Sapphic-terror - Nicky

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the actual fuck

the authors note of all time

the closest I’ve ever come to gender dysphoria is wanting to claw away my skin until i reveal all the stardust resting in the deepest parts of me and tear it all out until i become part of the tapestry of the universe again

One fic down (checks crumbling, held together by krazy glue, list) eighty more to go

lucas scott’s crash course on brotherhood ✅

people help the people ☑️

too much labour ☑️

polyamory, love, and grief in times of war ☑️

Y'all remember "cops aren't supposed to kill guilty people, either", right?

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve to die beneath the rubble of their homes.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve to be shot with expanding bullets that cause massive tissue damage leading to amputation.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve to have their flesh burned away with white phosphorous.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve their fishing boats blown up.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve to see their husbands and fathers executed in front of them along evacuation routes.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve an anonymous phone call threatening to destroy their lives and families.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve to be detained for years without charges.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve to be tortured, starved, and sexually assaulted in prison.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve to be deprived of water.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve their olive trees to be uprooted while they look on.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve sixteen years of blockade.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve to be prevented from traveling for lifesaving medical care.

Palestinians who have done something wrong don't deserve this genocide.

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

thinking about shauna listening to jackie talk about jeff like he never even mattered when shauna is pregnant with his baby because she just wanted something jackie had and wanted to be wanted by someone who wanted jackie and now jackie doesnt even care anymore and shauna is stuck with this forever. and then jackie dies and then the baby dies but not before shauna has to give birth to him in the wilderness in winter surrounded by people who eat the dead and now fucking jeff sadecki is the last thing she has of either of them and what the hell is she supposed to do with that? she's stuck with him forever.

thinking about shauna beating lottie almost all the way to death to get all of that rage out of her and then when that rage is out of her they give her a knife and tell her to slit natalie's throat, and then when natalie runs and shauna is let off the hook for one thing for once they give her the knife again and tell her to cut up javi, the closest thing to a baby, so they can eat him, and now she's stuck with this, too. and all that rage she burned off didn't go anywhere, really. it's still right there.

and then im thinking about shauna watching lottie and everybody else crown natalie the queen for virtue of not dying, which is the same thing everybody has been doing, except for jackie and the baby and javi who all took chunks of shauna with them and left her with nothing but a knife.

im thinking about shauna who watches everybody gossip and laugh through the springtime knowing that when winter comes she will be the person who will have to cut them all up one by one so the rest of them can live and its very easy to see why she isnt friends with any of them anymore by then. she looks at them and she sees cuts of meat and how is she supposed to look at anybody normally ever again after that?

and its cruel, of course it is, everything she does to coach ben. it's not his fault, it's not about him at all, really, except that he is exactly the problem. he's innocent. he judges them. he sees what they have had to do to survive and pretends he never profited from any of it. pretends to be above it, uninvolved. he judges them. he judges her.

and shauna needs complicity from these people. she needs somebody else to know what it feels like to hold the knife. she needs people to be stuck with those guilty votes forever. tai with the gun and melissa with the knife and natalie at the butcher's table so that she's not the only one. and so ben is the sacrifice.

i saw somebody say that shauna doesnt want natalie to have to feel the pain of butchering a person, thats why she puts the cloth over his face. but that's not true. she *needs* natalie to know the pain of it, the guilt of it, the weight. The cloth is a lie she told herself would make it easier but she knows that Natalie is about to know what the inside of this man's joints look like either way and that she's going to be stuck knowing that forever.

they are going to be rescued someday and everybody will say "we did what we had to do to survive" and shauna needs to not be the only one who really has to mean that when she says it. and i guess she has that now. or she's about to.

“Love, Elizabeth thought, was patiently waiting for a knock on the front door. Grief was knowing the knock would never come and still sitting on the stairs, still waiting, and waiting, and waiting.”

Hehehehe

on getting better

?// ?// call your mom, noah kahan// letters to friends, family and editors, franz kafka// call your mom, noah kahan// september affirmation (Don’t Be Afraid), Keaton St. James (@boykeats) // @smuktvejr // ?// ?// 'east boston, 1996; night walk' in god's silence, franz wright// ending, jonny bolduc// listen, tara bray// the haunting of hill house, shirley jackson// little red cap, carol ann duffy// @daisies-on-a-cup// evermore, taylor swift// @angelwarm// long story short, taylor swift

Unethical polyamory not in the sense that the partners aren't consenting to multiple relationships but in the sense that they kill people as a group