Art

“all retail employees should get to kill one customer per holiday season” text post based on statistical error. jin guangyao, who works customer service in fantasy ancient china and discreetly kills 18,000 people per year, is an outlier and should not have been counted

[image is a 2-panel comic. an anonymous person angrily demands of a smiling jin guangyao, “this is outrageous! i demand to speak to your sect leader!” jin guangyao, still smiling dangerously, replies, “i am the sect leader.”]

Happiness Will Come To You.

words worth knowing:

Jaleo : (n.) A lively dance of Andalusian origin, or the music or handclapping which accompanies it.

Zambra : (n.) A kind of flamenco dance.

Elysian : (adj.) Relating to or characteristic of heaven or paradise.

Macerate : (v.) (especially with reference to food) soften or become softened by soaking in a liquid.

Airhead : (n.) an area in enemy territory or in threatened friendly territory, seized by airborne troops for bringing in supplies and additional troops by airdrop or landing.

Ergometer : (n.) a device designed to measure muscle power.

Minacious : (adj.) Menacing; threatening.

Cabasset : (n.) a morion of small size.

Zealous : (adj.) someone who spends a lot of time or energy in supporting something that they believe in very strongly, especially a political or religious ideal.

Saudade : (n.) (in Portuguese folk culture) a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent.

Gallus : (adj.) (Scottish) (Also gallous) bold; daring; reckless.

Vomitorium - 1: (n.) Each of a series of entrance or exit passages in an ancient Roman amphitheatre or theatre./ 2: A place in which, according to popular misconception, the ancient Romans are supposed to have vomited during feasts to make room for more food.

SOME FLOOF 

Flash by Matthew DeMino

you weren’t a “well behaved” child you had anxiety and were terrified of conflict

CHOOSE

YOUR

MC

gonna post my entire stickman reaction pic collection

I feel like zyx and shen yuan could have interesting conversations about the weird things people sometimes say to them and in reality its the flirting theyre missing.

more like, the two of them would notice the weird things that happened to each other, but zero self-awareness

(let's say they'd have these interactions in modern au with all mxtx cast kicking around city neighborhood/college/local hangout/etc)

(it's gotta be college bc zyx is a fucking nerd, and they met in a general education course. and then they kept taking courses that overlapped each other's majors as out-of-major requirements for funsies)

(let's throw sqh in there too bc it's not like he notices mobei-jun's anything beyond angery)

(lucky for you, anon, i had some ideas rattling in my head)

mainly zyx and sy chill during lunch or after classes, under a tree next to one of the sequestered coffee shops on campus. it's their bi-weekly bitch session:

zyx, while laying in the dirt w coffee next to her head "dude why are the guys in the seminar so fckin sweaty"

sy, scrolling through phone "who?"

"take your pick; the guy that prob runs a campus fight club, or... huh. they both look like that."

"... liu qingge? that's just his face. i think i accidentally stepped on his pen once when i was trying to give it back, and he's never forgiven me since."

zyx shrugs. made sense - it explained the nearly murderous stare he had every time something fell off of sy's desk in lqg's vicinity (can't help it with those ridiculously tiny lecture seat/desks), and lqg picks the stuff up and thrusts them back at sy like he'd rather that motion stab sy instead.

"who's the other one?"

"uh, i think that freshman - bing something - always looks like i coughed in his face or some shit."

"oh, luo binghe. he's a nice guy; looks like what???"

"ok, he looks at you like he thinks your organs would fetch a premium on the black market"

"joke's on him - the black market would pay to never touch my organs"

"just don't follow him into an alleyway. either of them."

the two of them eventually get up and walk to the library to meet sqh, who is working with a classmate that's friends with the over-eager freshman luo binghe.

sy and zyx are sitting aside, waiting for sqh to squirm through his project. his partner, mobei-jun ('as his year calls him for some sport-ball reason, wtf' thinks zyx) is trying to set their work on fire through glares alone. he keeps pulling the papers from sqh, treating their poor (but sometimes deserving) friend like a non-entity. zero respect for personal space.

and instead of staying on his side of the friendship line, lbh spends a good ten minutes boring holes into zyx's head via his stare, and then saunters over to (...start a fight?) incongruously ask sy about last week's lecture. sy's sweating bc he was too busy getting into a twitter war over his latest trashfire webnovel obsession - he knows jack shit about last lecture.

zyx is about to speak up to help out (she was playing on her 3ds but at least she took notes and looked at the board), and lbh turns his eerie not-glare glare with 'i will kill you, sweetie' smile and she just decides to let sy waffle.

not her fucking fight.

=

sometimes zyx can convince the wimp wonder duo sy and sqh to gym w her:

zyx "it'll at least stop your posture from regressing into a crustacean"

sqh "i'm dying"

sy "i can sue her... i don't know for what, but i have a family lawyer..." *wheeze*

murderface lqg walks by while zyx is trying to help the boys with their form. "that's wrong," he barks at them

before zyx could "mcfucking excuse you mate; they're trying" sy, irate and near death snaps back "oh? what would you know?"

without asking, lqg steps up and immediately hands-on starts correcting sy. zyx looks and sees he's not completely out his own ass (nor should he be, with delts like that; and he seems to respect leg day) and she turns to focus on sqh.

when she looks back, sy is actually doing the lift properly, lqg spotting and saying words of ... encouragement? in that curt, no-nonsense way of his.

"you're not completely hopeless," lqg comments. "come back on monday. i'll teach you more."

sy, face down like a limp noodle "buy me dinner first if you're going to do me like this"

lqg looks like he's about to blow a blood vessel from anger. "... fine!" and stomps away.

zyx and sqh stare at him stomping away. both pairs of eyes look down at that supremely tight ass of his, and then look at each other. ('nice,' they both think).

eventually "... does anyone find it unfair that the richest asshole between us three is the one that gets free dinner?" sqh complains.

=

or the time that zyx is helping sy with an intro to programming assignment at the mech engineering dept computer lab:

sy, shifting around and losing focus every few minutes

zyx, losing patience, trying to do some homework at the same time "bro we'll leave when you finish. i'm not helping you this weekend - i have my own shit to procrastinate"

"how tf you work in here? everyone's so distracting!"

for the nth time, the printer near their corner goes off. the owner of the print bounces over to grab the paper, and turns to yell at his teammates

"okay guys! this one's the final CAD drawing! probably!"

zyx, unable to hold a grimace back. "fucking wei wuxian," she grumbles.

sy rolls his eyes. "that guy's been printing his crap for the last hour."

"i was hoping that he'd meet his team at usual fucking time and we'd get some peace and quiet in the lab, for once," she says, almost carving her derivations into her notebook with how strongly she's writing. "if i didn't already commit years, blood, sweat, and tears to this degree, i'd change majors to never take a class with him again."

"... i think he heard you," sy says awkwardly.

a hand, clutching a paper of 2d cross-sections, taps down next to zyx's workspace. "yunxun! hey, didn't see you working there!"

zyx's dead fish stare "... mhm. hi."

"is that the controls homework? i have mine, too - let's go over it in a bit! can't believe i got marked down one for the last homework -"

zyx is trying not to seethe. is this motherfucker mocking her? she got marked down three. he fucking saw that, with how nosy he was and sitting behind her in the lecture hall.

fuck. off.

wwx's still talking "did you finish the designs for mechanical design yet (zyx: "my team is iterating on it")? prof's given us hints with some of the load cases - i can help you out so you don't waste your time-"

"-thanks, but i already have the relevant load cases for my team's design."

(sy thinks that zyx's teeth might break if she grits them any tighter)

"oh! well, there's this torsion analysis that everyone keeps missing -"

"we chose a different design so we could ignore that case."

wwx laughs. "haha, i bet you're the one that thought of the new design, just to cheat past that!"

zyx "... hey, i'm sorry - i need to help my friend out with his work -"

wwx walks away cheerfully. "yeah, ok, see ya yunxun! we can check the controls homework in class!"

sy "... he seems nice."

zyx "i want him dead."

=

zyx and sy sometimes dicking around in the music dept and using their practice rooms (because sy got them kicked out of the library with his loud rant on the latest sin committed by the subject of his hate-reading):

sy "when was the last time you had lessons?"

zyx "shut up rich boy - i have the right to play shitty anime covers whenever i want"

a knock on the door.

zyx "ah, fuck, it's that pretty boy"

"oh, pretty boy, huh?" sy teases

"pretty boy, derogatory" and she opens the door. "can i help you?"

said pretty boy is glaring into the room, a violin and bow in hand. "... if not practicing, you should not occupy the rooms."

zyx "yeah, we're done." goes to pack up, sy getting up and moving past the guy

as zyx leaves, the guy stops her with a curt 'hm'.

"for the piece i'm practicing - it requires an accompanist." the guy flicks his judgmental stare between zyx and the piano she was messing around with for the last hour.

"ah - I... sorry; your timing was good, i'm actually late for class." and she grabs sy and leaves before the guy can call her back.

sy starts wheezing when they exit the music building. "you?! accompany what? you haven't played since middle school orchestra!" he cackles. "'hey, i can't actually play formally, my guy', just say that!"

"shut the fuck up!" zyx drags him further from the building "look, that fucker keeps getting on my case since three weeks ago - my dance group was practicing nearby and we were 'uncouth and too loud', and i'll be damned if i let that uptight fuckwad sneer at me for being a weeb pianist"

"so if we want to keep hanging out here, like we've been for the past two years -"

"i will dig out every excuse i got. bitch has to sleep sometime. or just buy a piano for your apartment. for me."

"... no, i think this is funnier."

"fuck you, man"