Pindakaas-0 - Pindakaas

doomed by the narrative

had some kind of jovier phase like 2 weeks ago (when i started this)

it looks inconsistent due to me working on it on and off OTL

but its ok, i'm happy that my arts been improving since ive gotten into rdr

MIV’s (mentally-ill-vaquero)s latest post on how javier has religious trauma has got me thinking …. with javier’s internalized dynamic of saviorship and worship and God and Man … there’s actually some parallels between his (history with) religion and the way he deifies and glorifies dutch and is so entrapped in dutch’s indoctrination. he’s already susceptible to manipulation because of the cultural differences and the way that dutch has intentionally positioned himself to force javier to rely on him for his literal survival, but i think his history with religion further bolsters his susceptibility to indoctrination and manipulation, and his fear of god bleeds over into his fear of dutch, who seems to have a similar hold on javier’s mortal soul. and the way that javier feels that he CANNOT leave the gang, and the way that he CANNOT doubt dutch (and when he does, he repents, by “proving” his loyalty, unquestioningly. he fears dutch’s wrath, and so he falls in line when he is confronted with it, even just a little bit.), it’s just like how many (and even dare i say javier himself) fear leaving their religion, and fear doubting god, for the intimidation of losing His mercy, and what that means for them. his relationship with religion, and with the way religion itself (especially catholicism and christianity) FORCES most people to stay out of the sheer fear of going to hell and experiencing the suffering of eternal damnation, i believe, influences his dynamic with the entire world, ESPECIALLY images of power, like dutch. god scares javier into confusion and anger and resentment, but most of all into submission and repentance, and, just the same, dutch does too.

but also, both of javier’s gods contradict each other. dutch asks him to kill, and god asks he repent for his killing. javier escuella, poor man, cannot escape a life of maddening confusion. no wonder he ends up as an angry, empty, hateful husk of a man in the end.

girldad javier doodle

i will die your son.

Something that kills me about rdr1 is John's apparent feelings towards the Javier, Bill, and Dutch.

Javier, he is 50/50 with. He can kill him or turn him in alive. It's clear that he's still very hurt from what happened between them, but it's also apparent how he still cares deeply for him. He talks highly of him. Fondly, even, as Reyes puts it. When choosing to kill Javier, he sheds a tear before bitterly spitting on his body.

When killing Bill, John shows little to no remorse. Sure, he tries to settle things civilly to begin with, but after realizing that he has no other choice, he doesn't make a big fuss about it. He doesn't think twice about shooting Bill in the dirt and handing his body over.

Then there's Dutch.

After handing over Bill's body, John demands his family be returned home safe and sound, only for Agent Ross to remind him that he still needs to find Dutch. John doesn't want to. He was trying to get out of it. He was hoping that Ross would just forget about Dutch now that he's gotten Javier and Bill.

John and Dutch play this cat and mouse game over and over, chasing after each other, tormenting each other, shooting at each other, but never killing one another.

Then there's the final stand off.

John had the full opportunity to shoot Dutch where he stood on the edge of that cliff, but he didn't. He couldn't. Before him, he didn't see a monster. He saw the man who raised him. He saw a father.

In his hesitation, Dutch also had every advantage to turn this around and kill John. But he doesn't. He watched Arthur die. Hell, he killed Arthur. He killed his other son, and he knows it. It haunts him. He can't kill the other one, too. So instead, he kills himself.

After his fall, Ross comments on the fact that even after all this time, John still didn't have the guts to kill Dutch. He then takes John's gun and shoots Dutch's lifeless body to make it appear as if John had killed him. "Looks better in the papers," he says.

It's such a heartbreaking detail. They couldn't hurt each other up on Mount Hagen. They couldn't hurt each other in the end.

TW: SUGGESTIVE

Me every time I get the chance to greet greet antagonize

(Full on my Twitter/X ! : senshuuuuu_)

mr bell why do you sit like that

something

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imback in the fucking building again