That's My Line. God Is Stealing My Bit.

My conduct this year landed me on Santa Claus's fabled and controversial "Kill-at-all-Costs" List. Turns out the reason the big man and his people don't exercise that option more often is that they really aren't good at following through on it. Well outside their core competency. He's delegated to the elves, and they've got this ingrained assembly-line mindset that doesn't translate at all to the adaptable and fluid mindset needed for siege breaking. They just haven't adjusted their playbook at all from when they're doing rote deliveries. Armed Elves have been rappelling down my chimney one at a time into the roaring fire I've kept going nonstop for the last week. They haven't even thought to try my front door yet. Whole house smells like peppermint, which it turns out is what burnt elf meat smells like. Thought I was being super clever putting cyanide-laced almond milk out with the cookies as a last line of defense, but none of them have made it even the scant few feet to the side table where that's sitting. At the rate things are going the real danger is that I'm gonna forget what I did with that and accidentally drink it myself while I'm watching the show

rod what are you doing on tumblr

The same thing that you are likely doing here. Enjoying an archive of humanity, one updated daily by its denizens. And to talk directly to viewers like you, in a manner unprecedented in my time. -R.S.

A machine designed to look like a car, but not operate as one.

Have you ever looked closely at a car windshield?

The edge of the glass is painted where it is glued to the car but it has these small dots between the clear and painted glass.

These are there for a reason. When the sun hits the glass the painted areas and the clear areas will absorb heat at different rates. This causes the glass to expand and contract differently putting stress on the glass.

These dots help the glass to warm up more evenly over a larger area so the glass does not suffer stress that could cause it to spontaneously explode.

Fun fact: the Tesla cybertruck doesn’t have these.

Yes, the glass will spontaneously crack or explode in the sun.

Even been a-wondering by a cool blue sky?

Every chance I get.

YOU hate JK Rowling!

This, as you may be familiar with, is an orb, one containing a rather unique individual. A girl, who is not at all human, but a machine. A singing instrument who is hiding in your Wireless Fidelity. She exists purely on the internet, for the entertainment of millions. Her song is broadcast to... The Twilight Zone.

hatsune miku (real) (not clickbait) (at 3AM) (gone wrong)

At work there used to be a sign on a few things that would say like "if this bubbles, run for your life" and "if you hear thumping run for cover" and "bears can and will kill you" and really in general I wish the park service was more willing to say "you are not at home, you are not at disneyland, you can die here and you can die so badly your family will have to bury an empty casket because no one will risk their own life to collect your idiot corpse."

Horses.

i just wish the frightening ghoul would say something. for once. the silence is more disconcerting than anything it might say

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