Bilbo, Knowing For A Fact Thorin Doesn't Know What Flowers Mean To Hobbits: Can I Braid Some Flowers

Frodo: Sam hates Gollum, but that is what I shall become once I have lost myself to the ring… he’ll despise me… 

Sam if Frodo did turn into a Gollum: That’s a very nice fish you caught with your bare hands, Mr. Frodo, and its very smart of you to eat it raw, saves us the trouble of starting a fire. I knitted you a sweater in case you get cold running around in that loincloth of yours. Is the sun hurting your eyes? I’ll kill it if it’s bothering you. I’ll kill the sun

Something, something, König picking up gaming in his free time, not uncommon for an older guy especially with a cute little thing who has a nice set up for gaming and he absolutely takes to it with flying colours. Kinda pissing you off how he’s gotten leagues better than you at one of your favourites in such a short amount of time. So when that skin you absolutely NEED drops you’re going insane grinding for it. It’s frustrating too because all the sweats have come out of the woodwork to grind for it too, leading to a lot of swearing and groaning on your end, coincidentally, König’s free time aligns and he’s more than happy to help you grind the tougher parts if you sit pretty on his lap and drain his pent cock.

What’s better than two stress relievers when he comes home from a high tension workplace environment?

(Bonus points if he’s your weird online long distance boyfriend who definitely told you an age younger than what’s on his ID and the place he comes home to is just your apartment that he decided was his too.)

Brother. The way this ask is in my mind. I would like to preface this by saying if you or a loved one is playing a video game with microtransactions and limited edition skin drops it’s not too late to get help. We can beat this together.

cw: he’s kind of a creep in this. Red flags abound. Somno/dubcon type stuff

Gonna make a couple of amendments to this one if that’s ok. 1) König is never going to be a god gamer because his hands are too fucking big and also I WANNA BE THE DOMINANT GAMER IN THE RELATIONSHIP. My ass is carrying HIM in apex. I don’t care that he knows how to shoot real guns. Don’t take this away from me

2) while he didn’t outright lie about his age, he did not say shit that would lead you to believe this man was over 40. He shared very few details about his personal life. Just that he was in the military, Austrian, and now? A gamer. Those are all the hallmarks of being a man in his 20s! Except the Austrian thing— that can happen to anyone.

I like to imagine he treats you like his discord kitten tho. You ask how old he is and he’s like “I’m an adult, if that’s what you’re worried about” or “old enough” or “don’t worry about it” and you say “okay 💖 yay 💖”

And he’s 100% your sugar daddy. Constantly buying you games just so you can co-op with him, gifting you in-game currency to spend on battle passes, absolutely ravaging your wishlist— steam, amazon, or otherwise.

He finds himself in your area for work and you tell him your address so he can meet up with you.

And you’re kind of a stupid femcel so when this dude shows up at your door, almost seven feet tall and wearing a surgical mask, scarred face with a healthy grey streak in his hair, it’s not setting off any alarm bells. There’s like at least 5 red flags here but you’re colorblind and inviting him in.

You didn’t realize that he was planning on staying with you while he was in the area. You also didn’t realize that the moment he found out he’d be stationed near you, he decided it was time to take your relationship to the next level.

Which is how you end up stretched out on his cock on the same day that you met in person for the first time, with him grunting in your ear about how he dreamed of this— thought of it every time he jerked off when you fell asleep during a discord call. He could tell just from your voice that you’d be pretty and soft and tight and perfect for him— and he was ready to settle down.

Good thing you didn’t really have any plans for the rest of your life, or you might find how fast he moves a little scary.

So it makes sense that you’re still a little shy. Too nervous to initiate things usually. So he just has to motivate you a little.

This skin’s an exclusive, can’t be earned with currency, and available as a drop for just 7 days. You can’t put in the hours to get it on your own, not to mention how tedious it is, and it can’t be bought. But it’s so cute.

So he makes the offer. He’ll spend his precious leave time helping you earn it if you keep his cock warm while he does it. He’d initially planned on using that time to rearrange your guts, so you’re gonna have to make it worth his while.

And maybe you exaggerate a little. You’re used to saying these things over calls— where nothing has any repercussions in the real world. Where you can promise anything from the safety of being on a screen a world away.

You tell him you’ll let him do whatever he wants to you if he can get that skin for you. After a moment you realize the implications of saying that to someone who can and will hold you down and make out with your cervix using the tip of his cock.

He borrows one of your elastics to tie back his hair.

