I Had My Very First Big Mood Swing Yesterday! I Got Uncharacteristically Upset At My Partner, It Wasn't

I had my very first big mood swing yesterday! I got uncharacteristically upset at my partner, it wasn't very cool of me. We had a talk and everything was okay in the end, but that instance was weird. And the moodswing didn't end there! I continued to have the most intense panic-cry I've had in weeks. It was really not fun. My Mister stuck by me and weathered the storm, he was so helpful to me, even though I'd been so rude to him earlier.

When I was ready to emerge from the cave, he suggested I sit on the floor in front of the couch so he could play with my hair. I asked if we could watch an instructional video on how to use my brand new ROUND HAIR-BRUSH!!!!!!🌠🌠🌠 He agreed, and we sat down to practice. He pet me and called me a good girl.

Well. Apparently you need a fucking blow dryer to use round brushes! Guess what; I didn't fuckin know that. I dont have one! But Mister was so determined to help me feel better that he tried to follow along with the video as best he could to get it down before we added a blow dryer someday when I could afford one. He brushed my hair for at least an hour and a half as I dove into a femme self-care tutorial video RABBITHOLE. We watched a "how-to do a 90's blowout!" and "here's my everything shower routine!" and "my Coachella nails for 2024!" and more.

Each video taught me so fucking much it was incredible honestly. The everything shower video told me I should be shampooing twice, conditioning only the mids-ends of my hair, etc. While the Coachella Nails video taught me a certain level of what to expect if I wanted to go get my nails done at a salon (maybe?), but it also realized within me: Hand/Nail dysphoria.

I stared at my hands for maybe 10 minutes noticing how thick, lined, and scarred they are. Even though my hands are soft they don't look soft. The video host's fingers were so slender, long, elegant. Mine are stubby in comparison. My nails are so short because I bite them when I have nothing else to fidget with. Her nails were at least an inch long on her nailbed, it was like they were groomed specifically for nail art and extensions (i suppose they were). I've never thought about my hands before. I used to like having scarred hands. But now they make me feel sick.

I needed a change of pace. I switched to a video that detailed tips and tricks for DIY alt/goth fashion by a channel called Rattus Rattus. Loved it. Only made it 20 minutes in as it was 1:30am and I was fading. Captivated by each of the videos telling me how to achieve a certain level of high-maintenace girlhood, my eyes drooped closed until i could keep them open no longer. I lied down on the floor and fell asleep until my husband decided it was time to sleep in a real bed.

Anyway. Big day yesterday for learning and new experiences. It was intense. Time for sleep.

More Posts from Post-maester and Others

2 years ago

A god of fire and void, meteor king of conquest, plumiting downwards to its next victim (bonus points if its a blue like a commet)

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Deity: Mnyull, the Revelation Tyrant

Fasinating stuff my friend, my latest translation of old imperial accounts reveal a previously unknown confession from the rogue general Paldermot. As you well know, current historical narratives have the general sacking the capital city in a failed attempt to seize power from the Tribunes, but if this text is to be believed the Tribunes captured Paldermot and dispersed his rebel legion before he ever entered the city. It goes on to say, in a transcription of Paldermot's own words that he had "Followed a star" to the "seat of a new imperium", and claimed that the star had promised great allies to aid him in his conquest. The text is unquestionably authentic , but it throws our entire understanding of events into question; If Paldermot was captured in the midst of his rebellion, who or what destroyed the capital and turned the surrounding countryside into a crater?

Setup: Hurdling across the void of the astral sea, the meteoric god Mnyull brings ruin wherever he goes, the embodiment of unrelenting invasion at the hands of an inexorable foe. Unlike other gods which present themselves in abstract forms felt across the multiverse Mnyull prefers to exist as an incarnated singular being, a towering construct built around the mummified yet undying body of his current mortal avatar.

This living reliquary leads an army of crusading zealots scattered throughout the multiverse known as the starry horde, followers and adherents of its former vessels who believe that by serving the Revelation Tyrant, they continue the legacy of their particular heaven-chosen liege. It is important to note then that Mnyull and his followers do not adhere to any one ideology as they hold the act of conquest itself sacred, whatever form that conquest takes. Like a shooting star the tyrant god is constantly on the move, dragging his followers into one conflict after another before retiring to a palatial demiplane of rock and ice for decades or centuries at a time to rule those realms where his cult has taken hold.

It is for this reason that some theologians have considered classifying Mnyull as an outergod, those divine beings considered actively hostile to the stability of realities they interact with. Debate rages in those lofty circles however as the hostility the Revelation Tyrant represents usually takes the form of “ Invade them with an alien army before or after hitting their world with a big rock or series of big rocks”.  While the scholar dither, Mnyull bides his time, growing ever closer to some innocent world that has no idea of the disaster that is about to strike it.

