Do Y’all Ever Feel Like Dying Out Of No Where Your Not Sad Or Upset Just Feel Like Dying And Yet You

puppy-boy-eb-o-ny

3 years ago

Has anyone read these?:) i also love the detail on there book!

Undertale reader insert fanfic recs

Look, cringe culture is dead and I decided to combine two things I like: my taste in fanfiction and bullet journaling. If you like skeletons, you’re in luck I guess. These pretty much all feature sans and papyrus from different universes, but one of these is a Gaster x reader.

Skeleton Squatters and the LandLady by Tyrant_Tortoise on Ao3

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Metal Family - Dee x Reader:

She Fuckin’ Hates Me

(Part 3)

Part 1, Part 2

Masterlist

Dee and y/n had spent a few meetings working on their project, some at y/n's house, some at Dee's. As predicted, there'd been plenty of arguments, both trying to be the best and take the lead. But in the end, they both had to admit that the other had some pretty cool ideas, and they're presentation was shaping up to be a pretty damn good one.

But they're not actually going to admit that, obviously. And the arguments just kept coming. Neither would swallow their pride long enough to give good credit to the other - even when they knew they deserved it.

Sometimes one of them would come close to complimenting the other, having to build it up in their head first... then the other would ruin the moment with an asshole-ish remark, and they'd wonder why they ever thought to say something in the first place.

Then, something happened, and that changed. That caused their dynamic to change. That kinda made everything change, it seems.

It was a very slow build up. And it started with a text message.

-

Dee was up late, and an epiphany struck him about their project. It was a brilliant idea, really. He could've waited to bring up the idea in person, and played it cool, but he was actually quite proud of himself, and decided to text y/n at 12:04 at night instead. They were online seventeen minutes ago, it was likely they'd see it.

They didn't reply that night. Dee checked once again, and when he saw no reply, gave up and went to sleep - they were probably sleeping too.

The next morning, Dee woke up to see no reply, still. It was a Sunday, they were probably sleeping in late.

It was mid way through the day when Dee really began to get annoyed. Why weren’t they answering him? He knew they didn't get along, but this was strictly work-related, and they could at least begrudgingly work together for the sake of their grade.

They haven’t been this petty before, but surely after so many hours, they would've seen his message. But why are they ignoring him?! Maybe he pissed them off somehow? But what could he have said that's worse than what he says already? ...And that warrants ignoring the project that they care about just as much as he does? He just can't figure them out! Maybe that's why they frustrate him so much.

Everyone in the household was beginning to notice Dee's growing temper, and thin-wearing patience. While Glam decided to give Dee space, letting Dee come to him if he so wished, Heavy decided to constantly badger Dee, wondering what was bugging him so much. Victoria was curious on the inside, but didn't want to seem mushy, so decided to call on him each time he lashed out, but not push on the subject - he'd tell her if he wanted to.

But Dee kept it to himself. He didn't want to appear like he cared about y/n’s opinion. He doesn't. He just wants to get on with the stupid project. But they could at least show him they’ve read it! Even if they just say they'll discuss it in person, they should at least acknowledge it! But, y'know, it doesn't matter anyway. Who cares what they think?

Then Dee had another epiphany. What his message to them was a bad idea? What if it was stupid? What if they saw it, laughed at it, and decided to wait so they can laugh in his face? He read over the message again, and again, having thought this, and although he couldn't see any flaws in his theory, his insecurities and doubts were still there. What if it was something so dumb and obvious, he kept missing it?

It was then that the rest of his family became uneasy too. Dee was many things, confident being one of them. It was in his nature to be a bitchy teenager, so they weren't too bothered before, but now... now, Dee seemed anxious, and that didn't happen often. Glam and Victoria decided, if he didn't talk to them soon, they'd bring it up, make sure he's ok.

He didn't talk to them, naturally.

-

After dinner, Dee started to get up and leave, as per usual, with it being Heavy's turn to wash the dishes.

"Dee," Glam called, and Dee glanced back, "can you sit back down for a moment please, your mother and I were hoping to have a word." Dee groaned dramatically, but sat down anyway.

Upon seeing Heavy slow his movements, and lean back an inch, Victoria called out to him. "Hey! Heavy, scram!"

"No dishes?" He questioned hopefully.