He’s gonna get you that skin. And then he’s gonna get you pregnant.

You did say anything.

A lazy morning fuck.

cw: fingering, anal sex.

John wakes with a start and a strangled noise when his body clock jolts him conscious at 5.30am. He'd overslept, his startled mind informs him. He fights his way out of his heavy duvet to free his arms, knocking one of his pillows onto the floor. "Fuck, what day..." His head's all over the place because he's bloody exhausted, and he gropes for his phone on the bedside table, eyes fuzzy with sleep. It's not there and he lets out a frustrated grunt as he moves to sit up.

Nik's big arms reach across the mattress and encircle John's body. He pulls him back into the soft warmth of their bed, nuzzles into his fluffy, shower-soft hair. "Relax. You are on leave, solnyshko. Easy." Nik had left all their phones in the kitchen, with all the alarms turned off. The bedroom is quiet and cool, the curtains drawn to block out the early morning light flutter gently in the breeze. They're not on any schedule other than 'rest'.

Nik can feel the panicked rabbit of John's heart, the confused tension in his body, and begins to caress him gently. After their bath, John had pulled on his boxers and a cotton t-shirt before burrowing beneath the duvet and promptly falling unconscious. It had been an abysmal week, even by John's standards. He needs the leave to recharge, to find his peace again.

Nik's big palms move beneath that t-shirt, over John's chest, across his belly, up his arms, enjoying the downy softness of his body hair, the swells of muscle and plusher give around his abdomen, warm and inviting. Nik kisses his neck, noses his beard, and eventually John relaxes back into a deep sleep. He burrows into Nik's chest, nose between his tits, and Nik feels him deflate with a long sigh, aching body sinking into the mattress as Nik pulls the blankets back over him.

Nik stays awake for a while, just watching. John is beautiful in the low light. The lines around his eyes have smoothed out in sleep, his fluffy hair ruffled, broad shoulders rising and falling in time with the slow beat of his heart. Nik can feel it though his back, a strong, steady thrum that lulls him back into a lighter doze. He dreams of captains with pretty blue eyes and muscular bodies stretched out in pleasure, and his body stirs even as he snoozes.

Later, at a more reasonable hour, Nik wakes again slowly. He can hear the traffic outside the open window, taste the morning on the cool air, and he breathes in deep, basks in the peace and safety of the moment, still and soft.

John's still sleeping, but he had rolled over so his back pressed to Nik's chest, the pert curves of his arse pushed up against Nik's morning wood in the most exquisite tease. Nik sleeps naked, and his thick shaft sits perfectly in the dip of John's cleft, cradled by the stretchy cotton of his boxers, his heavy balls pressed up beneath. They had been too tired last night, but morning sex with a well rested, eager John Price is Nik's reward for a long op. His cock gives a needy throb as he rocks it against John's body, aching to be inside him, wet tip drooling a bead of precum in anticipation.

Nik starts as gently as he did before. He circles his fingertips over one pert arse cheek, stroking John through the soft material of his underwear. The flurry of goosebumps that rush over John's exposed arm betrays his enjoyment, even if he hasn't fully woken yet. Nik continues, sliding his big palms up John's torso to grope his tits. They're perfect. Firm, with that soft layer of hair that Nik likes to rub his face into. His thumb circles the soft areola of John's nipple until it pulls tight, so he strokes the firm nub between finger and thumb until John's entire chest is firm with arousal.

Where Nik's nipples are dusky, John's are a light pink, as sweet as the rest of him beneath his austere disguise. The first time Nik had undressed John, he had been completely smitten by the constellations of freckles over his pale skin, the tan lines, the scars, every soft patch of skin and sensitive erogenous zone. How beautiful John was when he let himself be vulnerable. That first night John had sunk onto Nik's cock, making soft noises of overwhelmed pleasure, and Nik had kissed and licked his nipples until he came in the dense curls of Nik's chest hair, gasping and moaning in a low, sultry timbre that Nik still pleasured himself to the memory of.

The memory makes Nik's cock twitch now and he pushes it firmly against John's arse with a low moan of longing. John stirs, his body straightening a little, pressing into Nik's hands with a soft sigh. Nik smiles into John's hair and continues his lazy exploration, squeezing and massaging John's chest as he leans over to kiss his neck and shoulders.

Even asleep, John arches into it, he's so responsive, so sensitive. His freckled skin warms, flushing over his neck and chest, and he begins to squirm in Nik's arms. Nik worms one beneath him, slanting up his chest to slide a hand around John's throat to tilt his head back just as the other strokes down his belly and into his boxers to claim his prize.

