Fuck Me Or Eat Me, It's All The Same In The End (4696 Words) By Sapphic_terror Chapters: 1/2 Fandom:

See what if I just -

Erik has always had a complicated relationship with God, and Charles.

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the actual fuck

"How do you write such realistic dialogue-" I TALK TO MYSELF. I TALK TO MYSELF AND I PRETEND I AM THE ONE SAYING THE LINE. LIKE SANITY IS SLOWLY SLIPPING FROM BETWEEN MY FINGERS WITH EVERY MEASLY WORD THEY TYPE OUT. THAT IS HOW.

My missing friend is no longer missing, my iud cramps (my back feeling like it’s being broken) are gone, and I have a fridge full of energy drinks. Maybe I’ll actually update my fics tonight

the miracle of being here

invitation, mary oliver// @arthoesunshine // when death comes, mary oliver//to be alive, gregory ott// the dead poets society(1989), quote: walden, henry david thoreau// joseph campbell// the aeneid, virgil// @babyangel-jpg // @rawjoy //sweet, charles bukowski// that it will never come again, emily dickinson// bjenny montero// ? // ? // moments, mary oliver// madness a bipolar life, marya hornbacher// wild geese, mary oliver// letters to a young poet, rainer maria rilke// on earth we're briefly gorgeous, ocean vuong// @ashstfu // i thought on his desire for three days, linda gregg

Gen Z is slowly dying on the inside as you paint a smile on your face.

Gen Z is hoping for another bomb threat so you can get out of taking that math test.

Gen Z is laughing at things that make no sense to anyone else because they don’t realize that humor is the only thing we have left.

Gen Z is making nihilistic jokes all the time.

Gen Z is saying you want to die and hearing your friends say they want to die and not quite knowing if they really mean it anymore and being scared that they do.

Gen Z is not making those jokes so much after someone really does die.

Gen Z is knowing exactly why every door on campus needs an ID card to open.

Gen Z is knowing that those locks won’t do shit if something really happens.

Gen Z is wondering when someone will come to your school and start killing your friends.

Gen Z is hating the shitheads in charge and just waiting until you can finally do something about them.

Gen Z is being torn between wanting to die and wanting to overthrow the government.

Gen Z is being tired of being treated like a child when our childhoods were ripped away from us years ago.

Gen Z is growing up too fast but still no one else will take you seriously.

Gen Z is angry.

Gen Z is done.

Gen Z is here and you’d better watch your asses.

I’m totally normal about characters who are defined by their goodness, who then go through hell and have to cling to their faith in humanity with their bloody nails, wdym???

Gen Z

Born in the shadow

Of 9/11

Birth certificates

Make a spectacle

Of how gullible we are

.

The news channel

Like a lullaby

Our parents watch

Not wanting to wake us

We go to sleep knowing

That the monsters

Were never under our bed

.

And despite what we go through

Despite how many horrors

We are witness to

A gag is on our mouth

Told we are

Too young

Too stupid

Too naive

And we are

.

I am

Too young

To be scared of going to school

And watching the life pour out of my friends

Because skin isn’t impenetrable like titanium

Ricocheting bullets embed themselves in soft skin

And now I’ll never be able to say

“I’m sorry” for that dumb fight during lunch

Bulletproof backpacks

Were never in the school wish list

Look around the class

Who are you willing to die for?

Are you strong enough to comfort their mom?

She’ll be crying on your shoulder

As you tell stories

How everybody copied off their homework

Because they were the smartest

Or how they never failed to make the class burst in laughter

Explaining the inside jokes that died with them

In a pool of their own blood

Right by your desk

.

I am

Too young

To find my friend’s body

Slumped over

On the bathroom floor

Candy coloured pills stuffed down their throats

Dothiepin, Amitriptyline and Imipramine

Or maybe crimson blood pouring down their wrists

Because we never questioned

If they were hot with a sweater during summer

Too late to help battle whatever demons they were facing

Too late to be the knight in shining armour they needed

And a note lays in their hand

Apologizing for what they did

When you know the person that should’ve apologized

Was you

Because maybe

If you had listened more

If you had asked the right questions

If you had done this or that

It doesn’t matter

Cause when suicide

Is the 2nd leading cause

Of death in youth

What’s the point

Trying to be the superhero with the red cape

When you might be the one at the noose?

.

I am

Too young

To see familiar faces on the news

Afraid to see my friends body

Drape over a white sheet

As if that covers up the horrors

“Don’t shoot!”

Shouldn’t be

Someone’s last words

He looked older in the dark

He only fired in self-defense

Blue lives or black lives?

Which ones matter most?

You might call me obnoxious

Because i don’t submit to your ideals

But let me ask you this

When did people go to an academy

For their skin?

When were people given uniforms

For their skin?

When were people given guns

For their skin?

They just wanted to go home

To their families

That’s what we all want

But only one of us will go home

The other laying on the concrete

Covered in a white sheet

Like cheap Halloween decoration

The blood seeping through

Scratchy white fabric

.

I am

Too young

To be sent out of class

Because my skirt was too short

“The boys will be distracted”

They said

But I look around the room

They’re doing their work

They’re focused

So why are you not?

Why are you looking at my legs?

I’m walking down the street

A man old enough to be my dad

Is looking at me, staring

Like a lion watches his prey

Looking for a moment to strike

A cobra swaying from side to side

If I’m not careful

His poison will flow through my veins

I can feel his eyes on me

As if I somehow share his sins

They are crawling on my back

So maybe I should’ve put on that jacket

Maybe I should’ve worn pants instead

But it was a nice day

And I had just ironed my skirt

And maybe I should’ve asked someone

To come get the mail with me

Because now if something happens

It’s my fault

.

I am

Too young

To be crying at my friend’s funeral

Because no matter

How many times

I told them to stop

They wouldn’t

A loopy wonderland

And meaningless smiles

Were too much

Of a temptation

Against a brutal reality

Of a cold and desaturated planet

Shouts still ringing

In their ears

And last week

Their mom found their body

Overdosed in the bathtub

Eyes still wide

Staring

Pupils dilated

And now

My last memory of them will be

Silky smoke in my face

Burning claws in my lungs

While I’m still sitting on the couch

Drinking Diet Coke

Because I “don’t know how to live”

But apparently

Neither do they

.

I grew up in a world

Where violence is common

A bullet flies by

But I don’t notice

Desensitized and numb

.

And now that I have a voice

That you’ve never heard before

You will try to silence me

But can you really blame me

For my shouts?

I was born with information

At my fingertips

Connected

To every news source in the world

And you expect me

To stay at the kid’s table

During dinner?

Because the adults are talking?

.

But you have brought me onto this earth

Where the expectation

Was to watch the world burn

And you don’t care

Because you’ll die

Before you see the sun explode

But I will remain

We will remain

To see our flesh melt off

You brought us here

In the middle of a battle

And you have failed miserably

The battles you won

Will be meaningless

Against the war that we will win

.

We will rise from the ashes

Of what you have already burned down

Guess who’s writing a “what if everything was worse” my fault london fic????

(I just wrote 1k of Noah’s dad threatening to break her hand if she tries to escape) (I’m going to traumatize the shit out of this girl) (I’m so sorry Noah baby I love you so much)

*update I wrote the fic, chapter 1 is up

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63119209

I hit my fucking nose ring again, after it had almost completely healed from being hit in August, I’m gonna fucking die