I Found A Partner Banjo Sleeping Behind The Shack At My Community Pool When I Was In A Rough Depression.

“Dragons respect the strong,” the dragon said. “Okay, so if that’s true why do you never attack that one old farmer outside the city.” Asked the adventurer. “I’ll repeat, Dragons respect the strong.”

The Sushigumi

I'm actually working on something else involving the Lion Mafia. That “something else” is named in such a way that it lowkey sounds like a cooking show. It made me think of an AU.

Be warned, there's puns below this point— and they aren't good puns, either. I am both very sorry, and not sorry at all for this.

Posts related to this AU will be tagged as “sushigumi au”.

— Psychic

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Shishi-Cooking

in an alternate world, the “Sushigumi” are all chefs on a very successful cooking show, which is produced by Horns Network.

No seriously, this show is loved by everyone.

Carnivores love it because it's a rare example of a show that doesn't place their kind in a negative light.

Herbivores love it because the chefs are relatable and easy to grow attached to — despite all of the chefs being carnivorous lions.

Lions love it because the chefs subvert society's expectations of what a “real” lion is. The lion chefs aren't perfect— and, they don't have to be.

They can goof around, crack bad jokes, even make mistakes. Society often forgets that lions never asked to be called “kings” or “leaders”.

The cooking show is a gentle reminder of this.

While the show is generally light-hearted, it also touches on the different issues that the chefs have faced.

It isn't without controversy though— the chefs use meat substitutes that are made to taste “like the real thing”.

However, they also sometimes use meat from funeral homes, and et cetera.

This angered their herbivore viewers, and some of their carnivore viewers, who feared that the network had done a disservice towards carnivores.

After all, what message is Horns Network trying to send by normalising the use of actual meat?

Another scandal erupted when it was revealed that all of the chefs were born and raised in the Black Market, and at one point in time, may have been involved in a gang of sorts.

Everything died down after a few weeks— as was previously stated, the show is just that good.

It’s also hard to stay angry at people you've grown attached to— even if those people are on the telly.

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The Sushigumi

when referring to the chefs collectively, people often call them the “Sushigumi”.

People also refer to the show itself by the same term, even though it's actually called “Shishi-Cooking”.

Shishi-Cooking is typically split up into 3 segments. Segments 1 and 2 are 1 hour long, with the 3rd segment being 2 hours long.

The 1st segment consists of one chef cooking.

The 2nd segment consists of two chefs cooking. They will either be working together, or working against each other in a more competitive setting.

The 3rd segment can be a free-for-all, with each of the 8 chefs competing against each other. The chefs can also be required to work together. Alternatively, they can be working in teams against each other.

Sometimes, a particular chef is given a handicap. It's a bit like Cutthroat Kitchen.

This being said, there are many variations— this is meant to encourage viewers to tune in regularly; you never know what they’ll do next!

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Guests¹

there's been a number of guest chefs and judges on the show, including, but not limited to:

Gordon Ramsey, a well-known herbivore chef famed for his outbursts. He's always very tame on the show, though.

Wolfgang Duck, a wolf-duck hybrid. Was the cause of much intrigue when he was brought on the show.

Cat Cora, a talented feline known for being the first guest star— in addition to being the first guest chef on the show.

The network head, Louis, has been called into the studio on more than one occasion to sample some of what the Sushigumi have made. Despite being the head honcho, he always comes when called for.

¹ I am so sorry.

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Ibuki

characterised as the “dad” chef, and will tsk at his colleagues if they swear too much around Agata.

He's popular with younger lions who see him as father-figure, animals who like “dad-bods”, as well as fathers and mothers who are trying to get into cooking.

His meals tend to be on the more simplistic side— he wants everyone to be able to cook, no matter how few ingredients they have.

Might occasionally go into an aside about education being important, and how he's grateful that he can work with those he considers to be family, and do what he loves at the same time.

Other times, he just cracks dad jokes— both accidentally and purposefully.

He invites Louis to the studio the most.

When working with the other chefs, he’s mostly paired with Dolph or Free. When competing, his most common opponents are Free (their seemingly conflicting personalities boost ratings even further) and Agata (for a older/younger dynamic).

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Dolph

characterised as the “serious” one.

He takes great care in not only cooking, but in the presentation aspect as well.

He never uses more than he needs, and constantly makes mention of alternative ingredients and brands which can be used if one is on a budget.

