Retromaniasworld - Retromania's World

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Roleplay Guide 021: Dominance & The Dominant (Character Guide)

A look into the world of domination 101. I will briefly discuss what dominance is, caring for submissives, as well as mentioning different types of Dom(me)s that will help you construct your character/s. This will cover some of my firsthand knowledge, as a Dominant myself, that should provide a decent place to begin your research. (Includes helpful links)

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Tied up with your own panties

Many fantasise about being tied up or restrained.

But many won’t own cuffs, which can be awkward to own for those who live in shared spaces. Robe and cords are more readily available, but knots and restriction of circulation can make them hazardous, you need a capable partner, it’s not safe to tie yourself up if you’re alone.

Quick release cuffs are a much better choice, e.g. those fastened with Velcro. These allow the tightness to be comfortably varied, and can be pulled open by the wearer, so they are much safer if used alone.

But if you don’t own cuffs, you can still safely improvise. I enjoy tying partners’ wrists with her own panties. I like this because no additional gear is required, meaning it can be done anywhere, and it’s comfortably secure without ever being unsafe.

To achieve this, just put both wrists through one leg hole, then loop the free end of the garment several times between the wrists, and then both hands are passed through the other leg-hole.

This creates a tie with enough friction to keep the wrists immobile, but the underwear fabric is stretchy enough that’s it’s not inescapable.

This can be particularly hot, in less than a minute she might have her panties pulled down and removed, and her wrists secured, so she now stands bare below the waist with her hands bound behind her back, waiting helplessly for her spanking.

It’s also possible for those playing alone to bind themselves with their own panties. Experiment so it’s tight enough to give the desired feeling of entrapment, but not too tight that it is uncomfortable.

Those who fantasise about tying up can then enjoy the added thrill of reading a story with their hands tied, imagining themselves in the character’s erotic predicament. And tied hands can also make corner-time and erotic denial so much more intense.

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helpless

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Guide to a good spanking

Connect: Talk to her about her spanking before you put her over your knee. Make sure she knows what she needs to work on and what you expect.

Position: Most manageable position is over your lap with her upper body supported on a couch or bed. The spanking should be uncomfortable- not the position.

Give a warm-up: A warm up spanking is a brief spanking (of slightly lighter spanks) conducted prior to the main spanking to “prepare” the nerves of the buttocks for the strikes that will follow. The purpose of a warm up spanking is to bring the nerves of the buttocks to the surface, which greatly reduces the likelihood of bruising. Warm up spankings are done with the hand or a wooden spoon, and typically do not exceed much more than 20 strikes.

Lecture: Take a short moment between the actual spanking and the warm up to lecture her. Lecture her and scold during the whole spanking. A certain amount of silence is fine as well but lecturing helps set and maintain the discipline mood ( so at least every 2 minutes or so). You can have her answer questions about her behavior - but careful not to do too much of this because she needs to focus on the spanking you are giving her.

Spanking: This may take longer than expected. Be prepared to settle in for awhile. Sometimes 1000 solid hand-spanks or more. A good spanking can take as much as 45 minutes to an hour. You may need to consider other implements if your hand gets sore. Her sin may be bright pink or reddening. Occasionally small scratches or blemishes may bleed. Avoid that area. Putting lotion on the bottom before starting can be helpful to avoid chapping/minor breaking of skin.

~ Get a good rhythm

~ Alternate cheeks

~Lock her legs if need be

~Hold her wrist or hand when she reaches back

~Don’t stop too soon - she needs to experience the lack of control that she has in this moment. The discipline doesn’t really start until she wants it to stop.

~Spank until she is submitting. Most of the fight has gone out of her and she is accepting the spanking.

Aftercare: Comfort her, hold her, talk to her, tell her she is beautiful, tell her how well she did, encourage her to cry as much as she needs, have tissues available, allow her to bury her face in your shirt, does she need a blanket to wrap up in? Ask if she knows what she needs for aftercare before you spank and you can learn a lot about what she needs.

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Been reading ur blog. U need to stop calling urself a dom. All this lovey crap makes real doms sick. A sub is not for respecting and loving. A sub is for using and thats what they like. Its fine that u love ur girl, just dont call urself a dom. Real doms show dominance, use there sub and leave her laying like the cunt slut she is. Bein all sweet, and all that does is give her power over u, which makes u not a dom.

Hi there, Anon. I almost didn’t even dignify this with a response, but I think you’ve actually given me a good opportunity to say something that new doms need to know, so kudos to you. 

First and foremost, let’s establish something right here and now: You don’t get to tell me what I am, and you are damn sure not the leading authority on what does and does not constitute a dominant. For the record, I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a dom. I never even thought of myself that way until I met belovedsangi 10 years ago. I always had the characteristics of a dom, sure, but I didn’t ever put that title on myself. That title was given to me by my submissive. SHE is the one who wanted to call me Master, and Sir, and sometimes Daddy. I never told her to do these things. But of course, you probably think I am making my point for you and that if I were a REAL domly dom, I would’ve demanded those things. 

And that’s where you have a fundamental issue understanding the meaning of the title. So let me help you with that. 

A dom does not demand respect. He conducts himself in such a way as to be worthy of respect. 

