To Everyone With Sensory Issues:

This puts to words my life and it’s amazing

Adhd symptoms no one talks about:

I cant finish cleaning my room because I can’t organize my desk because I haven’t organized my vanity because I cant organize my vanity because I haven’t organized my closet drawers because I cant organize my closet drawers until I organize my nightstand and I cant do that until I GET A NIGHTSTAND because the space between my really heavy bookshelf full of books and the space between my bed is abnormally narrow BUT TONIGHT WHILE I WAS AT ROSS I found the perfect nightstand so now I can go home and put all the stuff thats supposed to go on and under my nightstand on and under my nightstand and then I can organize the space next to my bed, then I can organize the closet drawers, then im at another impasse because I still need the proper vanity organizational materials; but we have made some achievements tonight boys

bedtime is a very difficult.

hanging out with other ADHD people is such a balm. i can interrupt them midsentence and go “look at that nice duck!!” and they’ll immediately turn around and go “oh my god that is a GOOD duck” instead of just snapping at me to pay attention

The Derivative  Chapter 13: I Know

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 12 

“Well I didn’t exactly have a lot of options” I argued, hopping out of the car. 

“Maybe not but that sounds like an odd one for a snack” Alan stated getting out and grabbing the grocery bag in the back seat. 

“Ugh you sound like my mother” I grumbled as we headed toward the house. 

“Greetings friends” we turned at the call to see Larry walking up the drive. 

“Oh Larry what brings you here?” Alan greeted. 

“Well I was looking for Charles with the intention of spurring him into action on some of the math he promised me” the man explained. 

“Hey Larry you haven’t heard anything about my acceptance at CalSci yet have you?” I asked as we headed to the front door. 

“I’m afraid not but rest assured me and your uncle are keeping our ears to the metaphorical ground for any word from the admission board” Larry replied. 

I let off groan “I hate waiting” 

“Don’t worry, I'm sure they’ll accept you. You’re a great student” Alan assured me. 

“Well who knows I mean the school does get similar applications from young gifted applicants each year so” the physicist ended his statement with a shrug. 

I let out a breath still very anxious about the whole thing “thank you for that Larry” Gramps muttered with an annoyed edge as he opened the front door. “Hey Charlie” 

We headed into the house to see Charlie sitting at the table looking over some papers with a woman. “Hey, this is officer Morris of the California Highway patrol” the professor introduced the woman who smiled. Then he gestured to us “this is my father, my niece, and Dr. Fleinhardt” 

“Oh, please don’t tell me you got another speeding ticket?” Alan joked. 

“Actually your son’s helping me with an accident investigation” Officer Morris explained rising from her seat to shake my grandfather’s hand and then Larry’s, then mine “we’re trying to figure out what caused it.” 

“I didn’t know you were consulting for the CHP. Are you?” Alan inquired. 

“Don’s case” Charlie clarified. 

“Oh so this is why he ditched me here instead of taking me to the movies on his day off like he promised” I spoke with a slight edging looking at the documents laid out on the table. 

“Yeah? What sort of accident involved the FBI?” Larry questioned. 

“Prison bus crash” Morris informed. 

“The one I saw on the news.” Gramps inferred. “The bus with the escaped convicts? Don is working on that, huh?” Alan muttered the last bit as he sat down the grocery bag. 

“Yeah. Why?” Charlie questioned most likely sensing the same change in Alan’s demeanor as I had. 

“Oh nothing” Alan brushed the matter off as Larry took a seat at the table “it’s just that your brother was working on fugitive recovery once for a while, uh, anyway” he shook his head. 

“Appears to be basic Newtonian mechanics” Larry observed “the stuff of first-year engineering students. Now why are these elementary equations so captured your imagination?” 

“Well, the confluence of so many unrelated factors coming together at a given point in time” Charlie explained “it’s actually quite a fascinating approach to Bayesian inference as applied to the analysis of time series data.” 

“Yeah well as far as I know anytime an accident happens it’s because somebody made a mistake” Alan declared. “Am I right?” 

“Actually most car crashes happen because of one overestimating their own ability, to make a turn or get through a light. Willing choices that’s why the common public word accident is a misnomer and reports call them crashes.” I informed absently then paused as all the adults’ eyes shifted to me “I read it once” I shrugged. 

“This coming from the girl who doesn’t even have a license” Alan pointed out and I shot him a glare.  

