Rora-s - Rora S.

My Coming Out Story

Disclaimer: Due to the personal nature of this story names have been changed as to not reveal peoples identity.  I’m not sure why I decided to post this story now. It’s something I’ve hadn’t written for awhile but never knew when or where to place it. I’m posting it now and I hope that if someone needs it now in their life they can read it and feel a little better about how things are going.  When I was little I really didn’t have a concept of what gay was. I grew up in a loving christian home with my mechanical engineer turned youth minister mom and my current electrical engineer dad who was also the music leader at church for a number of years. There were also my three siblings of which I was the second oldest. My life revolved around church. It was literally where I went to preschool and I spent at least five days a week there well into my teenage years. 

Growing up in this way wasn’t bad. I had a great community and family. However, that changed. I remember thinking during my elementary school days that I thought of guys and girls the same. The only thing was that I understood that when you get married girls marry guys and vice versa. That’s just how it was and I thought everyone felt the way I did. You just had to pair up like that. 

I had heard the word gay and understood the concept of it when I was in elementary school thanks to my church and one kid at my school. My mom told me he was gay and I didn’t believe it because he was so nice and from what I understood gay meant bad. (He came out when we were in middle school and was one of my inspirations later on.) 

Still the first time I had a personal connection with having that label was when some girls started a rumor that me and one of my best friends who was also female had kissed on the playground during recess. This was an outright lie and my violent tendencies at the time due to (at that time) unmedicated ADHD caused me to lash out and beat up the bully which got me sent to the principal's office. I didn’t tell anyone why I had beat up the girl just that she was being mean to my friend. As I was a frequent flyer in the office at that time they didn’t really question me all that hard anyway. Now that I’m older I can’t really tell you why I didn’t tell anyone what the girls said. Whether I was embarrassed, scared, or just too stubborn to give them an answer I don’t remember I just know I didn’t. 

Fast forward to middle school and I was a far more awkward, less violent teen. At this point I was still pretty unaware of the world around me in regards to the LGBT. I knew that there were some kids in my grade that had come out as LGBT that kid I mentioned before among them. Still to me it was something that was viewed as a bad thing they were sinners. It was all what church had taught me whether it be explicitly by some or implicitly by the majority it was still something I picked up on as a child. 

Then one day my mom told me that we had been invited by two of her friends from college to have lunch with them. It was at one of my favorite little cafes so I was really excited. She told me they were psychologists and that they were together. She also told me they were two men. I was shocked. I didn’t think gay people could have significant relationships like straight people. On top of that I couldn’t imagine my mom -- who by all accounts was the symbol of a perfect godly woman to my entire church community -- could be friends with them. 

Her response to my shock: “We’re christians, they are not, we hate the sin but we love the sinner. Despite being gay they are still good people but since they aren’t christians we can’t hold them to the same standard as us. They simply don’t believe in it.” (I paraphrased but this is the general idea of the conversation) 

It was the first time I had heard such a sentiment and I went into that lunch with a curious perspective. I was still a little shy so I didn’t ask about it but I watched them together, made note of their wedding bands (gay marriage wasn’t legal then but they were symbolic to them), and witnessed their love for each other. After that I started finding myself paying more attention to my peers who had come out. Many of which I ran in the same circles as. The more I watched and interacted and bonded with them the more my bigoted thoughts that gays were these lustful bad people faded and I realized they were normal people. 

That’s when I realized something. Not everyone loves both guys and girls and just picks a side. I learned that bisexuality existed. The next step I took in my journey was repression. I was a christian. Christians were not gay. I was not gay. I could not be gay. I was just imagining it and it’s not a big deal. Afterall I still like guys so we're fine. 

This lasted until my sophomore year of high school, choir class, and a girl with freckles, short multi colored hair, dazzling eyes, and the singing voice of an angel. The panic was real and my emotions would not shut up. I couldn't come to terms with it. With any of it. 

I denied my feelings for most of that year until one day I was with two of my friends. We were all writers and talking about different stories we were working on. Then one of them paused in the middle of what she was saying and turned to me saying “these characters are gay. We know you don’t believe in that stuff but that’s what it is” 

I looked back at her in shock and I responded with “that’s okay. I am a christian and while I might never practice that myself I’m okay with other people doing it. Hate the sin, love the sinner” my friend smiled at me and said that was the first time she’d heard such an accepting thing from a christian and continued telling us about her story as we headed to class. 

I was glad I put a smile on her face and made her feel accepted but honestly I felt like a complete piece of garbage. I’d simply parroted back to hear all the stuff that had been shoved down my throat for my entire life. Did I really believe it though? I couldn’t stop thinking about that conversation for the rest of the week. I also couldn’t stop thinking about that girl from choir class but that was honestly nothing new. 

About a week later our school had standardized testing going on. Which divided up kids into computer labs by grade and last name. Me and one of my guy friends we’ll call him Cane had luckily been seated near each other. During one of our breaks when we were allowed to talk. I went over and leaned on the desk next to him. He vented to me about how he had a crush on one of our mutual friends and was thinking about asking her out but was nervous. I gave him encouragement as best I could then he inquired whether I was interested in anyone. Before I really thought about it I answered yes. He asked who and after only a few moments of deliberation I admitted that it was the girl from my choir class. He acknowledged and agreed that she was cute before continuing on. I looked at him in surprise and pointed out to him that she was female. He said he knows and that it wasn’t that big of a deal if I liked girls. I thanked him and asked him not to tell anyone because I still wasn’t sure. He agreed to keep it under wraps but did tease me a little for my crush. 

After that conversation. I finally took the leap and began to look up the LGBT community online. I found forums and support centers and ted talks and messages and christians saying that LGBT was okay. I was ecstatic but still I was worried so I prayed and the more I prayed and researched and talked with other LGBT people the more I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my chest. Finally I could admit to myself that I was in fact bisexual and I was okay with that and so was my God. 

I still wasn’t comfortable coming out to anyone yet. So I spent more time on online forums for LGBT youth and writers. I learned about the community and I embraced my crush on the girl in choir. Even though it didn’t pan out and I fell for a boy we’ll call him Reese and started dating him my junior year. It felt like things were going okay. I was able to tell one of my friends call them Alex finally that year and they intern told me that they were asexual. We were able to support each other in our closets and were happy. 

During my Junior year even though my feelings for the choir girl faded I ended up meeting another girl in my Fire and Rescue class at the career education center that partnered with my high school. We’ll call her Polly. She was an incredible person, bright and beautiful and unabashedly herself all the time. We bonded over marvel movies and writing. Even though I was dating Reese at the time I was falling head over heels for this girl. It took me a while to figure it out as slowly me and Polly became better friends but I was developing feelings for her.

Finally, my senior I got the courage (with support of Alex) to come out to my main friend group. It was at a marching band competition and everyone was super supportive. My best friend you can call her April she said she wasn’t surprised and Reese who was still my boyfriend at the time said he loved me and would always support me and this didn’t change that. I even came back out to Cane again because I had genuinely forgotten that he already knew. He reminded me of what he said that day. That it didn’t matter and he wouldn’t tell a soul. They were all proud of me for owning who I was. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

However, it couldn’t last. When I was telling April one of the band mom’s overheard and gave me a shocked and disgusted look. She didn’t say anything but she didn’t have to. She was known for being the gossip of the group and she was a religious friend of my moms. If she had overheard then it was only a matter of time before she told my mother. 

I was terrified. When I got home from the competition I watched my mom to see if she was going to react at all to me. She didn’t and I realized she hadn’t been told yet. I was relieved but knew that I wanted to be the one to tell my mom. I didn’t want her to hear it from a secondary source, especially not the gossip. So I got on one of my forums and talked to some LGBT friends who encouraged me before I took a deep breath and headed into my parents room. 

My dad was away on business so it was just my mother. I told her I had something to tell her and she gave me her attention. I explained that I had come to accept myself as I am and that I knew God had also accepted me as the way I am. I told her I was bisexual and waited watching her. 

She stared at me for a long moment. Her face was a mixture of confusion and fear and the next words out of her mouth I will never forget she asked “does this mean you’re going to hell?” 

I felt like someone had just pulled the floor out from under me. She didn’t understand and spent the next couple minutes trying to convince me I was mistaken or that this was wrong. We stayed civil and eventually she just said she needed to process this and sent me back to my room. I cried myself to sleep that night. 

The next day at school I told my friends what happened and they comforted me. When I got back from school and band practice I hid in my room until that evening when my father got home from his business trip. He came to my door and told me we needed to talk. My younger sisters were banished to their room as me, my mom, and my dad - who had been told by my mom - sat in the living room to discuss the fact that I was gay. 

Shortly after starting the conversation/argument a boy (Derek) who was like my older brother came over. He wasn’t biologically related to us but he had a key to the house, would often come over, referred to us as his siblings/parents, and was referred to by us as our brother/son. Me and him were very close and despite my parents wanting to send him to the other room I insisted he stay as things had already begun to get heated between me and my father. 

Derek helped keep the tension down but there was still plenty of yelling. He acted as an impartial mediator for most of it. My dad yelled a lot, my mother cried, I both yelled and cried. It was a rough night. It ended with me storming back to my room. A while later Derek came to my room and talked with me. He explained that he didn’t understand or know if he agreed with it but he’d make the effort and be there for me. I thanked him.

My house after that was tense to say the least. My parents avoid the subject at all costs. My sisters knew thanks to the yelling that night but didn’t comment on it. The next time my mom brought it up was to tell me that I couldn’t tell my cousin about it because she would spread it to the rest of my dad’s side of the family. She also said I couldn’t tell her mother, my grandmother, because she had a heart condition and it could kill her. Sometimes I still wonder how my grandmother would have reacted had I told her before she died. She once told me she had a friend who was gay and that she cared about him deeply. I think she would have accepted me. 

The first time my siblings brought it up was when me and my two younger sisters were left in the car while my mom ran into the store. We were listening to music and chatting when my sister asked “so how long did you know you were bi” I was surprised because up until then I hadn’t realized my sisters knew I was bisexual. I explained it to them briefly and asked what they thought of it. They both said they agreed that people should be able to love who they want to love. Though my sister Greta thought it was kinda gross because she didn’t get how two of the same gender could have sex. Still it didn’t change anything for them and they apologized for how our parents had been handling it. I was so thankful for their support. 

By the end of my senior year I was out and proud to all of my peers. I came out to my friend Hannah and Derek's girlfriend Mary at the same time as a casual drop in a conversation. Neither reacted at the time but asked me about it later. Mary more directly wanting to understand as both her and Derek are very religious. While Hannah was more of making a comment about me eyeing a girl that I had a crush on and being obvious. I can’t remember when I came out to my older brother James who lives in a different city. However, he never really questioned it beyond being tense when I brought it up around our parents. I was becoming bold in my identity. I had even written a love poem about about girl (Polly) for an english class assignment to stick it too a homophobic teacher. 