A dom does not bark commands. His presence is such that he can seduce and command with nothing more than a glance. 

A dom does not raise his voice. He is the kind of man who gets what he wants without needing to. 

A dom is not a braggart. He is possessed of a calm, quiet confidence that is evident in his demeanor, the way he walks, the tone of his voice, and all other aspects of him. 

A dom understands balance. He knows that while a firm hand and discipline are critical in this type of relationship, knowing when to be gentle and understanding is every bit as important. 

A dom is a gentleman first and foremost. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a fancy man who values the finer things in life, but he does understand manners and protocol. He opens the car door for her. He orders for her if she is having trouble deciding. He treats strangers with courtesy and respect. 

A dom is a protector. He makes sure that his submissive feels safe and protected at all times. This means so much more than just telling her you will protect her. A dom shows her. He keeps a hand on her shoulder or on her waist in crowds so she doesn’t get nervous. He sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door so that he is always between his submissive and an intruder. He walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street so that an errant vehicle will hit him before his submissive. If anything or anyone should threaten his submissive, he must be prepared to fight for her with the ferocity of an alpha wolf. 

A dom earns her submission. It is not a thing to be demanded, expected, or assumed. And he continues to earn it, each and every day.  

A dom values her submission. Fully submitting your will and trusting your body and well-being to someone takes a kind of strength most can’t imagine, and a dom never loses sight of that. 

A dom understands that being a dominant is 10% privilege and 90% responsibility. He is literally taking her life into his hands. He is accepting the most sacred and important thing she has to give. He is taking her burdens and bearing them as his own, always, every day. 

A dom is consistent. He understands that he can’t just be her protector, lover, confidant, master, etc. when he feels like it. There will be days when a dom is tired. There will be days when he is stressed. There will be days when he is broken. On those days, it is more important than ever for a dom to show his submissive that he is still everything she needs him to be. 

So what does it mean, then, to be a dom? I get the feeling that you, anon, would say that it’s all about making her kneel, having your way with her, shouting orders and using her. Helpful hint: Any jackass can buy himself a whip and bark commands. That’s not a dom. Don’t get me wrong, I do absolutely have my way with belovedsangi. I love it when she kneels. I love the kinky, rough, mind-blowing sex we have. I love to dominate her in the bedroom. But for every moment of that, there are a hundred moments of holding her, of talking to her, laughing with her, gaming with her. There are a hundred moments of making her feel safe when she is afraid, giving her confidence when she is unsure, comforting her when she feels troubled. Those are all things that a dominant does too. 

I love my submissive more than I love oxygen. I love my submissive with a fire that can never be extinguished. I value her and respect her in every way. I treat her like a queen and fuck her like a slave. These things don’t make me weak. They don’t make me less of a dominant. These things make me stronger than you can possibly imagine. There is nothing quite so formidable as a dominant who has found the perfect submissive to fuel his fire. Never will you see anyone love so strongly or fight so fiercely. 

Bottom line, Anon, is this: you sound like a boy playing at being a man. You decided one day that you were sick of women having willpower and a voice of their own, so you decided to call yourself a dominant and seek out some weak-willed submissive who wouldn’t talk back to you or stick up for herself. You are not a dom. You are a jackass with a whip. Classic case of toodomforyou.

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I completed some major changes to the Library For Kinksters. Here is the update…

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Dom Drop

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

Online Aftercare

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Consent

Consent & BDSM

Guide to Consent

Doms, Daddies & Masters

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Rules for Daddies

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Domme Titles

Aspects Of Control

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Daddy Up!

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dominants Need Training Also

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Help For New Doms

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

How To Be A Good Dominant

How to Find a Submissive

Knowing when to be a Dom and when to be her Man

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

So you want to be a Dom?

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

The Dom Commandments

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

Littles, Subs & Slaves

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

26 Baby Girl Jobs

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Ask A Million And One Questions

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

Baby girl or little? A brief introduction

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Feminist Submissive

Finding Your Dominant

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Find A Dom

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Novice Submissives

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

What is a Little?

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

Why I call him Daddy

Your Rights As A Submissive

Long Distance Relationships

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

Mental Health

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

Is BDSM normal?

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

On Cutting

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Relationships

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Concept Daddy Dom/Little Girl Relationships

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

D/s and Domestication

Factors That Make A Relationship

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Importance Of Confidence In RelationshipsImportance Of Trust In A Relationship

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Stop Arguments Before They Start

The Rewards of a Submissive

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What Is Real Love?

When He Doesn’t Call

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Safety

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

What is Emotional Abuse?

Self Improvement

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Truths To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

How to be Yourself

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Ignore Haters

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Slut Shaming Explained

Tips for Healing a Broken Heart

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

Sex

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

Basics of Breath Play

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Fetishes Explained

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

Intersection of BDSM and Queer Heterosexuality

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Toys

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

BDSM on a budget

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Training

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

Age Play: A Short Guide

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

Introduction To BDSM

Newbie’s Guide To Vaginal Fisting

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Some Thoughts On Rules

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Topping from the bottom

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Daddy can't wait to play our games again. Consensually, of course. 😈🔥🔥😈

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