“Either way that’s what we’re trying to figure out.” Morris spoke up “whether there was a mistake and what it was” 

“The answer’s not that simple” Charlie voiced as Alan pulled out his sandwich and went to open a beer I reached around him to grab my sandwich from the bag. “I mean, coincidences are a mathematical reality. Statistically unlikely events can and often do occur. Just look at the genesis of our planet.” 

“Well now, I agree that the factors that brought about life on earth were statistically unlikely” Larry mused “but given the vastness of the cosmos, the limitless possibilities for matter and energy. I’m with Einstein on this. There are no accidents.” 

____________

“I can understand the fascination of kinematic equations when working alongside an attractive female police officer” Larry voiced as we watched Charlie set up his little reenactment. “But, all the lawn equipment?” 

“What you said about the confluence of the cosmos triggered a thought” Charlie explained “Abby you’re sitting in the road” he muttered shoeing me away so he could set down a skateboard. I scooted over to the side of the path. 

“Ah, note to self: Never talk quantum theory again.” Larry voiced. 

“The initial velocity of the bus barely exceeds that of the flatbed.” Charlie elaborated “the gap between them closing slowly, approximately two feet per second.” he moved the wheel barrel up. 

“And then along comes the skateboard?” Larry questioned. 

“That’s right, the pick up truck” Uncle C confirmed “the pick up truck pulls along the right side of the bus” he demonstrated with the skateboard’s movement. “Its velocity is 13 miles per hour greater than that of the bus. Now at this point the gap between the bus and the flatbed truck is at least..” he paused reaching for the paper in the wheelbarrow. 

“84 feet” I supplied having seen the paper. 

“Okay, that’s ample enough room for the pickup to safely maneuver in front of the bus” Larry declared. 

“However” Charlie objected, continuing to manipulate the lawn equipment “the gap suddenly closed. The pickup veers in front of the bus forcing the bus to maneuver and hit the guardrail which causes it to torque and flip onto its side” I tilted my head as Charlie turned the wheelbarrow over. 

“How did that gap close so quickly between the bus and the flatbed?” Larry inquired. 

“Acceleration or deceleration” I voiced. 

“Precisely.” Charlie nodded “two possibilities. One, the bus greatly increased its velocity.” 

“No no no” Larry dissuaded that idea “given the mass of the bus, that’s extremely unlikely.” 

I craned my neck as I saw Don’s car pulling up to the house. “Or two, the flatbed truck reduced its speed at the critical moment, causing the pickup to veer in front of the bus.” 

“That’s it” Larry determined with the snap of his fingers “the flatbed slowed down”

“That’s right,” Charlie agreed. 

“And that doesn’t mean anything good” I muttered letting out a breath. 

“It would also mean” Larry mused. 

“A Markov chain” Charlie finished the thought. 

“Exactly” Larry muttered. 

“Gentlemen and lady” Don greeted us as he walked up “what’s all this?” he looked over the reenactment. 

“Just trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense” Charlie explained. 

“Thought that’s what you do best,” Don sighed. “What, uh, what’s the problem?” 

“Well, apparently, that seed spreader” Larry voiced. 

Don gave a confused look and Charlie quickly jumped in “t-the flatbed truck” 

“What- what about it?” Don inquired. 

“The crash wasn’t an accident” Charlie informed. “Don, it was staged.” 

“You’re sure?” Don pressed. 

“Mathematically certain” I declared Don shot me a look “it’s lawn equipment and simple math please don’t lecture me on not helping” 

Don sighed “fine later” he grumbled then turned to Charlie “think you can work up a model to show at the office?” 

“That’s an easy matter of imputing these findings into a computer simulation” Charlie explained. 

“Maybe the cute CHP lady officer can help you” I teased my uncle. 

“Cute CHP lady officer?” Don questioned turning to his brother who shot me an annoyed look. 

“It’s not like that,” Charlie objected. 

“Sure Charles, sure” Larry murmured and we all shared a laugh at the mathematician's expense. 

________________

3rd POV. 

“All these different events and factors from the initial velocity of the bus to its final torque” Charlie explained to Don and Agent Cooper “all of these create what’s called a Markov Chain.” 

“What kind of Chain?” Cooper questioned. 

“Markov. A sequence of random values where the probabilities at any given time depend on the values at a previous time.” Charlie attempted to elaborate “the controlling factor in a Markov chain is called the transitional probability. Now in this case the bus reaches a certain point in the road just as the truck blocks the lane, just as the pickup cuts off the bus.” the professor gestured to his diagram. 

