Latest Posts by sapphire-od - Page 13

Forget socializing what do you mean Jaiden has WINGS ?????? I'm frowning at the mouth about the implications of this to literally everything else.

Jaiden's wings are beautiful.

They shine in the sun, so very colorful, matching her new hair color in a way that is bizarrely fitting for her personality.

Everyone gasps when they see it for the first time. Eyes wide, mouths open in shock before they start gushing compliments, a few hands lift just a little before being pulled down- The instinct to touch is always there but the respect for her triumphs over it.

Her own smile is shy at first, eyes darting around to see everyone's reaction, to try to predict what they think, what they feel.

She keeps the wings tucked close at first, until the compliments wash away her worries and she lets them stretch further, revealing the way the colors blend together.

Her smile is as bright as the sun.

Jaiden feels free, for the first time in a very long time.

(Bobby was the only and last person who saw her wings.

Not even Roier had seen them.

Jaiden doesn't know why.

Doesn't understand the urge to keep them hidden, to keep them protected.

Doesn't understand the way she tenses when someone gets too close, how she holds her breath waiting for a touch that the logical side of her knows is not coming, that even if it does come it will be with her permission and with utmost care.

Nothing ever happened to her wings right?)

Philza freezes a smile on his face.

He compliments Jaiden as does everyone else but there is something off on his voice and he cannot bring himself to care, to change it.

(Philza is keeping too much hidden already, he doesn't know if he could deal with more without blowing up.)

He hopes they are too distracted by her to look too much into him. He doesn't want them to see his eyes, the way they shine with tears for a few moments before he pushes it down with familiarity.

He downplays his own feelings, his own reactions.

Philza doesn't elaborate on what "fucked by the Island" means. He can't.

He can't talk about how they hurt. How he knows they have been plucked without any sort of care but to cause harm and to take away their ability to fly, how there are empty spaces on his wings where no feathers have grown even if it's been months, how he can still feel the phantom sensation in them, how much it aches and burns in random moments.

How he can't bear to look at himself in the mirror with them in the open because he doesn't recognize the mangled mess the Federation made of them.

Philza hates how envy burns inside of him.

How something ugly twist in his chest and his first urge is to scream at Jaiden. Is to ask "why", why are her wings perfect, why is she allowed to fly, why didn't they mutilate her as well?

Somehow discovering that he was the only one to be punished like this stings in a raw way he cannot properly explain.

It's not fair.

It's not fucking fair.

How much can this cursed Island take from him until there is nothing left?

Baghera looks at Jaiden's wings and her first instinct is to flinch. Is to hide herself in a corner to fight the urge to hide inside of her own mind again, shaking from something she can't name.

Her whole body aches.

Her whole body hurts.

Her own wings, firmly and safely hidden behind layers of clothing, feel like they have been flayed.

(They had been, once.

Baghera is nauseous at how familiar the sensation is )

She can feel cold hands grabbing her feathers, she can taste her own blood as she once bitten her tongue because screaming always seemed to amuse It, she can feel the pain as the feathers are plucked with mechanical detached violence, she can almost see the raw spots left behind.

Baghera shakes and shakes and suddenly she is a little girl a misbehaving experiment all over again watching as others walk around with their perfect wings as she hunches in a corner with her bandaged body.

(Your fault.

Your fault.

Your fault.

Your fault.

A mechanical voice chants inside her head, half memory half not.

Why couldn't you be perfect like her?)

She can't look at Jaiden's wings.

Quackity looks at this strange with her colorful wings and he is hit with such familiarity it hurts.

He knows those wings.

His brain hurts every time he looks at her, like there is something pounding from the inside, some memory screaming to be remembered and as much as he tries he simply cannot bring it to the surface, just has this feeling like the answer is in the tip of his tongue but he has forgotten how to form words.

His own wings stir from their binding and he pushes down the urge to release them as well.

He can't.

He can't.

He can't.

He doesn't know why though, he doesn't understand the need to keep them to himself, to keep them safe where no one can see let alone touch them.

But he sees the scars on them when he dares to look into a mirror, sees the empty spaces where new feathers refuse to grow and he remembers very well the sensation of a cold hand holding into his feathers- Not a threat, a promise, a reminder.