I ended up breaking up with Reese pretty early on my senior year as I realized what I felt for Polly. To this day I still consider my feelings for her the first time I fell in love with someone. I cared about Reese deeply and still do but only ever as a friend. Since we were in middle school people had been pushing us together and while we fit together on paper and from the outside. My feelings inside didn’t match and I didn’t want to lead him on. Polly was the one I truly wanted to be with but the same couldn’t be said for her. She had met a boy in her senior year and they were starting to talk. She really liked him and I was her main confidant for her feelings. I took them and I encouraged her to pursue a relationship with the boy because I knew she felt for him more than she did for me. She loved me but only as a friend. As her and her boyfriend got closer I worked to let go of my feelings for her gradually. 

Meanwhile my parents were like a looming dark cloud and it felt like I was stuck in a cage of some sort anytime I left the shelter of my friends. This only got worse when I graduated that spring and summer rolled around. I tried to get out of the house as much as possible but I didn’t drive and this made things difficult. The relationship between me and my parents began to get more and more strained to the point I almost ran away one night after my mom punched me. 

I began to view leaving for college that fall to be the holy land. My montra became that if I could only survive the summer I could make it. Me and my friend Hannah were going to the same college and going to be roommates. I was going to get to study what I loved and be who I was. I went into survival mode. Then the biggest mental strain hit. 

Every year since I was nine years old I went to church camp for a week in the summer. I had been going longer than I was supposed to because my mom was a leader of the camp and my whole family got to go even Derek and Mary. Normally Hannah would come as well but she had something else come up that year and couldn’t. I knew the place very well and absolutely loved it. It was a time of year I looked forward to and couldn’t wait to go back too especially since I was now a worker at the camp instead of just a camper. 

This year was tougher than most. I was given a lecture about not telling anyone that I was bisexual before I left because if they found out I was gay I wouldn’t be allowed to come back to camp. I was horrified at the idea and tried my best not to think about it. Even when I got a crush on my fellow female camp worker. It was a stressful week and it all culminated one night. 

I can’t tell you whether I believed what I felt in that moment. It all felt like a blur like I was about to shatter under the weight of everything bearing down on me all the lying and fighting. I think part of me wanted to believe that me being gay could be prayed away that night and that I could just stop having to deal with all this pressure. So that’s what happened. I told one of my leaders and they asked me a bunch of questions like had I kissed a girl or had sex and then they prayed for me.  

Afterward I told my mom and she literally cried about it hugging me and thanking God that I was healed. I felt sick and I threw up before I went to sleep that night. 

I went to college that summer as a straight girl and I held on to that label for most of my first semester. I loved college. Me and my roommate/best friend Hannah met three great friends that first semester, Sylas, Kurt, and Randall. Sylas was busy a lot so we mostly hung out with Kurt and Randall. All of us played D&D together and had movie nights. Me and Hannah also found a christian group on campus and got settled there. 

I thought I was happy with my life however I still felt sick and disjointed anytime the concept of homosexuality got brought up. It was a hard time and I prayed about it alot. I talked to some of my church friends about how I had turned back to straight. Until one day a video ended up in my recommendations and it was a ted talk. I clicked on it not realizing what it was and found that it was a gay christan woman talking about how these two factors don’t have to be mutually exclusive in life. I was riveted, I watched the entire video twice and felt my heart be convicted. God never wanted me to be straight; he never wanted me to change who I was. I loved me how I was. It was the people who had the problem. 

The minute Hannah got back to the dorm I came back out to her. Her exact words were “ah so you finally figured that out”. I was so grateful to have her in my life and we talked for hours after that. Not long after I started coming out to people again and in turn Randall came out to us about how he was bisexual as well. I finally felt free again. Going back home that winter was tough, however, it was made better by the support of my friends with regular skype calls and group chat messages. Not to mention since my parents thought I was straight they weren’t pressuring me anymore. 

When I went back to school things were still going great and I ended up meeting a girl named Eve in my EMT class. We immediately hit it off and started talking. It wasn’t long before I formed a huge crush on her but she was getting over a break up and I didn’t want to push. Still we became extremely close. Eventually, she did start dating a guy me and Hannah knew from a gamers club on campus. I had missed my shot. Then I went home for spring break and had to stay due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It was hard being away from my friends and stuck in my parents house. Still we all had regular skype D&D sessions and texted a lot on the groupchat. 

During the months I was stuck at home I got a job working at the local Home Depot. I was excited to work as it was my first real job. My grandmother had owned a family business but I didn’t do much other than stock shelves there. Here I was a cashier and I enjoyed my job a lot even though it could get crazy. Then one day I was at my register and a fellow coworker I was aware worked in the paint department approached my register with a polar pop and asked where her wife was. I was confused and she noticed I was new and said not to worry about it and have a good day. I watched after her and saw her go up and greet my head cashier who was a female and give her the polar pop before heading back to the paint department. I was astounded. 

Not long after I had it confirmed that her and the female head cashier were married. Another cashier came out to me as non-binary and another cashier told me her brother was gay and she’d be the loudest ally ever if anyone tried to mess with me. I felt accepted like nothing else. It was incredible to feel so validated and free to be myself in my workplace. 

Going back to school that fall was difficult due to COVID-19. Me and my friends (Polly as well as she began attending college with us that year) could no longer host D&D at my and Hannah’s dorm like we did before because of the regulations. Thankfully Eve came up with a solution. She was the only one of us who lived off campus in a house she rented. We were welcome there anytime. I still had a massive crush on her and when I found out she had broken up with her boyfriend over the summer I almost asked her out. However, another guy had beaten me to it. We ended up going over to Eve’s house multiple times a week and I would go even when the rest of the group wasn’t before long I was sleeping over at her house regularly. Often when it wasn’t even planned. I was even dubbed the most responsible friend by her grandmother who absolutely loved me. 

Then her boyfriend at the time dumped her. The entire group rallied to comfort and support her. She took it really hard and I stayed over for a weekend to make sure she was alright. My feelings really started to grow as we got more physically intimate with cuddling and laying in bed together still it was all considered platonic. I really wanted to ask her out but didn’t know when it was too soon. Hannah and Polly both encouraged me to ask her out. 

Then another boy showed up in her life. I was greatly concerned and disheartened as their relationship was progressing in her typical pattern. I thought I had missed my chance. However, the boy made a fatal mistake as Eve is demisexual. She doesn’t like moving into physical contact beyond cuddling too quickly if at all and he started to push her to kiss him. She immediately stopped the relationship after he made overt moves that disregarded her clearly made boundaries and he was derogatory toward her. 

About one or two weeks later I was over at her house one evening and we were talking about him and dating and life. I finally took a deep breath and told her there was something I needed to tell her and I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. I confessed to her that I liked her and wanted to date her. I didn’t ask her out specifically though because she has told me in the past she has trouble saying no so I left out the question and simply told her how I felt to do with what she felt was right. 

She was shocked and immediately started smiling saying she liked me too. I was elated. We talked more about how we had been feeling and how we had both been worried about what the other would say and how she had been blind to my pining which apparently her last serious boyfriend had picked up on and was why he dumped her. (He later told her that he saw how we were together and began to see that me and her fit better than him and her and he wanted us to be together.) We started dating that night and I immediately called Hannah and Polly to tell them the news joking that since I couldn’t tell my parents that I wanted to tell them and they jokingly responded by giving Eve a talking to about not hurting me. 

The next couple months were ups and downs but me and Eve had each other to support and our relationship was very steady. One night when I was having a depressive episode because of my school situation (I was failing my virtual classes). I called my brother James to vent to him. While he was comforting me I told him that I had a girlfriend and he was immediately accepting, asking all about her and acting like it was normal until I brought it up specifically her being female. He assured me it didn’t matter and that he still wanted to meet her but wouldn’t tell my parents. 

That winter I had to go home again for break which would be a couple months. Eve gave me her spare PS4 and a headset so we could play games together long distance and we spent our last couple days together as much as we could. Prior to me leaving she surprised me with necklaces for us that were each half of the star wars rebels symbol. Her’s had the phrase “I love you” engraved on it and mine had the phrase “I Know”. 

That winter I missed her even after going back to work and finding that another character that is a part time drag queen got added to the staff. They also pretty much adopted me and my head cashier came out to me as gender-fluid. All of them were proud to hear I had a girlfriend and I was finally able to tell someone not my family all about her. I missed her a ton. So me and Eve came up with a plan. 

After some figuring with my parents she was able to come visit for a couple days between Christmas and New Years as my “good friend”. It was a great time. My three siblings that were there all knew she was my girlfriend, my little sisters having figured it out when the three of us were talking. One of my sister Georgie admitted that she was considering herself to maybe be asexual and my sister Greta (who at one point said being gay was gross) came out to me as also being bisexual. We all are able to support each other. 

Eve’s visit went really well and my parents adored her and she adored my parents. Though it was stressful especially right after she left and my grandmother who was visiting asked -- at the dining room table where me, my grandparents, my parents, and all my siblings were sat-- “did your girlfriend leave?” There was a split second where me and my siblings shared a telepathic moment of panic before remembering that in my grandmother’s vernacular she simply meant my friend that was a girl and I simply answered yes. 

As winter break moved along I began to discuss other options with my parents about my schooling. With my ADHD and my manner of learning, virtual classes were not working for me. I had failed most of my online classes meanwhile being near the top of my classes in my in person classes. It was an obvious disparity the only exception being my math class which was a hybrid class and I will admit was a failure mostly due to my lack of ability to understand math. 

I’d already been considering the idea since my depressive episode calling James who’d been the one to suggest it during the fall semester. But now the conversation was whether or not I would sit out the spring semester. After some discussion and the fact that I didn’t have a job in my college town but did at home and Hannah wouldn’t be coming back to school after graduating early. Meaning I wouldn’t have a roommate. (Polly and me had a fight and are not on speaking terms). The decision was finally made I would not be returning to college in the spring. 

It was a hard decision and I had to tell Eve. I took sometime to figure out what I would say since I knew it was going to be hard. Finally I worked out the words and told her that was going to be gone for longer than planned. I knew long distance would be hard and suggest we try to make plans to stay in closer contact with each other that way it wouldn’t be as bad. I’d told her when we first started dating that communication was the most important thing to me in a relationship. 

A week passed and we didn’t really discuss it as we were both busy with our individual jobs. Then I got a text from her saying she wanted to talk. The next text I received was her breaking up with me. She said she didn’t want to be the only one making the effort to see each other since she had a car and license and I didn’t. She further said she didn’t want me to feel like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship since she was into physical intimacy. She’d decided we should break up and that was that. But she still wanted to be friends because she liked my family. 

I was very placated in my response. It was a complete shock. Both because it was over text and also it had seemingly come from nowhere. She’d never communicated such feelings to me. 

I reassured her that I never felt like I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship. I also told her we could still be friends but that it would take us time to figure out our balance with each other. 

I called texted James when it happened and he asked if I was okay. I responded with I don’t know and he immediately called me. We talked for a while and he comforted me about the situation. The next person I told was Alex. They comforted me as well and we figured out a day where we could hang out, watch movies and eat ice cream as the normal break up fix it. I was grateful for both their support. 