"No, leave 'em, just go to your room." Heavy dropped the dish he was holding rather harshly, making a big splash in the sink full of water, but payed it no mind. He gave a little 'yesss' while punching the air slightly, then ran off before she changed her mind. While Heavy would love to eavesdrop and know what his parents were saying to Dee, getting out of chores was much better.

Glam and Victoria shared a small look, silently deciding who would be the first to speak, while Dee just looked on with his resting bitch face, expectantly.

"Dee," Glam started, evidently losing the battle (not that he minded, he just wanted to give Victoria the chance to speak first, should she want it) - "we just wanted to ask, if everything's been ok lately?"

Before Glam could continue, Dee got instantly defensive. "Of course it is, why wouldn't it be? I'm fine." He got up to leave again, but was sat back down by his mother's glare.

"Dee, we're concerned." Glam continued. "You've been acting strangely lately, more on edge, like something's bothering you. We just want you to know that you can talk to us, with no judgment."

"Yeah!" Victoria piped up, as if just realising that she should probably say something reassuring as well. "If there's something really bothering you Dee, we won't criticise or make fun." A side glance from Glam made her huff slightly, but correct herself, "Ok, I won't criticise or make fun."

Dee looked apprehensive for a second, debating whether to talk to them. He decided it might be worth getting their opinion. He knew Glam would give his honest opinion on his theory, and if it's any good or not, and he could trust his mother to be honest about if he's overreacting to y/n's lack of response.

"Ok, fine, but I need you to be brutally honest with me... you too ma." Victoria visibly relaxed at that, knowing that it was her son's wish for her to be honest, without risk of hurting him.

"Ok, so, y'know the project I'm working on at school..."

-

By the time Dee had finished recounting everything, Glam looked with the same nonchalant gaze, and Victoria looked wildly confused.

"Dad, I was hoping you could look at my theory and make sure there's not something stupid I'm overlooking, I mean, what if there's a dumb mistake, and they’re just laughing at, and waiting to humiliate me, and..." Dee stopped himself, took a breath, and turned to his mother. "Ma, don't worry about all the other stuff, I just want you to tell me if I'm overreacting, and what you think y/n might actually be thinking here, cos I'm really lost, and, honestly, really pissed."

At this, Victoria visibly relaxed, and knowing her job was something capable, she instantly jumped to give her input.

"I'd say everything's fine! They probably can't be assed to do school work while they don't have to and will bring it up when you see them next, relax!"

Dee relaxed a little at her words, but was still nervous. He honestly didn't know why, y/n's opinion shouldn't matter so much to him. He just didn't want to seem dumb. He wanted them to see his intelligence. He just didn't know why.

Victoria saw that Dee still wasn't convinced, but wasn't really sure what she should say next. She was grateful when Glam pitched in after having read the theory that Dee had come up with.

"Well Dee, I must say, it's an excellent theory, no obvious issues. I agree with your mother, you're probably worrying over nothing. Perhaps they misplaced their phone over the weekend?"

Dee nodded slightly in acknowledgment, but couldn't get his mind to wrap around the fact that he was overreacting. Surely there was something wrong. Dee wouldn't get this anxious over nothing. All because of y/n's opinion! There's no way he cares that much.

"Dee, can I ask you something?" Glam asked cautiously. Dee glanced up as if giving permission, spurring him on. "Why are you in such a hurry to hear this person's response?"

Glam already had a feeling he knew the answer, and whether Dee knew it himself was another issue, but the way his face turned a light shade of pink confirmed Glam's suspicions.

Dee instantly got defensive, but that was likely because he didn't have an answer. "I don't know, I just- I just want to finish this stupid project, and their procrastinating isn't helping!" Dee spoke heatedly, and stormed out.

Victoria was about to snap something and call him back, but Glam put a hand on her arm, and filled her in on his thoughts.

-

A/N: ok, so I'll start off by saying, I'm so, so, so sorry that I took so long to write this! Also, I was hoping to finish this in this part, but it was already super long, and I didn't want to make it any longer, but I'll get the next part out a lot quicker now that I'm back in the swing of things. If you have any requests, feel free to leave them in the comments!

Have a great day/night,

~ SonofaBeach

"Always Bella" - Jacob Black x Reader

Summary: Summary: Jacob x reader angst. Bella always comes first. I'm going to hurt your feelings so if you don't want that please don't read this.

Part One / Part Two / Part Three

Weeks.

It had been weeks since I had heard from my best friend Jacob. Our friendship had felt a bit different since Bella Swan had moved back to Forks, however he had never ignored me like this.