Quackity dips his head into the cold water of his pool and wonders why he can't forget about the pain too.

(El Quackity watches in the cameras as the blue bird stretches her wings for the first time since they are kids and smiles to himself, amused by reasons none of the workers could hope to understand.

His own wings are visible as well, bright yellow and perfect as they can be.

He wonders if she has any idea of what she did to gain her's back.)

q!Philza: "King, the shit hit the fan. Forever messaged me the other day..."

*q!Cellbit guides him to talk in the reunion room*

q!Philza: "also excuse me for the arrows"

q!Cellbit: "oh no, don't worry. They look good on you"

q!Philza: "Oh, well thank you. Yeah I can, like, hang things in them"

q!Cellbit: "Oh nice."

How are we feeling crows.

Cellbit talking about how whoever took the eggs will suffer hell and Philza and Bad agreeing made me realize something

Having a ex cannibal, the angel of death, and a fucking demon being the heads of the order, an anti-federation group, is metal as fuck

Like no one should mess with the order, not because of information getting leaked, but because they will suffer hell and it is guaranteed

i am being so skeptical rn, first the photos of phil's eggs in places that are personal to him and his kids, now codeflippa is only interested in phil being her uncle???

like it feels like the codes suddenly have their eyes on phil or maybe since he did try to contact them directly by the chest they somewhat got a liking of him???? he somehow has some connection to the codes cuz like there's something not adding up here

also as i wrote this phil showed codeflippa the pictures of a cage for a cage and she loved it lmao, he's her coolest uncle actually <3

i'm SO so invested in q!phil and q!forever's dynamic btw!!!!

i'm loving the idea that phil is used to death. several thousands died at his own hands. kristin is his wife, bad is a dear friend, and missa is his husband. everyone around him is dripping in their own blood and it's awful

but he meets forever, full of life, for the first time, and is thrown off by how he shines!!! he's bold and loud and beautiful, never backs down from a challenge, tries to make people smile, and is loved by all

he's enamored with phil, who reminds him of an old friend, but phil doesn't know what to do with someone out of the death alignment so he pushes forever away

they grew closer as time went on, yes, but the federation drug crisis pushed them to the brink

phil saw how forever was losing himself, how close he was to the precipice between life and death, and decided that he wasn't going to let that fucking happen- not to someone as bright as forever, who showed him how beautiful life could be

and now with the nether portal... phil was the first one forever called in a moment of crisis, and now forever is gone.

qsmp philza minecraft would shake the world if it meant forever would be okay. he's going to drag forever out of the depths of hell to get his sunshine back, axe in hand and eyes ablaze

idk i just think about them often

god i hope today cellbit comes a little bit earlier so he and phil can talk. because phil was the one who truly saw and spoke to forever last before he went to his mission. and he was the one that got the call for help from him and he wasn't able to stop whatever was going on.

and actually, i need all cellbit, philza and bad to meet and talk about what this means, and what the implications are and how they will be preparing or whatever else might happen.

i want phil to show them both how his ticket is different, and my GOD i hope he tells them about what happened to him, and about his "dream", because he needs some of the theorizers on that train so he and fit arent alone in figuring that out

just.

GOD. i rly hope they all overlapped more, because their interactions are so interesting and i love them so much.

So with Phil ending stream and that event dying down I wanna talk about him.

And especially with how good of a decision it was from Cellbit to make him a fellow head of ther order.

Let me explain

So I'm gonna try and string this along but the basis I'm building on is that Phil is a center. Not just figuratively but also literally! Remember before the Favela and Spawn become the meeting places? Yeah his home was the point people would meet at, his doors were always open and his waystone was the one ingrained in people's muscle memory when a meeting or communal location was mentioned.

But Phil's also been a communicative center, he's a loner usually, mostly getting dragged along by tubbo or fit for some events.