I was hurt by Eve’s actions. I took a risk bringing her to my home with my parents. If they had found anything out about us. I don’t know what would have happened and to call it quits without even trying to work through it or communicate how she was feeling. It felt like I wasn’t worth the effort of her feelings or time and investment. 

I’d made the first draft of this before the break up and the ending had read “I hope one day I will be be to get support from my parents as well but even if I can’t, I hope that I will st least be able to be my true self around them and introduce Eve as my girlfriend” 

That’s changed now. I don’t just hope that I can introduce someone as my girlfriend I hope that whoever I bring home will be accepted by my family for who they are and me for who I am. I’m not straight. I never have been. I might marry a man someday I might marry a woman but whoever I bring home. I will still be bisexual and I will never stop trying to be a voice for those who can’t speak up. Once I’m not under my parents roof. I hope I can live my true life and help those who have been muzzled and closeted for far to long as I have.

This! I love when I hear someone say I’m great writer. But I’m inspired by people who comment about the details about a fic I’ve written! What they like about the characters or how they connect. It’s so motivating and simply seeing a comment like this makes my entire day!

THE MISCONCEPTION ABOUT COMMENTING ON FIC

I’ve read all kinds of posts both from writers and readers lamenting about comments on fic. Authors are upset when they don’t get any, readers don’t know what kinds of comments to leave, etc. And it finally clicked in my brain why I think a lot of people don’t bother writing comments. 

And this is what it boils down to:

Writers do not want praise.  We just want to talk about our story. 

I can’t speak for everyone obviously - but I think the majority of writers don’t care so much for the “omg you’re a brilliant writer!!” comments as much as we just want to hear your thoughts on the story. Even if it’s just your thoughts as you’re reading of “oooh x happened! I can’t believe y said this! What’s going to happen now that z has happened?!” We literally just want to talk about what we’ve written like you would with a friend about a tv show. We’re not out here demanding praise like some entitled narcissist. 

While praising our writing skills or writing style is appreciated, it doesn’t need to be said on every fic and every chapter that you read. If you regularly comment on someone’s work that’s telling enough that you like our technique. Readers shouldn’t feel pressured to have to praise a writer’s abilities every time they want to comment. 

In the grand scheme of things, talking about the fic/chapter is actually more helpful to us writers instead of spewing praise. It’s the same with artwork. As nice as it is that people tell me “wow your art is so pretty!” it’s a LOT more useful to me to get comments like “I love their expressions!” or “the lighting on this is gorgeous!” because then I know WHAT people are liking about it. If no one ever comments on my backgrounds, I now know what to improve. If most people comment on liking the expressions, I now know the strong points of my art and can use it to my advantage to make even better art in the future. 

The same goes for fic. If multiple people tell me they liked a certain part of the story I now know that things similar to that are a hit. It’s feedback I can use to improve the story and give my readers more of what they want. Without that I have no idea what they like about the fic.

Talking with a writer about their story also gives them inspiration!! Nothing gets us more in the mood to work on a fic than to have people wanting to talk about it. A lot of times just talking about one of my fics with someone will give me that push to continue working on it. Getting a comment that just says “great chapter” or “you’re a great writer” doesn’t do much to motivate us to continue that particular fic. But if you talk about the story and the characters it gives us motivation to continue working on it, may even give us ideas for future chapters. I would hope that those of you with “comment anxiety” find this approach so much easier than trying to praise the writer every time you read.

So that fic the author hasn’t updated in forever that you’re dying to read? Talk to them about the fic and the elements of the story! It will make the writer want to talk to you about it and will get their mind thinking about it, hopefully inspiring them to continue where they left off. Fics that are left in silence are more likely to be abandoned or even deleted because nothing feels worse than putting your heart into a story to have no one say anything about it. 

TLDR; Writers do not want praise, we just want to talk with our readers about the story itself, and these are the kinds of comments that inspire us to keep writing more. 

reminder to:

straighten your back

go pee goddAMN IT STOP HOLDING IT

go take your meds if you need to

drink some water

go get a snack if you havent eaten in a while

maybe wander around the house/stretch a little if you’ve been sat at the computer a while (artists especially: sTRETCH THOSE WRISTS)

reply to that text/message from earlier you’d forgotten about

maybe send a nice lil message to someone having a bad day?

Happiness Will Come To You.

The person I reblogged this from is super cute and deserves to have a nice day

The Derivative Chapter 3: Balance

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 2 

I trudged into my grandfather's house and ungracefully collapsed on the sofa. Charlie who was doing work on the coffee table looked over at me with an amused expression. “Hello” 

“Hello” I murmured, my arm draped over my face. 

“School that bad huh?” Charlie asked. 

“High school sucks when you’re a genius” I declared exasperatedly thinking back to the extensive argument I had with my english teacher over the wording of a phrase. 

“High school sucks for almost everybody” Charlie sighed continuing to work. 

Moments later I heard my grandfather enter the room so I sat up. “Hey” he greeted us both with a nod but gave me a confused look “I didn’t think you were coming here today. Not that I’m not glad to see you” he quickly added the last bit.

I shrugged and gave a small smile “got a text from Don while I was in class telling me to come here today and he cleared it with the school so I could get on the bus. Here I am” 

“Guess that means he’ll be working late” Alan muttered then looked to Charlie again who was shifting papers trying to cover some of his work “no classes today?” he inquired of the mathematician. 

“Nah” Charlie objected. 

“You working on something for Don?” Alan asked, eyeing his son's work. 

“It’s a um.. It’s a genetics project” Charlie answered “for a… for a friend in the bio department actually.” 

“A he or a she?” Alan asked as he adjusted the jacket he’d just put on. 

“Huh?” Uncle C looked to his father in confusion. 

“Your friend. Male or female?” Alan clarified and I rolled my eyes. 

“Does it matter?” Charlie scoffed with mild annoyance. 

“No, of course not I was just curious.” Alan murmured “I just thought maybe, you know…” Alan trailed, finishing his thought with a pointed look rather than words. 

“Well, listen. Dad, whenever I have a girlfriend, I will let you know by, um” Charlie paused a moment ”by putting a note on the refrigerator” I scoffed as Charlie chuckled.

“Good. Well, that’s nice.” Alan muttered then glanced up at me “what about you, any social progress?” 

I rolled my eyes laying back down on the couch “I don’t have any friends let alone romantic entanglements” 

“Touche” Alan scoffed “though you should try and work on that” 

“I hear that a lot,” I grumbled. 

Alan hummed in reply as he headed for the door. “Uh, where you going right now?” Charlie asked. 

“My book club” Alan replied easily. 

“Mm-hmm and where’s that?” Charlie asked. I rolled my head to look over at my uncle, curious as to why he was so curious. 

“Phil’s house.” Gramps explained “Raymond Avenue. You keeping track of me?” 

“No” Charlie chuckled “I’m just curious” 

“Oh” Alan muttered and gave me a look I just shrugged. 

Charlie reopened his laptop as Alan left. Though I notice him shifting his things slightly to block my view. I sat up slowly “genetics project right? About what?” I reached out to turn the laptop around. 

“No!” the man quickly snapped smacking my hand lightly with his pencil to ward me off as he closed the device quickly. “Just don’t look at that,” he said quickly. 

“Why not?” I questioned. 

“It’s uh… it’s my friends research” he spoke frantically as he gathered up his things “and- and they don’t want anyone else really looking at it alright so I’ll just- I’ll just go work somewhere else” He’d gathered up all his things in a frantic cluster and scurried from the room. 

“Okay then” I muttered looking after him. He was hiding something, that was obvious. However, I didn’t care that much to snoop around right now. So I laid back down on the couch for a well deserved after school nap. 

____________

“So what? Traffic downtown’s always terrible.” Gramps defended as Don and Charlie attempted to deter him from going to volunteer. 

“Well it’s worse than usual” Don explained, “There's a Sig Alert because of an accident on the 2, and you’ll blow your whole day in the car.” 

“Well it’s not like I’ll be alone. I'll have Abby with me to chat” Alan said looking back at me from where I was reading on the floor. 

“What?” I asked, perplexed. 

“You’re coming to help me. We talked about it yesterday” Alan explained then sighed as I continued to give him a blank look “you know you may remember everything you read but speaking to you it’s in one ear and out the other” I just shrugged in response, taking a bite of my apple snack and looking back to the book I was reading. 

“And also downtown there’s that, uh…? Charlie looked to his brother for help and they began to talk over each other. 

“Yeah, there’s that protest march” Don explained. 

“Over on uh…” Charlie again teetered off as Don spoke more. 

“It’s a big deal they’re expecting thousands of people” 

“It’s a big deal” Charlie reiterated “meanwhile you could be doing something fun. Hey, hey like I don’t know you could go bowling” everyone in the room turned to the youngest Eppes man in mild confusion. 

“Bowling?” Alan questioned then sighed “Abby come on” he gestured and I rose from my place sitting reluctantly. 

“Or golf” Don spoke quickly “you keep saying you’re going to play golf.” I slid past the brothers “it’s a beautiful day for a round or two” 

“It’s been two years since I retired,” Gramps told them “and almost a year since your mother died. Now I’m finding there are certain things I would like to do with my life. And one of them is to volunteer where people need me and another to spend time with my lovely granddaughter” he rested a hand on my shoulder “I’ve made, and though she might not remember it, Abby made a commitment to be someplace today and if that means sitting in my car, fine. But I’m certainly not going to skip out to go golfing or bowling” Alan started to lead me toward the door. 

“What if we told you…” Charlie began

“Charlie” Don interrupted his brother with a warning tone repeating his name multiple times as he continued to speak.

“There’s a really good reason you shouldn’t.” Charlie finished. 

Don shot him a glare but his eyes flashed to meet mine before softening as he looked back to his brother. 

“Well clearly there’s something you’re not telling us” Alan inferred. 

“Does it have to do with the math Uncle C tried to hide from me?” I asked softly and the brother’s exchanged a look. Charlie’s looking rather apologetic. 

“That you can’t tell us,” Gramps clarified. “But you don’t want us to go downtown?” 

“Yeah” Don finally voiced “I think it’s a good idea not to go downtown. Okay? Can we leave it at that?” 

Alan paused for a moment and I looked at each of the men “well I’ll take your concerns under consideration.” With that he turned and headed toward the kitchen. 

There was a beat of silence and I let off a breath “you know I really hate secrets” I muttered, shooting a look at Don who opened his mouth to respond but before he could I had turned to leave the room I heard him sigh in defeat as I walked away. 

_________

3rd POV. 

Don sighed as Abby stormed off abandoning whatever feeble excuse he was about to make. “Wish we could tell dad and Abby not to leave the house for a couple weeks.” Charlie voiced. 

“Right. Well, good luck with that.” Don muttered in annoyance “I may be new at this parenting thing but even I can guess that quarantining a sixteen year old girl isn’t going to work.” 

“I’ve gone months without leaving the house in the past” Charlie explained “and it’s not like Abby has friends to visit” 

Don scoffed “yeah guess her being antisocial does help with this” Don let off a breath trying to quell the balloon of anxiety that was his parental instincts before they exploded. Charlie shrugged slightly and Don found even the gesture annoying right now with his younger brother “bowling” he muttered turning to leave. 