“Which tells you it wasn't an accident?” Don asked with minor confusion. 

“Bayesian statistics and the Chapman-Kolmogorov equation tell me that.” Charlie clarified. 

“Are you sure you’re his brother?” Billy joked to Don. 

“Yeah, you think he’s freaky smart you should meet my kid” Don replied off handedly focusing on Charlie and missing the double take Cooper gave him. 

“If the flatbed truck had maintained its initial velocity, well then the pickup should have enough space to roam freely past the bus safely.” Charlie continued “but it didn’t.” he pressed a button going to the next image “the truck slowed down just as the right moment just as the pickup timed its move, forcing the bus to veer violently and overturn.” 

“So the pickup driver and the flatbed guy are in on it,” Don deduced. 

“Only the gardener’s missing” Cooper muttered. 

“Let’s go find that truck driver” Don declared getting up and Billy following after him. “Good job Charlie thanks” 

Don and Cooper exited the meeting room and headed through the bullpen. “So uh that comment about you having a kid that serious?” Billy asked as they paused by Don’s desk so he could grab his jacket. 

Don let off a breath, his brain somehow just realizing that his former partner would have no way of knowing about Abby appearing in Don’s life a little less than a year ago. “Uh yeah um kind of a long story but uh you remember that girl from college I mentioned Janice Calvin?” Don asked as they headed toward the elevator. 

“Yeah the one left you a note and went back home?” Cooper recalled. 

“Yeah, well, turns out she was pregnant. And what will be a year ago soon I got this knock on my door from a social worker telling me she died and left a kid behind. And my name’s on the birth certificate” Don explained. 

Cooper let off a breath “that’s crazy man.” 

“You’re telling me” Don muttered as they entered the elevator and pressed the button for the lobby. “Still it’s been good having her in my life you know? Her name’s Abby and she just tested out of highschool as a sophomore applied to college for next semester” 

“Really?” Cooper nodded then a slight smirk came to his features “so out of all these geniuses in your family how the heck did you end up like this?” 

“Ah” Don scoffed, giving his friend a shove as the doors opened and they headed out chuckling. 

__________

Abby POV. 

“Why am I here?” I muttered in annoyance. 

“Because I find this interesting,” Alan whispered back. 

“That explains why you’re here, not why I am” I grumbled turning the page of my book. 

“Well, if you’d quiet down you might just learn something” Alan suggested. I sighed and looked up at Uncle Charlie who was standing in front of a black baord that read “Math for Non-Mathematicians''

“Most people believe that they can trust their instincts” Uncle C explained “however, math suggests that our instincts aren’t always correct” he bent down and picked up a couple big white boards and big red X’s off the ground. “We’re gonna play a little game.” he declared, setting out the white cards on stands “I want you all to pretend that we’re on a game show, and I’m your cheesy game show host. And behind one of these cards is a brand new automobile.” he added a joking deepness to his voice at that last line that elicited some laughs from the audience of the class “and behind the other two are goats. Yeah, goats.” I rolled my eyes and turned back to my story.”I’m going to need a volunteer” I glanced up making sure my uncle wasn’t thinking of choosing me as a couple hands went up “come on, more of you than that. Come on.” he encouraged, receiving a couple laughs in response “Julie” he finally selected. “Why don’t you pick one of these cards? Remembering of course the object is to win the car, not the goat.” 

“I’ll take the one in the middle” Julie chose. 

“She takes the middle card” Charlie declared, sticking an X to the card. “And what are the chances that that card is the winning card?” 

“One in three” Julie answered. 

“Three choices, one car. Right?” Charlie clarified “one in three, it’s simple enough, right? Now, here’s where the game’s gonna take a turn. I’m going to reveal to you one of the cards that you did not choose” he reached to the card on the right and flipped it around to reveal a goat “So, we have two cards yet to be revealed. Now, knowing what you know, do you want to switch your choice? Or more importantly for the purposes of this class, does it matter? Will switching your choice improve your chances of winning?” 

“Yes switch it” I muttered under my breath going back to my book. Alan gave me a side look. 

“Well no. because now, two cards it’s 50/50, right?” Julie replied to the teacher. 

“How many people agree with her?” Charlie asked. 

“Don’t raise your hand” I mumbled sarcastically, turning the page of my book. Inevitable people did though most of the class in fact Alan looked around surprised. 

“That’s what your instinct tells you, but you’d be wrong.” Charlie explained. “Switching your cards at this point actually doubles your chances of winning the car.” 

