You Say It's My Villain Era And What You Mean Is That When You Were Six You Panicked About Wearing The

you say it's my villain era and what you mean is that when you were six you panicked about wearing the right thing to kindergarten, what you mean is that in middle school nobody was eating, what you mean is that you spent high school prepping for college and college prepping for adulthood and adulthood fucking lost in the system.

what you mean is that you've been good. you were a good team player. you would have never considered yourself perfectionist - those are people more popular, prettier, more successful - but you carry any flaw like a secret in you, terrified someone will desert you for the simple reality of your personhood.

if you were good you could be loved. you could be loved if you were selfless and thoughtful and caring. if you bent over for every person, if you went above-and-beyond, it would absolve you of who you actually were. deep down, how horrible that you had needs. that you had boundaries, that you had desires. you learned young that you cannot afford to cut people out of your life - you would have nothing left. it is better to live in the service of others, to supplicate. to worship. you weren't exceptional, you had to make up for it in some way. to prove to others you were worthy.

if they need you, it's the same thing as loving you. if you are always-there, always-listening, always-friendly, you are filling a role. you have a purpose. you are living correctly.

villain era, you repeat. you mean: yesterday you finally told a man no. for hours afterwards, you couldn't control your heartbeat. you mean: you've been saying positive affirmations on repeat, trying to teach yourself any new thing about how self care is necessary. you mean: three weeks ago, due to a scheduling conflict, you finally told a coworker that no, you couldn't do them a "quick favor". you have felt bad about that ever since. sure, it would have made you work late and it would have been extra stress - but you feel bad about it nevertheless.

you tell your therapist you have been leaning into evil. she asks what that means. when you tell her: sometimes i prioritize my own needs, she doesn't find it funny. she looks at you a long time.

"and that's evil?" she clarifies.

"well," you say. "feels evil to me."

More Posts from Racheloleo and Others

6 months ago

I have a fic idea noodling around in my head: Rook and Emmrich come back from the "Arrangements" quest having sucked face. They sneak from the Eluvian to Rook's sleeping quarters (where not much sleeping happens): afterward, they take a quiet jaunt to the balcony in Emmrich's quarters. They awake in the morning to find no one in the Lighthouse. Why? The rest of the Veilguard is outside in the courtyard trying to figure out how and why the giant kissing skeletons replaced the Fen'Harel statue.


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1 year ago

Hard agree on sensitive horns. It doesn't make sense to me. I will admit to have added purr-like moments to my fics, but they're more because I like the idea of low and rumbly chest noises, not necessarily purrs.

I'm not a big fan of overly sensitive tails, even the bases, but you want to hear my controversial take? Tiefling tails ARE NOT PREHENSILE! Having tails that function like a full fifth limb really takes me out of the story.

Please don't be mean to me about this 😅 It's a sincere request and I still love that everyone is having fun with all of this.

I mean no shade or nastiness towards the people who write these things or are into these things, and I'm not trying to be the fun police. Do you and have fun! But, like...

Can I get some tiefling fanfic that doesn't talk about their "sensitive horns" or how they "purr"?

The horns thing moreso. It takes me right out of it every time. Which sucks because there are so many awesome fics out there, that wind up doing this thing, and then my brain kind of checks out.

As a fanfic writer, myself, I get that fics are usually written primarily for the writer, and I totally appreciate that fact. And as such, I'd honestly just write it, myself (like I did for the lack of Dwight Fairfield {Dead by Daylight} stuff) instead of asking the community at large, but I'm so burnt out I haven't been able to work on anything on my current list, and I've been living off of the incredibly talented people writing for Rolan and Zevlor in particular. Seriously, you are all so wonderful and your work has been a bright spot for me right now during a majorly difficult time I've been going through ❤️

Although I read someone on a different site say that tiefling horns could be viewed like goat horns because devils and goats are so often associated with each other, their horns seem to be a lot more like ram horns. This is an important distinction because goat horns have important nerves inside of the horn, whereas rams don't.

If a goat breaks a horn, not only is it incredibly painful, but they can bleed out and die. Rams, not so much.

Tieflings are shown to not only have broken horns (i.e. Karlach) in both D&D and BG3, but filing the horns down is also an option tieflings can take... Which means that there aren't nerves inside of the horn. If there were, at best, something like that would be unimaginably painful. At worst, they could die from it. And considering tiefling children can straight up break off a horn and grow it back, it's even more highly unlikely that that's the case.

If there aren't nerves in the horn, they can't feel it if you stroke the horn, or graze it with your fingers, etc.

I know we all wanna write steamy sex scenes and such—and, again, because tone is so often lost in text, I don't mean this as something mean or eye-rolly—but not everything needs to be an erogenous zone. Besides, horns can still be grabbed and used as handlebars! That's super sexy!!!

As for the purring, or other Infernal traits that get written similarly, like I said, that's way less a thing for me. But they're not Tabaxi and were originally made from humans whose blood and bodies were altered by making deals with Asmodeus. It's why tieflings can only be born of two tieflings, a human and a tiefling, or two humans with infernal blood.

Again, if you're into this, or write this, I'm not trying to tell you to stop lmao. It's just that this is everywhere and I'd like some variety that takes these things into account 😅

5 months ago

I just snarfed so hard OHMYGOD

I feel like emmrich can’t swim.

Thinking about my lord of fortune rook spending almost all her time on ships and taking for granted that everyone can swim. Then one day, Emmrich is pushed overboard and she is horrified when she doesn’t see him come back up above the water.

4 months ago
Keeping Up With The Mourn Watch
Keeping Up With The Mourn Watch
Keeping Up With The Mourn Watch

Keeping up with the Mourn Watch

6 months ago

As someone who did some conducting with her HS marching band (half a lifetime ago), that was the first thing I noticed about his magic! It's beautiful and lyrical and so dreamy.

emmrich’s hand motions while casting magic — musical. keeping time. directing the orchestra of the fade and the spirits that call for him


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3 months ago
Oh Hello Sir
Oh Hello Sir

Oh hello sir


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