Hooks:

The Party’s homeland is struck by the invasion force of a kingdom that fell to Mnyull’s influence generations ago. While more traditional warfare occupies the early adventures of the campaign, they begin to uncover hints of lore about their enemy’s newly arisen (and apparently immortal) theocratic leader along with the strange monument she’s building. Just as it seems they might have an upper hand against the invaders, their enemies deploy new and terrifying weapons and otherworldy allies, sourced from the portal they’ve just finished building.

Sometimes Mnyull decides to feed his urge for conquest by invading a random plane, riding a chunk of astral rock through its firmament and establishing a kingdom wherever he lands. The Revelation Tyrant is not a creature of foresight however, and on his most recent outing ended up impacting into one of that plane’s moons. Refusing to give up he’s carved out a realm among the strange creatures that live among the palid rocks of that blasted planetoid, and now sets his sites upon the verdant world below.

While enjoying a trip to the local archives and observatory, the party are interrupted by agents of the starry horde, looking to plunder the vaults looking for information regarding great weapons created to break worlds known only as “The Anvils”. Predating even the Revelation Tyrant’s earliest memory, Mnyull once used his divine will to steer these ancient tools towards ever more destructive ends, until a coalition of forgotten heroes toppled him from his throne for fear he would turn the weapons upon them. 

Background: None can say where Mnyull first emerged, but planear scholars have charted the tyrant god’s course across world after world and have noticed a self perpetuating cycle:  Some would be warlord sees a silvery star or comet and it awakens in them a desire for conquest, though more often than not they would have began life as someone who already exerted authority over others. Strange powers and allies allow these conquerors to amass a fanatical following and become a true threat to the powers of that age, leading to a climatic confrontation where they are either killed, or rise to claim a throne and immortality. A harsh and “glorious” reign begins, and the ruler demands the construction of great monuments which will serve as portals in Mnyull’s next conquest. Should the Revelation Tyrant lack a body at the moment, one of these ascendant rulers becomes his next vessel, feverishly instructing their underlings how thier body is to be mutilated and interred in preparation for their apotheosis. When the reliquary is built around them, Mnyull’s silver-blue light strikes them full force, their soul igniting to serve as the perpetual fuel for the tyrant god’s engine.

Titles: The Tyrant’s Star, All-conquering Meteor King, Khan of the Starry Horde, Imperitor-Celestium.  Along with any other titles inherited from his innumerable vessels.

Signs: A silver-blue comet or star blazing in the sky, Meteor Showers that produce snowfall without clouds, Ecstatic Visions of victory and conquest, weaponry shining silver 

Symbols: The arc of a Comet above a Crown, Chariot, or Other sign of Lordship.

Followers:  Warmongers of all kinds, be they authoritarians or Rebels. Mnyull has also accumulated followers across the astral sea, so numerous entities which range the cosmos looking for battle are drawn into his service voluntarily or by indoctrination.

Art

6 months ago

I've been thinking more recently about wishing I had a big sister, or a motherly person to guide me through all this trans girl stuff. Someone I legitimately trust and who cares about my development as a girl, but can also teach me about this stuff and mentor me in it. I don't know. It's not really something I can search for. Just gotta wait until someone finds me.


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5 months ago
headline that reads "Doctor Who star Ncuti Gatwa slams government attacks on trans people: 'it's divide and conquer'" article date is April 18 2024. article is by Marcus Wratten. attached images are of Ncuti Gatwa (left) and a male British politician (right)
headline that reads "David Tenant annihilates anti-trans bigots: 'f**k off and let people be'". article date is May 07 2024. Article is written by Marcus Wrattern. attached image is of David Tenant.

Happy pride month maybe I’ll start watching Doctor Who again

5 months ago

Haven't updated the transition timeline in quite a while. No huge changes or anything really. Nothing that screams at me to write. So let's update some small things I guess.

My tits are way bigger than they used to be! Like it's hard for me to boymode! Significantly harder!

I wore a "bra" for the first time and it felt great. A purple strappy lingerie piece I put on for my husband. First time wearing feminine under-wear that made me feel euphoric. I wore it again to a friend's place just to see how it'd feel and I tell you what that shit was uncomfy and I was happy to take it off despite how euphoric it made me.

I've been keeping my nails painted pretty regularly. I like blue. Pink or feminine colours make me panic and feel dysphoric, reason as of yet unknown.

Similarly, my hand/nail dysphoria has pushed me to continue growing my nails. They're getting long enough that I can probably cut them to shape and start taking care of them nicely. My husband LOVES how well I scritch and scratch every inch of him now. Though he wants me to shorten two in particular...

