So I Just Read Simon Vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda

In memoriam of my killer queen baby, i absolutely adore her, mi vida<3

You don’t love anyone? Of course you don’t, darling. You don’t have the balls for it. To love you need courage.

LMFAO

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. “I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!”

She then asked Mitchell what he had done. “I took a ride on a choo-choo.”

She said, “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words.”

She then asked Bobby what he had done. “I read a book,” he replied.

“That’s WONDERFUL!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”

Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the Shit.”

i was today years old when i read the original lyrics for smells like teen spirit and rape me from with the lights out

I was soooooo happy to know Rosa still has Arlo!!!

Weird stuff my sleep deprived friends say as incorrect quotes 6/?

Michael: what the fuck is lukewarm?? Just say warm! I mean seriously, was the human race too bored of a word so they made another one?? I fucking hate English. Pull your backward ass language together!! AND HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT THAN JOHNWARM???

I don’t know how to express how much I FEEL for Kenny because all he wants to do is play extreme guess who? with pictures of potential assassins and get to say [hacker voice] “I’m in” every once in a while but Eve’s queer ass keeps dragging him in the middle of her 60 min long winded [STORYTIME: I STABBED MY GF???: NOT CLICKBAIT] YouTube video that is her life meanwhile his mother is actively infiltrating Russian intelligence by getting her spussy (spy pussy) ate and the girl he has a crush on would LOVE to be infiltrated by Carolyn and the boy gets no mf rest… get him some tea please

This one is for all the girls who are like me.

This one is for every girl (or boy) out there that watches tv shows and movies, and like that awesome badass female characters.

Every time I see this girl, I aspire to be her, as cool and cold blooded, never give a fuck and be feared, such as Rosa Diaz, Natasha Romanoff, Robin Scherbatsky, Irene Adler and many more.

But that's just not me.

I'm the weird, cute girl, nothing more than a comedic break from the badassness, the one that no little girl take as a role model.

Well, if you can relate, let me tell you something:

Amy Santiago beat up a dude twice her size in a wedding dress

Pepper Potts is a CEO of a company

Lily Aldrin has a stare that can kill a man

And Molly Hooper is a pathologist (which can't be easy) and has to put up with Sherlock

Every one of these characters are kind, smart, funny and badass when necessary.

You're lucky to be one of them.

Zoom meeting be like

Would you believe me when i tell you that the exact same thing happened to me but my dad was playing the kazoo?

Me: *tries to have a peaceful morning in bed listening to Foo Fighters*

My dad: *puts a flute cover of My Heart Will Go On at full blast followed by Hallelujah*

Thor or rocket

#tag yourself i’m tony stark