The Brightest Start In The Constellation of Leo

arthur is such a tragic character and at the same time the most optimistic fiction podcast protagonist i've ever known. and i think those two things correlate. because his specific brand of tragedy has left him with absolutely nothing except hope to hold on to. his will is the only thing he hasn't lost, and that in itself is also a tragedy. he cannot give up, not even when going forward will only hurt him more. there is mercy in death, there is peace in giving up. there's no mercy in putting one foot in front of the other, bracing yourself and moving forward, again and again and again, not to get somewhere safe enough to rest, but just because you cannot stay still. there is no peace in moving forward when you know the world is not done punishing you. the only reason you'd ever keep going is if you believed you deserved it, and believed that by putting yourself through this hell you will eventually have earned your peace.

"Bad news first, Eddie," Steve sighs as he leans back on his heels, cleaner in one hand and a rag in the other. "They vandalized your headstone again. Good news, I beat Wayne out here so he won't be seeing it."

It's been over a year since they'd had to leave Eddie behind. He'd been cleared of the murders. That had been the easy part, since the Upside Down had exploded out into the Rightside Up. When Vecna started killing people it had been pretty easy for people to realize Eddie was just another victim.

Or so Steve had thought.

Eleven saved them all, the people of Hawkins knew the truth, yet Steve still found graffiti on Eddie's grave.

Eddie's grave is empty, because Eddie's body hadn't been recovered. Too much had happened, no time to mount an expedition to retrieve it, and the gates were closed. Another regret Steve lives with.

Like not taking Eddie's face between his hands and looking him dead in the eye when he told them not to be heroes.

Late at night, Steve sometimes imagines he did just that. Looked him dead in the eyes and says "there is no shame in running, in living to see another day. Don't be a hero because I need you to be okay tomorrow."

Robin says it's not good for his mental health, these what if scenarios, but so what?

Steve isn't sure what started it but coming out here to talk to Eddie seemed to help him clear his thoughts. He'd always start with the bad news, Eddie's voice in the back of his mind. Bad news first, always.

The first time Wayne had caught him out here, Wayne that he was vandalizing. Had scared him half to death being yanked back violently by his upper arm. It didn't take Wayne long for his eyes to process that Steve wasn't holding a spray can.

"You know my boy?" Wayne always spoke on the present tense about Eddie.

"Not as well as I would have liked, sir," Steve swallowed thickly. It was the start of a friendship, of sorts. Wayne seemed happy to have someone to tell stories about Eddie to, and Steve was happy to learn about Eddie.

Months pass and Steve goes every week.

"Bad news. The new guitarist is mediocre at best. Good news. Corroded Coffin lives on and they finally got a new guitarist."

"Bad news. Robin will not shut up about Vickie. Good news. Robin got that date she wanted."

"Bad news. Wayne had an accident at the plant. Good news, he's okay. I think... this might be weird for you but I've convinced him to move in, at least until he's healed fully so he's not alone. He's staying in the downstairs guest room. Not that you know where that is. You've never even been to my house... bad news, you've never been to my house. Good news, I really wish you had."

So it goes. Wayne Munson moves in and never moves out. Steve's parents call once, to ask if he wants the house. Steve says yes.

Shortly after, Robin takes a room upstairs. Says she gonna take a year off school before college. The Party moves their dnd games to Steve's giant dining room table. His house is always full but part of Steve feels empty.

"B-bad news," Steve forces the words out around the lump in his throat, "I found out too late. Good news, I'm bisexuality. Bad news, good news? I don't know man, the news is I could have loved you. I think I do, but that's the you Wayne and the kids tell me about, so who is to say really."

So it goes.

"Bad news. They're seniors this year, Eds. Seniors! Robin going away to college was bad enough. I don't know if I'll even know how to function when they do. 'Cause they're gonna, you know? They're smart. Too smart to stay in this town," Steve is crying, can feel the tears falling, but doesn't stop them. "I know I should go, too. Somewhere else. Anywhere else. But I can't leave. Wayne's here. You're here. And if I go, who will look after either of you?"

"Bad news. College acceptance letters have come in. They're not even graduated yet. This should be good news, but, heh, friends don't lie."

"Bad news, Eds. I can't remember your voice. I didn't think.... I feel like I remember it but I can't hear it. I want to hear it. I-i need-" Steve doesn't know what he needs, doesn't know how to end that sentence so he just sobs, fingers burying themselves into the dirty of an empty grave.