I'm gonna move in with my husband soon. Very excited!

He took me to a "fill-a-bag" event at a thrift shop today, we got a few new skirts, a purse, a wallet, two dresses, n some other stuff! Very excited.

I've never worn a dress before. For some reason they make me uneasy. Maybe because so many of them are shoulderless. My shoulders are wide and not something I wanna draw attention to. Idk. Whatever.

I havent come out to anybody new yet. Fucking annoying. I really wanted to before Christmas. But. Idk how. I'm struggling really hard to do it. It's such a good time. I need to.

I've found a cute hairstyle I like. It's literally just a ponytail tied at my neck. It let's loose hairs fall and frame my face. I like it when they do that. Makes me look like a disheveled mom if I let it go unkept for too long. But I enjoy looking like a mom.

Next appointment is in February. A ways away. It'll be 6 months on hrt. Fuckin crazy. I hope I get to up my dose. I love being like this. Sometimes makes me a lil crazy but it's okay because I have a human that loves me and understands. Very excited that we are transitioning together. He's the best.

Anyways. Night night friends.


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2 years ago

VTM character concepts that I am compelled to share as they have completely taken over my brain: Part 2, Electric Boogaloo!

So since my last VTM character concept post BLEW UP and my brain is once again back on its bullshit, here are some more ideas! As usual, feel free to use these to your heart’s content! I’d love to hear about your characters too, so feel free to message me about them! Now, on to the main event: 1. A Malkavian researcher obsessed with statistics who hunts down “statistical outliers” in order to make sure their data is “pure and untampered with.”

2. A Ventrue who has created an up and coming adult toy empire (pun fully intended). They currently are in the midst of a fierce battle with the local Setites over who can cash in on the pleasure business the most.

3. A Brujah who was a successful athlete pre-embrace. Unable to participate in their sport and driven by extreme bitterness and jealousy, they now strive to turn the public against this particular as a whole by ghouling athletes and ordering them to discover, leak, and in some cases create, scandals. All the while, they rage against the sport they once loved under the thin disguise of false activism. 4. A dance instructor and head of a renowned academy known for producing performers who constantly seem to be breaking the limits of what the human body can do, much to the delight of audiences. What these audiences (and many newer students) don’t know is that this instructor is a Tzimisce and the performers have been carefully tweaked and trained during “private lessons” using a combination of Dominate and Vicissitude. Additionally, the Tzimisce is in search of a prospective childe worthy of being their dance partner, and has been carefully monitoring select students. 5. A Gangrel cryptozoologist who aims to be able to eventually master Protean to the point where they can turn into mythical beasts.  6. A Gangrel veterinarian who was embraced after attempting to transport what they thought was an injured dog to their hospital, only for it to have actually been their hurt and very annoyed future sire. 7. A fledgling Baali abandoned after their embrace who thinks they are just some weird Caitiff. 8. A Banu Haqim who was traumatized after they were almost diablerized by a Sabbat vamp. Thoroughly disgusted by the practice, they now hunt diablerists, all the while attempting to ignore the cravings and habits of their bloodline. 9. A Hecata “fixer” who makes their living by disposing of bodies, whether turning them to ashes through the use of Oblivion or by adding them to their collection of undead servants. I’m a little tired, so these are all I have for now, though I plan on dreaming up some more. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy these!

7 months ago

I've hit my like limit for the day... quit it Tumblr I'm doing stuff.........


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6 months ago

Trans clue memory unlocked:

My whole 7th grade had to learn how to Swing dance. We all had opposite gendered partners to dance with, and kept the same partner as each Gym Class went by. The girls got these sweet coloured poodle print skirts to wear during the dance routines. I was jealous of them. I loved the poodle skirts. I didn't understand why I enjoyed them so much because wearing them was for girls, so they weren't for me. Clearly.


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2 years ago
Lamia 5e Player Race
Lamia 5e Player Race
Lamia 5e Player Race
Lamia 5e Player Race

Lamia 5e Player Race

Artwork by QueenChikkibug and me!

Get the full PDF on my patreon for free!

Want more updates on future content and other regular updates, consider following me on twitter!

- Tuz

Lamia 5e Player Race
1 year ago

A team of enemy mech NPCs for Lancer RPG kitbashed with parts from Retrograde Minis and painted by me

A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
A Team Of Enemy Mech NPCs For Lancer RPG Kitbashed With Parts From Retrograde Minis And Painted By Me
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post-maester - Ashmom🏳️‍⚧️
Ashmom🏳️‍⚧️

She/Her - 21 - documenting my transition & reblogging nerd shit

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