:)

I think one of my favourite character journeys in BSD has to be Kunikida learning to be better with kids because you'd expect it to be a fun wholesome character arc. Only, it ends up being heart breaking as it's immediately turned against Kunikida.

Despite the 'Dad status' that the fandom has given Kunikida, he was actually terrible with kids towards the start of the manga.

Take how he treated Atsushi in the first chapter. (Yes, Atsushi is not a little kid, but he was a starving and vulnerable orphan when they met.) When Kunikida and Dazai mention the 'man-eating tiger' Atsushi immediately freaks out and tries to run away.

What does Kunikida do? He grabs Atsushi, slams him to the floor and then threatens to break his arm for information.

It's Dazai of all people who has to reign Kunikida in reminding him "The boss himself warned you that the gathering of intelligence needn't be an interrogation". Dazai was the sweet talker and Kunikida was threat, even to a terrified, starving orphan.

Later with Kyouka, he's not much better. He attempts to intimidate her into giving the agency information. Whilst Atsushi now fulfils the role of the gentle approach. She's a mafia assassin after all, even if he knows she had no choice in it, Kunikida treats her as a threat before he treats her as a child.

Even with Aya, the interaction that gave Kunikida his 'dad status', he started off badly. But, it is here we start to see Kunikida trying to be better, trying to take a softer approach, even if he's clumsy with it.

When he realizes Aya was just handed a bomb, he snatches it from her and gets rid of it. That can't be helped it was a literal ticking time bomb, he then phones the authorities to deal with it. He was planning to leave, it's only because he caught sight of Aya sitting alone did he approach her. It wasn't his first instinct.

If he hadn't seen her in that moment, he might not have gone looking for her at all.

He asks her if she's alright and then she shocks him by wanting to hunt down the culprit. He rightfully tries to dissuade her, but again, he's not good with kids, he's blunt and argumentative with her.

Obviously, that's not going to convince a kid with a hero complex to not chase the bad guy.

However, his turning point, in my opinion, is when he realizes he has to choose between Aya and the people on the train. Now, he had already set off the stun grenade and is putting all his faith in Yosano finding them. He trusts her so he knows they are most likely going to be okay.

But Aya doesn't know that and he can't explain it all in the time they have. He sees a child who thinks she's about to die and is trying to be brave about it. And Kunikida comforts her. He needs her to know that she's not alone, that she's not going to suffer, that he is with her and he hugs her.

There was no need for him to step into that explosion with Aya except to comfort her. He chose to do that. Above his own life, he chose her needs.

And that's where this journey starts to get heartbreaking, because Kunikida hadn't always been like this. He was obviously always going to try and protect children, his ideals state as much, but he also didn't believe himself to be a hero. He doesn't see himself as someone capable or even worthy of that role.

So he built up a barrier around himself that made him harsher and more callous. He called it a professional detachment. He had to, it was to protect himself, to keep his sanity in those moment when they couldn't save everyone. Now it's breaking down and he's showing more and more how much he cares.

And it's immediately used against him.

The very scenario that got him to open up is placed in front of him again. A child with a bomb around their throat. Only this time Yosano isn't there, and this time Fyodor is orchestrating it.

And Kunikida does everything right. He tells Atsushi to leave and carry on the mission so he can stay and help the child. He gets on the child's level, makes himself small and none threatening. He reassures the child in gentle voice that everything will be okay.

And then, it's the line "How about a magic trick?" that really gets me, because he's trying so hard to present himself as someone trustworthy. And a magic trick is exactly what he pulled off with Aya, but it's what goes wrong here.

Because Fyodor planned it this time. He didn't just target children to get at Kunikida, he made a twisted mockery of what happened to Aya. Except she doesn't live this time and Kunikida can't bring this child any comfort or safety because Kunikida is the threat. This child dies alone and afraid because Kunikida was there, just like Fyodor planned.

Fyodor saw Kunikida bare his heart once and immediately reached in his chest and crushed it.

Dam. Been a year already. Currently trying to stop myself from crying but I think it’s the right time to talk about how I found out. Ready? Ok.

On this day, one year ago, before getting drivin into work, I was reading an sbi fanfic. I saw the author had uploaded a chapter, not even a few minutes earlier and was like “wow omg! That’s so cool”. Anyway it wasn’t a chapter, it was a heartfelt message to techno, and an apology to the readers, since they weren’t sure when they were going to post again.

I was obviously like “what?.. no that can’t be true” so I came on here, and the first thing I saw when I looked up his name was a drawing of his cape crown and sword. I wanted to cry but I knew if I did, then I wouldn’t stop, and I had a job to do anyway, so I held it in. Fun fact, I was also going on holiday that weekend too and I hate crying in front of people.

I ended up watching “so long nerds” the Monday after. I sobbed my little heart out.

The Dream SMP was my first time hearing of techno, in 2020, when he first joined Wilbur and Tommy in pogtopia. I thought he was hilarious and I think since then I watched all his YouTube videos. In those two years that I got of him, he grew to mean a lot to me.

And here I am again. 365 days later, trying to stop myself from crying, because I know I won’t be able to stop and I have to go to work. I’m putting off watching a video about his death because I know it’ll make me sob and all I can bring myself to think is “fuck you for dying and fuck cancer for killing you”

Anyway, I better get ready to go to work.

The Bon version of what I did for Sha! :D I want to try Boozoo next but I think it’ll be harder

10 year anniversary Tumblrinas

I just thought about it. Evan (Crying child) watched his dad stuff a dead child’s body into the suit he was inhabiting. Maybe even watched as his dad murdered that child, along with four other children that were (I’m guessing) his age when he died.

since the old version of this post was flagged for ‘adult content’…

reblog this post if your account is a trans safe space or owned by a trans person!

along with that, reblog if your account is a non-binary spectrum safe space or owned by someone on the enby spectrum!

If you couldn’t tell, I’ve been rewatching yhs and drawing along the way. I keep forgetting to post them sooooooo…..

.. <- two ants hanging out

This one’s for you baby cake

*MWAH* ♡~

You just got kissied!! RB to totally kissy your friends!! <3