“Yeah bowling” Charlie called after him, agitation also apparent in his voice. 

Don headed into the house after his daughter, he found her in his old room with her nose in a book. “Listen,” he began “I don’t want you going to the shelter with your grandfather alright and that’s the end of it” 

“No it’s not” Abby objected, snapping her book closed and sitting up “if I want to go help people I can. Especially since Gramps already said I could and so did you before you started acting all weird and keeping stuff from me.” 

“Abby it’s not my choice to keep things from you” Don explained carefully “but with my line of work there are certain things that I can’t talk about. Now I’m your father you have to do what I say and I say you’re not going to that shelter.” 

“Bullshit” Abby spat angrily, getting to her feet. “You can’t expect me to just listen to you without an explanation. I’m not some mindless drone” 

Don took a deep breath trying to keep his anger down “I know what’s best for you Abby so just shut up and listen to me alright? You’re not going and that is final” 

“Yeah right” Abby practically snarled “and I suppose you’re going to be around to stop me? You’ll just be at work while I’m dumped here and you know it. Father my ass you’re barely a supervisor” with that she shoved past him and out of the room. 

Don didn’t bother to stop her or go after her this time. They both needed time to cool down. He let off an aggravated growl and plopped onto the bed. She had a point he had been working a lot lately. Still, he knew going downtown was a bad idea. The last thing he wanted was for her to get sick. His stomach churned at the idea of her ending up like the victims he had seen in the hospital. Why couldn’t she just listen to him? He let off a breath as his phone beep. He was needed back at the office. So he rose and headed out he didn’t see Abby as he left but he knew they’d need to talk later. 

______________

Abby POV. 

“Have a good day” Alan murmured as he poured soup into a woman’s bowl. 

“Thank you” she nodded and shuffled down the line where I handed her a pb&j with a gloved hand.

There was a bout of loud laughter and three kids of varying ages came darting past the table. A woman followed behind yelling at them to slow down and watch where they were going. 

“I feel sorry for her” Alan voiced with a sigh “having to raise her kids in a place like this” 

Abby shrugged “it’s not a horrible place. I’ve been in worse ones” 

Alan gave her a side look “you were in a homeless shelter?” 

Abby shrugged “sometimes when the weather was bad or we were having car trouble me and my mom would stay the night in one. Came for meals quite a bit when I was younger, less the older I got but I had a lot of soup and pb&j growing up. Or mcdonalds dollar menu” 

Alan hummed and was quiet for a minute “you know your mother..” he paused seeming to collect his thoughts “and- and your father they might not always have seemed or seem like the best parents but I’m sure that Janice did the best she could for you and Don will as well” 

“I know” I replied with a slight smile at his concern “my mom just didn’t have the life skills needed to make it in the world when I was born. We managed just fine even if it wasn’t perfect. She was actually taking online classes to try and get a degree before she died” I paused thinking back on the memories. 

“Really? Well I bet with a kid like you your mother must have been a very bright woman” Alan decreed. They were quiet for a moment before Alan sighed “maybe you should have listened to your father and stayed I mean he is your father you need to listen to him” 

I sighed leaning on the table “with me and my mom it was always more of a negotiation. I was smart enough to take care of myself most of the time and she was always distracted by something. I got used to not listening. No one who gave me orders ever really had my best interest at heart before” 

“Well I can promise you that Donnie does” Gramps explained “both of you are still learning. Him how to guide a human being and you how to be guided. It’s a tricky process but I think once you both figure it out you’ll be better for it.” 

I smiled lightly “thanks Grandpa I’ll keep that in mind.” Alan nodded and turned to the next person in line. As I dwelled in my thoughts a bit. 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

3rd POV. 

Abby poked at a bug with a pencil. As the creature scurried along the floor of their motel room. The door opened and the girl looked up to see her mother stumbling in. The woman let off a breath and clasped on one of the beds. 

Abby got to her feet and hurried over jumping up on the bed. “Mommy! Mommy!” The four year old exclaimed. 

“Hey kid” Janice greeted her daughter with a tired smile. “How was your day?” 

“That man came back again,” Abby informed. “He knocked on the door really loud this time” 

“Did he come in?” Janice inquired. Abby shook her head ‘no’ in response. “Good” Janice sighed and laid there for a moment in thought. “Here I got you some food” she sat up and turned to face her daughter. 

She pulled out a burger and small fry from the dollar menu of McDonalds. Abby smiled and began eating hungrily however she stopped when she saw her mother wasn’t eating. “What about you?”

Janice smiled at her daughter. “It’s alright Abbs” she reassured “I ate before I got here” 

Abby wasn’t as convinced “here” she extended her mother a couple of her fries. 

“No Abby, they're yours” Janice objected. 

“I want you to have some” the four year old replied stubbornly. 

Janice sighed and took the fries, kissing her daughter on the forehead “You’re a stubborn kid, you know that?” 

Abby giggled at that and continued to eat her small dinner. The girl had just finished and Janice was brushing her hair in the bathroom when the door slammed open. 

Abby jumped and rolled off the bed. Janice hurried out of the bathroom terrified. “That is it! You haven’t made your payments in a month! You are out of here!” The manager yelled. 

Janice begged and pleaded Abby just stood there and watched. Before she realized what happened she was standing outside with her backpack. Her mother was carrying a duffel. 

“Alright come on” Janice sighed as she took Abby’s hand and led her over to the car “we’re just going to have to find somewhere else.”

Finding somewhere else took less time than Abby expected. It had started to rain and it was getting cold. Janice pulled over and parked the car. She took Abby’s hand and locked their stuff in the vehicle leading her daughter quickly down the street and into a building. 

They were walking in among a small amount of people but there were more inside. Most had an odd assortment of clothes and layers. A lot looked old and a good portion were missing teeth. 

Janice talked to some people who were better dressed and didn’t smell as funky. Abby just clung to her mother’s leg and observed everything. Eventually they made it over to a small cot. 

Janice laid down and took off her jacket. Abby laid down next to her and Janice tucked her in. Abbs snuggled up close to her mother who began to sing softly to her. Until she finally fell asleep. 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“Best peanut butter sandwich has bananas on it” I decreed as me and Gramps walked through the door of the house. 

“Now that is normal,” Alan sighed. 

“Yeah so is popcorn” I pointed out. 

“Not-” 

“Hey” Charlie cut Alan off with his greeting as he came walking into the room “where’ve you been?” 

“Uh bowling” Alan replied sarcastically giving me a look. 

“Really?” Charlie questioned with mild surprise. 

“No, of course not.” Gramps objected with a chuckle “we were downtown at the shelter” Alan picked up the mail to go through it as Charlie’s face fell slightly. I meandered over to the living room to take a seat. 

“Dad..” Charlie started. 

“Well, no one else seems worried about being there,” Alan explained. 

“Plus it was a good day” I commented looking over the back of the chair. 

“That’s because they didn’t know,” Charlie voiced. 

“Didn’t know what you wouldn’t tell me?” Alan pointed out to his son. 

“He’s got you there” I decreed and my uncle gave me an exasperated look “what? You didn’t honestly think I’d take your side. Secrets suck” 

“Look,” Gramps continued drawing back Charlie’s disappointed stare “if everybody can be down there, why can’t me and Abby? I got this fuzzy feeling you and your brother have been going downtown too. Huh, am I right?” 

“Okay.” Charlie conceded following his father around the house. “But we were- we were worried about you two” the young man tried to explain. “Do you understand?” 

“Look, Charlie, your brother puts himself on the line every day on that job of his.” Gramps spoke as they came toward where I was sitting “don’t you think I’m worried about him? Huh? But I know how vital that job is to him.” Alan sat down in the seat across from me. Continuing to talk to his son “you’ve been helping him out quite a bit lately haven’t you?” 

Charlie nodded with a strained smile. “You know I could help too if he’d let me,” I muttered. 

“We’ve talked about this Abby” Gramps told me with a look before turning to his son again “you know what I’m really proud of? I’m proud that I’ve raised two sons. Well, we’ve raised two sons who have a great sense of public service. And a granddaughter who’s joined us with, however misguided, a want to serve as well.” Charlie and I both smiled at the sentiment before Grandpa descended into a fit of coughs.

“You okay?” Charlie asked worry drenching his voice. 

“Huh? Yeah sure it’s just a cough” Alan waved it away putting on his glasses to read. 

“Be careful it’s, uh.. It’s flu season” Charlie advised. 

“Yeah, well, don’t worry about me. I never get the flu” Gramps objected. 

“I’ve never gotten it either” I voiced thinking back “had strep once that sucked, never the flu” Alan hummed in acknowledgement as Charlie shifted uncomfortably. “You good Uncle C?” I asked. 

“Yeah, yeah” Charlie nodded, straightening slightly “I just got, uh, some, uh work to get back to” he murmured before leaving the room. 

“He’s acting weirder than normal” I voiced. 

“Ah it’ll blow over” Alan assured. 

“I bet Don’s going to be pissed that I went to the shelter today,” I advised. 

“Don’t worry about it” Alan told me “go get a book. I’ll take the heat on this one” 

“Thanks gramps” I smiled at him slightly before rising from my seat and heading upstairs. 

_________

3rd POV. 

“Hey you good?” Terry asked, tapping her partner on the shoulder as he sat staring at the board. 

“Yeah” Don muttered “just worried Abby and my dad went and volunteered downtown at some shelter and you know I just keep thinking..” he sighed “that first victim was a sixteen year old kid.” 

“And now you have your own sixteen year old kid” Terry finished the man’s obvious thought. Don nodded “did you tell her not to go” 

“Best I could with the reason being classified” the man explained “she just got mad I wasn’t giving her a reason, threw the fact that I work all the time in my face and stormed off” 

“Well she is still a teenager. They’re like that sometimes” Terry explained with some levity in her features 

“This was different though” Don explained “I mean I can gather enough to realize Abby hasn’t had a lot of great authority figures in her past I mean she didn’t even think we’d be worried when she disappeared on her birthday. Still..” Don trailed biting his lip slightly. 

“You’re trying Don” Terry reassured “you’re still figuring out how to be a dad and she’s still figuring out how to be a daughter. It’s not something that’s just going to click overnight even father’s who raised their daughters have issues. But if anyone’s stubborn enough and strong enough to get through these issues it’s you and her.” 

“Yeah” Don sighed “I’m just not used to feeling like this. I mean every moment of peace I have there’s this buzzing in the back of my head now of whether Abby’s alright or not. Been trying to keep myself from texting her or calling her, not that she’s in a great mood with me enough to answer” 

“That’s okay Don” Terry advised him “well maybe not text and call her every five minutes but it’s okay to be worried. She’s your daughter your natural instincts are to protect her” 

“Maybe” Don muttered “but how do I protect her from something I can’t even fight” 

Terry gave him a sad look but held no answers when David suddenly popped his head into the room “they pulled some footage from the bus terminal that we’ve got to see” he told them urgently and the pair quickly got up to follow him. Don pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind. 

_________

Abby POV. 

