Message In A Bottle.

Message in a bottle.

I wanted to get this in writing and throw it into the void. It's either this or try to have a Victor Frankenstein-esque breakdown, which will take too much time and effort. So. This is my monologue about my melancholia and spite. Into the void it goes.

One of my professors was talking about how they think dropping courses shouldn't be an option and went on to tell a long tale of their own perseverance, how you must do things you don't like to achieve in life, why giving up means you're not trying.

And I was sitting there thinking that if I don't make Great Achievements in the future, my story would be told as a lesson. 'She was a bright student, but she couldn't take pressure and dropped out. All that potential, wasted. So stick to the path we've given you and go through with it no matter how much we stack the odds against you and how much you hate it.'

The most ridiculous part? If I do achieve their idea of success, they'll be saying how great it is to be yourself and how their wonderful, inclusive, tolerant system gives you the resources to follow your dreams.

Sometimes, I wish I'm not too weak of mind to take the chances I've been given. I wonder if I'm not struggling, just too soft and too vain to to proper hard work.

Then I try to remember that that's not me talking. That's the voice of people who don't know me and don't try to, talking in my head. The times I've been squashed down, the times I had to make myself small to fit in - all that is real, and it hurt me. None of the people who tell me I'm doing well saw when I was breaking down right under their noses. It's time to go.

It's not easy to choose according to your own judgement, especially when that judgement goes against the values of the people around you. There will be people who support you, if you're lucky, but you will have nobody to follow. And that's frightening. I hope I'll have the strength to say, I'll have it no other way.

More Posts from Purrlockswatson and Others

6 months ago

Two very different vampires

Two Very Different Vampires

Very nice, Pierce, but maybe don't flash your, ah, ankles. Dear Aurik is by @vladimirsangel

Originally, I only planned a doodle of smol Pierce next to Aurik because a midnight conversation turned from the division of chores in the Dracula household to vampire height difference. But it's been a weird week, and I kept adding to the sketches to unwind. I hope my 'stress art' makes some people happy, too.

On vamp fashion: Pierce's dressing gown is based on Klimt's The Kiss, reference to the Klimt-inspired robe in Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992). Aurik is NOT a brat; he probably borrowed the t-shirt from Vlad. His outfit is a combination of this Goth one and his Ugg boots.


Tags
5 months ago

Erik live reaction:

Erik Live Reaction:

(This happens every week. Erik should not be allowed near good WiFi reception.) Vlad, it's beautiful. The little hairs on his wrinkly forehead are vital. And you used one of my favourite Raoul kooky quotes! My first little bald cat Erik has come so far *teary sigh*

"With Erik, You Never Know. Is It Erik? Is It The Cat? Is It The Ghost? No, With Erik, You Can't Tell!"

"With Erik, you never know. Is it Erik? Is it the cat? Is it the ghost? No, with Erik, you can't tell!"

@purrlockswatson has this fantastic version of Erik who is a Sphynx cat. So I thought I'd do a portrait of him because I really enjoy drawing cats. And Eriks.


Tags
5 months ago
Cleopatra (middle) Makes Her Vampire Partner Pierce (right) And His Ex Alexander (left) Watch Phantom
Cleopatra (middle) Makes Her Vampire Partner Pierce (right) And His Ex Alexander (left) Watch Phantom

Cleopatra (middle) makes her vampire partner Pierce (right) and his ex Alexander (left) watch Phantom of the Opera (1990).

To clarify, Pierce likes rats. In a completely normal way.

(All characters are from my WIP Gothic Tales from Melancholia)

(All my Phantom art here and here)


Tags
4 months ago
Germs Got Me. The Whole Inside Of My Head, Throat And Chest Feels Inflamed. Like A Vampurr Who Snorted

Germs got me. The whole inside of my head, throat and chest feels inflamed. Like a vampurr who snorted garlic powder or something - I've lost my singular braincell, can't really be poetic.

Oh well, guilt-free bedrot and "Salem's Lot" audiobook. I'm not a fan of Stephen King, but vampire fiction is vampire fiction.

I'm not going to be up to much these days. I do have some weird drafts stored up, and if my brain comtinues to be so swollen, I might just post them.


Tags
4 months ago

Holy crisps.

Holy Crisps.

Storyboard done. Got out the calculator, and found out I have to do around 100 panels of Cat Phantom drawings. (It's an animatic based on the song "Love me Normally")

Please regularly come to yell at me about this project because I really want to finish it, but I don't know it I have the strength to do so.

Break time. I hope you've all been secretly wanting to see Cherik in a corset because, eh, that's what's happening now.


Tags
3 months ago
I Have One Word For This.

I have one word for this.

NO. hell, NO.

I Have One Word For This.

I can't deal with this shite, am I cursed? Is this a cosmic joke? A book I love with my soul mashed with a book I hate with a burning passion?

I damn well hope that's just a marketing scheme and not what they're actually doing. But I dont have high hopes.

I'm so sorry Erik, you deserved better than Edward fudging Cullen okay I'm losing my capacity to treat this tastefully goodbye

(Article here)


Tags
4 months ago
Doomed By The Narrative.

Doomed by the narrative.

They doomed themselves and each other. They treated each other like monsters and believed themselves to be monsters.

The "monster or human" narrative is one of the central conflicts of the story. Were we made wrong, or did we lose our souls somewhere along the way? What happens when you believe you are a monster?