How did we go from spending every waking moment together to this?

No answers to my phone calls, texts, or knocks at his door.

I felt my face contort with pain as I think about all the laughs we shared, staying up in his garage until 3 am working on his rabbit, just the two of us. Embry and Quil stopping by to poke fun... until Bella came back to town.

Now it was us... and Bella. Or just him and Bella while I sat on my couch on our usual pizza nights.

Jacob and I progressively spent less time together one on one. I was watching my best friend follow this girl around like a lost puppy, willing to do anything for her, though she was not willing to do the same.

Jacob was like the sun, to anyone he blessed with his presence. Now, it seemed to be that he was Bella's sunshine, no longer able to warm my life. Though, she seemed to be a cloud of darkness that rained over his head daily; I couldn't understand why it was her.

Why not me?

It was always Bella.

Though, eventually Jake disappeared, too. He joined in with Sam, Paul, Embry, and Jared. Despite always making fun of them, he disappeared completely to hang out with them.

So when Bella Swan called me to see if I had heard from Jacob recently, I was both shocked and relieved to know that he abandoned her, too.

"Please, (Y/N)... We need to go see him." She begs through the phone. "What if he's not okay?"

The thought of Jacob not being okay was enough to send my stomach into the deepest pit of pain.

As much as he was killing me, I couldn't stand the thought of him in pain. The fact that he was being a dick to Bella too was comforting in some sick way.

"Alright." I mutter into the phone. "I'll see you when you get here."

I quickly hung the phone up and put my shoes on, awaiting the rumbles of Bella's old truck.

The shaking of my leg was interrupted momentarily as her truck pulled in front of my house. I stood up and made my way over to the orange, rusting vehicle.

"Hey." She murmured.

"Hi." I spoke softly, leaning my head against the window.

Bella wasn't stupid, she knew how I felt for Jacob.

She knew of the riff she caused between us.

She always looked at me with a sympathetic look, though I know she didn't truly care for how much it hurt.

Overall, it sucked for me. However, I cared more for how much she was hurting Jacob.

I knew as soon as Edward came back, she would once again put Jacob right back in his place. Back where he really belonged for Bella.

Jacob was a distraction, he was a place holder. He was just another person to pick up the pieces of Bella Swan. And she knew that. But to Jacob, she was everything.

It hurt to watch him pine so hard over someone who would never return that affection.

I felt his pain.

The abrupt stop and screeching of Bella's brakes was enough to pull me back down to reality. I looked out of the window to see the rain slide down, leaving trails of water behind.

That's when I saw him.

Jacob.

He easily grew a foot, his hair no longer long like I enjoyed. A tattoo on his now buff arm, steam radiating from his skin in the rain.

"What the fuck..." I mutter to myself.

The slamming shut of Bella's door shook me, bringing me back to reality once again. I struggled to find the door handle, trying to catch up to her walking over to Jacob. I quickly managed to get out of the truck, almost running to catch up.

"Bella go home. I don't want you here." He scolds, refusing to meet her gaze. I had to hold back a smile as I heard his words, as I didn't need to be openly appreciative of his coldness towards the girl.

"No, what happened to you?" She demands, walking closer to him.

"No. I don't want to see you." He huffs.

"Please, look at me." She pleads, pushing a hand onto his chest.

"Jake..." I whisper to myself, still trying to take everything in.

His eyes finally met hers and his face contorted to one of disappointment. Like he was waiting for something that would never come.

"Go home Bella." He says once again, shaking her off and pushing forward.

"Jacob, please." I whisper, my hand grazing his feverish arm.

"(Y/N)... please don't do this." He turns to look at me with a somber, sympathetic face.

"Do what?" I ask with a shaky voice, finally tearing my eyes from his entirely different physique to his chestnut brown eyes.

His face fell into one of tranquility, his clouded eyes in a complete daze as they stared into mine. The tenseness that was once in his body left, his shoulders and jaw falling slack. I suddenly felt a strong pull to Jacob, one stronger than before, somehow. Looking into Jake's eyes felt like most intense peace I have ever felt.

"Jacob?" Bella's wavering voice chimed.

Jacob's gaze finally left mine, turning to Bella disappointedly.

"I can't believe this..." He murmurs.

"Believe what? What just happened Jacob?" I ask, a pit forming in my stomach once again.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." He huffs, turning back to me sympathetically. "I'm sorry, (Y/N). I can't do this. I don't want to see you ever again."