As a result, he’s the favourite of amateur chefs who may not be starting out with high-end supplies.

He's gained a bit of a cult following among middle-aged animals for not being as high energy, nor as sentimental as some of the other chefs are.

Dolph is notable for taking the more inexperienced Agata under his wing. People find it quite touching how he gently corrects the other chef when he does something wrong.

He corrects, but never demeans or yells. He constantly reminds the viewers (and Agata) that making mistakes is part of the learning process.

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Free

characterised as the “eccentric— wait, is this guy actually crazy?” one.

While everyone debates how much of Free's eccentric personality is just really good acting, they know better than to underestimate the level of creativity and skill he possesses.

He’s the reason that Shishi-Cooking is rated TV-MA; he swears often, makes crude jokes and generally says things that would make even a statue blush.

He stops completely, or tones himself way down when Agata is present, or if Ibuki has asked him to.

Free is mostly interested in how something tastes, but he likes using more unconventional ingredients.

He encourages people to give new, seemingly strange foods a try— after all, they may actually taste nice!

The studio managers also cry a little on the inside whenever Free has a segment to himself— there's always a lot to clean up after— one time, he rode his motorbike in the kitchen.

There's a running gag of Free providing mane care tips, while also complaining about how much work it is to maintain his own mane.

While older folks (lions included) may find Free to be an “improper” lion, younger viewers find it refreshing to see a lion on the television who isn't a stiff, stick-in-the-mud that's obsessed with perfection in everything.

Free is perfectly imperfect.

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Agata

characterised as the “baby of the group”.

As the youngest chef, Agata is more attuned to trends. While it's technically beneath his skill level, he enjoys making trendy foods and drinks.

The episode where he made bubble tea is still very popular.

Newer viewers may underestimate him, but cooking is Agata’s natural talent — he lacks experience, but he more than makes up for it in other areas.

He very rarely has an entire segment to himself, and often ends up working with Dolph on his segments.

Even when competing against each other, Dolph still serves as a mentor and a father figure for Agata.

Dolph once sabotaged himself during a challenge so that Agata could have a better chance at winning.

Younger viewers find Agata's overall demeanour “cute”. Older folks seem to view Agata as a surrogate grandson, and cheer for him from within their kitchens or living rooms.

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Miguel

characterised as the “health nut”.

He focuses primarily on protein-rich, or otherwise healthy meals.

He has a system where he accepts suggestions of healthy alternatives to unhealthy snacks or meals from viewers— it's made him quite popular.

Despite his primary focus being on healthy food, he knows that not everyone can afford it

So, like Dolph, he provides alternative ingredients and brands. However, Miguel also supplies areas which sell fresh produce cheaply.

Miguel always tries to reuse leftovers— if they aren't spoilt or rotten, why throw them away?

He has a sizable following, comprised of people trying to eat healthier, fellow health nuts and house-partners who wish their significant others were as muscular as Miguel.

He works out even while cooking— whilst waiting for something to bake, it's not uncommon for him to drop and do × amount of push-ups.

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Dope

characterised as the “appreciative” one.

Dope wants his audience to have a deep appreciation for the recipes he uses.

He mainly uses recipes from far off places, and is able to recite several facts about them

Foreigners love him— it's so rare finding someone so dedicated. It's even rarer to find someone who properly appreciates the recipes of your forefathers.

The studio always receives one or two letters for Dope.

They are older folks happy that the recipes they grew up with are being spread to younger generations, or, they are younger animals who wanted to replicate the recipe of a departed family member but didn't know where to begin

Dope prefers to work alone, but, if he’s paired with anyone, it's usually Dolph

The former's seriousness complements the respectful approach Dope takes regarding his cooking

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Hino

characterised as the “drop dead gorgeous” one.

Needless to say, Hino is very popular with the show’s viewers— especially with lonely housewives/househusbands/etc, young adults and teenagers.

He focuses very heavily on haute-cuisine, though he does also make simpler dishes.

Viewers debate whether he has bags under his eyes, or if it's just makeup

Hino has a slightly flirtatious, very laid-back attitude in the kitchen, and is prone to teasing the other chefs

Makes use of double entendres when cooking, but never goes overboard.

At the end of the day, he wants to be praised for his cooking skills, not just for his looks.

Like Dolph, Hino is very big on presentation. On more than one occasion, he has won challenges based on his presentation alone.

Every so often, he comes to the studio dressed casually— his casual attire signifies that he won't be making anything fancy that segment.

