Dear Tumblr, Have We Heard About The Sweeping Reforms Announced By The New LA DA?? Because I Read A Thread

me to baby, after twenty minutes of trying to get him to chill: …and if that purple yacht gets sunk, Mama’s gonna buy you a pickup truck. And if there’s a pickup truck recall, Mama’s gonna buy you a wrecking ball. And if that gets CPS involved, Mama’s gonna buy you an age-appropriate doll -

me to baby, after forty minutes: …and if Olympus Mons gets razed, Mama’s gonna buy you some flying sleighs. And if the flying sleighs get banned, Mama’s gonna buy you a Congressman. And if he still won’t pass your bill, Mama’s gonna buy you a Silmaril. And if that starts an awful war, Mama’s gonna buy you a dinosaur. And if your dino won’t ride to battle, Mama’s gonna buy you a magic saddle -

i know an engineer-type dude who said fiction bored him, because fiction is mostly-formulaic and tropey, and you can generally guess what’s gonna happen next, and yada yada

so his solution for this problem was… to solely read serial web novels in languages that (1) he did not speak, and (2) for which there was no actual translation, fan or otherwise

apparently, the combined forces of “trying to figure out WTF is going on via the power of Google Translate" + “cultural differences in storytelling conventions” + “the inherent randomness of where the hell amateur authors are gonna take their plots”—those all mashed up to make stories that were unpredictable enough to keep him guessing all the time

then he described to me this totally batshit-sounding Hungarian story he’d been obsessively reading once a week for years

and god i think about him all the time.  like.  that is the most wild way to process fiction that i have ever heard of, but also, i’ve gotta admire the sheer chaos energy of it

congrats lil buddy that’s the worst anyone’s ever done it

Our civilisation will be known to future archaeologists as the “Little Plastic Piece People”.

i typed “horg” into the search bar and found this site which taxonomically categorizes those little plastic clips you find on bread bags

You do not have to be valid.

You do not have to scroll through your notes

For a hundred hours repenting

You only have to let the problematic animal of your body love what it loves.

I am coming for all the monsters that ever touched him, I am coming for all the ones who twisted his stars into shadows, They turned him into a nightmare, So I’m going to be theirs.

and they’ll never wake up // k.s. (via worthystevie)

Call yourself anticapitalist/socialist/liberal/woke/whatever but if you’re not nice to regular people on a moment to moment basis your politics are basically worthless.

Just so you all know..

This blog is 100% anti PETA.

We love our vegetarian and vegan friends and family (and I have a lot of them!!). We don’t support an organization that claimes to love animals and does nothing but hurt them and the people who love them.

Hugs and support to my extended dog show family at Crufts.

Just an FYI for those in the US with insurance issues