Banana Fish Fic Recs

sentiment from @starpeace

I think this is what's so haunting about banana fish. jk, there are a lot of things that linger when it comes to banana fish. but I think this is what drives the au's where langa and reki or viktor and yuuri are ash and eiji in another life. they crossed oceans to find one another, and found home in another person. where ash (and all associated danger) eventually drew eiji out of his ennui following his retirement and general naïveté, eiji's gentle innocence and compassion (that came without strings) made ash feel safe and loved despite a life riddled with abuse and objectification.

whether you choose to see them as a romantic pairing (vikturi au) or as friends who made one another better through their connection (renga au), the ending they got was heartbreaking. because after everything they survived, everything they sacrificed, having found each other against all odds in the first place - there's no resolution. no happy ending. just more trauma to punctuate a life ensconced in trauma.

ash deserved more. aslan deserved so much more. and he deserved to think that he was worth saving.

randomly remembered banana fish s ending and proceeded to cry for 30 mins straight cus why tf not

My bois <3

he wants that cookie so effing bad

repose

Eiji responding with "Forever." after Ash asked him to stay with him and specifically said, "I won't ask for forever."

"Even if the whole world is against you, I'm always on your side."

"For you, I would do anything!"

Eiji was so IN so committed to being with Ash and it's like.... do you think he had any idea of what that meant to him??? like Ash, who never expected anything from anyone. Whose entire life was filled with people (men specifically) who used him for his body, their own perverse gratifications, or whose loyalty to him was contingent on him being a boss. Like we all know how smart Ash is, he knows his time as boss and leader is fleeting, and at any moment someone could come along and take him from the top, and thus take the loyalty of his crew with him. He knows Dino only sees him as an object someone to use and mold to his purposes. He knows his entire world is fake.

And then here comes Eiji, who from day one sees him for what he is and just accepts and cares for him as Him.

The pray of the Lynx

I'm coming to the conclusion that Ash is just really bad at understanding the assignment.

Like cool, I'll banish Eiji, just let me shower him with an earth shattering compliment first.

Eiji after Ash's death being told over and over by everyone that Ash died to protect him, but Eiji hoping to god that it isn't true, hoping that Ash finally finally understood that Eiji did love him, that Ash's death would hurt Eiji, and hoping that Ash decided, for once, to be selfish. That he knew it would hurt Eiji, but still decided to die because it was what he wanted. Eiji hoping -- praying -- that Ash didn't die for Eiji, but died for himself.

Eiji telling himself (because he has to believe it, for his own sake) that maybe, just maybe, Ash's last act was his most selfish.

Because God knows Ash deserved to be selfish for once.