His words cut like knives, I felt the world around me spin, all the air left my body.

"What?" I whisper as tears prick my eyes.

"Jacob, what happened to you?" Bella asks, anger framing her face.

"Why don't you ask those filthy bloodsuckers you love so much?" He spits, before turning back to me, shaking his head in disappointment.

Bella was taken aback, as was I.

What does that even mean? Filthy bloodsuckers?

"Goodbye, don't come back again." He warns.

And just like that, he ran off into the woods to meet up with Embry, Sam, Paul, and Jared.

Leaving me confused, hurt, and stuck in the rain with Bella Swan.

_____________________________________

Might do a part two, what do you think?

i found some time after finishing some assignments I had to do. I hope you enjoy and I should get part two up soon.

Part One / Part Two / Part Three

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puppy-boy-eb-o-ny

3 years ago

This is one of my favorites so far❤️🥺

Overprotective Tobey!Spidey Headcanons

Request: can you maybe do overprotective headcanons for tobeys peter ???

Of course, I’m so happy to see so many Tobey requests!

Also I’m back!!! Happy new year everyone!! <3

(I do not own Spider-Man or its characters, all rights go to creators. Gif credit goes to @wiha-jun.)

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°

Oooh okay so Tobey!Peter, we already know that he’s the sweetest boy. The two of you have been sweethearts since High School, spending all day together. The two of you used to sit with your heads knocked together on the school bus, Peter’s fingers trembling as they brushed over yours, turning the page of the newest Science journal. Or partnered up together in lessons, where Peter spends the whole hour with his head resting on his palm with that fond, faraway look in his eyes as he watches you. He constantly gets told off for allowing the beaker to explode, though, and he apologises to you profusely when you have to stay behind during lunch and wipe the goo of the tables. You just start laughing, and in the end he joins in with his own nervous giggles as you walk over and rest your forehead on his shoulder.

And he swears he can feel his heart explode. He stills, trying not to jostle you, but he fears you can tell how he can barely breathe. He awkwardly wraps an arm around your waist, thumb sort of hovering over your shirt in fear that he’s stepping too far. And it’s the most magical feeling he’s ever had, that ecstatic bliss that burns through his chest and sets every nerve of his being on fire.

Keep reading

"Always Bella III" - Jacob Black x Reader

Summary: Part III to "Always Bella" Read Part One / Part Two / Part Three

Jacob's warm skin pressed against mine gently, his arm brushing up against my side. I leaned my head against his shoulder, lightly shutting my eyes as I grew more relaxed by the minute.

"Jeez, (Y/N). Try to stay awake a little longer." He softly chuckled into my hair, lightly squeezing my side.

"But Jake, it's so late and I'm just so tired." I giggle, nuzzling my face closer into him.

"I know, I know." He whispers. "Just close your eyes for a bit but you'll be awake again by episode three."

"You got it."

He laid down on the couch, pulling me into him so we laid more comfortably. I pulled the blanket up closer to my chin as I inhaled the light scent of his cologne through his shirt.

Frantic tapping on my window was what woke my limp body. I gasped, before realizing it was simply Quil and Embry.

God, these dreams were hauntingly real.

Empathic looks painted their faces as they stood over my car. I felt my eyes well with tears as my throat seemed to burn as if someone stuck a hot branding iron down inside of it.

"Open up." Embry gently murmured.

I nodded as I let out the breath I subconsciously held. Chills took over my entire body, causing me to freeze for a moment. I huffed once again and shifted over to the passenger seat of my car.

Embry and Quil hopped into my car. Embry took the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition as Quil took the back seat and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

His soft, yet firm grip caused me to jump at the sudden touch. I quickly relaxed back into the seat, his warmth seemingly spreading upon my entire body as I succumbed to the darkness once again.

I woke up to rays of sun poking through my curtains of my bedroom. The dull, aching pain in my gut wrenched through me endlessly. I turned over to see a muffin in a ziploc bag on my nightstand. A happy face drawn on a sticky note underneath, followed by the initials of Quil and Embry. I sighed as the thought of food made me sick.

The sight of him holding onto Bella for what seemed like dear life was enough to put me in a constant state of nausea for days. I was immobile, watching the sun rise and set as the days passed.

I sat there, wondering how I possibly felt like this. How was it possible that my heart hurt this much? Jacob and I were never actually together, so how could I feel such loss?

Though, maybe it was because I felt cheated? Cheated out of what could have been.

What should have been.

I wondered if he really missed me at all. Embry and Quil told me he did, but I didn't believe him.

If he truly missed me, wouldn't he be here right now?

Why would he leave me suffering alone?

The two aforementioned boys really seemed to empathize with me, as if they knew more than I did. As if there was something I wasn't allowed to know.

They both worried greatly, it was nice to see that some of my old friends still loved me as they did before Bella moved back.

Embry was always grounded, but Quil really began showing up to check on me in his free time. I felt bad, but he seemed to really want to spend the time with me.

It was nice in a way, there was no pressure with Quil. I loved Quil, he was one of my closest friends and knew my feelings for Jacob. There were no expectations other than friendship, which made his presence even more comforting.

"Does Bella know?" I ask Quil, soaking up his warmth on the couch.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He sighs, his grip on me loosening.

His response told me that she did. She knew what was going on with Jacob, she knew everything. But here I was, in the dark.

The light from the TV shone on Quil's face as he looked down at me. I pulled the blanket further up my legs as I adjusted myself under his arm. The darkness contrasting with his silhouette.

While the pain ached through my body like a searing hot brand, Quil's presence brought me some solace. His warmth eased my frigid cold state. I missed Jacob, but Quil's unwavering friendship and care was comforting. It was almost enough.

"Why does she get to know?" I croak.

"She wasn't supposed to. She meddled her way in." He stifles a laugh, glancing back at the TV for a second. "You were actually supposed to know more about this, not her. But that's when Jacob's ready." His hot breath fell on my face as he sighed before turning back to the TV. "It's not that he doesn't want to, it's that he can't right now. He can't even understand it himself."

What did that even mean?

"When he's ready? I'm supposed to know, yet instead she knows it all as I'm left in the dark?"

"Yeah, it's ironic how that worked out." He mutters, slightly raising the volume of the TV.

I took that as my signal to stop pushing. After all, Quil was the one who truly showed the most care towards me. He made sure that I would be okay at the end of the day. Or at least he tried.

It wasn't his fault that I was utterly inconsolable.

I just couldn't understand why this pain was eating me alive. Why I felt as if I was falling apart not only emotionally, but physically. With every day, I felt it was harder to move.

Harder to breathe.

I laid my head on his shoulder, appreciating the warmth that Quil brought me. In some way, I almost felt that being next to Quil almost connected me to Jacob in a way.

But I knew it wasn't a true connection. Jacob seemingly wanted nothing to do with me anymore. No matter what Quil told me, it's how it felt.

It was tearing me apart on the inside.

I felt my breathing slow as my eyes began to flutter. Staying awake was harder than I thought. However, the vibration of Quil's phone startled me into a more awake state.

It was when I read Jacob's name flash on the screen that I grew more concerned.

Quil's eyes peered over to me as I tried to seem asleep. He then looked over at his phone before unlocking it to see what Jacob said.

I knew it was wrong, but I peered over to see for myself.

"Why are you with (Y/N)?" His words flashed across the screen.

Quil let out a displeased sigh before looking back over to my "sleeping" frame.

I watched as he responded.

"Well, why aren't you?"

Quil snickered before looking back at the TV. His phone was quiet for a few moments. His phone was quiet for a few moments, so I decided to stop snooping.

I shut my eyes as the warmth that Quil provided enveloped me into a state of slumber. Sleeping has been much easier with Quil around.

I wasn't sure how long I slept for, but it hadn't been too long as the same movie I fell asleep to was playing.

I heard hushed voices in the entry of my house, causing me to look up from my spot on the couch.

"Jacob, get out before you wake them up." Quil whispers.

"No, I need to see (Y/N) right now." Jacob seethes, looking down angrily at Quil.

"No, you've done enough. They finally fell asleep, you can't do this right now."

"But, I really need to talk to-"

"Jacob, go home." Quil says sternly. "You can't do this right now, you've been hurting them way more than you know."

I felt tears brim my eyes as I grew speechless. I wanted to yell, to move, but the words never came out and I grew paralyzed.

"Leave, Jacob." Quil hisses.

Jacob's face fell, his already distressed appearance growing somehow more somber. Tears shone as they fell down his cheeks before he looked down, gulping the lump in his throat down.

"I'll be back tomorrow." He whispers before running outside.