“How?” Julie questioned. 

“Well, since we started out with two goats,” Charlie explained “it’s more likely that your first choice was a goat. What are the odds of choosing the goats?”

“Two out of three” Julie answered. 

“Right. So it’s more likely that this is a goat, less likely that it’s a car” the professor gestured to the center card “and it’s more likely that this card is a car” he pointed to the card on the left. “See switching your choice gives you a two-out-of-three chance of winning the car, rather than the one-out-of-three chance that we all began with.” he revealed the left card as the car to make his point. “Vroom vroom” he joked making the class chuckle. “You won a car, Julie. Congratulations.'' Then Uncle Charlie paused his eyes drifting to the back of the room before he checked his watch. “I think. Yeah, yeah, we’re out of time.” I looked back to see Don standing in the back of the room with another man who I could assume was another agent. “So uh, go home make some of these for yourselves. Put together some reasonable “n” samples, and uh.. Yeah see what happens. I’ll see you all next week. thanks.” 

The students began to disperse and Alan followed my line of sight to Don and the other agent. He got up and I followed him back to the two men. “Hey Dad, what are you two doing here?” 

“Oh I like coming whenever Charlie gives one of these math-for-dummies lectures. It’s the only time I actually understand what he’s talking about” Gramps explained “plus this one needed to get out of the house I couldn’t stand anymore anxious pacing about this acceptance letter” 

“Hey I wasn’t pacing” I objected adjusting my backpack on my shoulders “much” 

“This is Billy Cooper” Don introduced the man next to him. “He’s an agent I work with.” 

“Hi” Alan greeted him with a hand shake “we’ve met before, haven’t we?” 

“oh, yeah.” Don murmured “I couldn’t remember” 

“You worked a case with Don out here once?” Alan guessed. 

“Back in the day, yes, sir” Agent Cooper confirmed and glanced between me and my Grandfather. 

“Donnie, can I talk to you for a minute?” Alan requested. 

“Yeah, sure.” Don agreed and looked to Billy “just give me a second” him and Alan shuffled out of the room. 

Agent Cooper turned to me “you must be Abby then” he inquired and I nodded “uh so your uh old man mentioned that you were some kind of genius like your Uncle” he gestured vaguely to where Charlie was packing up his stuff from class. 

“Um yeah I have a decent IQ and an Advanced Eidetic Memory” I explained shifting on my feet. 

“What’s that mean?” the agent asked. 

“I have near perfect visual memory recall especially when I read” I explained gesturing to the book in my hand. 

“Cool” Cooper nodded and glanced out the doorway to where Don and Alan were still talking. 

“So you work with my dad?” I inquired blinking as the last word came out of my mouth easier than I thought. 

“Yup” Cooper smiled “me and Don actually used to be partners back in the day when he worked fugitive recovery. Made a great team” 

I smiled slightly “that’s cool” 

“Hey agent Cooper” Charlie cut in as he came over to greet the agent. 

________ 3rd POV. 

Don walked with his father out of the room and into the courtyard outside. “Um- wh-what are you doing? What’s going on?” Alan asked, turning to Don once they were out of earshot. 

“What are you talking about?” Don asked, confused. 

“Well, I- I haven’t seen you for days. Not since you dropped Abby off.” Alan pointed out. 

“I’m working,” Don explained. 

“Yeah, I know, Charlie told me.” Alan informed “Are you going back to manhunting now?” 

“Oh, I see. Dad, come on” Don sighed in annoyance. “Don’t. This is one case.” 

“I seem to recall your saying that about only one case once before,” Alan pointed out, “but, if you remember, they were not good days for you, or for me. I mean, we didn’t hear from you for weeks. We didn’t even know where the hell you were.” 

“Dad-” Don tried to interject but failed. 

“You do realize that uh, chasing after someone you could be running away from yourself at the same time” Alan stated. “And now you’re a father Donnie, you have a daughter in there that relies on you and you have a responsibility to her. Have you even talked to her the last couple days?” 

“Yes dad, of course I have'' Don finally interjected agitated. Then he sighed “contrary to what you might think I don’t plan to abandon her” 

Before Alan could respond to that statement or before Don could process the emotions it set forth Charlie was joining them with Abby and Billy right behind him. Don looked at Abby for a moment as Charlie greeted them and asked Alan about his lecture. 