Before I worry anyone unduly, my well-being is, well, quite well. A reason I hesitate to post my writing is that I'm worried I'll make people concerned - yes, a lot of it is based on experience, but it's gothic fiction and I paint it darker than it is. Also, I have a gremlin in my brain that screams, "MAKE IT WEIRDER!" A weird imagination is the side effect of growing up feeding on novels, don't read too much into it.

Welp, I suppose we'll soon know just how weird it is, if I don't chicken out and actaully release the creepy lil creature into the internet.


Tags
5 months ago

For the OC and creator ask game😁🥰

2,4,5,8,13,15,17,20,27,30

A,B,D

Have a safe, fun New Year's Eve,and may this new year be one of many blessings and all things good for you and your loved ones!!!

Oh my, thank you for asking! Questions are from this ask game. Lots of good ones here!

2. How easy is it to make them laugh? Pierce and Cleopatra are a pair of clowns at a funeral. They laugh easily, joke weirdly, and fill my carefully crafted gothic atmosphere with too much comedy. Sarah laughs at people's misfortune. Especially when it's Pierce.

4. How easy is it to earn their trust? Pierce trusts on instinct; luckily, it usually works, and he has a gaurd dog (Sarah). Cleopatra holds people at arms length, but she's so outwardly sweet that it's hard to tell. Earning Sarah's trust would take a lifetime, and you'd probably be wasting your time.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust? You'd have to do something really horrible to Pierce's Undead heart to earn his mistrust. Cleopatra, fairly easily, but she gives second chances. You have Sarah's mistrust by default.

8. What are they told to stop doing as a child? Little Pierce brought home creatures and friends that he begged to keep but were probably no good for him. When he was older, he had to be told to stop squandering the family fortune. Little Cleopatra had to be removed from her room to be introduced to human company. Little Sarah bit people, swore a lot and terrorised her governesses.

13. Oh, this is a good one! The trio dress according to the three Gothic colours, red white and black. Pierce wears white and pale colours, signifying his role as the 'innocent.' Cleopatra wears red, vitality and passion. Sarah dresses in black, Doom and Gloom and severity.

15. How do they speak? Pierce is equally fluent in eloquent flirting, undignified emotional monologues and spontanious yapping. Cleopatra changes her style according to who she's talking to and what she thinks they expect of her. Sarah has two gears: swearing and death-threats or cold politeness with discreet sarcasm.

17. Are they easily embarrassed? Pierce gets flustered when he meets someone as good at innuendo as him. Cleopatra used to be self-conscious, but not anymore. Sarah is proud, she reacts badly to being demeaned.

20. How would they explain the difference between familial, platonic, and romantic love?Pierce would say platonic and romantic loves are chosen, but familial love isn't, and the difference between platonic love and romantic love is that with romantic love, there's the desire to become part of that person and have a part of them inside you (metaphorically... I think he knows how that sounds). Cleopatra would say the difference is the places they hold in your life and that many kinds of love can't be pinned down. Sarah believes any kind of love is an obligation.

27. What causes them to feel dread? Pierce: when people fall out of love with him. Cleopatra: the sense of being worthless, helpless or purposeless. Sarah: she'd be the last to say so, but she has a fear for anything that cause her physical or emotional harm.

30. Who do they most regret meeting? Pierce can't really wrap his little brain around regret, but he does have many of them. Deep down, he regrets meeting the vampire who made him a vampire. Sarah and Cleopatra both regret meeting Pierce at some point.

A. Are you excited about your oc(s)? Yes. I write about them every day. They don't always give me an easy time, but I love it.

B. What inspired you to create them? Pierce was originally just a happy vampire, but then I started basing him on Dorian Gray, and then I realised that he has a lot of me in him. Cleopatra has a lot of my own traits. Sarah was based on the actress Sarah Bernhardt in the beginning, but now she's a completely different character and only her name, appearances and sass are the same.

D. Have their physical appearance changed? Pierce was once tall. It gave me a shock to read my description of his tallness in earlier drafts. Sarah's dress and hair changed when I changed her backstory. Cleopatra is unchanged, except that I decided that her hair isn't naturally ginger.

If you've come so far, thank you for reading all this! And I wish you and your family a happy New Year as well, all the best with everything!


Tags
Loading...
End of content
No more pages to load
  • greenfinchwriter
    greenfinchwriter reblogged this · 5 months ago
  • greenfinchwriter
    greenfinchwriter liked this · 5 months ago
  • vladimirsangel
    vladimirsangel reblogged this · 5 months ago
  • vladimirsangel
    vladimirsangel liked this · 5 months ago
  • squirrel-pawz
    squirrel-pawz liked this · 5 months ago
  • purrlockswatson
    purrlockswatson liked this · 5 months ago
  • purrlockswatson
    purrlockswatson reblogged this · 5 months ago
  • windforkindisguise
    windforkindisguise reblogged this · 5 months ago
  • windforkindisguise
    windforkindisguise liked this · 5 months ago
  • angel-with-paper-wings
    angel-with-paper-wings reblogged this · 5 months ago
  • angel-with-paper-wings
    angel-with-paper-wings liked this · 5 months ago
  • whyisthereacentaur
    whyisthereacentaur liked this · 5 months ago
  • dawning-novelty
    dawning-novelty liked this · 5 months ago
  • lokislynx
    lokislynx liked this · 5 months ago
  • jennyfair7
    jennyfair7 liked this · 5 months ago
  • purrlockswatson
    purrlockswatson reblogged this · 5 months ago
purrlockswatson - Mad, sad and confusing to know
Mad, sad and confusing to know

Amanda. Artist. Writer. Victorian vampire. Here lies my shenanigans.

245 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags