound sort this sloppy work will bring!"

"Shit."

"Shit, indeed."

Prompt #1181

"I feel like this is one of those things you should have told me earlier."

"It could be a sign."

Prompt #1170

"It could be dangerous."

"It could be legendary."

Gertrude, is that you?!

I hope the oath wins over the curse. It's much more interesting to be sworn to amber and rot. That necromancer raising dinosaurs from oil in a modern fantasy would be killer. Sworn to take down the corruption of the corporate overlords. Bonus ancient diseases from raised bugs or using amber bound creatures as a focus. A curse is involuntary and dull. An oath is purposeful and full of volition.

let's make a "the [noun] of [noun] and [noun]" fantasy book title!