Wayne gets a phone call one day and says he's gotta go back to Tennessee. Eddie's father -that rocks Steve because while he knows Wayne was Eddie's uncle, he never connected that a father was somewhere out there- Eddie's father, Wayne's younger brother, needs him.

Steve drives Wayne to the airport in Indianapolis. Wayne promises he'll return but Steve won't hold him to that. This is family, and as much as Steve pretends, he isn't Wayne's nephew. It's Wayne's family.

As Wayne disappears onto his flight, Steve is left hollow. There's no one left in Hawkins that needs him.

"Bad news, Eds. I think I'm a danger to myself. I keep having these thoughts... like how easy it would be to drive my car into the quarry. Or just skip into the pool and take a deep breath. I don't know who I am, or how to be me, without someone needing me."

Wayne calls and tells him he's coming home. Bringing a guest if that's ok. Steve says okay because he needs to meet the man who taught Eddie how to hot wire a car but not play catch. Also, he hopes to hear Eddie in his voice when they speak.

"Bad news, Eds. I'm too much of a coward to meet your old man. Afraid of what he'll sound like. Because I want him to sound like you so fucking bad it hurts. So instead of being home, I'm hiding here."

And then, a miracle happens.

"Well, I've some bad news for you, too, Stevie. I got my voice from my mom."

Something deeply painful is the fact that seasons, especially fall, dont feel the same. Not because of individual maturity but because climate change has impacted the weather patterns so so so much that we cant even experience the same annual shifts that our ancestors have for centuries

I feel displaced, i yearn for the spring, summer, fall, and winter that i can barely remember experiencing

THE ABSOLUTE STATE OF ARTHUR LESTER

anyone else relate

deviser is so fun like what if a guy (AI) really misunderstood frankenstein and just. just fucked up everything forever. fantastic, no notes, really into the fleshy sounds and all the gasping pained breaths.

Just watched Dead Poets Society. I sobbed really hard and now need to hydrate. Such a beautiful ending and the interspersed quotes.....I need the mantra from the society tattooed on my face.

Ok, but picture this, a bisexual Eddie and a gay Steve who's still working out his sexuality. Eddie is trying his best to make Steve feel better but he just isn't getting it.

Eddie: You can like girls and boys Stevie it's ok it's what I am and you don't think any differently of me right?

Steve: No, no, no Eddie you're not getting it. I don't feel anything when all those girls.

Eddie: But you went out with so many girls! You loved Nancy! You told Robin you had a crush on her while very high!

Steve: But I didn't feel anything when Nancy kissed me! And I just thought if I found the right girl it would be ok and my parents would be happy and I'd get married and everyone would be happy!

Eddie: Maybe your asexual! You can still love them and not want to sleep with them! You could still marry a nice girl!

Steve frustrated with his feelings reaches out and pulls Eddie into a kiss. Eddie kisses back and eventually they pull away.

Steve: So that's what it's supposed to feel like.

Eddie: Maybe you're gay.

The 2021 Fanfic Reading Challenge is now live!

Happy New Year everyone! May this year be better than… whatever 2020 was. *side-eyes it* To that aim, I propose a little bit of fun with the fanfic reading I know we’ll all be doing this year anyway!

Remember: this is open to ALL fandoms and ALL ships and ALL topics.

Spreadsheet format found here. Simply save a copy off of this link, and then you can edit it (except for goals) to your heart’s content. The Rules are listed as a page on the Spreadsheet for your convenience but I will be adding that to the Tumblr as I work on it.

PDF version. For if you wish to print it out and manually mark it up.

A Google Docs version, which is just a list of the goals.

I can make more simplified versions of the list if someone needs it, within reason.

The rest of the Tumblr is not quite complete as I have only so many spoons (I’m working on it though! :D), but I wanted to get this out to you as soon as possible so you could start on it/plan for it ASAP! I know I’ve been chomping at the bit to get started on this, myself. ^_^

Though the Tumblr is not quite finished, the Ask box is certainly open, and if you can’t find your answer on the Rules page of the spreadsheet, ask away!

Have fun, and get to reading! (I already know you are. :P) Juulna

Please signal boost and share this post, as this is a new blog and it has very little reach—also, I only have reach into a bare few fandoms, so please share with any and all shippers and fandom-lovers and fic-readers you know! Share the fun. ;)

P.S. I’d love to have two, maybe three, badges for this event near the end of 2021. One for completing the main challenge, one for completing everything, and a participation badge as the third ‘maybe’. I could muddle my way through making them but they wouldn’t be very fancy, so if anyone’s interested in creating some for this event, that would be amazing. I’d even consider negotiating a commission at a later date, depending on how much interest there is in this event! :)