“So how are you two guys doing?” Gramps asked as Don came out onto the back patio where we were eating. “Well, you seem so much more relaxed than the last couple of days” 

“Probably closed the stupid case they couldn’t talk about” I muttered taking a bit of my chili. I could see Don giving me a look out of the corner of my eye. 

“Yeah, I’d say, uh, we’re doing pretty okay now.” my father sighed sitting down next to his brother. “And we did finish our project” he gave me a nod. He paused, eyeing the beer in his hand “think I might get my first good night’s sleep in about a week.” 

“I’m glad it’s over” Charlie sighed. 

“You know, I thought I’d let you know that I’m gonna be working down at the shelter next week” Alan explained and turned to me “and if you would like to join me again you can. Though this time you might want to write it down so you’ll remember” 

“Very funny” I muttered “and yes I’d like to.” I paused “if that’s okay with you Don” I felt weird asking permission but I knew it was a good idea. 

“Yeah, I think it’s okay now.” Don agreed. Seeming just as hesitant to give a reply to the question. 

Alan looked between us and sighed “you know one of the hardest parts about being a parent?” he looked between us all “finding balance” he declared. I looked over at Don and gave him a light smile and he returned it. “Well I’ll see you three later. I’m gonna be going with Art Stanley” 

“Uh-oh. What are you two up to?” Charlie asked. 

“Bowling” Alan declared. Charlie grinned as me and Don began to chuckle. “After the fuss you made, I thought I’d give it a try” 

“Don’t throw out your back” I muttered.

“Ha ha very funny” Alan murmured. “And don’t you still have homework in the living room?” I groaned in annoyance “uh-huh come on” Alan gestured for me to follow him into the house. 

I let off a breath and rose from my seat bowl in hand. “I hate homework” 

“Necessary evil kid” Don advised “now go get it done and then maybe we can do something fun tomorrow” 

“Fun?” I asked intrigued.

“Yeah you know the two of us” Don clarified “since I’ve been working a lot lately I thought maybe it’d help with the balance you know?” 

I smiled “yeah okay”

“You know what you two should do?” Charlie voiced with a smirk. 

“If you say bowling I’m going to deck you” Don muttered, taking a swig of his drink as I headed into the house laughing.  

Chapter 4 -> 

The Derivative  Chapter 10: Influence

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 9 

I slammed the door as I came trudging in from the backyard. My grandfather looked up at me from where he was leaning on the counter. 

“In a mood are we?” he asked. 

“I’ve just been banished from the garage by Charlie and Larry,” I explained grumpily. “Apparently their working on something I can’t see but my book is in there somewhere” 

“Somewhere?” Alan questioned “don’t you remember where you put it?” 

“I remember where I put it but it has evidently been moved in the course of their work” I informed. 

Alan sighed and straightened up “well come on I’m sure I can negotiate for its rescue” 

I smiled slightly “thank you” 

He led the way out into the backyard and over to the garage. “Charlie you in there?” Alan called as we approached the door then he looked around the door frame “hey your niece needs her book that you two moved around in here” he explained. 

“Alright” Charlie sighed “she can look but I don’t want her messing with any of this” he gestured vaguely at the chalkboards and papers he had spread about. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it” I muttered looking around for my book. 

“What are you two geniuses into now?” Alan asked, looking at the work. “And what are my old city planning maps doing out like this? What’s happening?” 

“To me it looks like they’re working in probabilities based off the variables and labels. I'd say some kind of public location” I informed looking behind one of the chalkboards. 

“Abby what did I say?” Charlie snapped uncharacteristically. 

“Jeez I was just looking not messing” I stated in defense. 

Uncle C sighed looking exceptionally stressed “no one’s really supposed to know.” 

“Charles, perhaps it would be best to inform your father and the enigma of the impending Armageddon.” Larry objected. 

“Armageddon?” Alan questioned as Charlie muttered words of anger to his friend “No, don’t tell me you two spotted another one of those asteroids hurtling towards the Earth, huh?” 

Alan was joking but my stomach began to churn as I took a closer look at the math. All the locations were big public areas. Soft targets. 

“Several thousand, actually, but that Armageddon we have decades to resolve” Larry objected to my grandfather’s statement. 

“Charlie what is he talking about?” Alan questioned with a chuckle. 

Charlie was about to brush his father off when he was cut off by the high pitched exclamation of his best friend “a truck carrying nuclear waste was hijacked. Yesterday.” 

“What?” Alan questioned. 

That was when all the pieces clicked in my mind “wait so the locations you’re narrowing down their possible targets aren’t they?” I asked in shock. “My God” 

“Now wait a minute” Gramps spoke up “why didn’t I hear anything about this on the news?” 

“Because they’re not telling anyone” Charlie muttered with a pointed glare at Larry. 

“What do you mean they’re not telling anyone?” Alan asked with slightly irritation edging his words. “How the hell are people supposed to protect themselves? And what does she mean about targets?” 

“In the first place, uh, we- we’re not even sure that there, that there is a bomb, so-” 

“A bomb?!” Alan cut his son off. 

“Well, we don’t know where it’s going to go off.” Charlie advised. 

“Well, maybe not. But I would suggest that, uh, people quickly taking a ride out of town in an easterly direction might be of help right now.” Alan stated. 

“Well, possibly not, with these current wind conditions.” Larry mused. 

“Look, an evacuation without information will lead to mass public panic.” Charlie pointed out. 

“Well, speaking for the huddled masses, I’d rather not have some government official making that decision for me right now, thank you very much” Alan declared, picking up one of his maps off the table which revealed my book underneath. “And what are you doing with my maps?” 

“You really are something, you know that?” Charlie snapped at Larry. The two began to bicker as I stepped forward to grab my book. Then Larry finally got a word in edgewise with a sharp point. 

“He is a planner and she a budding mathematician” 

Charlie turned to his dad who was looking at the maps and realization seemed to dawn on him. “You know what, Dad?” he called “you can help us.” 

“How can I help you?” Alan questioned. “Charlie, I’m not a physicist and I’m certainly not an expert on nuclear contamination.” 

“But you were a city planner” Uncle C pointed out walking over to the man “you know about urban density, and these are your maps.”

“And another person to run equations would be quite helpful,” Larry added, looking to me. I picked up my book with a sigh. 

“I wanted to help. Now I wish I didn’t need to” I muttered Larry just nodded in understanding. 

We continued to look over the maps and crunch numbers Charlie and Larry guiding me through some of the more complex calculations. Then Charlie's phone rang. “Hey Don” we all turned to him surprised. “Well don’t we have-” a glance at his watch “-six hours… they pushed it-” he turned to those of us in the room “Ah, he needs to know now.” I looked to the boards raising my hands to my head in complete panic. There was no way to be sure, multiple possibilities. 

“Well, we still have algorithms to test and variables to explore here” Larry objected. 

“Okay, um… okay, we’ve pinpointed seven likely targets” Charlie spoke into the phone “there’s one in Westwood, there’s two in Century City.” Charlie paused as I presume Don spoke to him on the phone “Downtown. Okay. He needs downtown so,” we all eyed the map pointing out the two possible targets. “Okay, there’s, there’s, there’s two. One in Driscoll Plaza and another in Angeles Square.” Charlie looked at us after seconds of tension “he needs one just one, one of them” Charlie murmured. 

“Statistically, they’re both of nearly equal probability,” Larry explained. 

“Math can’t tell us which one” I breathed out. 

“Right. Mathematically, we have no justification for choosing one over the other” Charlie explained just as Alan reached over and grabbed the phone away from his son. 

“Donnie, go with Angeles Square.” The man declared into the phone “I know what Charlie says, but I know these maps, and I would choose Angeles Square. It’s the height of the buildings. It creates what we used to call an urban canyon. The air currents through the buildings spread the radiation much further. If I wanted to inflict as much damage as I could, that’s where I would go. Angeles Square. I’m telling you.” Alan pulled the phone from his ear. 

“Great now we just sit and hope” I muttered leaning on the table. Releasing the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. 

_______

“Well we didn’t do so bad today, did we?” Alan asked, coming over to the table a bit more chipper than any of us. 

“No, today, was good.” Larry voiced. “But what about tomorrow?” 

“Yeah and Don was still very close to a bomb that could have had nuclear material so” I shrugged picking at the frayed end of the ripped knee of my pants as they were pulled up to my chest. 

“Yeah, uh, you know I think I understand why you like helping Don so much.” Alan said “it’s not a bad feeling” he paused. Me, Gramps, Larry exchanged looks as the curly haired young mathematician in the room stayed uncharacteristically quiet. “What’s the matter, Charlie? You’ve got that look that you get when you can’t stop worrying about something” 

“He’s right. You seem a little perturbed” Larry agreed. 

“You’re still not mad about my pulling that phone out of your hand, are you?” Alan questioned. 

“I was going to say Driscoll Plaza,” Charlie admitted. “Before you grabbed the phone out of my hand I was- I was about to say Driscoll Plaza, and I would’ve been wrong.” 

“Oh” Alan murmured around the bite of food in his mouth “well, come on, Charlie. I was the one that didn’t give you the right variables. You know, the heights of the buildings.” Alan reassured. “Listen, if you’ve got one failing, it’s only that you don’t think like a criminal. Of course, what does that say about me?” he chuckled slightly 

“That you’re a great influence” I replied sarcastically. 

“I would’ve been wrong,” Charlie murmured again. 

__________

3rd POV. 

Don pulled up outside his brother’s house and hopped out of his car. His pace only slowed slightly when he saw Abby sitting on the porch reading. She looked up at him. 

“Did you catch ‘em?” she asked. 

“Got the guys not the cesium” he replied grabbing the door knob then paused. “Wait how did you..?” she bit her lip and glanced toward inside “ah damn it Charlie” 

“It wasn’t his fault. Blame Larry’s fear and my nosiness if anything” she objected. 

“So if Dad was helping I’m guessing you were as well then?” Don inquired and she nodded. He growled “Abby you can’t do that and if I wasn’t in a hurry you’d be getting an earful right now alright.” he flung the door open and headed inside Abby hurrying behind him. 

He stalked over to where Charlie and Larry were seated at the table “alright we have the guys but they aren’t telling us where the caesium is we think it’s still on the truck and in our perimeter but we have no idea where they stashed it.” He quickly briefed them on the situation. 

“Larry and I have been doing some research on tracking radiation signatures.” Charlie replied as Abby took a seat at the table “now between the sense that scan from planes and those you could install at random points in the area, we would be able to triangulate a location for that radioactive material.” 

“All right, well, that’s great” Don felt some of the anxious energy he had been feeling coming in here ease away. “How long would it take?” it started coming back as the three geniuses in the room all shifted in their seats. 

“Like a.. Like a week.” Charlie replied “or maybe two.” 

“A week? Charlie, the truck is leaking radiation, you understand?” Don said insistently. 

“He’s right, Charles.” Larry spoke up “I mean, these casks were not designed to contain cesium for extended periods of time. This material in particular has an insidious method of attack.” 

“Which is?” Don prompted sitting down next to his daughter. 

“Look, even in small amounts, whether ingested or inhaled,” Larry began to explain they spread throughout the entire body, they invade and destroy the soft tissue. Longer exposure and we’re talking acute radiation poisoning; the Walking Ghost phase.” 

“That sounds bad,” Abby muttered almost to herself. 

“The Walking Ghost phase?” Don questioned that tension within him building again. 

“Yes, like the people in Chernobyl. Somebody starts feeling nauseous, they vomit, they start feeling better, they think they are better. But no, it’s- it’s just a grace period. A week later, it’s internal bleeding and certain death.” 

Charlie let off a breath leaning back in his chair and Abby brought her knees up to her chest in her seat. “You said you have the guys that stole the truck, right?” Charlie asked, getting to his feet. 

“That’s right,” Don agreed. 

“They don’t know where it is?” the mathematician questioned. 

“Well, Charlie, they’re not talking.” Don explained. 

“None of them?” 

“No. they’re trying to use the truck as leverage if anything,” Don told them. 

“They had a plan going in.” Charlie determined. 

“We got ‘em separated. We’re trying to play them against each other, but” Don sighed dread creeping into his gut. 

“What about putting them together?” Charlie suggested. 

“No, Charlie.” Don objected “you keep suspects isolated in the dark. That’s how it works” 

“I understand that.” Charlie clarified “that, that’s not what I’m speaking about. I’m actually talking about something completely different. I’m talking about something called The Prisoner’s Dilemma” 

Abby straightened behind Don and Larry nodded “game theory” 

“Game theory” Charlie parroted his friend and continued “the mathematics of decision making. How to achieve the optimal outcome from a complex situation. So for instance, um” the man thought up an analogy “say two people were to commit crime. Now, if neither of them talk they each get a year. If one of them talks, he gets no time at all, and the other guy gets five years. If both of them talk, they each get two years. So you see, unless they can trust each other not to say anything talking is the best strategy” 

“Yeah, but I already told you they’re not talking” Don pointed out. 

“Well, maybe that’s because none of them realize how much the others have to lose.” Charlie advised. 

“Risk assessment” Abby muttered.

Charlie smirked slightly at his niece's insight “precisely.” 

_________

“I mean it was pretty impressive” Don voiced as he and his family left the restaurant. “These are three hardcore dudes, and Charlie’s up there scibbling all these crazy equations” 

“Crazy equa..? You hear that, Dad?” Charlie muttered as Abby started to giggle “Crazy equations. Now, I did a risk assessment analysis based on a model used to determine a bank’s exposure to mutual credit obligations. That’s what I did.” 

“Yeah, it’s a compliment. I mean, the point is, is that they bought it.” Don explained. 

“Don’s right. I mean the important thing is you’re getting the truck back. Isn’t that enough?” Alan pointed out. 

“Yeah, I mean, you know, you can get an award for a performance like that” Don congratulated. 

“A per..? It wasn’t a performance” Charlie objected. “It wasn’t a scam. That was math. That was actual math. I don’t make this stuff up.” 

“Want to hear about math?” Alan chimed in reaching into his jacket pocket “here, here’s math. Dinner was $102 divided four ways is 25 bucks apiece. Pay up.” 

“Wait I’m a minor dependant I don’t have money he does” Abby objected pointing at her father who pulled out his wallet. 

“Actually I gotta hit an ATM. I don’t have any cash” Don replied. 

“Now that’s a scam” Alan complained and the men descended into bickering as Abby laughed. 

“Hey keep laughing and I will make you pay your share” Don threatened. “Especially since I’m considering grounding you” 

“What?” Abby questioned her laughter quickly fading. 

“I told you I didn’t want you helping on cases math or not and you didn’t listen” Don replied firmly even though the expression on Abby’s face was beginning to weaken his resolve. 

“But I was helpful I didn’t get hurt there was no way for me to get hurt” Abby defended “what’s so wrong with crunching a few numbers in the garage every now and then” 

Don sighed biting his lip “because your sixteen and I don’t want you getting dragged head first into my world of guns and destruction” 

Abby looked to the ground and opened her mouth. Don got the feeling she was about to say something poignant but she hesitated and instead closed her mouth looking back up at her father with a determination that caught him rather off guard. 

“Fine I’ll stop whining about working on big stuff for now but once I’m eighteen I’m getting my clearance and you can’t stop me” she declared. 

Alan and Charlie both smiled slightly at the girl's stubborn statement. Don sighed knowing there was no way he was changing her mind. So instead he hooked her around the shoulders pulling her into his side as the family continued down the sidewalk “alright kid but right now you’re still grounded.” 

Chapter 11 ->

The Derivative Chapter 1: Sixteen

“Abbs come on time to leave” Janice called into the back room at the diner. 

“Coming” the teenager replied and grabbed her backpack from the floor. Waving bye to the diner chef she followed her mother out the door. 

Janice and Abby loaded into their small sedan. The vehicle was packed full of stuff from clothes to random bit and bobs. They practically lived out of their car for the last couple years until they settled down in the latest apartment and even then they had been hesitant to finally make the move. 

“Okay so I was thinking” Janice began as she pulled out of the parking lot. 

“Oh that’s dangerous” Abby murmured with a smirk as they drove. 

Janice shot her daughter a look. “Well in a few months you’ll be turning the beautiful age of sixteen. And I was wondering what you wanted to do to celebrate? Cause if you want something big I’ll have to start saving now. But of course if you would rather run your mouth-” 

“Hey hey hey I had to get this sarcasm somewhere” Abby pointed out.

“Yes your father” Janice replied. 

“Yes blame it on the non-existent father in my life” Abby scoffed. 

Janice sighed “alright anyway you want to have a celebration or what?” 

“I don’t know” Abby shrugged. “It’s not like I want a party or anything maybe us just hanging out?” 

“How about a picnic?” Janice suggested pulling up to a red light. Abby gave her a perplexed look. “Lay out a blanket on the floor in the apartment. Get some nice food it could be great” 

“Yeah that sounds great Mom” Abby agreed “you’re the best” 

“I try” Janice replied.

They both laughed as the light turned green. There was the sound of a blaring horn. The car filled with bright light Abby felt her mother’s hand collide with her chest. She heard the screech of brakes and the crunch of metal. 

“Mom!”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

“Abby!” Bang! Bang! Bang! “Come on get up! Your alarms been going for the last ten minutes!” 

I groaned in exhausted annoyance and rolled over in my blankets swatting haphazardly at the alarm on my nightstand. There was another round of banging on my bedroom door “I’m up! I’m up!” I yawned sitting up in my bed.

“Listen I got to get to work and you have to get to school so start moving” the man on the other side of my door ordered. 

“I am moving” I responded around a second yawn. 

“Yeah you totally sound awake” I heard him mutter. 

“Hey I heard that” I called and got a scoff in response as he headed on down the hallway. 

With a deep breath I got up and started getting ready. My room was pretty plain with a dresser and bed and a couple knickknacks strewn about. I’d only been living in it for a little less than a month which was quite apparent. Though I didn’t have much stuff in the first place. I threw on a t-shirt, jeans, plaid button up, and my well loved and sharpied sneakers. 

I headed downstairs with my backpack over my shoulder tossing it on the couch. My biological father was pouring himself some coffee in the kitchen. “Morning” He muttered as I began fixing myself some cereal. 

“Morning Don” I replied. 

“Listen with this case I’m working I’m probably going to be home late” he started. 

“Am I staying at Grandpa’s then?” I inquired. 

“Maybe not staying but you’ll be going there after school today” the FBI agent explained. 

“Awesome” I responded sarcastically “maybe I’ll get some decent food then” 

“Ouch” Don joked as his phone rang. He answered it and went into business mode “Eppes… yeah?” his face fell as he listened to the person on the other line “when? Where?” he checked his watch and I knowingly started eating faster. “Yeah alright I’ll be there as soon as I can… yeah” he hung up and started moving faster grabbing his things. 

“Case?” I asked, finishing my cereal and sliding my bowl into the sink. 

“Yup come on I have to get you to school and then go to a crime scene” he explained. 

“But I haven’t brushed my hair or my teeth yet” I objected standing up as he walked past me to grab his jacket. 

“Chew some gum and I don’t know, wear a hat” he offered. 

“They don’t allow hats in school” I explained, not dropping the sarcastic edge from my voice.

Don seemed rather frazzled. “Well then I don’t know what to tell you. Now come on” I sighed and grabbed my backpack as we headed out the door. “Since when do you care about your hair anyway?” 

I rolled my eyes running my fingers through my short brown hair “you’re the worst parental guardian ever” 

_____________

3rd POV. 

“Silber’s at work right now at the hospital” Terry informed as her and Don loaded into the truck. 

“Alright let’s get heading that way then” the man muttered. Pulling out of the FBI car lot. 

They drove for only a couple seconds before Terry spoke up again. “So you were late to the crime scene this morning” it was a cross between a statement and a question. 

Don sighed “yeah Abby had a late start and I had to drop her at school” 

“Right being a dad’s not that easy huh?” the woman voiced. 

Don scoffed in response. “Well I don’t know if I even qualify as a dad yet.” he explained “she definitely doesn’t call me one. This morning I was dubbed the worst parental guardian ever”

“Well she called you her parent sorta” Terry offered.

Don chuckled lightly “yeah sorta” 

“Relax Don, she's a moody fifteen year old girl who just came to live with her birth father. She needs some time to adjust” the profiler explained as they turned onto the street with the hospital. 

“Sixteen this weekend actually” Don informed. 

“Really?” Terry looked to the man in surprise. “You guys doing anything? Party? Something?” 

Don shrugged “I got her a present. A ball cap.” Terry shot her partner a pointed look “what? I don’t know what teenage girls are into these days. And as for a party with what friends?” The two agents climbed out of the car in front of the large hospital. “She hates school, never really even talks to anybody.” 

“She’s gifted right? Like your brother the mathematician?” the woman inquired. 

“In a different way but yeah” Don nodded. “Took college algebra in fifth grade from what I understand and can remember anything she’s ever read. Actually she reads anything you put in her hand faster than the average person” 

“Well then it makes sense she would hate school. She’s not learning anything” Terry voiced. 

“Yeah well they won’t put her in an advanced program cuz she doesn’t have a solid school report history” Don explained “I don’t even think she was ever in the 1st or 2nd grade even” 

Terry nodded as they entered the hospital elevator “you know it might help if you actually talk to her about it.”

“Yeah” Don sighed as the doors closed. 

______________

Abby POV. 

I sat in yet another class bored out of my mind. I was two chapters ahead of my teacher and classmates in all of my classes and most of the topics they discussed I had learned about already. 

“Now the derivative is a way to show the rate of change. That is, the amount by which a function is changing at one given point. For functions that act on the real numbers, it is the slope of the tangent line at a point on a graph…” 

I tuned out my teacher and rested my head on my desk. I had positioned myself in the very back corner of the classroom as to attract the least attention from my teacher and peers. Reaching into my backpack I pulled out my blinders. My medical grade sunglasses like eye cover that I put on to block out all visual stimuli. They were given to me by a doctor that examined me for my memory while I was in the foster system. 

