“There’s How I Don’t Answer The Phone, And How I Sometimes Like To Lie Down On The Floor In The

remember being ten and future plans were so far away? and now you have one foot into that future and nothing seems to be right and all you want is to step back but the past keeps crumbling as soon as it's made. there's no going back, there's nothing to go back to.

“Despair takes you again and you remain sitting like a total invalid, sniveling until dark, darkness that brings endless insomnia and a dawn sadder than the dusk it preceded.”

— Arthur Rimbaud, from a letter to Isabelle Rimbaud wr. c. July 1891

“Harder to endure than fresh pain is pain that has already been endured: a reminder that one is not far from who one was.”

— Yiyun Li,  “Dear Friend, from My Life I Write to You in Your Life”

how to make your effects extra special

Not sure how universal this experience is, but Tolkien’s concept of sea-longing resonated with me because I grew up in a coastal town and every time I have to live for an extended period of time away from the coast, I get this almost claustrophobic feeling that only goes away when I return to the seashore

I posted this on my new blog but it deserves another look

why are all of those posts with tender quotes about men! shut up about them! what about when virginia woolf wrote "i never seem to run out of tenderness for you" and vita sackville-west said "oh my dear, i can’t ever be clever and stand-offish with you: i love you too much for that. too truly." and girl in red sang "i will follow you home, although my lips are blue and i'm cold" and natasha ngan wrote "she makes me feel reappeared. reimagined. her touch shapes me, draws out the boldness that had been hiding in my core." and oh pep! sang "my baby talks at a mile a minute, she sings like a church with a choir in it" and audre lorde said "there is, for me, no difference between writing a good poem and moving into sunlight against the body of a woman i love."

🐝

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i truly believe that a lot of what gets labeled as "yearning" on here is actually deep & profound & excruciating loneliness & i really think we would have more productive discussions about it if we could just call a spade a spade

like loneliness is an incredibly serious mood state that has major implications for your physical & mental health & the pain it causes is far more intense than simple "yearning." a deep, agonizing longing for human connection is actually a really really big deal

My Chemical Romance, "I Never Told You What I Do For A Living" (2004) / Edward John Poynter, The Ides Of March (1883) / William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, III.i.58-60 / Julius Caesar, V.v.13-14 / William Holmes Sullivan, 'Julius Caesar,' Act II, scene 3, The Conspiracy / Julius Caesar, V.i.56-58/ Julius Caesar, II.i.76-81