But he's reliable! And people know this about him. They hear how a single father of 2 has carried the life of these 2 kids in his own, they've heard how Tallulah and Chayanne are the best behaved eggs due to him, they see him casual help people out etc. Phil's known for kindness and help when needed but people who don't know him don't realize there's so much more to him! Fit and Tubbo for example are the first 2 who are aware of this. Fit trusting Phil with literally everything because he knows how capable he is and Tubbo knowing Phil's capabilities in a way where he respects him heavily. And I don't even need to mention how Etoiles is aware of Phil's combat abilities.

Now why did I say that he was the perfect addition as a head of the order? Because he proved today that he is behind everything the order is about. He is a much needed cog in its machine, he's not a head investigator or strategist but he's someone they need to allow this.

Baghera wanted to investigate? Phil stopped trying to look around, focused on helping her clear mobs, gave her all his paper and kept an eye on her while calling to her to make sure she could collect evident when her inventory got filled. He's ready to put his own curiosity and knowledge aside to let others thrive.

Pierre needed a fighter when mobs swarmed him? Phil stood between him and the mobs, being a calm voice amongst panic, standing in Etoiles footsteps as protector and filling them well.

Roier wanted to stay and risk his life because he wanted more information? Phil will stay too, he's not leaving anyone behind even if it could cost his own life and he'd do it again.

Forever is acting weird and trying to brush worries off? Then Phil will worry even more and make sure he knows that Phil's someone who will be there whenever he's needed.

There's so many moments like this, Phil putting himself aside to let others thrive, becoming a support fighter for Etoiles, a teacher for tallulah, an investigator for Cellbit.

He's someone that island needs without them realizing it because he's a quiet constant hum but important! Like a humming of well working machines in a busy factory. Or the humming of bees in a thriving garden full of animals. He's quiet and not always noticeable but he's proof that things are working and okay, the backbone of it.

This is why this trust of Cellbit in him to call him a head of the order is so important for me, and especially Phil promising loyalty and trust to Cellbit cause it may sound basic but those who don't know Phil don't know how much Phil's loyalty truly means. How much his promise of it is an honor to someone because Phil's whole moral compass and trust is based on proof. If you can proof to Phil you're capable and put your money where your mouth is then he'll go through fire for you, and he's promised that to Cellbit, knowing fully well it's a promise he'll keep.

Phil's factual and logical, he's a grounding force when needed and someone who will fit himself into a role that needs to be filled. He's a support, a warrior, a investigator, a distraction etc. He's not focused on his own goals even if it hurts him to put those aside, if he sees potential in supporting or letting someone lead he'll do just that. He's so fucking observant and it's such an important trait not many islanders have to the same level he does. He watches with protective eyes and sees things most people don't. Ironically enough you can see this in his photographs a lot! He's a watcher an observer and acts based on what he sees.

Basically today, that little bit where they went into the new office where forever was taken, was proof of what Phil is needed for. He's not required, he knows that much, but he's important for the community of that island. He's important for letting others thrive. He's what the head of the order is, what they represent. Trust in eachother and letting people thrive in what they're good at while helping them in any way he can.

completely random headcanon but whenever philza goes into "lore mode" stream (no facecam, black bars) i always imagine it as his character closing the "drapes" on his wide-brimmed, veiled hat. generally only happens when he's super upset (like today and the last time the eggs were kidnapped). a form of suppression? denial? emotional distancing from reality? instinctual need to hide weakness or vulnerability from potential onlooking enemies? all of those? take your pick.

Actually, you know what would be great? If Prime's regeneration is a genetic mutation that Morty inherited from him and his previously dormant 'regeneration gene' becomes active at some point this season or in a future one...

I had a dream turned nightmare about QSMP, and the plot of it was so interesting that I wanna share:

It was an event, I saw everything from a player's POV, but I have no idea who-- my best guess would be Phil, not only because I mainly watch his streams but also because how the cubito acted in the dream would somewhat fit with how his cubito has been acting recently.

Everyone who logged on was just chatting amongst themselves and in general the whole place was super chaotic like during the bigger events with so many members present at once. But then, all of a sudden, Cellbit stopped whatever he was doing, yelling:

"WAIT, THE EGGS THE EGGS THE EGGS-- THE EGGS ARE SAFE!!! Wait, they can talk?!"