John's wet and hard, the soft cotton of his boxers damp against Nik's knuckles as he strokes John's cock with a firm grip from root to tip. John's eyes flutter, damp lips parting as he tilts them against Nik's jaw. He pants, reaching to hold the wrist of the hand around his throat as he's drawn close to Nik's chest, and Nik squeezes a little, and John lets out a soft noise of enjoyment. John's cock pulses in Nik's hand as he draws it over the waistband of his boxers, precum wetting the hem of his shirt.

"Couldn' wait fer breakfast, eh?"

"No," Nik replies softly, fingertips following a thick vein down the underside of John's shaft to the curls around the base, continuing along the seam of his sac, firm and high. "You need this as much as I do." Nik traces lower, caressing down John's taint to his hole, stroking the rim in gentle passes.

"God, fuck, yeah..." John moans, thigh lifting to drape over Nik's, hips rocking up to encourage Nik's touches, grinding his arse back enticingly against Nik's prick. Precum wets the small of his back as Nik's tip nudges beneath his shirt. "C'mon, Nik. Stop teasin'. Yer so hard..."

Nik chuckles, tugging his hand free long enough to pump out a handful of lube from the tub on the bedside cabinet. Price wriggles out of his boxers, kicking them down his legs, and Nik bites his lower lip as the soft skin of John's cleft presses the heat of his shaft. Nik draws John over him a little more, delighting at the demanding growl that vibrates under the palm around John's throat. Nik doesn't leave John wanting, slick fingertips caressing the outside before the first presses inside. John's legs spread wantonly, the heft of his balls sitting against the cup of Nik's palm as he relaxes.

Nik slides in a second, licking into the shell of John's ear, nibbling the lobe, as he crooks his fingers in a slow, deliberate come hither gesture that makes John's thighs shake. "Nik, fuck... Nik, ahh..."

"Da, solnyshko... da tebya yebat nado." Nik growls, easing his fingers out as he scrubs his face into the coarse bristles of John's beard. He rolls John onto his front, pressing him into the mattress with the weight of his chest, biting and kissing the slope of his shoulder, the skin of his neck between the gaps of the fingers still holding his throat. He reaches down to guide the tip of his cock to John's wet hole, teasing his slit with the soft rim before easing his crown inside. John's still pleasantly tight, sucking Nik in greedily, bearing down with a deep, satisfied moan as Nik sinks in hilt deep until the firm swell of his balls pressed to the back of John's. Nik growls, satisfied by the wet heat enveloping his cock, snug, keen, perfect. "Ya zastavlyu tebya umolyat ob etom."

"Mm, Nik, fuck... fuck... yeah. So, f-f-fuh.. s-so good." John's cock is trapped between his belly and the mattress as Nik slowly rocks into him, keeping him pinned with his bulk, thick chest pressed to his back. Nik grinds more than thrusts, precum and lube making obscene noises at the seam of their bodies, echoing their gasps and groans, muffled only when Nik presses his mouth to John's shoulder to breathe him in as the pleasure rolls through his hips in a deep, slow ebb that matches the pace of their love-making.

Even with his cock inside him, Nik wants to be deeper; to burrow in his scent, to feel the heat of his body against every inch of his skin. John sounds so good, every low moan, every time Nik's name slips out in his deep, gravelly tone, cigar smoke and the roar of battle buffing his voice like sandpaper. Nik could listen to John talk for an eternity, but the way he sounds in pleasure, his moans, his pleas, is a whole new level of indulgence.

When John spreads his legs over the bed, tilting his hips to urge Nik deeper, Nik nudges his knees up beneath his thighs and grinds in slow, graceful rolls that drags his cock in and out at an angle that makes John moan loud and wanton. The firm muscles in his back pulling taut in a decadent arch. "Oh fuck, Nik... 'm gonna cum, 'm gonna.... fuck, 'm so close... please, please."

"Not yet, detka," Nik murmurs against John's neck. "Hold on." Nik lifts up, changing his grip to the back of John's neck to push the side of his face into the pillow, the knuckles of his other pressed against the bed.

"Nik, please... please..."

John's fingers curl in the sheets, fists shaking as Nik fucks him with the same firm, deep pace, the continuous drag of his cock teasing him higher. Nik looks down the slope of his body, watches his thick shaft sink into John's body, ruddy skin slick with precum and lube, John's hole fucked open and desperate. He picks up his pace a little, listens to John's low moans break into whimpers as he walks the precipice. "Nik, Nik, Nik... Ahh, ahh."

