Anyone Else Disgusted By The Enormity Of Their Desire Or Is It Just Me

hey btw if ur transphobic don’t interact with my blog. we support trans people here

Eldest daughter

“Your double chin is showing”

That has reached my ears while I was dealing with my clothes in a bathroom. It’s not that I am easily triggered, I am truly not though each word coming out of my mom’s mouth is like a bullet.

“I don’t mean it as a compliment, nor as an insult. It’s just what it is”

I only have one thought in my mind - backhanded. My mom is just like any other ethnic mom says what she wants because for the first time in her life she has an authority over someone. She finally gets to be the boss and find a scapegoat. Motherhood is the only space for women from traditionals and ethnic households to seek control and people who would finally listen to each of their bitchy words. Even if it means that your children, particularly your daughters, would be those people.

And such phrases come out so randomly, I frequently try to get inside her mind and comprehend what drives her sudden urges to put some salt onto my wounds.

And I truly am trying to become the mom from 11th episode of “How to get away with murder” and gravitate towards forgiveness. I truly do.

But this same womb that carried me will eventually become the cell.

Oh to be able to heal your ethnic mom, to become her, to sink into her and be one big piece like we once were. Yet I am aware of the fact that the more I sympathize the more I idealize her, and her “double chin” comments.  

But perhaps this is faith. The faith of an eldest daughter in an ethnic family. The faith that is full of generational curses and traumas that I will cut off.

I love my mom and this is why I will never be like her.

Hélène Cixous, from Hélène Cixous, Rootprints

Text ID: We know, […] where the other's vulnerable heart is situated; and we do not touch it; we leave it intact. This is love.

why are books so expensive all i want is to be lost in another world with haunted old houses and coffee shops and vintage aesthetics and identify with the slightly twisted, mysterious and melancholic characters whose traits i subconsciously adopt lmao

When Jaun Elia said Yeh mujhe chein kyu nahi parta, ek hi shakhs tha jahan mei kya?

When Hali said Aalam mein tujh se laakh sahi tu magar kahan

And when Nasir Kazmi wrote Meri sari umar mei ek hi kami hai, tu

They really said the truth because some people are Irreplaceable..

My biggest comfort in life is that Henry Winter can't do math either

I went to riverbed to wait for you to show up, you didnt show up, I kept waiting .

I can't explain what i mean and even if i could I'm not sure i would feel like it .

and I know I hurt you. I know it must have hurt a lot. but I need you to see that you hurt me too.

no, I don't want an apology. all I want is that you look at me and see that you have hurt me too. that it hurt a lot, too.

Dear diary,

Maybe i didn't give anything to my parents to be proud of.

That awkward moment when you’re like “ahhh that was grooming” ????