Turns out he got thrown into a cutscene a few seconds earlier, because soon other people started joining in, then it was silent as my cubito got the black screen followed by the cutscene as well. (An important bit of info for the visualization: this entire following cutscene is very colorful, bright and saturated)

It's the eggs! And they're all safe and sound! And yeah, they were all talking to each other-- the actual speech being sorta Animal Crossing gibberish, but the speech bubbles above them showed (translated?) what they were saying, like for the players.

Suddenly, the eggs... transform. But in an extremely cartoony way-- with a cloud, a burst of magic. For some reason they all get. Bigger legs and some bunny features, like ears and paws? And around them, there are also bunnies a bit bigger than the players showing around (who honestly kind of look like Cucurucho if it was an easter bunny decoration.) There's like, a stock audio of children going yayyy! and applause and everybody bounces around, happy.

This is where, for some reason, Tallulah has a little musical number, singing the most vague explanation for what happened that didn't actually explain shit (and yes she still sounds like animal crossing)

The cutscene ends, and we're there! With the eggs! There's about as much chaos as you would expect, but instead of going to their parents, the eggs all start running up this set of wide, stone stairs with various twists and turns all the way up, the easter-like decorations next to that entire path. There's a big bunny smiling at the bottom of the stairs too, cute.

Now here is where it gets interesting.

Everybody started following the eggs up the stairs, but... not my cubito. He like... lags behind, trying to process what just happened and feeling extremely uneasy (that's why I think it was Philza, given his recent lore).

And the further the eggs move away from him, the more desaturated the world starts becoming.

All the greens and yellows and purples and pinks turn into various shades of grey and bloody red. The bunny decorations all start getting really creepy horror-esque expressions. And just... this general sense of dread and wrong, there's so much WRONG with this entire situation.

My cubito hears ha ha ha behind him and without even turning around he starts running up those stairs, but. He's already a bit too far behind everyone, and even though the decorations turn back to colorful and fun for a little bit, whenever he stutters a bit on the way up the stairs, they return to that creepy horror scenery.

That's when the awful sense of dread woke me up with a start.

BAGHERA GOT A NORMAL TICKET

THIS IS THE END FOR Q!PHIL

Ooooo interesting,, I expected Baghera’s ticket to have a feather on it like Philza’s, but it doesn’t? That makes it all more confusing on why Philza’s has feathers???

[Fred is interviewing Fit while Philza spies on them from on top of the trees]

guys this is such an anime moment, like i can so clearly see the pan of the camera from fits interview to phil lounging leisurely in the trees, casually listening in like a cool anime guy

okay, I'm gonna ramble a bit about the Fred and Guard visit at Tallulah and Chayanne's house because that moment in Philza's livestream kind of broke me. I felt a lot of emotions at that moment.

First of all, I'd like to remind everyone that Phil literally has only shown them the rooms specifically made for Tallulah and Chayanne. He has not shown them the two above-ground houses, only the underground rooms. Which is insane?? In my opinion??? And just shows how much of q!Phil's life revolves around his children?? He doesn't have a fucking room there. He sleeps on a chair in front of his kid's beds, and it's not as if there isn't anywhere else for him to go - he just doesn't want to.

This part just gives me "like father like son" vibes because q!Wilbur would do the exact same thing. Both men created their lives around these children, to the point they would rather sleep on a chair so they could give their kids comfort. They were both too busy giving their entire lives to these kids, that they have no place for themselves and don't WANT a place for themselves. These mfers are fucking insane, Tallulah had to force q!Wilbur to get a bed, and even then we never saw him use it (Meta wise it makes sense, the players never sleep, but lore wise...)

Either way, back to the visit. So these two fed workers enter the room of two missing children. The room is tiny, obviously built for something much smaller than an adult, and is FILLED with signs, pets, plants, and other little things that at the time those kids were there gave it life and now is just... haunted by those objects. When you see eggs walking around you don't mind the amount of signs covering every millimeter of the ground, but now it feels as if it shrinks the place and forces you to look at those conversations that were made by actual lost fucking children.