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Sabu

characterised as the “quiet and skilled” one.

Whenever he has a segment all to himself, there's an orchestra, or some other live band performing behind him.

Sabu is a lion of very few words— the absurdity of having a band on set distracts the viewers from how little he talks, and the bandana he wears over his mouth.

Instead of speech, Sabu’s actions are relayed via subtitles.

On close up shots, the noise from the band is cut out, leaving only the heavenly sounds of the kitchen.

Sabu is popular with people who are into ASMR, as well as with music buffs.

At first, he was criticsed for his lack of speech, however, over time, these criticisms faded.

He's very skilled, and has the most experience out of the 8 chefs.

He prefers gourmet-style cooking, but also seems to enjoy making street foods.

He customises his bandana sometimes— it's a way for him to show support for certain movements. It's also a way for him to poke fun at his colleagues:

“Are you smarter than Free? Probably.”

“Agata is NOT up for adoption. Stop asking.” and:

“You see those idiots (and Louis)?” are among his most popular customisations.

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Jinma

characterised as the “knowledgeable” one.

Whereas Dope is all about respecting the recipes of other cultures and species, Jinma is a bit of a culinary history expert.

He likes to explain things like why certain areas are more prone to developing a specific style, or method of cooking.

It's a bit like watching the history channel, honestly— the show makes a point of listing any references used.

His odd mane cut makes some people worry that he's another Free— that is, crazy and overtly eccentric.

However, Jinma is very comfortably himself, though, he does collaborate with Free sometimes.

With Jinma, he wants to show off his cooking prowess yes, but he also wants to encourage Shishi-Cooking’s viewers to not see a meal as only a meal, but as a portal to the days of old.

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Memorable Moments from Shishi-Cooking

“This is poisonous— only extremely skilled chefs are allowed to prepare this dish. Some prefer to leave the poison in, but, as we’re not trying to kill anyone, we will be removing all of it.”

“Not trying to kill anyone? Speak for yourself.”

— Free, when Dolph is explaining how poisonous the blowfish they're using is.

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“Langauge!— Agata’s here for fuck’s sake!”

— Ibuki, scolding everyone for swearing like sailors around Agata.

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“Ibuki’s not the type to get mad. He gets disappointed. It's worse somehow.”

— Hino, discussing his co-worker during one of his segments.

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“This is where we cry and curse the creator that's abandoned us.”

— Jinma, “joking around” after his cake burns, with less than 10 minutes on the clock.

The wolf-man cowers in the corner of the shrine he adopted as his home and began to take care of, having heard many stories from fellow “monsters” of the lunatic hero who mercilessly pursues his perceived enemies on demand from any villager without anything that would hint at any non-human lineage.

A quiet whine enters the air as the Hero raises his dull sword, wielding it like a barbarian would hold a club rather than how a trained warrior would use even the worst of blades…

It doesn’t take long for the whining to stop.

The hero steps out of the shrine and wipes the sweat from his brow, a broad smile on his face as he sheathes his crimson-stained club. A group of villagers come to congratulate the hero, clapping and cheering before parading him back to town.

Some day soon, the true hero will find the monster in their place, and do unto him all the pain he has inflicted upon others.

“Halt, foul beast! You shall threaten this town no longer!” Yelled the hero, drawing their blade, an ancient artefact that glowed and became razor sharp in the presence of evil.. except it wasn’t only not glowing, but dulled as the hero pointed it at the 8’ tall man-wolf huddled in the corner.

Luigi gets pegged

Here’s a photo of my current oldest Pokémon and one of my closet companions, Mudsdale! He loves to go on walks and rides around the grounds, but recently he’s taken to attempting to adopt other Pokémon that come into his immediate sphere of influence.

At the moment, we’re on our way to return my neighbor’s Dedenne, who she generally lets roam around the countryside… I don’t need a Dedenne eating up my treat stashes for when the Tauros or Doduo act right, so back home she goes!

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How about, as an ice breaker, we play a little

Never Have I Ever!

Ask me "Never have I ever -blank-", and I'll tell you the story if I have!

So, for example, a question might be "Never have I ever seen a legendary"! :D

Remember to send an ask to who you reblogged from!

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It’s finally time for the pantheon twins!! 

back by popular demand, my persona thoughts the squeakquel

compilation

in which luigi is a schoolteacher for Junior and learns ah. interesting new things about himself when he meets the dad