As I rested there isolating my mind from the world I began to dwell on the various things that rested in the back of my mind. However one topic I tended to shy away from. A topic that was getting harder to avoid. My birthday.

It was coming up and I wasn’t completely certain I wanted to do anything for it. Me and my mom had talked about how we were going to celebrate it. But she was gone now and Don. I doubted he even remembered it was coming. 

The bell rang pulling me from my thoughts. I slipped my blinders to the top of my head and grabbed my stuff. Heading for the door. “Abby” I turned to the teacher who was sitting at her desk. “Can I talk to you for a second?” 

I shifted in my path for the door and walked over to Mrs. Clive’s desk. “What do you need.” 

She gave me a look and picked up a book from her desk handing it to me. “I saw your birthday was this weekend. Got you this” 

I took the book from her and looked at it. The book was Grim Grotto by Lemony Snicket. A book I had been after since its release earlier this year. “Thank you” I murmured. 

“Ms. Rampart from the library said that you had been pestering her about it since you joined us so I figured it must be something you’re interested in” Clive informed. 

“Yeah I got hooked on it and read up to current last year,” I explained. 

“You know with the monster stories you come in here with I wouldn’t have figured you for the series of unfortunate events” Clive voiced.

I scoffed “yeah and what would you figure I’d read?” 

Clive grinned back “war and peace” 

I shrugged “read that years ago” 

The woman nodded “well go on or you’ll miss your bus” 

“Thank you Mrs. Clive, for the book” I told her. 

“You’re welcome Abby and happy birthday” she smiled. 

“Thanks” I nodded heading out of her classroom. Mrs. Clive was probably my favorite teacher at this school though she was a little too observant on some things. She always took the time to ask me how I was and never got mad at me for not paying attention in class. Of course she did get annoyed when I didn’t turn in homework on time. She knew I could do it. 

I had to jog to get to my bus on time and as I was one of the last ones on I had to sit next to some kid who was half standing on the seat turned around talking to his friend. I was thankful that my stop was quick on the route. 

Hopping off I walked up to my grandfather’s house and let myself in the front door. “Abby! Is that you?” he called. 

“Yeah gramps” I called back. 

He appeared shortly after “ah hey how was your day?” 

“Fine” I shrugged, tossing my backpack on the couch. “Is uncle Charlie here?” 

“Uh yeah upstairs I think” he replied. “You want a snack?” 

“No I'm good” I settled onto the couch and opened the book Clive had gotten me. 

“The grim grotto” Alan read aloud. “Sounds interesting” 

“Yeah it’s from Lemony Snicket's series of Unfortunate Events” I explained. 

“Seems like a light read for you” the man commented sitting down in one of the chairs nearby and picking up the paper. 

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” I exclaimed exasperatedly. 

“Because you read twice as fast as the average person and have an Advanced Eiaditic memory” Alan explained. 

“It’s Advanced Eidetic” I corrected “and just because I read faster doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a small book like this” 

“If you say so” Alan sighed seemingly annoyed with me “so what’s so fascinating about this book series anyway” 

“I don’t know” I replied honestly as I shifted on the couch pulling my feet up “I guess I can relate to being bounced around all the time from place to place under unfortunate circumstances” My grandfather made a humming noise and finally ended his questioning as I turned my attention back to my book. We both returned to our normal after school reading silence. 

____________________________

“Donnie!” I heard my father’s announced arrival from gramps before I saw the man himself  

“Brisket. Must be Friday.” Don murmured as I came wandering out of the kitchen to see him.

“What’s up?” Alan inquired of his eldest son.

“I didn’t have time to drive home. Can I catch a shower here, maybe borrow a clean shirt?” the man requested.

“Yeah, sure, be my guest.” Alan agreed easily.

“So much for 'not staying'” I commented knowingly. 

Don sighed, turning to look at me. “Yeah sorry kid. Case took a turn” 

“It’s fine” I muttered in reply. I knew Don’s work could be trying sometimes and keep him away from home for long periods of time. Which led to me spending half my time staying at my grandfather’s house. 

“Yeah well it’s nice having you around the house anyway” Alan told me as Don turned to head upstairs. “And tell your brother to come down for dinner” Gramps called after his eldest son. 

“If the food’s done he’s probably on his way already” I joked taking a seat at the table.

Alan scoffed and turned back to Don. “you want some there’s plenty” 

“No, I can’t.” The FBI agent objected, removing his tie and tossing it on the table “I got to get back to work.” 

As Don left to go upstairs Charlie appeared. “Abby? When did you get here?” 

I exchanged a look with Alan who was pouring water into everyone’s glasses. “A couple weeks ago Uncle C” I called in a sarcastic reply. Which earned me a look from my uncle. 

I saw the man’s attention shift to the maps my father had brought in with him. I got up to go look over his shoulder at them. “Hey you two that’s Don’s work. Probably be better if you not mess with it” 

“We’re just looking at the map gramps” I responded over my shoulder as I took in the information surrounding the thirteen little red dots on this map. My brain kicked into autopilot as it began various calculations. 

“Well then just the map then none of the files” Alan ordered “you hear me”

“Yeah dad we hear you” Charlie responded this time. However from his tone you could tell his mind was somewhere else. 

“You think there’s something here?” I asked.

“Maybe” Charlie breathed out as we both continued to analyze the data. “We could help” Charlie was talking lightly both our minds processing the information on the maps with mathematical precision. “Crime scenes”

“Tracking, rating, origin point” I muttered looking at the scattered red dots. Me and Charlie looked at each other both realizing the same thing at the same time.

“Charlie, Abby, what do you think you’re doing?” I turned as Don’s voice came from behind. He was done with his shower.

“Crime scenes” Charlie replied seemingly unaware of Don’s obvious annoyance “what kind of crimes?”

“Get away from here” Don snapped folding up the map quickly “these are confidential case files”

“I already saw the map it’s imprinted on my memory” I replied pointedly. “It doesn’t really matter whether you put it up now or not and we didn’t get in the files.”

“She’s telling the truth.” Alan called from where he was feeding his pet bird. “They just looked at the map. I made sure they didn’t go through anything else.”

“Good,” Don grumbled, grabbing his tie.

“Thirteen crime scenes spread over a contained region. You guys are analyzing the significance of those locations?” Charlie inquired of Don as the older brother tied his tie in the mirror on the wall. I stayed over by the table Charlie followed him.

“Yeah, it’s called predictive analysis.” Don explained “the FBI pioneered it. I trained in it at Quantico, and it doesn’t work on sado-serial crimes. There’s no way to predict the location of the next attack.”

“You know, I helped you out on that stock fraud mess,” Charlie began and I rolled my eyes at his obvious bid. “And the IRS extortion case.”

“Yeah. This is different.” Don objected finishing his tie and turning away from his brother “it’s not about numbers”

“Everything is numbers” Charlie stated and looked to me as Don grabbed his jacket. I shrugged beyond a couple theories there was nothing that I could see us being able to help with or at least not that I could with my limited knowledge. Uncle Charlie sighed and turned to the backyard something caught his eye and I watched as the gears turned in his head. “Don. Hey.” he turned quickly and went after his brother. “Um, can I show you something really quick?”

“No, Charlie I got to get-” Don attempted to argue but his rebellion was futile. As Charlie continued to pester and managed to draw him over to the window facing the backyard. I followed behind them curious to what the mathematician had come up with.

“Check this out.” Charlie gestured outside “you see the sprinkler, yeah?”

“Yeah I see the sprinkler” Don muttered clearly uninterested.

“You see the drops?”

“Yep. See the drops”

Then it clicked in my mind what he was thinking “Even using math there’s no practical way to predict where the next water drop will land” Charlie began his explanation and I walked closer. “There’s too many variables. However, say I couldn’t see the sprinkler. From the pattern of the drops, I could calculate its precise location.”

“The origin point” I voiced.

Charlie flashed me a proud grin then turned back to Don who seemed to slowly be getting the idea “it’s not about predicting the next site. It’s finding what the sites have in common. The point of origin” he nodded to me.

“Charlie, you’re saying you can tell us where the killer lives?” Don inquired.

“Yeah” the mathematician nodded.

“And I can help,” I added.

____________________________

“The movements of a serial perpetrator are defined by his needs. He watches potential victims. Avoiding detection, he’ll frequent public areas, parks, streets that don’t get a lot of traffic, waiting for moments of isolations.” Don explained pacing back and forth in the dining room. 

“Isolated areas, high probability of attacks.” Charlie murmured scribbling on the pad of paper in front of him. 

“Tv distracting you?” Alan inquired as he passed by the table from the kitchen. “I could turn it off” 

“No, it's fine, dad.” Don objected, he glanced over at me sitting in a chair in front of the tv and I quickly diverted my eyes as the brother’s continued to talk. 

Moments later Alan came over and sat down in the seat next to mine. I sighed and turned to my grandfather “This is so unfair I can help” 

“You’re a teenager Abby not an adult” Alan replied with his eyes on the tv. “Let them work” 

“I'm a teenager with a near genius IQ living with an overprotective jerk” I muttered. 

“I heard that” Don called from where he sat on the table. 

“Yeah well it’s a fact” I called over to him. 

“She is capable Don” Charlie agreed “and her help would be valuable”

“I said no I mean no. You’re just a kid. You don’t have clearance and I’m not letting you get involved in a criminal case” The agent put his foot down. “Now can you just listen to me for once?” 

“I listen I just don’t follow” I muttered scooting down in my chair. Alan shot me a look out of the corner of his eye. 

“I get the sense that this is about more than just you wanting to help on this case” the elder man inferred. I crossed my arms and tried to focus in on what Don and Charlie were saying. “This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with your birthday being this weekend.” 

“It’s not about that” I objected in a tone that was probably more snap than I intended. Sitting up I saw Don looking at me. I sighed, getting up and heading out to the backyard I couldn’t deal with this today. 

__________________

3rd POV. 

Don left Charlie to do his equations and settled to watch the baseball game with his father. “You going to go talk to her?” Alan inquired after a moment.

Don sighed glancing over to the back door Abby had stormed out of. “No she needs to cool off” 

“Still” the grandfather muttered. 

“Still what? She’s a teenager, you really want me getting her involved in a criminal case?” Don voiced. 

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying Don” Alan sighed “listen it’s her sixteenth birthday this weekend” 

“Yeah” Don muttered “I know I got her a present” 

Alan let off an annoyed breath “Donnie it’s her first birthday without her mother. It’s her first birthday with a father.” Don sighed and looked to the ground. “Have you even talked to her about Janice at all?” 

Don shifted in his seat “I don’t know dad she doesn’t want to talk what am I supposed to do?” 

“Donnie there’s a difference between not wanting to talk and not knowing how to,” Alan explained, “and unfortunately it’s a trait she seemed to have inherited from you.” 

___________________________

“Let’s go” Don ordered the gathered group of agents. Heading for his desk as they dispersed to get everything done. 

“Another day” Terry voiced over his shoulder he glanced back at her before refocusing on his files. “That means the case cuts into Abby’s birthday this weekend doesn’t it?”

“Yeah well she’s staying with my dad” Don muttered, closing the file and tossing it aside. 