And even the more comfortably spaced rooms are literally STACKED with that haunted environment. The biggest room in the house? The floor itself was built by the child with a floatie. The entire room was painted and decorated to have that kid's favorite color EVERYWHERE. And the signs are still there, on the walls, on the floors, on a bag, you literally can't escape those. The kitchen? looks normal, until the man taking you on this tour tells you in his dry, quiet voice that this kitchen was actually built for his son. His son liked cooking. That man never used that kitchen. Luckily they didn't ask about the flowers outside which were planted by the other child.

Downstairs? A literal black concrete shrine-like building sticking in the middle, covered with - here they are again - those colorful pink and yellow signs. Behind the black statue? A garden, one of the children's passion projects.

Then they enter the N.I.N.H.O accidentally and are hit by the personification of Tallulah's personality if it was a hotel room. And when they finally leave, they are once more met with PILES of signs, which are all one long painful conversation that happened one day before those same fucking kids disappeared.

And if somehow they would have tried to ignore all of this, Phil was there to just shove this information back on them. He sounded BROKEN. He sounded as if he's lost in his own fucking house. He explained the meaning of anything they stared at for more than a second, and I could just imagine the sore thumb of a man he was, the embodiment of parental grieving, as he had them follow him around. There was something so heartbreaking with the technical need for him to open the doors for them. He was forced to let them in. They were forced to follow him. Both parties were trapped by this empty house.

So, yeah, that part fucking broke me. It wasn't bittersweet, it was just bitter.

this fucking hummingbird was a paid actor

Second QSMP member turned into a pokemon : Philza ! I liked both Corviknight and Honchkrow for him, so I did both versions!

anyways, on a more possitive (?) note. anyone else itnerested in talking about how the code was using Philza tactics (: like even Etoiles literally said "ok philza!" when the code started throwin cobwebs at him

haha what a silly thing to happen just as philza went away to way for a week to the place closest to where the federation might have lured him into weeks ago

haha

the silliest of guys ever

phil casually typing “help” in chat after getting blinded by admins, going Oh Fuck Wait— and then etoiles already showing up before phil could try to stop him. etoiles is truly the no.1 phil defender

something about whenever phil's embarrassed-amused he throws himself with such force irl that he shoves his mouse over and his cubito turns away from the action

We go the whole week and no one looks for Philza, no one knows hes gone. Ya know because he is so anti social, he could just be doing some me time, he could just be chillin.

Manifesting Philza breaking himself out. Because no one was coming to save him, and thats okay. The age when he had a partner in crime so close that would come for him has long since passed. An hes use to the solitude, its not the solitude that makes breaks him. Its the anger.

I imagine Philza ripping his own wings off. If they are clipped and useless to him. He has no reason to wear them on his back. The chanting of blood for the blood god rings in his ear. An he uses his own wings as sacrifice for his old friend to give him strength. An to his wife the goddess if death to lead him aid.

When he breaks out his clothes are drenched in red. An he is the first to successfully kill cucurucho.

He said that after the scene where he pointed a gun at philza, philza sent him a message that said something like "that was so cool bro :D"

I am literally loving the fact that they kidnapped Phil the way they did. They pretended to have him find his kids, only to realize it was a trap at the last moment. He thought he would finally get them back but no. Hes stuck in a place specfically made for him, the bird house. Not to mention, Missa came back that day and learned about the eggs being missing, just for Phil to go missing as well.

It's heartbreaking and I'm here for it.

not forever waking up and immediately asking why everyone but phil is there, where is Phil, and being told oh its fine he just doesn't log on for weekends, he'll be back on monday, don't worry

The thing is, Phil is actually doing alright.

He knows he's trapped, knows most likely no one will come looking for him for a few days at least. He knows he was tricked with the stupidest setup that he should've seen from a mile away (did see and didn't care about the consequences, is never above throwing himself on a sword if it's to save his kids). He knows he has limited food aside from golden apples, that this tiny home was built specifically to taunt him in every way, that he won't be able to tell how much time has passed or if his kids are okay or if anyone is even looking for him.

He knows. And that's exactly why he's doing alright.

Because the thing about torture is that it's scientifically proven not to work. That once you know someone's goal is to break you, it becomes that much easier to resist breaking. He knows what the federation wants- they want him to break down, crying and begging to see his kids again, just so that they can make an offer he won't refuse, so they can use him.