Quil sighs before turning around to walk back to the couch. He stops dead in his tracks as he sees me, now sitting up.

"You told him to leave?" I ask, voice almost croaking.

"(Y/N)..." He whispers, looking at me with pleading eyes.

"No, don't (Y/N) me, Quil." I hiss. "You knew I wanted to see him, to talk to him."

"I know, but not now. You were finally sleeping. You've been a wreck and I-"

"That's not your choice to make, Quil! You know I wanted to see him!" I begin to choke on tears.

"I know, I know. I just know it's better you have this conversation tomorrow. Trust me."

"Quil, I need to see him." I mutter through gritted teeth, tears flowing freely.

"You will. Just not now." He whispers, walking over to hold me on the couch. "He's hurt you too much to do this right now. It's better tomorrow."

"No, no I wanted to talk to him." I sob, losing control. I push him off and run towards the door.

Out of breath, I spin around looking for any possible direction that Jacob could've went in.

"(Y/N)!" Quil yells, running after me.

I grew dizzier as the spinning continued, realizing that Jacob was nowhere in sight. I felt as if I couldn't breathe, everything was closing in around me. The sounds of the night overwhelming my senses. I felt myself fall to the ground.

"Shhhh." He gently hushes, raking his fingers through my hair as he pulls me close.

"No, no, no." I sob, succumbing to Quil's warm, crushing grip.

"I'm so sorry. Please, please try to relax." Quil pleads.

I sobbed in his arms, trying to catch my breath.

Well until my vision began to fill with black dots, a ringing blaring through my ears.

Until the darkness completely took over my vision and I grew limp in Quil's arms.

_____________________________________________

Part One / Part Two / Part Three

sorry for the lack of updating, I have had such writer's block and honestly haven't had any time with my hectic schedule.

TAGLIST: @stardustcalli @ayyitsxme @xxxqueenlaufeysonxxxxo @mychemicalimagines @cookiecakeslive @xxrandommexx @queen-of-embracing-uncertainty @nowimapotterheat @adaydreamaway08 @moonie-flower101 @sillyfreakfanparty @rosefreckles06 @robin-witch @amara-75 @thebitchwhosalone @justalostgirl @blightwulf @infp-t-rhi @beautyandthemermaid-blog @chieflawyerpastatoad @0i-am-none0 @whore-of-many-hot-men @fuzzy-panda @un-poetryy @the-fractured-eye @anne-oop @ilikefruitgummies @decaffeinated--fangirl @mrsjaxtellerfan @avoirlecoupe-defoudre @monkeyluver4546 @lucypevensie11 @peachykeen3502 @le--petit--croissant @thatfictionalwh0re

i hope i got everyone who asked and i'm pretty sure i did

also i apologize for this sucking compared to the first two i just didn't think this story would make it this far lmao

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puppy-boy-eb-o-ny

3 years ago

"Always Bella II" - Jacob Black x Reader

Summary: Jacob x reader angst. Bella always comes first. I'm going to hurt your feelings so if you don't want that please don't read this. Part Two to " Always Bella " There will be a part three.

Part One / Part Two / Part Three

My bed was achingly cold. In fact, my entire being has been achingly cold since that day Jacob disappeared, leaving me in the rain with Bella Swan.

Even worse, Jacob had been radio silent ever since. What I thought would jumpstart our contact again seemed to only push us further apart.

"Leave me alone, (Y/N)."

"Jacob." I begged. "Jake, please."

"No, I have nothing left to say. I don't want you in my life anymore." His cold voice cut through the phone before he abruptly hung up.

That phone call echoed in my brain daily, it haunted my nightmares.

The one person I could always count on was gone, it seemed he was no longer the person I fell in love with.

Jacob was no longer my sunshine, my rock. He was angry, he was cold.

Nothing felt real anymore. I didn't feel real anymore, I had nobody to turn to. Bella tried to speak to me, but I had nothing to say. I blamed her for everything going on between Jake and I, or lack thereof.

I haven't been to First Beach nearly as much as I used to, it hurt too much.

It hurt too much to be there. The memories of Jacob and I played through my head, ringing through my ears. Tears pricked my eyes as I heard his laughter echo the walls of my brain, burning a pit into my stomach. I was sick at the thought of him.

Empathetic looks from Sam, Quil, and Embry plagued my vision when I went. I couldn't even be bothered with them, though.

They didn't tell me shit.

