Shazam, A Supposedly Magic Immortal Being Of Unknown Origin: Kinda Pops Off Ngl

There's unexplored comedic potential with Captain Marvel/Shazam and his powers.

I know when they say "the power of Zeus" they focus on lightning, but Zeus is also a shapeshifter in mythology, that's one of his favorite forms of abuse of power.

Theoretically, Billy could be like Beast Boy or the Martians, and being a child, he would inevitably do dumb shit with this power.

Imagine him transforming into a goose and asking someone to post something like this

Asterix and Obelix beloved

Imperialism kills.

They stole the land and killed the children.

Girl scout cookie season has to be fucking hell in Gotham

Like, okay so I don't actually know anything about girl scouts, but it has to be intense right? Every girl scout in the city has to know that Bruce Wayne is a soft touch and will buy out your entire stock if you just look at him with even a hint of a sad frown. Which means outside of Wayne Enterprises and Wayne Manor is prime real estate, the kind of hot spots that scouts and their parents are willing to go to war for. Like, full on street brawls breaking out between these little girls and their rival troops over common Bruce Wayne locations.

And it's *Gotham* so you know there are like, Gotham Specific badges for things like "Improvised Weaponry" and "Urban War Tactics" I bet there are badges for helping people during Rogue attacks, with like a badge for each specific Rogue and a badge you get if you've earned all the others.

Just. Gotham Girl Scouts have to be scarier than any Marine, and are probably on so many watch lists, both ad potential heroes and villains.

Question number 1: does captain marvel have finger prints?

Question 2: if yes, are they the same as Billy’s?

Now imagine the jl runs a background check on their newest member captain marvel and what comes back is a match for a 12 year old run away from the foster system with chargers of minor theft and trespassing

Space Orcs and the Myth of Harmless Prey Animals

Human, talking to Alien about a bully: So, what you're never going to fight back?

Alien: I am of a prey species, we are not capable of fighting back.

Human: So, what? You'd just stand there and let something eat you??

Alien, flapping its flipticles in helpless anxiety: What else can we do? We are not born with the ability to do harm. We are plant-eaters.

Human: What's that got to with it? The most dangerous animal on Earth is a herbivore and it's a bulletproof tank of pure bloodlust.

2nd Human, who was listening in: Also most herbivores can and will eat meat if they get the chance to scavange on smaller corpses.

Presented without comment.

Billy: I don't want to be adopted by anyone from the League. Batman asked and I had to buy him an ice cream cause I felt bad for saying no.

Freddy: Ha, at least no one tried anymore, right? Eugene and I have a betting pool, so please tell me they hate you

Billy: Haha. I mean, Wonder Woman kinda seems like she wants to? She pretty much tackled me into a hug and made me regret drinking coffee-

Freddy: Backtrack. Backtrack. Wonder Woman. Wants to adopt you.

Billy: I mean, yeah, but of course I said no-

Freddy: WONDER WOMAN. WANTS TO ADOPT US.

Billy: I don't see how this relates to you but-

Freddy, writing in the Shazam Fam GC: everybody buckle up new mom just dropped

-

Diana, proudly showing off pictures of her newly adopted kids: And this is my beloved Mary. My beloved Eugene. My beloved darling Darla, and my beloved Pedro, and my beloved Freddy, and my beloved Billy. They enjoy video games and snacks

Bruce, taking this as an obvious challenge, taking out the Batfamily Batalbum: This is Jason. His favorite hobby is murder