Phil is not only smarter than that, but bigger than that.

He's spent eons with no one but his crows for company. Eons spent idling, no goal in mind except what he gives himself, finding new ways to keep himself occupied. This? This is nothing. Phil is strong. Phil is resilient. Phil is the Angel of Death.

Phil is laying curled up on his side in front of the door.

Moving would take energy. Energy he needs to conserve and use for planning, for keeping sane, for not breaking. He can do all of that from the ground, in the spot the walls are thinnest and he has the greatest chance of hearing any changes from the other side.

(He can't hear anything. Hasn't for the past however long. It's probably been less than an hour, right? He can't have been laying here for hours.)

Phil is listening. He's on his side, breathing evenly, not moving a muscle, because he's listening.

(Just the birds and his own breaths. They still come a little wet, a little hoarse.)

He knows what he's listening for. Fit's smooth baritone, Toby's post-pubescent rasp, Missa's soft worry, even Forever's booming shouts. He can picture them clearly in his mind- picture isn't the right word, but the point is he can practically hear them, sharp and real, right there on the other side of this wall.

They aren't. He knows that. But they will be.

(No one was before, those eons alone. He didn't listen then. He could fly then. Could create. Could explore. Had only himself to worry about besides.)

Phil has his eyes closed. He doesn't sleep, doesn't dream. He's listening.

He's listening.

He-

"Phil? Phil, are you in there? Phil!"

He can hear them!

Of course. Of course, all he had to do was wait, he can open his mouth and shout to them now, he...

Phil is...

Phil is not opening his mouth.

Why? Why isn't he shouting? Why isn't he moving?

"Phil...?"

He's here. He's right here. Please, come on, he's right here!

"Did you find something?"

"No... I don't think so, sorry."

HE'S RIGHT HERE! PHIL IS HERE, PLEASE, LISTEN! HE'S HERE!

"Let's move on."

Phil is jolting awake.

His heart is beating. His lungs are heaving. His eyes are open. His mouth too.

Ah. Better stop screaming.

Better breathe slower too.

He is. Phil is breathing slower. He is. He is.

(Phil is sobbing.)

Phil is doing alright.

(Phil is being stupid. Has been nothing but stupid for the past two weeks- the first when he left, the second when he didn't find his children faster.)

He's alright.

(He's useless.)

He's alright.

(He's weak.)

He's alright.

(He's breaking.)

something about Phil staying strong the entire time he knew the eggs disappeared.

he hugs Bad and tells him it'll be alright.

he makes sure that Tubbo calms down when he's panicking and tells him it wasn't his fault.

he helps Cellbit get forever back.

through all of it, he stays strong. he stays calm. even as he does the lava cast - if he's angry (and he is angry, his fucking kids are gone), that rage is quiet.

until the birdhouse. until he realises that he was tricked, that he is oh so alone - again. he screams and cries and begs Cucurucho to give him his eggs back.

something about Phil staying strong for everyone else, only to break when he is the most alone he has ever been

Wanna know what sucks the most. Everytime Philza was ever sad or broke. He was alone, he never allowed himself to be outwardly sad until he was alone. He had been calm and collected through it all. He had to be everyone else rock. (I can see this coming to bite Fit and Tubbo later) But he was utterly broken up on the inside like Forever.

But he needed to be strong and saved those moments when he was inside his home. An they broke in and they craved the one weak spot that had devloped on that island. And they locked him in a box. He should be use to being alone, use to waiting. But now it was different, why is it suddenly so painful to be alone again.

But hey of Philza doesn't do qsmp for like a whole ass week and he comes back on with a whole new skin- i will maul someone.

Thinking about how phil has the same insecurities as missa.

He isn't smart enough for the enigmas. He isn't strong enough to fight off the codes. All he thinks he's decent at is looking after his kids. So he sticks to what he knows. And the one time he makes a move against the federation? He's captured. Because he wasn't smart enough. And he can't escape because he isn't strong enough.

"I'm sorry you're father's a fucking idiot, Chayanne."