Sometimes it was easy for him to forget she was a kid with how her brain worked and how stubbornly independent she could be. However, with her duct taped and sharpied shoes and ratty backpack she wouldn’t let him buy her replacements for, fading freckles and various superhero and tv show related t-shirts. She really was every bit the teenager her age dictated. A teenager who Don knew needed her father. 

____________

“Hey” Don called walking up as Coop was loading up his car “So you’re out of here?” 

“Heading to Phoenix.” Billy sighed “meth tweaker I been chasing.” 

“No chance we could get you to stick around?” Don asked helping him with the bags “maybe put in for a position around here?” 

“What, and settle down?” Billy chuckled. 

“Hey, it’s not bad Coop, I gotta tell you.” Don advised leaning on the car. 

“You don’t miss it?” Cooper inquired. 

“No. Not really, no” Don shook his head. 

“The rush you get when you’re hauling his ass in,” Coop tempted “your fugitive’s a couple hours ahead of you and you’re closing ground.” 

“Alright, maybe a little,” Don conceded. “Hey, but not being in touch with my family, not being able to talk to anybody, I don’t miss that.” he took a deep breath “I don’t know, I think LA’s good for me.” 

“Well” Coop sighed closing his trunk “plus you’re a dad now” 

Don chuckled “yeah there’s that too” 

“Listen that kid’s lucky to have you.” Billy told him “and if she’s anything like her old man she got a good future ahead of her” 

“Thanks man” Don sighed as the two shook hands walking back toward the drivers side of the car “keep your head down, huh?” 

“I’ll do that,” Billy nodded, getting in his car to leave. 

___________

“You do realize watching out the window isn’t going to make him get here any sooner right?” Alan voiced. 

Abby sighed and slid down to sit on the couch. “What’s taking so long,” she whined. 

“Relax kid,” Don advised, taking a sip of his beer. “He’ll get here soon” 

“Easy for you to say” Abby grumbled. Just then the door of the house opened and the trio sitting in the living room turned as Charlie walked in. 

Abby bounced to her feet. “Do you have it? Do you have it?” she asked eagerly. 

“Hello to you too” Charlie mumbled earning him a glare from his niece. “It’s right here” he held up the letter from the schools admissions office. 

Abby took the letter and looked it over like it was some rare artifact. She let off a slow breath. “You want me to open it?” Don asked after a moment. 

“No,” Abby objected then took a deep breath and tore the envelope open pulling out the paper inside. 

The three men watched as her eyes scanned over it abnormally fast for the average person. Then another second before a large smile spread over her face. 

“I got in” she whispered almost inaudibly then began to repeat it louder jumping up and down in joy “I got in! I got in! I got in!” she stopped and whisked over to where Don was sitting “Dad! Dad! Dad! Look! I even got a scholarship!” 

“I can see that” Don murmured looking at the paper that was thrust into his hand “nice job kid” 

“We knew you could do it,'' Alan encouraged with a smile. 

“I’m going to go call Amita and tell her” Abby declared “this is awesome!” with that she ran from the room. 

“Donnie, uh,” Alan spoke up after a moment “you are aware she just called you dad right? Without uh any snarky backdrop or anything” 

Don smiled lightly eyes still on the acceptance letter “yeah I know” 

Chapter 14 -> 

Ok so I’ve found a way to describe what Neurodivergent Can’t Do Task Mode™ feels like to neurotypicals

So you know how you can’t make yourself put your hand down on a hot stovetop? There’s a part of your brain that stops you from doing that? That’s what Neurodivergent Can’t Do Task Mode™ feels like

Even if we want to do it, there’s a barrier stopping us from doing it, and it’s really hard to override

And why does our brain see the task as a hot stovetop? Because when neurotypicals finish a task, they get serotonin, but we don’t get that satisfaction after completing a task. A neurotypical wouldn’t get serotonin from putting their hand on a hot stovetop, it would just hurt. When we can’t do a task, it’s because our brain knows that the task will hurt (metaphorically) and wants to avoid that.

It’s not that we’re choosing not to do the task, it’s that our brain is physically preventing us from doing it.

Neurotypicals can and should reblog but please don’t add anything

(Sorry/not sorry about the random bolding, it makes it easier for us to read)

i know vitamin c basically neutralizes adhd meds but lemonade good

The person I reblogged this from is super cute and deserves to have a nice day

fuck it. be creative even if you never really *make* anything. write out plot synopses of stories and then move on. design OCs you'll never use. make mood boards and concept art and don't do anything with them. life's too short to forget everything that inspired you and creation doesn't have to be "complete" to be worth the time you put into it.