Nik closes his eyes and tilts his head back. He knows the moment John comes he'll follow, he's on a knife edge, the knot of tension in his hips pulled tight. John begs, whimpering, and Nik chokes out his permission. "Da, John... da." He feels John come, his body tightening, and fucks in deep to enjoy every spasming pulse of it. When his own crests, he releases John's neck to take his hip and draw him back onto his cock, shoulders hunched as his head drops, forehead in the centre of John's. As his heart thunders, cock twitching in the aftershocks, he presses gentle kisses to the back of John's neck and draws out.

He slumps to the side and strokes John's hair as one fuzzy blue eye watches him from the folds of the pillow. They say nothing in the soft afterglow, heavy breaths fading into deeper ones. When the sweat had eased, Nik draws John into his arms again and kisses the soft skin beneath his ear and lets him doze.

When he wakes later, John shrugs out of his t-shirt and pushes Nik onto his back, straddling his hips to sink onto his cock again, hole still fucked open and eager. Nik watches those thick tits bounce as John rides him, John's head tilted back in ecstasy, big hand pumping the length of his prick as he chases another high. They'll spend a lazy weekend in John's flat, smoking expensive cigars and drinking expensive whiskey, having marathon sex that Nik will drop tantalising hints about over poker, leaving the sergeants equal parts aroused and traumatised. Nik is, after all, a great believer in finding joy in the simple pleasures.

when gandalf and the dwarves arrived at bag end

Day 3 of Inktober : Path

LotR fandom, as far as I've seen, pays an astounding lack of attention to the Fellowship's canonical Roommates Period, in which they all lived in the same house in Minas Tirith for two-and-a-half months after Aragorn's coronation simply because he wanted his friends to still be around for his wedding (which, incidentally, he refused to tell them was coming).

Ahem ahem ahem. Me to @ghostslollipop

<3

Juuuuuust in case you haven't heard it enough, I myself am very grateful for literally everything you write. I'm very grateful for every author on this app for the work they post—because they truly do this for free and for fun. ty and goodnight 💋

Bilbo: I love you

Thorin: .... no

*after a while

Kili: Can someone tell me why Thorin's still in the floor face down?

Fili: Bilbo confessed to him and he said no

boys once made out drunk at a party and got a bit addicted 😬

Hello! I have never written any of this shit down before, or posted! So here we go, its gonna be gargabe. But its my garbage so who cares?

Anyway!

Some Cod character headcannons

Simon definently has some crazy good hygiene when off the field. Can tell you first hand that some people who grew up dirt poor hate smelling bad. Simon is one of them. He has a full shower care routine, complete with exfoliating. Skincare too, he knows what that mask could do to his skin. Its almost meditative I think. A way to wind down after missions, to ground himself.

Price who was raised in a tough household. Not abusive, or so he says, just chaotic. A constantly working father, and a mess of a mother. Younger siblings, trying to be a parent while needing one himself. It gave him one hell of a need for control, and an outlet for frustration. He left to join the military, and never looked back. Still checks in on his baby siblings from time to time, but his parents are dead to him for reasons even he doesn't want to remember. It bleeds over into how he takes care of the 141, and how well he takes orders. He craves the rigidity, and the knowledge that somone else will always at least have a plan or orders for him, something he never got as a kid.

Johnny has a fascination with soft, cozy things. After he was allowed to get an apartment and live off base, his family, mainly his mother, sisters, and grandma, helped him decorsate. The place is full of old blankets, soft pillows, and a couple old childhood stuffed animals. It may seem out of character, but this man was not raised to reject much needed comfort out of a fucked sense of masculinity. You think he cares about getting made fun of? Look at that fuckass mohawk. He does not care.

Gaz who is always, always lonely when not on a mission or on base. Sure, he has friends from before he joined up, but theres a disconnect now. A chasm that can never be crossed created by the horrors he's seen and done. He has plenty of one night stands, but never sticks around. A smaller family, and he has a hard time keeping in touch. Just lonely. Eventually he caves and goes to a veterans support group, full of old men doing various crafts and activities. He is by far the youngest one there, but he finds himself enjoying it. Gets adopted by almost all of them. And he finds that they understand very well what he is going through. Afterall, they went through it too. Price doesn't question later how Gaz knows exactly how to fix a wobbly chair using only glue and some paper, but he is glad that his soldier seems a bit happier and coping better.