No matter how many times I asked, they wouldn't give me anything. I needed to know what was going on with Jacob.

I needed to know why I felt like I was dying. Like every fiber of my being was falling apart.

I felt like a hole was ripped right through my chest.

Why did it hurt this bad?

It felt as if I couldn't breathe anymore. It were as if someone was sitting on my chest, holding my head underwater.

This pain was unimaginable. Losing Jacob hurt, the pain was only getting worse-- and more physical as time went on.

It wasn't this bad before I saw him in person.

When he first disappeared, it hurt-- but not like this.

No, this was pure pain. Ever since our eyes met that day in the rain, it felt as if my soul was ripped right from my chest, set ablaze in front of my very own eyes.

Nothing was the same without Jacob. He was everywhere I looked. Finding a few shirts or hoodies of his in my room was pure pain. Music hurt too much, I couldn't look at my shitbox car any longer. The countless memories of us spending hours working on it, screwing around and having way too much fun trying to fix the old vehicle swirled throughout my thoughts.

It was all too much, everything was physical pain. I felt myself slipping into a dangerously low place, but I couldn't really explain why I was so effected by this.

Yes, I was in love with him, but this was abnormal. A pain like this wasn't normal, it almost didn't feel real.

Life had lost it's color without Jacob Black. The sun was no longer shining, no longer bringing me warmth.

I was empty, I was cold. Nothing could bring me the warmth I needed to continue; nothing could fix the sharp, aching pain I felt in my chest.

Except maybe Jacob.

I felt it in my lungs with every breath.

Dark circles clung to the underneath of my eyes, I felt myself growing weaker every day. The pain radiated through my aching soul every day.

Why was I hurting like this? How was this even possible?

I stared at the screen of my phone, observing all the texts I've sent to Jacob the last few weeks, all unanswered. All of the times I tried to call him, also with no answer.

I hadn't tried in a week, the feeling of rejection taking over my entire body. I didn't understand why, but Jacob truly hated me now. He no longer felt connected to me, there was nothing left between us.

I laid in my bed for what felt like days.

To be fair, it was probably days.

I stared at the beams of light peaking through my curtains, dancing among the comforter laying upon my freezing cold body.

This comforter provided me with no warmth. Nothing could warm me any longer. The way I felt was indescribable.

Something in me burned. I yearned to see him, I felt this pull. I needed to find him.

I grabbed the keys to my car, threw a sweater on and made my way over to First Beach for the first time in what felt like ages.

The drive was a blur, no music played through my speakers. No amount of heat that blasted through the vents brought me comfort, it felt as if my fingertips were going to freeze off. It felt like the hole in my chest was only growing larger, bringing me deeper into this pit of despair.

I stepped out of my car, walking towards the bodies I saw in the distance. Embry and Quil sat on a log, chatting in front of an unlit bonfire; as you guessed it-- two empathetic looks flashed my way before they quickly contorted to looks of concern.

I shook off their looks, my cold cheeks and dreary eyes peering around to find who I looked for. I watched as Quil's eyes darted left before quickly returning to my gaze.

I turned my attention to where he looked and saw Jacob.

But he was with Bella. Though he looked disheveled, he still had enough strength to see her.

I watched as she pulled him in for a hug. The way he held her in his arms instantly made me sick.

I felt the air leave my lungs as the pain in my chest only intensified. It felt as if someone punched my in the gut.

I watched as his shoulders rose and fell, seemingly out of breath.

It didn't matter, though. He was with her.

No matter what made him as distressed as he had become, Bella was still around even if he cut me off with no explanation. He couldn't have me in his life but he would always keep her around.

I couldn't even cry, all my tears were gone. I had to tear my eyes from the sight as I felt whatever was left of my soul leave my body yet again. My knees practically gave out from under me at the sight, making my turn around very clumsy.

My vision grew cloudy as I walked back to my car. Black spots taking over my vision as I sat in the driver's seat. I laid my head on the steering wheel, holding onto it to ground myself.

It's always Bella.

Every time, he chooses her.

My knuckles where white from gripping the wheel so hard. I tried to make myself breathe, but it wasn't working as the pain in my chest was only getting worse. I felt my consciousness slipping as I grew weaker.

"It's always Bella." I exhaled as I felt myself grow limp, succumbing to the darkness that plagued my vision.

__________________________________________

Part One / Part Two / Part Three

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puppy-boy-eb-o-ny

1 year ago