“Are you at least going to call her or something?” Terry inquired.

“It’s too late now I will in the morning” the man replied, rising from his desk and heading off. 

Terry sighed watching him walk away. “Yeah if you remember” 

________________

Abby POV. 

White light filled my view, tires screeched, horns honked, a hand slammed into my chest, the crunch of metal, a scream. “Mom!” 

I startled awake sitting up on the couch. Thunder crashed outside. I removed the blinders from my eyes. “Abby are you alright” I turned as Alan came into the living room. “I heard you yell.” 

“Uh yeah” I replied as my heart rate slowed back down. “It was just a dream” 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” the man inquired further. However just then the door opened and in came Charlie. He looked like a drowned rat. “Aw Charlie don’t tell me you went biking out in this weather” 

“I had to go by my office” the man replied as he settled down at the table pulling the FBI case files out of his bag. He was obviously shaken by something. 

The front door opened again and in came Don. “Hey guys, what's up?” he asked, seeming deflated. “Charlie you’re soaked” 

“Yes I’m aware” the younger man replied. 

Don removed his jacket and went for the coffee in the kitchen as I wandered over to the dining room. Which seemed to be the place everyone was congregating. Our reflections shown in the darkened rain streaked windows. Don reappeared shortly after with a mug of coffee. He placed it on the table and began pacing the room. 

“I can’t get my head around it.” Charlie voiced after a moment. 

“What are we missing?” Don ran along the same thought “where’s the problem? And how do we make it work? We need to make it work” he stated the last part more forcefully. 

It was weird watching him work. The gears turning in his head. “We need to retest it. We need another run.” Charlie declared standing and going up to Don who was still pacing. 

“Well that’s not going to happen” the agent objected, turning to his younger brother. 

“Well, look I know that it’s gonna be hard for you to talk your boss into doing it again,” the mathematician tried “but we can’t stop after one attempt-” 

“Charlie” Don tried to interrupt however the professor continued to truck on. 

“New methods require repeated trials-” 

“Charlie, I’m not on the case anymore.” Don explained finally. “Okay?” 

“Why?” Charlie inquired. 

I sighed and watched the look exchanged between Alan and Don. “because my supervisor wanted fresh eyes on it.” I could tell he was lying. 

“Well, maybe the math is not the problem” Alan suggested suddenly. 

“What do you mean?” Charlie questioned. 

“Well, you just said that there was something you couldn’t get your head around,” Alan elaborated further “and I know for a fact that it can’t be the math.” 

“What else is there?” Charlie sighed. Then it clicked like it was obvious.

“The people” I voiced causing all of them to look at me like they had just realized my existence. “The math can only predict what people will do acting within certain parameters what if this guy acts outside of your preconceived notions of human behavior?” I offered. 

“Hey, maybe they’re right” Don nodded walking past me back to the window to point at the water spraying outside. “I mean, this sprinkler. That totally made sense. That you could track back from the location and find out where the guy lives. Right? Totally made sense.” he turned from his father and brother to look at me. “Maybe we’re thinking about this guy in too narrow a focus.” 

“Are you saying I need to consider more than his criminal activities?” Charlie seemed confused. 

“No not exactly” Don explained “I’m saying we maybe need to consider more than just where he lives. Like Abby said. You know look at me. If you designed an equation to find my origin, you wouldn’t get my apartment ‘cause I’m almost never there. My base would be my office.” 

I looked to Charlie as he meandered over toward the window the gears in his head spinning. The math forming in his mind. “Which means we use his home and his work as points of origin.” 

“Exactly” Don agreed. 

“I can design an equation to identify two hot zones.” Charlie muttered eyes still transfixed on the window. “Why didn’t I think of that?” he questioned, turning back to us. “Don… Dad… Abby.” he looked to us each individually. “That’s brilliant” 

It wasn’t long before the boys were packing it up and heading back to Don’s office. Both invigorated by the discovery. Once they were gone Alan turned to me. “You should get to bed, it’s late and tomorrow is a rather important day.”

I nodded slightly as he turned to head to the kitchen “Do you think he knows?” I voiced almost not meaning to. “Do you think Don remembers that it’s my birthday tomorrow?” 

Alan sighed looking back at me. “Abby, Don can get wrapped up in his work but uh, he’s never been one to forget what’s important.” I bit my lip and looked to the floor thinking. “Alright now up to bed” 

“Goodnight gramps” 

“Goodnight Abby” the man smiled at me as I headed for the stairs. 

I reached the room that had at one point been Don’s and collapsed on the bed. My world had been a lot smaller when it was just me and my mom. A lot scarier and a whole lot less normal but definitely smaller and less complicated. 

_________________________

I was startled awake again from the same dream, the same memory. I slowed my breaths and got up from the bed. Dawn had barely set in and light wasn’t very prevalent outside. I paced back and forth in the room. Thinking over everything before finally making a decision. 

I threw on some clothes, grabbed my backpack and headed out of the room. I crept through the house quietly as not to wake Gramps snoring down the hall. As I reached the front door I paused looking back at the house before ducking out and running. 

____________________

3rd POV.

Don sighed as he packed away the last couple files on his desk. The case was finally closed and he was exhausted. He glanced over and saw a small stack of books on his desk wrapped in a bow. He pulled it closer to him and looked at the card on them. To: Abby From: Terry. 

“Figured you could give it to her for me” the female agent spoke up causing Don to turn to her. 

“Yeah sure” he agreed. 

Terry gave him a smile. “Go home Don and celebrate your daughter’s birthday” she instructed him. 

Don nodded as she left. He sat there for a moment thinking about everything today meant. Sixteen years ago today he had become a father and he hadn’t even known it. Then a couple weeks ago he had been told and expected to start acting like a Dad. Don sure didn’t feel like a father. Anytime he talked to Abby it felt weird like he couldn’t find the words or she would just give him sarcasm. It was easier just not to talk at all. He had no idea what he was doing and she certainly didn’t seem to want him around. 

Don let off a breath and rose from his seat gathering up his things. Then his phone rang glancing at his caller ID he was surprised to see it was his father “hey dad what’s-”

“Abby’s missing” Alan interrupted. 

Don immediately felt like he couldn’t breath. His heart rate picked up and his lungs felt empty. “What?” 

“She’s missing. Gone.” Alan repeated he sounded scared himself “I went to wake her up this morning and she just wasn’t there” 

Every worse case scenario started shooting through Don’s mind. Where could she be? Could she be hurt? Kidnapped? Lost somewhere? Scared? He couldn’t think straight as fear coursed through his veins. 

“Alright call the cops put out an Amber alert” Don suggested “see- see if she’s with Charlie or something. I’ll try her cell and go look at- ah the library, the apartment. Places she might go” 

He was talking extremely fast he realized as the cop side of him battled with a side of him he’d never felt before. A kind of pure terror and concern that he couldn’t even begin to quantify as he grabbed his coat and bolted for the elevator hanging up on his father and speed dialing his daughter’s number. She didn’t answer. He tried again and again as he reached his car. This couldn’t be happening. Where was she?

___________________________

Don was driving away from the library as his phone rang. He answered it without even glancing at the caller ID hoping to hear his daughter’s voice on the other line. He was disappointed. 

“Don”

“Charlie I can’t talk right now. Abby is-” 

“I know Dad told me” Charlie informed “He also said she was upset-” 

“She’s always moody Charlie what are you saying?” Don snapped probably a little more harshly than he meant to. 

“I think I know where she is” Charlie spoke quickly as not to be cut off by his frantic older brother. 

________________

Don cursed himself for not realizing it sooner. After all his worrying and frantic searching why hadn’t he looked here first? As he pulled to a stop and got out of his truck he felt himself slow as relief washed over him. 

Sitting in the grass not too far off was Abby. She was staring at one of the various stones of the cemetery. Don sighed and walked over to her somberly. 

Nothing was said as he sat down next to her. He didn’t need to read the name of the stone to guess whose it was. Janice Calvin. His ex-girlfriend and Abby’s mother. 

“You know you scared everyone half to death” he finally stated after a moment. 

“Sorry” the girl replied, looking to her feet. “I should have left a note or something. I just wanted to be alone here for awhile.” 

“Yeah” Don let off a breath just relieved she was okay.

“It’s my sixteenth birthday” Abby muttered, turning back to the stone but still not looking at him. 

“I know I got you a present,” Don replied softly. 

“Mom and me had been planning my sweet sixteen before..” Abby trailed looking to the ground. “It was just going to be the two of us. We were going to cook and have a picnic in our apartment. We couldn't do much because you know we didn’t have a lot of money. But we were going to have each other.” 

“I’m so sorry Abby” Don told her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders hesitantly. “Your mother loved you” 

“I know she did I just- I just miss her” Abby sniffed and for the first time. Don saw his daughter cry. He felt a part of him inside falter. Like something had broken or shifted. 

“I miss her too.” Don explained. “Your mother was an incredible person. And my biggest regret was letting her go” 

“Do you think if she would have stayed- if she would have told you,” Abby questioned. “That things would have been different? That we would have..” The girl trailed but her question was clear. 

“I don’t know Abbs but” Don sighed and finally he understood what his own father had been trying to tell him all this time. “Abby I have no idea what I’m doing here. I’ve missed so much of your life to the point I- I didn’t even know what to get you for your birthday. I just-” he paused biting his lip. “I just feel like we’ve both been living with each other these last few weeks and not actually trying to have a relationship because it’s scary and complicated but Abby.” he sighed “today when dad called and told me you were missing.. I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.” Abby looked up at him as tears streaked down her face. “Now I know your mom loved you and Abby so do I alright?” 

“Alright” she managed but in the next second Abby wrapped her arms around Don’s middle as she broke into sobs. Don just held her in his arms holding back his own tears. 

__________________

Abby POV. 

It was late. After the cemetery Don had called and told everyone that I was safe. I felt bad putting them through all of that. I just hadn’t realized how many people would freak out had I gone missing. I was sitting at my desk in my own room reading one of the books Terry had gotten me quietly. 

There was a knock on my door. I paused in my reading and rose from my chair. Opening it I wasn’t exactly surprised to see my father standing outside. “What?” I inquired with minor annoyance at being disturbed. Though after everything that happened today I didn’t have much energy left to be annoyed. 

“Come on I’ve got a surprise for you” Don replied ignoring my sarcasm. 

“What?” I repeated exasperatedly curious for what this surprise could be. 

“Come on” Don scoffed, ushering me out of my room and toward the living room. I dragged my feet and had to practically be shoved out by my determined father. 

My irritated rebellion ended however as we exited the stairs. The coffee table had been moved and various colorful lights were hanging all around. In the center was a blanket laid out with something like a picnic setting. “Now I know it’s probably not exactly what you and your mom planned but..” Don sighed stepping around to look me in the face as I stared around in awe “Happy Birthday Abby” 

“Thanks D- Don” I replied. Stumbling on the name as the word Dad nearly slipped from my mouth. He smiled and we settled down on the blanket to eat. Talking and laughing and joking. It was a fun night and after all of it I was really happy to have my dad in my life. 

Chapter 2->